so, i am gradually becoming more certain, and less regretful about the idea of breaking up with Jon. In fact, I am feeling somewhat impatient. Like, I don't really want to hang out with him as "together" again, and i think that's how he thinks of us. he still talks like he loves me and thinks of me as his girl. i am just mad at him, esp about ( Read more... )

so, these are cool ideas that i like about dance ( Read more... )

Stop thinking of herpes as being EITHER oral OR genital. Think of them as type 1 and type 2, and as somewhat mutually exchangeable. It's not like Herpes 2 is the new Mono, because it doesn't easily infect the mouth and therefore cannot spread like wildfire via kissing (unlike its cousin, Herpes 1). However, it is more easy for Herpes 1 to infect ( Read more... )

i am sitting here for a moment, in order to realize that my choice has once again proven to be to WANT, and almost to need, for Jon to be the one to make me happy. i made a choice earlier today, actually late last night, that i really wanted to see him today. and in my customary rigidity, have been waiting all day to MAKE THAT HAPPEN. i wrote him ( Read more... )

I've made the relationship "casual," which means that I am not going to feel obligated anymore, and I am not going to expect him to either- except for some very basic things. I'm not going to feel like I have to make it work, or like he is worth it, or like I had better do x so that he is happy or doesn't feel let down by me. No. No more of any ( Read more... )

from one of my favorite musicians, Sufjan Stevens ( Read more... )

i was trying to go to bed but was too upset, so i finally got into some reading, and now I am back to thinking about Jon but in a calmer manner. before, i was seriously thinking, once again, of calling the whole thing off. saying...Jon, I told you it was the last straw, and I think this raises some larger questions that frankly are not new and ( Read more... )

so...another unsuccessful attempt to not get mad at Jon...to not set myself up for getting mad at Jon ( Read more... )

to throw in the towl, or pull up my socks;
to fruitfully struggle with the ambiguities of life,
or to fall down into despair, indifference, stagnation;
how "God" seems to be the question that sounds like the answer
to all the uncertainty i guess we all have to face;
and to keep facing it, to not drown my worries in minor distractions and

i WAS tested for HVS2 in Feb06 and i was NOT positive. phew. the chances that i contracted it from kissing are so narrow. there was also that one time though, but i can't get into that right here ( Read more... )