hallejula
i WAS tested for HVS2 in Feb06 and i was NOT positive. phew. the chances that i contracted it from kissing are so narrow. there was also that one time though, but i can't get into that right here.
anyways, it's looking up.
jon and i are celebrating halloween tomorrow. not sure in what fashion, since we have no costumes. but i like that he has specifically planned to spend that night with me.
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i wish i knew brainy games or how to draw so that i had things to focus on when im bored, something productive or stimulating. does anyone know how i might be able to learn or acquire such skills?
i am so nerrrrrvous sometimes, still; like the week i was studying for a big exam was the week i literally felt like drinking every night. and i almost did. and a less naughty version of that is tonight and last night, when i get cabin-feverish with the thought of being in my apartment for 2 hours straight with not more than about two things on my to-do list. and wanting to buy fancy coffee drinks and defy my weekly budget and healthy eating goals and not-eating-out goals. ugh, i feel so fucking inauthentic sometimes! it's these counseling classes making me talk/feel like this, to some extent. i am relying on the environment to soothe myself. i want to get better at self-soothing in authentic ways, that don't involve chemicals and distractions. maybe i just don't know what to replace that shit with. so, lately i am replacing it with people, namely Jon. in a way i sense it is another crutch.
anyways, it's looking up.
jon and i are celebrating halloween tomorrow. not sure in what fashion, since we have no costumes. but i like that he has specifically planned to spend that night with me.
..........
............
i wish i knew brainy games or how to draw so that i had things to focus on when im bored, something productive or stimulating. does anyone know how i might be able to learn or acquire such skills?
i am so nerrrrrvous sometimes, still; like the week i was studying for a big exam was the week i literally felt like drinking every night. and i almost did. and a less naughty version of that is tonight and last night, when i get cabin-feverish with the thought of being in my apartment for 2 hours straight with not more than about two things on my to-do list. and wanting to buy fancy coffee drinks and defy my weekly budget and healthy eating goals and not-eating-out goals. ugh, i feel so fucking inauthentic sometimes! it's these counseling classes making me talk/feel like this, to some extent. i am relying on the environment to soothe myself. i want to get better at self-soothing in authentic ways, that don't involve chemicals and distractions. maybe i just don't know what to replace that shit with. so, lately i am replacing it with people, namely Jon. in a way i sense it is another crutch.