Save me from the nothing I've become
[Continued from here]I headed to the door, everything from the night I left flashing in my head. Before I knew it he spun me around and pinned me. I couldn't help but look up at him scared, I didn't know what he was going to do, I was afraid he would do what he did that first night and hurt me till I liked it
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Out of everything she’d just said to me, that was the one thing that got to me, hell it cut me up inside. Why the bloody hell, hadn’t she just asked me to go with her. I would’ve packed my bags - or, picked up my coat at least - and been out that door in a sodding flash. A feeling, sharp and hopeless, ripped through me for a moment and immediately I recognised it as regret.
We’d bloody messed this up good and proper, hadn’t we?
Before I could say anything though, try to fix the whole thing with words or promises that I’d never be able to keep, she was in my arms, her head resting against my chest and her lips against my skin. "I know you love me, I feel it. I just...I know it's like there's two of me and I'm not telling you to ignore what I am now just....d-don't let me die. My biggest fear, my fear for twenty years was that I was a demon, but now I am. Nothing can change that. Not even a punch in the nose."
“Pet…” I choked out, hearing the sadness in my voice. That’s when I knew I couldn’t fix what I’d done, I just had to help her deal with it the best I could. Problem was though, I had no sodding clue how to. What I’d done so far hadn’t worked and…
"I love you, with everything that I am. I...I don't want to leave you. I need you."
She didn’t want to leave. She didn’t want to leave. How the hell did I pull off getting her to stay? I mean, I…they always leave. But that’s what I’d been doing wrong, wasn’t it? Thinking she was like all the others, like Dru and Buffy. She wasn’t. Far bloody from it. She was a goddess. Funny, I used to use that word to make a woman feel special…never really thought about what it really meant and all, but maybe now I finally knew, maybe Tara was what it meant.
"Please. Love me...Like that night..."
Yes.
Yes. It was all I could think ‘cos I wanted it too. Sod whips and chains and playing games, all I wanted was to get lost in her and feel warm again. Like that night.
“Yes,” I whispered into her hair and picked her up, sheet ‘n’ all and laid her down on the bed gently. Climbing on top of her I settled between her legs and kissed her face softly. Nose, cheeks, chin, lips, everywhere. There were things I wanted to say, things I’d usually use to woo a bird, silly promises like I’d kiss every inch of their skin or some other bit of wank, but I knew none of it mattered now.
It was what I did that mattered.
There was one thing though…
“Are you going to leave?” I asked, pulling back from her a little. “After this, I mean, ‘cos I’m…” I dipped my head and kissed her neck, burying my face against the soft skin where her neck met her shoulder and whispered, “I’m afraid you’re going to leave.”
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I couldn't speak, I just melted into him, everything inside me faded and felt good again, it felt really good. I felt like I used to. He picked me up and I held onto him as he brought me to the bed.
A small smile crossed my lips as he kissed my face so lightly I had to open my eyes to see if he was still there. He felt so good against my skin and for the moment I could almost swear my heart beat and my skin was warm.
"Are you going to leave? After this, I mean, ‘cos I’m...I’m afraid you’re going to leave."
I looked up at him and wrapped my arms around his neck while he nuzzled that spot that he knew was sensative. "N-no..." I managed to get out, every emotion running through my body like blood in my veins. "I won't leave you William."
My fingers laced in his hair and I pulled him to look at me and instead of speaking I kissed him, I kissed him hard with everything I had. With everything that made me me but also made me his.
I was never one that was any good with words but I thought feeling me might get the message clear to him. I started to pull back for air - really our of reflex - but I realized I didn't have too. That made me pull him towards me more as I wrapped my leg around his waist, pulling my body close to his and never wanting to be away from his skin.
"I love you." I murmured against his lips, dragging my nails down his back, just wanting to touch him.
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I wanted to ask if she was sure, make her promise, but I knew I had to take her word for it and just trust her. Not something I’d ever been real good at, mind you. ‘Course the choice not to speak stopped being up to me when I felt her lips on mine.
Don’t think she’d ever kissed me like that, so forcefully, like she was trying to tell me something without words and I returned it with everything I had, slipping my tongue into her mouth to try and get more of her sweet taste. God, I couldn’t believe this was happening…somehow I’d won. I knew I was going to ruin it, though, bloody hell it wasn’t as if she was easy to read…
She ran her nails down my back and my first instinct was to flip her over and pin her down playfully. But I worried it’d upset her so I didn’t, instead I pushed myself up, still kissing her and got rid of the ruddy sheet from between us so I could feel all of her skin. Sinking back down between her thighs I heard her gasp sharply and I froze. What? This was hell, I’d never been so sodding unsure of myself in my life…or death.
