Save me from the nothing I've become
[Continued from here]I headed to the door, everything from the night I left flashing in my head. Before I knew it he spun me around and pinned me. I couldn't help but look up at him scared, I didn't know what he was going to do, I was afraid he would do what he did that first night and hurt me till I liked it
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Not my strong suit.
When she moved away from the door and sat down and I was so bloody relieved I felt like I’d been released from prison or something. ‘Course then she started talking.
Everything she said made me feel…bloody hell, I don’t know what it made me feel, but they were like a kick in the gut, I was hearing them loud and bloody clear, though. But something else that was clear was that she’d been deluding herself for a long bloody time. Started when I first showed her a bit of kindness that night after Red’s funeral She thought that was me, kind and sweet, but I wasn’t, I was never really those things. Yeah, maybe I could be at times, but I was still ( ... )
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“But she did leave. Buggered off without shedding so much as a tear and I don’t love her anymore. You’re not her replacement and as for you being a replacement for Buffy.” I laughed bitterly. “Christ, I miss her like hell, but I never really loved her. She was the replacement for Dru. Another woman I knew could never give herself to me fully. Someone safe. They can’t hurt you as much if you already know they don’t love you, see,” I explained. But I doubt she understood. Maybe I was the one that was bleedin’ insane ( ... )
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He did, but not how I expected.
I listened to what he said, every word of it was like a knife in my gut, he went on and on about her and I realized that before when i didn't give her much thought, but now...now I couldn't think of her without my stomach turning. I was jealous of her. Jealous of a woman I'd never met that had this hold on him - always would - that I could never touch. That made me ache inside, it hurt but I wanted him honest with me, I needed him honest with me.
Then there was you. Never gave you much thought when you were with Red, you were too shy, but I liked you, you had something special and I respected you. After Willow died and we got to know each other, that all changed, I started to see how special you were. You knew what I was like before ( ... )
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He turned to me and a tiny smile crossed my lips as I walked towards him. I started to speak but he spoke again, cutting me off.
"I’ve done this all wrong…catered to the demon ‘cos it was the one thing that I understood, but I love you. I do. I’ve never told anyone the things I’ve told you tonight. Let me try again, please."Spike saying 'please' tore me up inside, there was just something about it. It sounded broken ( ... )
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Out of everything she’d just said to me, that was the one thing that got to me, hell it cut me up inside. Why the bloody hell, hadn’t she just asked me to go with her. I would’ve packed my bags - or, picked up my coat at least - and been out that door in a sodding flash. A feeling, sharp and hopeless, ripped through me for a moment and immediately I recognised it as regret.
We’d bloody messed this up good and proper, hadn’t we?
Before I could say anything though, try to fix the whole thing with words or promises that I’d never be able to keep, she was in my arms, her head resting against my chest and her lips against my skin. "I know you love me, I feel it. I just...I know it's like there's two of me and I'm not telling you to ignore what I am now just....d-don't let me die. My biggest fear, my fear for twenty years was that I was a demon, but now I am. Nothing can change that. Not even a ( ... )
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I couldn't speak, I just melted into him, everything inside me faded and felt good again, it felt really good. I felt like I used to. He picked me up and I held onto him as he brought me to the bed.
A small smile crossed my lips as he kissed my face so lightly I had to open my eyes to see if he was still there. He felt so good against my skin and for the moment I could almost swear my heart beat and my skin was warm.
"Are you going to leave? After this, I mean, ‘cos I’m...I’m afraid you’re going to leave."I looked up at him and wrapped my arms around his neck while he nuzzled that spot that he knew was sensative. "N-no..." I managed to get out, every emotion running through my body like blood in my veins. "I won't leave you William ( ... )
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I needed him, he was more then my Sire, this was something beyond. He was everything to me, I wanted him to be. Needed him to be.
The sheet was pulled away and I arched up moaning when his body pressed to mine till he pressed against my thigh, scraping the cuts. Whimpering softly I just laid there, covering my breasts with the sheet as he hurried to the bathroom, coming back with a towel and pressing it against my skin. It hurt at first but it felt better soon enough.
"Feel better?"I smiled softly and nodded, the burn slowly going away. Sighing I grabbed onto his arm and pulled him down, turning so we were side by side on the bed ( ... )
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Then suddenly I had a thought. What if all this was some bloody game, lulling me into a false sense of security, making me believe she loved me again before pulling the rug out from under my bleeding feet? But when I looked into her eyes I knew that wasn’t true. It was all me being a stupid git. So, just the bloody usual really.
She put my hand above her breast, the place where her heart used to beat and looked me.
"When you're near me and you kiss me. I can almost feel it beat
Bloody hell, those eyes, was the only thought I had time for before she was kissing me again. I wanted to tell her that she made me feel the same way, like when we were together like this, the whole world went away and we weren’t even vampires we were just each others. But I didn’t ‘cos ( ... )
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His hand ran over my body and I whimpered, my back against the mattress. I loved the feel of his body against mine and I drug my nails lightly over his arms, feeling that contact when he smirked down at me.
"I could spend hours kissing you,""We d-do have forever you know..." I murmured before a small moan escaped my lips when he kissed my neck, leaving a cool trail of kisses over my flesh and making it feel like it was on fire. I whimpered softly, arching up and gripping the sheets when I feel his cool hands on my breasts while his lips made a slow trail down my stomach, his tongue dipping into my navel. "Spike!" I giggled and I felt him laugh against my skin before he ( ... )
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"I love you."
His hands ran over me and I melted into him even more. "I love you." I kissed his chest here his heart was supposed to beat and pressed my body to him even more. "I love you so much." I murmured against his skin as I started to get bold and brazen ideas.
"Tara.
What? Wait? What happened? What did I do?
Panic seazed inside of me and I looked up at him, keeping the paniced look off my face. He never, ever called me by my name unless something was wrong. Did he know what I wanted to do? Did he not want me to? Did he not like when I...
His hands were on my face and I started to relax, I melted into his touch, memorizing how it felt, how he felt. My eyes met his and I started to feel myself calm a bit.
"Can I make love to you, pet?"Anyone ever say how they loved someone ( ... )
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