Lies, and how we live with them.
She lied to me again today, less than 2 weeks after I confronted her about the last lie. The crazy thing is, they've been lies over pizza. Specifically, over the things that she's ordered with pizza. She's been getting around the "No spending money on pizza" caveat lately by saying that she's built up points with Dominoes Pizza, and that these are "free" pizzas. Great, as long as we don't have to pay. But wait, there's a salad here. Okay, it was 4.99. Granted, it was actually $37 dollars, after the overdraft fee. A month ago, my wife ordered a "free" pizza. When we talked about the order, I specified that she keep the order to the "free" pizza, as we couldn't afford to pay for anything else. She agreed, and promised that she would only order the pizza. I came home and noticed that she had also ordered a salad. "It was only 4.99, I didn't think it would hurt." "But you promised me that you would only order the pizza." "I know, I'm sorry."
2 weeks ago, my daughter (who has been trying to help me see the truth, I think. Or just stirring up trouble.) came up while my wife and I were watching TV and asked "Mom, what's that second salad doing in the fridge?" My wife immediately tried to prevaricate. "She's thinking of my salad, there was no second salad." I pointed out that her salad had been finished, and that she had left the container on her side table. "Oh, well, okay. I bought a second salad, and I didn't mention it because I thought that if you knew about it, you'd get mad and want to take it with you for lunch tomorrow." This baffled me, as I'm not the type to take my lunch to work. Why would I, when I can get a better salad at work without having to pay for it in the conventional sense? She couldn't understand why I was so angry. It was only a salad. She was only seeing my anger, and didn't grasp that I was really hurt by the casual manner in which she tried to lie to me and then cover it up. I almost left then. We've had conversations over the years about how much I value honesty, and I've always gotten promises that she would be more forthcoming. We had another conversation, and I received more promises.
Last night, while I was out at my cousins house, she ordered another "free" pizza, that I agreed to as it was, after all, "free". When I came home, I enjoyed some leftover, and asked if she had ordered anything else. "No." "No salad?" "No, just the pizza." When I got up this morning and came downstairs, I noticed an empty salad container with grape tomatoes in it. I called upstairs and asked her if she had ordered anything other than the pizza. "No. Not at all." Where did the grape tomatoes come from? "Meghan brought them home from Carries house." And placed them in an empty Dominoes salad container with an empty packet of Marzetti salad dressing? "Yes, she did that." I told her that I wasn't stupid, and asked her if she ordered a salad. "Yes, I did. It was only $4." Why didn't you tell me?" "I didn't want you to get angry." I looked up the quote from Albert Einstein that makes me think of her, and showed it to her. "Anyone who doesn't take truth seriously in small matters cannot be trusted in large ones either." She wasn't overly impressed with the philosophical implications. I let her know that I wasn't happy, but didn't push it. She went upstairs.
I opened IE to listen to a tune on PureVolume (which doesn't work in FF) and found that she was still logged into her Yahoo account. I checked her email. I'm not ashamed of that. I've been lied to too many times. There was the email confirmation of her order, which indicated that it wasn't a free pizza. And it wasn't just a salad. It was a variety of things, totalling $30. Close to $70, after it clears. I asked her again if she had ordered anything else. "No, just the pizza, and the salad." And that was all? Nothing else? "Nothing else." I confronted her with the receipt, and she told me that there had been a problem with the online order system, and that she didn't order those things, and that they didn't deliver them, either. Oh, wait, she says, they delivered some things, and that was how she knew they screwed up, because she didn't recognize them from her order. I started blustering about leaving, and it produced no reaction. She knows, after all, that I won't really leave. She told me this the last time that I threatened to leave. She says that she didn't tell me the truth because she was afraid that I would get angry. She also pledged to be "more honest" with me in the future. I had to press her to be "completely honest" with me going forward. She's angry, and defensive, but I refuse to be placed in the role of the villain here.
And I won't. I can't afford to. And I don't want to stop seeing my kids every day. I'd close the bank account, but we're in overdraft, and I don't know if they'll let me do that without fucking up my Telecheck privileges. I think this week I'm going to open an account with the Credit Union and start diverting my DD into it. I won't let her know what the card # or account # is for that, and she'll be hurt.
Honestly, this fucking blows. I live with someone that I can't trust, and who tells me the truth when it's convenient for her. There are so many things about my life that I hate that I could blame on her, but honestly, the only person that I can blame is myself. I'm letting this happen. I think that I'm going to have to start planning for a change in the future. Right now, I'm just not prepared to do what I think I'm going to have to do. There are logistic things to think about, as well. My credit is so horribly bad that I couldn't afford to get another place to live. She and the kids have to live here because it's the only way that we're getting my son into St. Joe's, and that's the best place for him to be. If I leave to stay with my parents, I'm still stuck with the bills for this place. I don't know what to do. I don't think that I can do anything right now. I'm going to have to wait.
