my program is coming to an end. or as it is, the end is near as i can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. successfully passing my defense 2 weeks back, i am now tasked with a major revision before the deposit in the next 2 weeks. i know i can do this. i also fully realize how much he means to me as he was the person i wanted to share my ( Read more... )

its been a while

and now i am nearing the end of my education journey...or to be more specific the final stage of my phd.

and i still remember one of my motivations, if not the most important, was to be mobile. the ability to relocate to another country for one's ideal job, to move and live in one's ideal country, to enjoy one's dream.

but no.

( Read more... )

最初は健全なお泊まりにしようと思ったけど、やはり隣にいると気持ちは抑えなくなっちゃった。
あの二ヶ月間をゆっくり話しあって、居ない時にお互いの存在をはっきり気づいたことを言った。
僕は正直あの時自分の気持ちを整理する為にわざと連絡を取れなかったと白状した。

「ね、旅立つ前パセラにいる時に○○が告白して断ったことまだ覚えてる？ちょっとずるいけど、保留してもらえますか？また日本に帰る時にもしお互いまだ良い相手を見つからなかったら、私と付き合ってくれませんか？自分がずるいけど、どう？」
僕は唖然した。
「うん、いいですよ」
「ごめん、自分がずるくて勝手なんですけど」
「ううん、僕も。君の提案を参加した時点で、僕もずるいだ」

i then asked what caused this change, and ( Read more... )

喜ぶはずの日だったけど
And i know it is all over. Yup. I have cried (again and again) but i have also reminded myself that no point continuing in this quagmire with no happy ending in sight.
彼の要求に応えられない。わかった。

I know i will miss him. But i also know that this is it.

Nonetheless i wish him all the best.

Thank you for the past 7 months.

spent the weekend together and celebrated both his birthday and valentine day...am just glad that we are able to continue this relationship..lol..and now i have started playing app games and i hope this will allow us to stay connected for the years to come...

told him about my future plans, and am really surprised with his reply...i have to admit ( Read more... )

恋に落ちたかも。

本気に彼が好きになったかも。

he came to stay over the weekend, and it was the first for me. we bought simple ingredients for dinner, drank through the night, played games, watched video, had sex, slept and rested in bed for hours. it was just enjoying each other's company, and nothing more.

the deep french kisses, the cuddling, his warm touches and ( Read more... )

i hate to say this but when things don't go as expected, it makes me fall into a state of self-pity, and self-despair.

haha, i had been ranting over twitter the past few hours for i just can't help but feel so helpless and stupid, especially of the fact that i had made several mistakes which i can never, ever forgive myself for, and i am always in ( Read more... )

made a short trip back this summer and i must say many things have definitely changed...including me, for i have also made some decisions/responded in ways that i would never have considered before...haha...

as in the earlier post, i have made it clear to this senior of mine that i am no longer the same as before where i would simply accede to his ( Read more... )

just came back from a week-long trip travelling to places in western japan...

am embarrassed that i let my emotions take over me at one point when i gave him the cold shoulders...honestly, i can't remember what the trigger was exactly but i suspect it has something to do with what i thought he think of me and was thus offended with his ( Read more... )

every time we meet, it ends with sex. yup, we are fuck buddies. nothing more, nothing less. just two individuals using each other to satisfy each other's carnal desires.

every time we had sex, i feel myself being drawn to him. but i know nothing, absolutely nothing, will come out of this. yet i just want to have sex with him, to be close to him- ( Read more... )