i don't remember if i ever said i wasn't scared of anything but if i did i was lying
i am terrified beyond reason of losing anyone's love.
i am terrified of that
i'm so scared of it that i can't breathe sometimes and right now i am sitting at my desk attempting to finish my food and crying and sucking down sprite a nd thinking over and over of how ( Read more... )

i beat slowly open, closed, open, closed, catching on accidental grooves inside the mouth and mind of the vessel; it makes a hushed hiss that reverberates quicker than my movements and makes the silence around me twice as loud ( Read more... )

I played this song over and over. I slept with it playing for two days and nights straight, so it's safe to say I generally immunized myself against it ( Read more... )

i hate him.
i hate him.
i hate him.
i hate him.
i hate him.
i hate him.
i.hate.him.

it was all my fault for being so fucking stupid anyway. i shouldn't blame him.

six am Friday morning, the first one in april so far. spring break starts today and I don't know what to expect considering the last time we had one of these it was a year ago in march and I was busy being kind of/sort of molested by somebody else's boyfriend and dreaming too hard and remembering words and phrases whispered in my ears by the wrong ( Read more... )

something inside me is disappearing and i do not know if I am going to miss it or not but its absence is so obvious that I can barely feel it.

and we stare at the sun

it is funny how the two songs that strike deepest into my heart- that cut me the worst- are songs that consist of one line repeated over and over.

those two songs.

when can we start over?
( Read more... )

i wish that may 15 never fucking happened.

you want him? you want him?
YOU CAN FUCKING HAVE HIM, OKAY? YOU WERE ALWAYS
ALWAYS
ALWAYS FUCKING BETTER THAN ME YOU WERE BETTER AT KNOWING HIM AND UNDERSTANDING HIM AND LOVING HIM AND BOY YOU WERE SO MUCH BETTER AT FUCKING HIM, THAT'S FOR GODDAMNED SURE!

SO YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU TAKE IT ALL.
TAKE THE FUCKING ( Read more... )

Sometimes it feels as if I am looking into my very own mirror of Erised ( Read more... )

it was a year ago, almost. exactly eleven months to this day ( Read more... )

do you remember the night we argued so bad that i turned away from my laptop and i lay with my head facing the wall and i cried, and you cried, and I ignored you for the first time?
it was a sunday
my room was dark except for the light from my laptop on the nightstand and you kept saying my name, over and over, epi? epi? epi? and we were ripping ( Read more... )