This was not how my life was supposed to be. I can only hope that, someday when I've been able to change things, it turns into the life that I had wanted it to be.
2 weeks ago, my daughter (who has been trying to help me see the truth, I think. Or just stirring up trouble.) came up while my wife and I were watching TV and asked "Mom, what's that second salad doing in the fridge?" My wife immediately tried to prevaricate. "She's thinking of my salad, there was no second salad." I pointed out that her salad had been finished, and that she had left the container on her side table. "Oh, well, okay. I bought a second salad, and I didn't mention it because I thought that if you knew about it, you'd get mad and want to take it with you for lunch tomorrow." This baffled me, as I'm not the type to take my lunch to work. Why would I, when I can get a better salad at work without having to pay for it in the conventional sense? She couldn't understand why I was so angry. It was only a salad. She was only seeing my anger, and didn't grasp that I was really hurt by the casual manner in which she tried to lie to me and then cover it up. I almost left then. We've had conversations over the years about how much I value honesty, and I've always gotten promises that she would be more forthcoming. We had another conversation, and I received more promises.
Last night, while I was out at my cousins house, she ordered another "free" pizza, that I agreed to as it was, after all, "free". When I came home, I enjoyed some leftover, and asked if she had ordered anything else. "No." "No salad?" "No, just the pizza." When I got up this morning and came downstairs, I noticed an empty salad container with grape tomatoes in it. I called upstairs and asked her if she had ordered anything other than the pizza. "No. Not at all." Where did the grape tomatoes come from? "Meghan brought them home from Carries house." And placed them in an empty Dominoes salad container with an empty packet of Marzetti salad dressing? "Yes, she did that." I told her that I wasn't stupid, and asked her if she ordered a salad. "Yes, I did. It was only $4." Why didn't you tell me?" "I didn't want you to get angry." I looked up the quote from Albert Einstein that makes me think of her, and showed it to her. "Anyone who doesn't take truth seriously in small matters cannot be trusted in large ones either." She wasn't overly impressed with the philosophical implications. I let her know that I wasn't happy, but didn't push it. She went upstairs.
I opened IE to listen to a tune on PureVolume (which doesn't work in FF) and found that she was still logged into her Yahoo account. I checked her email. I'm not ashamed of that. I've been lied to too many times. There was the email confirmation of her order, which indicated that it wasn't a free pizza. And it wasn't just a salad. It was a variety of things, totalling $30. Close to $70, after it clears. I asked her again if she had ordered anything else. "No, just the pizza, and the salad." And that was all? Nothing else? "Nothing else." I confronted her with the receipt, and she told me that there had been a problem with the online order system, and that she didn't order those things, and that they didn't deliver them, either. Oh, wait, she says, they delivered some things, and that was how she knew they screwed up, because she didn't recognize them from her order. I started blustering about leaving, and it produced no reaction. She knows, after all, that I won't really leave. She told me this the last time that I threatened to leave. She says that she didn't tell me the truth because she was afraid that I would get angry. She also pledged to be "more honest" with me in the future. I had to press her to be "completely honest" with me going forward. She's angry, and defensive, but I refuse to be placed in the role of the villain here.
And I won't. I can't afford to. And I don't want to stop seeing my kids every day. I'd close the bank account, but we're in overdraft, and I don't know if they'll let me do that without fucking up my Telecheck privileges. I think this week I'm going to open an account with the Credit Union and start diverting my DD into it. I won't let her know what the card # or account # is for that, and she'll be hurt.
Honestly, this fucking blows. I live with someone that I can't trust, and who tells me the truth when it's convenient for her. There are so many things about my life that I hate that I could blame on her, but honestly, the only person that I can blame is myself. I'm letting this happen. I think that I'm going to have to start planning for a change in the future. Right now, I'm just not prepared to do what I think I'm going to have to do. There are logistic things to think about, as well. My credit is so horribly bad that I couldn't afford to get another place to live. She and the kids have to live here because it's the only way that we're getting my son into St. Joe's, and that's the best place for him to be. If I leave to stay with my parents, I'm still stuck with the bills for this place. I don't know what to do. I don't think that I can do anything right now. I'm going to have to wait.
This was not how my life was supposed to be. I can only hope that, someday when I've been able to change things, it turns into the life that I had wanted it to be.