Save me from the nothing I've become

Apr 21, 2005 16:28

[Continued from here]I headed to the door, everything from the night I left flashing in my head. Before I knew it he spun me around and pinned me. I couldn't help but look up at him scared, I didn't know what he was going to do, I was afraid he would do what he did that first night and hurt me till I liked it ( Read more... )

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Comments 27

ex_lovesbitc93 April 22 2005, 15:14:32 UTC
The first thing she said had a hundred and fifty different bloody emotions racing through me. Fear, hurt, anger, rage sadness, hell, some I couldn’t even name. First up, I wanted to lash out at her somehow, make her see how much she was hurting me every time she said these things or tried to leave. I held it in, though. I knew I needed to just shut the hell up and listen…

Not my strong suit.

When she moved away from the door and sat down and I was so bloody relieved I felt like I’d been released from prison or something. ‘Course then she started talking.

Everything she said made me feel…bloody hell, I don’t know what it made me feel, but they were like a kick in the gut, I was hearing them loud and bloody clear, though. But something else that was clear was that she’d been deluding herself for a long bloody time. Started when I first showed her a bit of kindness that night after Red’s funeral She thought that was me, kind and sweet, but I wasn’t, I was never really those things. Yeah, maybe I could be at times, but I was still ( ... )

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ex_lovesbitc93 April 22 2005, 15:14:51 UTC
I sighed; this wasn’t what I wanted to say...

“But she did leave. Buggered off without shedding so much as a tear and I don’t love her anymore. You’re not her replacement and as for you being a replacement for Buffy.” I laughed bitterly. “Christ, I miss her like hell, but I never really loved her. She was the replacement for Dru. Another woman I knew could never give herself to me fully. Someone safe. They can’t hurt you as much if you already know they don’t love you, see,” I explained. But I doubt she understood. Maybe I was the one that was bleedin’ insane ( ... )

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sexytarawitch April 22 2005, 15:50:39 UTC
I just watched him as he walked past me, standing there silently and waiting for...something. I waited to see what he would do, part of me expected him to lash out and hurt me. I'd never spoken to him - or anyone - like this before and I did expect him to go for the hurt.

He did, but not how I expected.

I listened to what he said, every word of it was like a knife in my gut, he went on and on about her and I realized that before when i didn't give her much thought, but now...now I couldn't think of her without my stomach turning. I was jealous of her. Jealous of a woman I'd never met that had this hold on him - always would - that I could never touch. That made me ache inside, it hurt but I wanted him honest with me, I needed him honest with me.

Then there was you. Never gave you much thought when you were with Red, you were too shy, but I liked you, you had something special and I respected you. After Willow died and we got to know each other, that all changed, I started to see how special you were. You knew what I was like before ( ... )

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sexytarawitch April 22 2005, 15:51:09 UTC
"I never planned on turning you, you know, never even entered my mind. I thought we could just be together as we were, but what a stupid prat I was, wasn’t I? Still am I s’pose ‘cos I still love you. Bloody hell, I’d love you with a soul, love you as a demon, love you crazy as a loon with both."

He turned to me and a tiny smile crossed my lips as I walked towards him. I started to speak but he spoke again, cutting me off.

"I’ve done this all wrong…catered to the demon ‘cos it was the one thing that I understood, but I love you. I do. I’ve never told anyone the things I’ve told you tonight. Let me try again, please."Spike saying 'please' tore me up inside, there was just something about it. It sounded broken ( ... )

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sexytarawitch April 23 2005, 16:18:16 UTC
The lewdness of this wasn't lost on me and neither was the sounds and the feelings coming from him. They did nothing but make me hotter and turn me on even more. Making me want him even more, I had to restrain myself from letting the darker part of me take control and beg him to take me hard ( ... )

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ex_lovesbitc93 April 24 2005, 00:30:29 UTC
Couldn’t bring myself to open my eyes as she kissed her way back up my body and rested on top of me. Every part of my body felt numb…in a good way and for some unknown reason I thought if I looked at her, the dream’d break.

‘Course then she was kissing me and…

"Love you..."

Opening my eyes, I saw her smile and I think for the fist time, since that first night we had together she actually looked happy. I’d be buggered if I was going to let her loose that look.

"There was something you wanted to do..."God yes, and I still was, just…give me a minute…or maybe ten. I was a vampire not bloody superman and after an orgasm like that…well, lets just say normally I’d be in dreamland right about now ( ... )

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sexytarawitch April 24 2005, 01:28:00 UTC
"Love you too, Tara...Love you forever...’til I’m dust."

I smiled and wrapped my arms around his neck, closing my eyes slowly when I felt the tears silently fall. Wasn't bad or anything, just the words he said touched me in a way I could never forget. It was then I knew he really did love me, maybe even more then Wi...then her. "A-as will I..." finally managed to choke out, wanting nothing more then to be in his arms with him inside me forever.

My body arched off the bed when he slipped his finger inside me, teasing me with it before teasing my lips with his as he kissed me. I loved kissing him, I could stay like this forever and never get tired of it, I'd always want it, want him.

I whimpered softly, another finger of his joining the first one while he kissed my face and neck. "Spike..." I gasped out, arching up to him, my body begging for more of him, more of anything he wanted to give me.

"Does it feel nice, love?"I nodded, running my fingers through his hair and pulling him up to kiss me. "Please..." I want you..." My hands ( ... )

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ex_lovesbitc93 April 24 2005, 07:13:15 UTC
God, I loved it when she called me that, more than I’d ever tell her.

“I love it when you call me that.”

Okay, maybe not, then. A little embarrassed, I buried my face in her neck, kissing and nuzzling the skin of her throat as I slid another finger into her. She gasped, but I knew she wanted it so I didn’t worry. When I saw the tears on her cheeks before, truth is I panicked like hell, but I could tell that pain or sadness wasn’t what it was about when I looked into her eyes.

So lovely. She still looked so lovely when she cried…

Gently, I spread my fingers inside her, keeping up the slow rhythm I had going and her hips rolled slowly along with it. She was so wet that I knew she was ready and so I slid my fingers out of her warm cunny - still so warm, too - and slid my cock to her entrance. Bloody wet all right, and ready, so ready that my cock nearly slipped inside when she nudged her hips forward. So eager, but it wasn’t going to be a quick, careless shag…no I was going to take my time, see how many orgasms I could give her ( ... )

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