“What is it, love?” I asked concerned, and then I realised. The cuts on her thigh, the cuts I’d put their. I grimaced. “Bloody hell, sorry love,” I said softly and jumped up off the bed. “Just stay there for a minute, yeah?”
As if I was scared she was going to flee the room as soon as I left or something.
Before she could answer I went into the bathroom, grabbing a handtowel and soaking it under the shower before finally turning it off. I went back to her and sat down between her legs, pressing the towel gentle against the wounds. I knew they’d heal soon enough, but they must sting like buggery and I didn’t want to hurt her anymore.
“Feel better?” I asked, looking up at her for the first time. All I wanted to do was lay back down there with her and get lost in her body. But so much of her pain was down to me; I could at least sooth this little bit.
Maybe she might do the same for me…don’t know how though, all my wounds had long since healed up.
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I needed him, he was more then my Sire, this was something beyond. He was everything to me, I wanted him to be. Needed him to be.
The sheet was pulled away and I arched up moaning when his body pressed to mine till he pressed against my thigh, scraping the cuts. Whimpering softly I just laid there, covering my breasts with the sheet as he hurried to the bathroom, coming back with a towel and pressing it against my skin. It hurt at first but it felt better soon enough.
"Feel better?"
I smiled softly and nodded, the burn slowly going away. Sighing I grabbed onto his arm and pulled him down, turning so we were side by side on the bed.
Slowly I ran my hands over him, touching his face and just feeling him so close to me. "I love you." I leaned in and kissed him softly, lifting his hand and holding it where my heart used to beat. "When you're near me and you kiss me. I can almost feel it beat." I murmured, leaning up and kissing him softly, slipping my tongue into his mouth and running it over his.
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Then suddenly I had a thought. What if all this was some bloody game, lulling me into a false sense of security, making me believe she loved me again before pulling the rug out from under my bleeding feet? But when I looked into her eyes I knew that wasn’t true. It was all me being a stupid git. So, just the bloody usual really.
She put my hand above her breast, the place where her heart used to beat and looked me.
"When you're near me and you kiss me. I can almost feel it beat
Bloody hell, those eyes, was the only thought I had time for before she was kissing me again. I wanted to tell her that she made me feel the same way, like when we were together like this, the whole world went away and we weren’t even vampires we were just each others. But I didn’t ‘cos her lips felt too good and before I knew it my hand was slipping down her body and cupping her breast, kneading the flesh softly as I rolled us back over.
I heard her whimper, but this time in a good way and I smiled against her lips, pulling away a little and looking into her eyes, smirking mischievously before I started kissing her neck.
“I could spend hours kissing you,” I murmured against her throat between kisses and moved down lower kissing a trail to her breasts. “‘Specially here,” I murmured kissing her nipple softly, licking it and taking it between my lips. God she tasted good, and I might’ve taken hours kissing those lovely tits of hers if other even more appetising areas weren’t beckoning.
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His hand ran over my body and I whimpered, my back against the mattress. I loved the feel of his body against mine and I drug my nails lightly over his arms, feeling that contact when he smirked down at me.
"I could spend hours kissing you,"
"We d-do have forever you know..." I murmured before a small moan escaped my lips when he kissed my neck, leaving a cool trail of kisses over my flesh and making it feel like it was on fire. I whimpered softly, arching up and gripping the sheets when I feel his cool hands on my breasts while his lips made a slow trail down my stomach, his tongue dipping into my navel. "Spike!" I giggled and I felt him laugh against my skin before he trailed even further.
I laced my fingers through his hair, my body arching under him as fire shot though my body. His tongue on the cuts on my thigh, soothing them with his tongue and making me shudder. "Oh goddess..."
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But before I dipped my tongue into her honeyed centre, I paused for a minute and feeling a might playful I moved my lips back to her belly and dipped my tongue into her navel again. As predicted her stomach muscles clenched and she giggled…almost squealed with delight. Bloody beautiful sound that was, if ever I heard one. Laughing quietly against her tummy when she giggled and writhed on the bed, I bit at her belly lightly quickly over and over again, loving the sound of her giggles above me.
I didn’t dare look up, though…don’t know why…
“Never knew you were so ticklish, love,” I murmured fondly against her skin, sliding a hand from her hip, over her thigh and between her legs. She spread them for me almost as soon as my fingers touched the swollen folds of her pussy and it was a beautiful sight her doing it without being forced…it was like that first night.
And just like that first night I slipped a finger into her and stroked her clit with my thumb, before dipping my head and tasting her, parting her folds with my fingers and dipping my tongue deep into her core.
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I felt him move his hands and wtihout pause or reservation I parted my legs for him and his fingers. His touch, the idea of his touch and knowing that he will touch me sent my body into a tizzy with anticipation. "Spike..."
