She pours a daydream in a cup,.. A spoon of sugar sweetens up..
Yay. My rich text is working again. No 404 Error. That was so lame..
Anyway...
Well a couple weeks ago I left to join the thrilling life of carnivals only to discover that my body hates me and end up back home again. (Three emergency rooms in one week tends to dissuade anyone from thinking they could actually work.) I admit that I probably wasn't the greatest of company. No matter how many drugs I was sent home with, the back pain never ceased. In fact, it got worse. So in the end, I went home on train the most crowded train ever (spring breakers vs mardi gras partiers) miserable and hating my spine.
The next day, I was extremely lucky to get an appointment with my doctor. She gave me a shot of tromadol and put me on vicodin and valium to ease the pain and horrible muscle spasms that were causing my legs to collapse from under me. You would think such a combination of drugs would put me in a rather loopy state of mind. But no. They do absolutely nothing for me. (Though the shot of tromadol did that a lot of the edge off and I was able to almost walk out of her office without limping, Almost.) She told me because I have good insurance that she could get me in to see a neurologist. I'm not going to lie. When she said that, the first words out of my mouth were "There's something wrong with my brain?", to which she laughed. I mean.. I know I am messed up in the head, but geez. Then I was informed that neurologists work with all the nerves. (Oh.. Duh.) So now I feel a little better about that. Stupid.. but a little better. Anyway, she called today to let me know she hasn't ben able to talk the the neurologist yet, but she hasnt forgotten me either. *sigh*
Since then, or since I have been home rather, I have been under strict bed rest. I hate it. Especially since I came home to a very messy house. I'ts driving me up the wall. Perhaps if the valium would actually work.. then I wouldnt give a shit. But its doing nothing so, here I sit. Annoyed. I really hate laying in bed. No one will ever understand how much I hate laying around doing nothing. On Thursday, I will have spent an entire week... doing nothing. -_-
Ecamer is... trying to be supportive. But it doesnt make me feel any better. Especially when he tells me that his mom started having pains this way and in the end she found out she had multiple sclerosis. So now that is stuck in my head. The whole "what if" scenarios are looping around in my brain, making me depressed as hell. He has to help me shower because I cant stand long enough to do it myself without my legs collapsing. It's fucking embarrassing for me. I'm so used to being self-sufficiant and I cant even take a fucking shower.. And yes. I apologize, over and over again. I cry more because I am so useless than because of the pain. And when he is at work.. I'm stuck. I cant eat. The kitchen seems miles away. So I just drink water. I havent eaten anything since Sunday.. but oddly enough, I'm not hungry. Must be depression or something. Meh.
In other news...
My school semester is over. Amazingly enough I passed the final exam with a B. Why is this amazing? It's amazing because I had studied about one hour max right before the test and that was all the studying I did. It's amazing because, I went to the E.R.three times during the week it was supposed to be taken and was doped up on the *good* drugs for most of that week. It's amazing because I had so much health crap going on and I couldnt focus for shit. It was amazing because I have failed every quiz I have taken in that class. I was scared to death I would fail. But I didnt. So yay me. However, I do not wish to tempt fate in such a way again.
Anyway, that's what's up with me. I got my next course books in the mail so I guess I will study those even though I have no classes til the 21st. *sigh* Nothin but time on my hands..
Anyway...
Well a couple weeks ago I left to join the thrilling life of carnivals only to discover that my body hates me and end up back home again. (Three emergency rooms in one week tends to dissuade anyone from thinking they could actually work.) I admit that I probably wasn't the greatest of company. No matter how many drugs I was sent home with, the back pain never ceased. In fact, it got worse. So in the end, I went home on train the most crowded train ever (spring breakers vs mardi gras partiers) miserable and hating my spine.
The next day, I was extremely lucky to get an appointment with my doctor. She gave me a shot of tromadol and put me on vicodin and valium to ease the pain and horrible muscle spasms that were causing my legs to collapse from under me. You would think such a combination of drugs would put me in a rather loopy state of mind. But no. They do absolutely nothing for me. (Though the shot of tromadol did that a lot of the edge off and I was able to almost walk out of her office without limping, Almost.) She told me because I have good insurance that she could get me in to see a neurologist. I'm not going to lie. When she said that, the first words out of my mouth were "There's something wrong with my brain?", to which she laughed. I mean.. I know I am messed up in the head, but geez. Then I was informed that neurologists work with all the nerves. (Oh.. Duh.) So now I feel a little better about that. Stupid.. but a little better. Anyway, she called today to let me know she hasn't ben able to talk the the neurologist yet, but she hasnt forgotten me either. *sigh*
Since then, or since I have been home rather, I have been under strict bed rest. I hate it. Especially since I came home to a very messy house. I'ts driving me up the wall. Perhaps if the valium would actually work.. then I wouldnt give a shit. But its doing nothing so, here I sit. Annoyed. I really hate laying in bed. No one will ever understand how much I hate laying around doing nothing. On Thursday, I will have spent an entire week... doing nothing. -_-
Ecamer is... trying to be supportive. But it doesnt make me feel any better. Especially when he tells me that his mom started having pains this way and in the end she found out she had multiple sclerosis. So now that is stuck in my head. The whole "what if" scenarios are looping around in my brain, making me depressed as hell. He has to help me shower because I cant stand long enough to do it myself without my legs collapsing. It's fucking embarrassing for me. I'm so used to being self-sufficiant and I cant even take a fucking shower.. And yes. I apologize, over and over again. I cry more because I am so useless than because of the pain. And when he is at work.. I'm stuck. I cant eat. The kitchen seems miles away. So I just drink water. I havent eaten anything since Sunday.. but oddly enough, I'm not hungry. Must be depression or something. Meh.
In other news...
My school semester is over. Amazingly enough I passed the final exam with a B. Why is this amazing? It's amazing because I had studied about one hour max right before the test and that was all the studying I did. It's amazing because, I went to the E.R.three times during the week it was supposed to be taken and was doped up on the *good* drugs for most of that week. It's amazing because I had so much health crap going on and I couldnt focus for shit. It was amazing because I have failed every quiz I have taken in that class. I was scared to death I would fail. But I didnt. So yay me. However, I do not wish to tempt fate in such a way again.
Anyway, that's what's up with me. I got my next course books in the mail so I guess I will study those even though I have no classes til the 21st. *sigh* Nothin but time on my hands..