Progress
The hearing is next week. I've been waiting, Dan, for the feeling of relief. I don't know if it's going to come, mostly because I can't decide whether or not this is really a good thing. My wife and I differ here, because she is much more optimistic than I. She believes that this is our fresh start. I believe that our fresh start should have been the last time that my parents bailed out all of our outstanding debt. I think that we haven't really learned anything from this experience. I'm half afraid that, in the hearing, if they ask me what we're going to do to keep this from happening again, I'm going to answer them honestly. We're not going to do anything. We're going to guess about our expenditures and balances, and eventually we're going to fall behind again on our house payment and we'll end up homeless.
On some sick level, I want that to happen. Just like, for some reason, I want a tornado to come through my living room, and I want to find out that I've got terminal cancer with less than a year to live. I want the worst to happen, and have done with it. That's spiteful, and childish, I know. It's an irrational response to inner pain, and it scares me. I wonder whether or not I suffer from something darker than depression. I need to get in touch with HR and see if we even have an EAP, and whether or not I can find a good therapist.
God, I'm a downer.
On some sick level, I want that to happen. Just like, for some reason, I want a tornado to come through my living room, and I want to find out that I've got terminal cancer with less than a year to live. I want the worst to happen, and have done with it. That's spiteful, and childish, I know. It's an irrational response to inner pain, and it scares me. I wonder whether or not I suffer from something darker than depression. I need to get in touch with HR and see if we even have an EAP, and whether or not I can find a good therapist.
God, I'm a downer.