A gasp escaped my lips when I felt his fingers inside me, followed shortly by his tongue. My back arched off the bed and I cried out, gripping the sheets harder and squirming, wanting more.
I felt his tongue deep inside me before he slipped his fingers back into me and sucking hard on my clit, flicking his tongue over it again and again. My body shuddering with each flick of his tongue, making me squirm even more.
"S-spike..." I started to shake under him, gasping as my eyes went wide when he curved his fingers upwards inside of me, hitting that spot and making me almost arch off the bed.
Holy hell he was good with that thing...
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Not really like it was much of a hardship, anyway, to keep doing what I was doing.
Slipping another finger inside her, I started moving them deeper and faster, nibbling and sucking on her clit at the same pace. Wasn’t long before I felt the hard kernel of flesh between my teeth swell and her cunt clench around my fingers. Her hips started rolling frantically and I heard her gasp and whimper and with my other hand I reached up to fondle her breasts, trying to bring her every bit of pleasure I possibly could. She was so close, I knew she’d come any second…
Pumping my fingers faster still, I quirked them inside her so they’d press on her spot with every thrust and before long she shuddered and came, arching off the bed and crying out my name. Christ what a noise. I felt my cock swell at the sound of it but I didn’t move, instead I lazily licked and sucked on her pussy as she rode out her orgasm, shuddering away and whimpering the whole time.
I couldn’t listen to that bloody sound all day.
Crawling up her body, I settled between her legs and pressed a kiss to her lips, I knew she’d want to take things slowly and even though I was as hard as hell and aching to be sheathed in her warm pussy, I rolled onto my side and pulled her with me. Kissing her face, I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer to me. She snuggled against me and sighed with contentment. God I loved her.
“I love you,” I whispered into her hair, stroking her back and sides and just loving the feel of her in my arms. I’d gotten so caught up in all the other stuff, I forgot how …how nice this could be…just letting go of everything and just being with her, being me. The demon insides me raged and writhed in disgust, but I didn’t give a toss…this was what I wanted. A companion. Someone to love.
“Tara,” I said, looking into her eyes and cupping her face, stroking her soft skin cheek with my thumb. Maybe this was stupid, but after everything she said, asking seemed like the right thing to do. “Can I make love to you, pet?”
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"I love you."
His hands ran over me and I melted into him even more. "I love you." I kissed his chest here his heart was supposed to beat and pressed my body to him even more. "I love you so much." I murmured against his skin as I started to get bold and brazen ideas.
"Tara.
What? Wait? What happened? What did I do?
Panic seazed inside of me and I looked up at him, keeping the paniced look off my face. He never, ever called me by my name unless something was wrong. Did he know what I wanted to do? Did he not want me to? Did he not like when I...
His hands were on my face and I started to relax, I melted into his touch, memorizing how it felt, how he felt. My eyes met his and I started to feel myself calm a bit.
"Can I make love to you, pet?"
Anyone ever say how they loved someone so much their heart shattered at that very moment? Well it is possible. It just happened.
"Goddess I love you..." I murmured pressing my body closer to his, my fingers roaming over his skin and setting my body on fire. Something inside me - her, that other me - started to twist and writhe like I was hurting it. I realized I was, all of this is something that's against their nature.
I didn't care.
"I love you..." I murmured again, moving so I was hovering over him. "Yes...but." I smirked at him. "I have plans first." I murmured against his throat, trailing kisses down his neck and chest, flicking my tongue over his nipples and taking advantage of the boldness I felt as I nipped my way down his body.
There was a scar on his stomach, by his navel, and I ran my tongue over it, making close attention to the scared and most likely very sensative skin. I heard him hiss and arch up to me.
I finally made my way down to his throbbing flesh, letting my tongue and lips run over him till I took him slowly into my mouth.
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Not now everything was going so well…sodding hell, why couldn’t I just have a bit of bloody self control…oh…
“Ooh, Tara, love,” I gasped out as she took me further into her mouth. It was starting to get hard to think and so before all thought was completely blown from my brain, I reached down and grabbed her hands, putting them on my hips, before stretching my own arms back and grabbing onto the headboard.
“Feels so good, love,” I said huskily, closing my eyes. “Don’t stop, but… but hold me down…feels too good…”
Well that made a whole lot of bloody sense didn’t it? Stupid prat…but there wasn’t anything else I could do, ‘cos all of a sudden she was pulling back a little and tonguing my slit. Fuck that drove me crazy…how did she…?
“Yeah, just like that, my gorgeous girl…” I panted, tightening my fists on the headboard in an effort not to grab her head and just push.
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