The place where the anger and sadness runs free. The place that makes death seem like a better option than living. Though when I do finally fall asleep I don’t want to wake up, only pain and waste, sadness, hate, anger, and fear waits. Other times its due to the fact that I’m just worn out right now, I’m stressing over no job, junk car, no money ( Read more... )

Of my system. In the past I have found that writing here has help with depression and once again I find myself needed to do it again. I was doing well for a long time, but for more than a month I was dealing with some of the worst pain I have ever felt. I had two badly infected teeth; one was so bad that no matter what antibiotic they gave me if ( Read more... )

Once I could deal with pain, I could ignore it, or at least push it to the back of my mind. But of late I find that is harder and harder to do. Since 1995 I have lived with severe pain on a daily basis after a car accident left we with 2 bad disks in my neck and 2 in my back. I was always able to deal with that pain, I had my bad days but for the ( Read more... )

It feels fine - It hurts but not so much that I want to make a big deal out of it.

No I’m ok - I’m most likely ok or at least not suffering more then one problem today.

I’m fine - I’m feeling a little depressed but not more than normal.

I’m feeling pretty good - I’m not depressed and I’m pretty much pain free.

I cleaned my room - I’ve been ( Read more... )

When I was eight years old, my mother packed me up and stuffed a few of our possessions into our tiny car a drove to Arizona. This took me away from my family on both sides. My dad, my aunt and cousin Paula (Who I grew up with in the same house for the most part, she was more sister then cousin.)My grandparents on both sides, my friends, well my ( Read more... )

Well I tried to get a real cell phone account other then the pay as you go phone I have now and finally I was accepted. The pay as you go phone was costing me way too much money; I was spending at least 45 and month if not 60. Now I have the free nights and weekends plus 450 minutes a month anytime (Which is about what I would use normaly). This ( Read more... )

Well Chris Martin is at it again, since Sunday he has tried to call me at least twice a day. Today he has tried three times, (so far) once was a private number call, I would have answered it if it wasn’t for the fact that he has tried this before. If calling normal doesn’t work he will use other peoples phone, and if that doesn’t work he will try ( Read more... )

I ended up calling in today. I came back from my counseling appointment so depressed that I, well just couldn’t, I can’t even think of what I want to say.

We talked about things from my childhood, things that still upset me. It just hit me really hard; I haven’t been depressed in weeks so when it came on it hit me really hard. My appointment ( Read more... )

I felt the need to redo my Livejournal page. I didn’t take the dark look because I am depressed, in fact today I am feeling pretty good. I took it because I thought it looked cool, lol.

Ever since I was electrocuted in 04 I have had problems remembering my dreams and today I am glad for that. I don’t remember what my nightmare was about but it woke me up breathless, sweaty and shaken. I don’t remember the last time this has happened but it has me a bit freaked. This sense of doom and the adrenalin is making it hard to fall back to ( Read more... )