So I never finished the last post... seems like I don't feel like finishing anything lately. I haven't touched my car in almost a month. You'd think since I don't have any transportation that would be important. I'm just not motivated to do anything ( Read more... )

The GoodSo Kristy didn't show up to court on Friday. I was kinda pissed cause I was about to go all Johnny Cochran in the motherfucker. I'm gonna scan the shit she wrote and my case against her just for kicks when I get time. I spent so much time getting ready for nothing. I explained to the judge that the whole issue didn't have anything to do ( Read more... )

Play T.O.K. - Footprints videoI don't think I can possibly express in words how utterly alone I feel on this planet. I've felt like this for a while, but never so bad as since the last two weeks ( Read more... )

I've got all these old emails between me and Kristy. Reading this one (like two months after we met), I realize that I damn near kept every single promise I made to her right from the beginning. I tried to give her the world, why would she rip mine away?

>From: ToNeS
>Reply-To: tones321@yahoo.com
>To: kristy foster >Subject: Re: hey ( Read more... )

I couldn't sleep at all last night. I think I got about an hours sleep, then left here at 630 am to take my mom to work. Then I went straight to the courthouse. At 9 am, they let everyone in the courtroom. Kristy was not there. I felt a glimmer of hope. Maybe she had decided not to come so the whole thing would just get dismissed. To me it seemed ( Read more... )

The whole reality of my current plight is really starting to sink in. I don't remember the last time I felt so sad. Kristy and I have been apart for an entire year now, but I always felt like what we had was still there, just hiding below the surface. I guess I feel like someone really close died. It's like there's this huge void in every aspect of ( Read more... )

This is a long (and SAD) story ( Read more... )

Sitting in the hotel room in Orlando after Halloween Horror Nights. I went with Chesley n Corey and her lil sis and her bf. I can't even begin to explain how being around 2 couples can make you feel so alone. I miss having someone there who's most important priority is me. I miss meaning something to someone, being special, having someeone there ( Read more... )

These days I feel like I've fallen through thin ice and I'm drowning. I can see the people who want to save me through the ice and they can see me, but they can't help no matter how bad they want to. Apparently a good life is too much to ask for, but please at least throw me the table scraps of a sane life. I know that I have it really good ( Read more... )

So for once I got up early today. I've been sleeping in later and later everyday. I had to get up early so I'd be able to use my mom's car so I could go see my shrink. I've been seeing my therapist for over a month now and I'm still not totally sure what I'm getting out of it. We talk about what's going on in my life, how I feel about shit, etc. ( Read more... )