I think I would enjoy sleep more if I stopped having dreams of trying and failing to gain approval from family.
I know I am a failure, brain.
Stop beating it into me when I am trying to rest. -_-

I haven't written in for-ever here. I keep trying but then I lose focus.. But before I go off on a tangent about what has been happening in my life, I will just get straight to the point of why I am writing now.

And that point is...

I was just told (yet again) that I should start looking at people in a "what can I get out of this person" perspective ( Read more... )

So last post, I touched on this. Last night, it escalated. Silly me.

Vampy and I had not been hanging out much due to me working a lot. Then I came down with laryngitis and finally had some free time. I asked if he wanted to hang out. I told him I missed him and I wanted to hang out. He said he was "unmoved". So I apologized for bugging him and went ( Read more... )

It took me 10 years to get to the strength of where I am today.
10 years of growing. 10 years of forcing myself through hardships.
In that 10 years I have managed to be strong even though I had a homicidal ex hunting me down.
I managed to push myself through my oldest son passing away. Through moving into a new city not knowing anyone. Through an ( Read more... )

"Sometimes there's nothing to feel
Sometimes there's nothing to hold
Sometimes there's no time to run away
Sometimes you just feel so old
The times it hurts when you cry
The times it hurts just to breathe
And then it all seems like there's no-one left
And all you want is to sleep

Sometimes I really wish I didn't feel the need to censor myself so much.

But I do..  Not just here, but nearly everywhere.
Unless I'm with Vampy. He is literally the only one who has seen me face-to-face, at my worst. Kinda funny.. being as I have been married 8 years and all. Ecamer knows me well.. but not that well. I used to be able to talk to ( Read more... )

;;nonetheless comments would be helpful because we have all been there;;

It's funny how... someone can tell you something. And... you can't really see it happening at that point. I mean.. they say it and you're like "Nah.. that wont happen. Things are great."

Then all of the sudden, someone says something, or you say something, and due to outside ( Read more... )

( La Bonita )

Yay. My rich text is working again. No 404 Error. That was so lame..

Anyway...

Well a couple weeks ago I left to join the thrilling life of carnivals only to discover that my body hates me and end up back home again. (Three emergency rooms in one week tends to dissuade anyone from thinking they could actually work.) I admit that I probably wasn't the ( Read more... )

This prompt has caused me to ponder a lot. Not because I couldn't think of what to write, but rather the fact that I am not certain I want to bare my soul this much to a multitude of strangers. At any other time, this entry would not only be friends only, but filtered to a tiny handful of people. The last time I wrote about this was years and four ( Read more... )