This hurts. I knew that it would hurt, but I didn't realize that it would hurt this much. 16 years. 16 years I've tortured myself, for letting her walk away without fighting to keep her. And now, to have her back in my life, to know that she loves me, to know that she finds some good and worthy man in me, and all that she asks of me is that I ( Read more... )

Gods, I'm still a fool.

New entry on Amadain-Writes.

Amadain is the fool who stayed. The man content to his misery. I'm no longer that man. It's just Matt now, the man who left. Every day is better than the day before. Every day is the best day of my life. I've given myself over to the joy and peace of just being. Being happy because I choose to be. At peace because I choose to be. Finding ( Read more... )

http://amadain.livejournal.com/53602.htmlRead more... )

I haven't posted in a while, because I feel like it would be redundant. I'm still the same broken person, trying to figure out the same things. I'm keeping this account open because I do like to stop in every now and then and check in on people. I'm also planning on finishing what I have up at Amadain_Writes. I'm just feeling empty, as though all of the ( Read more... )

Going to pick up a dirt cheap set of left handed clubs today for a golf tournament that I got wrangled into participating in next weekend. We really could use the money for groceries, but this is a work thing, and the golf club it's at won't have left handed clubs for use, and I'd have to rent some anyway, the cost of which would probably be as ( Read more... )

Deleted the blogspot blog today. I just didn't see a reason to let it suffer. Maybe I should have done that for this blog, I don't know. I think I've left this one alone because I have alot of emotion vested in it ( Read more... )

Things have been moving, which is good. I've managed to do some hanging out with good friends over the last few weeks, attempting to come to grips with the fact that my life isn't as horrible as I keep thinking that it is. I mean sure, there are still creditors looming out there that we need to take care of. And I only have 1 working vehicle for ( Read more... )

There are times when I think that I should write here, and the delay makes it uncomfortable. There are also times when I think that I should write, but don't feel witty, or expansive. Excuses. I'm good with excuses ( Read more... )

The hearing is next week. I've been waiting, Dan, for the feeling of relief. I don't know if it's going to come, mostly because I can't decide whether or not this is really a good thing. My wife and I differ here, because she is much more optimistic than I. She believes that this is our fresh start. I believe that our fresh start should have ( Read more... )