And now, because I know you all love these so much, here is my Two-Minute Review of The Water Horse.

There are two main plots to The Water Horse. In the "A" plot, a young Scottish boy named Angus finds an egg which hatches into the Loch Ness Monster. Angus misses his father who went off to war a few years earlier. In the "B" plot, a regiment of ( Read more... )

It's time, once again, for my patented Two-Minute Review of The Golden Compass[I should, perhaps preface this review by saying that I, personally, wasn't the biggest fan of the novels this series is based on, although the writing is, on the whole, good ( Read more... )

And here we have, for your personal edification, my Two-Minute Review of the Stephen King adaptation, The Mist.

All-in-all, I'm not quite sure what to think of The Mist overall. I really wanted to like this movie, an intelligent, bordering on cerebral, horror movie that is as much psychological thriller as a straight horror, with a diverse cast ( Read more... )

Time for my good, old-fashioned, patented Two-Minute Review (c) of Saw the fuck there's FOUR of these things now?

DISCLAIMER: Do not see Saw IV if you have not seen Saw III, as I have not. While most of the movie was alright, there were particular key moments where I was left going, "What, who is that?" or "Why are they acting like we've seen ( Read more... )

Alright, I'm getting home from the theater about an hour later than I usually do, so this will be quick.

Here is my Two-Minute Review of The KingdomI was really impressed by this movie. Some of the advertisements we got for it a while ago didn't make it seem interesting, but it was, actually really good. The movie grabs your interest from the ( Read more... )

Well, here we are, it's time for my Two-Minute Review of Dragon Wars, a.k.a. "D-War".

Dragon Wars is, to put it mildly, the antithesis of entertainment. To call this movie awful would be to give the word "awful" a bad name. You all know how much I love movies (in fact I'm still at a moderately low paying job because it lets me watch free movies ( Read more... )

Queue my two-minute review of Shoot 'Em Up!

Shoot 'Em Up seems almost like Hollywood's answer to this recent XKCD comic (although I must admit that the idea in the comic would be just as cool). The movie clocks in at 90 minutes, which includes 10 minutes of credits (both beginning and end), 20 minutes of exposition and dialogue, and 60 minutes of ( Read more... )

Here, for your personal edification, is my Two-Minute Review of the Lindsay Lohan shitfest, I Know Who Killed Me.Wait, did I say "shitfest"? I meant "thriller". No, wait... I meant "shitfest ( Read more... )

So, I was going to regale all of you with my wonderful two-minute review of the latest Harry Potter movie. However, due to a metric fuck-ton of bullshit that happened (all the fault of Time-Warner, too), I missed a large chunk near the beginning of the movie, and spent most of the rest of the time trying to figure out what the hell was going on ( Read more... )

So I was waiting to start a movie the other day, and while I waited I watched a trailer on the next theater over, as I am wont to do. The trailer featured several high school-aged girls doing some high school-aged stuff, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out what movie it was the trailer for. Turns out it was the trailer for the Live ( Read more... )