Pain...

Apr 09, 2008 04:08

Once I could deal with pain, I could ignore it, or at least push it to the back of my mind. But of late I find that is harder and harder to do. Since 1995 I have lived with severe pain on a daily basis after a car accident left we with 2 bad disks in my neck and 2 in my back. I was always able to deal with that pain, I had my bad days but for the most part I was able to live a normal life. Then in 2004 I was electrocuted, I had a large amount of electricity pass through my arm and out my head. This left another set of pains for me to deal with, it was harder but I continued on, though I notice a lot of differences in my life. Small things that either no one else really notices or things that I remember wrong due to brain damage, I’m not really sure. But there is pain; I get this strange stabbing pain in my temple once in a while, though it’s not all the time so I can deal with it. But it gets harder and harder. Now with my arm the pain is almost too much. I still deal with it; my neck still hurts quite often, though not as much thanks to the ton of meds I’m on. The brain damage though seems to come out more due to the meds, I stutter more often, much like I did after the 2004 electrocution. Sometimes I have problems remembering stuff, but maybe I was like that before, ironically I can’t remember. But now I find that I can’t sleep very well, I keep waking up either from the pain, muscle spasms, or bad dreams brought on by my meds. I find that I stay awake till I’m so tired that I can’t stay awake any longer. So when I do go to bed I sleep, sadly this is the only way I can sleep for more then 3 or 4 hours at a time. I tried just going to bed but I lay there, in pain, unable to sleep, which depresses me, or I wake up so many times that I just get up and stay up after 3 or 4 hours. At least awake, at the computer I can keep my mind busy. Mostly right now though I wish the muscle spasms would stop, they pull on my elbow from the inside and it hurts like hell. Last night was really bad, I cried for a bit, the spasms would just not stop, it felt like someone was yanking on the nerves in my arm and wouldn’t stop. I thought about taking more pills but I was afraid that I might get sick or even over dose, three meds, to close together in to high a dose can be bad, so I dealt with the pain, again. Finally I slept, and I slept late, later then I wanted to but I was so freaking tired. I’m just sick of dealing with pain, both mental and physical, it wears you down, takes the joy out of life.
Previous post Next post
Up