stipulations
i was trying to go to bed but was too upset, so i finally got into some reading, and now I am back to thinking about Jon but in a calmer manner. before, i was seriously thinking, once again, of calling the whole thing off. saying...Jon, I told you it was the last straw, and I think this raises some larger questions that frankly are not new and seem likely to persist. but i dont want to be without him. and, i am still waiting to see if i calm down more...
Right NOW I am at the "let's establish some clear expectations and see what he says." I went from, "Jon, I don't want to see or hear from you again until you're calling me from your new cell phone," to, "Jon, I am not going to call you for a few days not bc I don't want to see you but bc i want YOU to call ME. Furthermore, if you want to get together, I am not going to meet you SOMEWHERE; I want YOU to meet ME at MY apartment. Moreover, don't leave me a message as a form of planning ahead; I will not plan on seeing you unless I have spoken to you directly."
That should take care of calling/meeting up. It doesn't solve the problem of being immature, necessarily, but...what the hell? Maybe maturity is a matter of learning/ingraining new habits, e.g. the ones I specify above. I think I am being reasonable in my expectations, don't you?
And I realized that yeah, I did go out and do something that was likely to lead to disappointment and that's my fault...but that ALSO, I am looking for ways in which to blame Jon for my disappointment...and I can see a few. For example, he wasn't at the Ringside in the time frame he indicated; he didn't call me when he said he would; and, since I've been home, I haven't heard from him at all. I bet it's a moot point for him by this point, whereas for me, it's a full blown "issue." How typical of our communication.
So, what's the answer? I don't know. I know that if Jon is at all to blame, it is going to raise questions about his overall ability to meet my needs. I don't want to be so frequently frustrated with him. I hate wasting my evenings like this. I want to know that my hope that he can change, and can change quickly enough, is well-founded and likely to be fulfilled.
Right NOW I am at the "let's establish some clear expectations and see what he says." I went from, "Jon, I don't want to see or hear from you again until you're calling me from your new cell phone," to, "Jon, I am not going to call you for a few days not bc I don't want to see you but bc i want YOU to call ME. Furthermore, if you want to get together, I am not going to meet you SOMEWHERE; I want YOU to meet ME at MY apartment. Moreover, don't leave me a message as a form of planning ahead; I will not plan on seeing you unless I have spoken to you directly."
That should take care of calling/meeting up. It doesn't solve the problem of being immature, necessarily, but...what the hell? Maybe maturity is a matter of learning/ingraining new habits, e.g. the ones I specify above. I think I am being reasonable in my expectations, don't you?
And I realized that yeah, I did go out and do something that was likely to lead to disappointment and that's my fault...but that ALSO, I am looking for ways in which to blame Jon for my disappointment...and I can see a few. For example, he wasn't at the Ringside in the time frame he indicated; he didn't call me when he said he would; and, since I've been home, I haven't heard from him at all. I bet it's a moot point for him by this point, whereas for me, it's a full blown "issue." How typical of our communication.
So, what's the answer? I don't know. I know that if Jon is at all to blame, it is going to raise questions about his overall ability to meet my needs. I don't want to be so frequently frustrated with him. I hate wasting my evenings like this. I want to know that my hope that he can change, and can change quickly enough, is well-founded and likely to be fulfilled.