Angelina has been adopting kids faster than I update. So I'll put in a little effort here and tell you about the time I almost stabbed a waitress to death with my fork.

Over the weekend in DC I found myself in a restaurant being waited on by a relatively cute college girl. The girl I was with happened to be sporting a Pink Floyd shirt, with the ( Read more... )

When I was a wee little one, I had an unhealthy obsession with all things horror. Christmas, with all its free toys was no match for Halloween. One year I decided to be Jason, and used this as an opportunity. I explained to my father that in order to properly research exactly what Jason wore when he was hacking up topless young women, I would have ( Read more... )

Life has its ups and downs. One day you might find $30 on the ground (recently happened), and then the power might go out in the middle of jerking off to porn (also happened). So you all know how it is. Sometimes, you may even slip into lengthy periods of depression (such as the waiting period between my updates). But tonight it's all about raising ( Read more... )

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Well it took a blizzard to get me to update. Today I was bored crazy, and decided to browse through iTunes because I had a gift card good for 15 songs or something. I've always been vehemently against the whole iPod explosion, primarily because I can't understand why someone would essentially trade in their entire CD collection for a glorified mp3 ( Read more... )

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Having a good time at college seems like the 8th wonder of the world when you go to William Paterson. However sometimes a soft-core porn star will wander in to your classroom, and just for a brief second or two you actually come close to having a good time. So I'm sitting in my sketch comedy writing class with a few other cats; we're a few minutes ( Read more... )

Here at Starank-O-Vision laboratories, I've discovered a new way of becoming depressed at the state of our nation. Forget watching the news or reading newspapers - just take a look at this week's Billboard Top 40 album chart! Sitting on the very top of this here list at #1 is Hilary Duff's Greatest Hits (!!) album. For a moment lets look past the ( Read more... )

I think I've finally realized who the worst people in this country are. No, it's not Motley Crue fans, or even hippies for that matter. A few months ago there was a news story about some guy who decided to end it by parking his SUV on some train tracks and waiting. When the train approached he decided he didn't want to go through with it. Instead ( Read more... )

Here's something that's been pissing me off lately (what else would I write about?). Actually it's been happening for quite a while, but today was just over the top enough to inspire me to update ( Read more... )