I guess I feel as I always have when I am feeling as pensive as I have been these last few weeks. With how crazy everything was on the 4th and then days later having Nate pass from complications, how could I not? I felt this way in February around my birthday and decided to let the sails change my direction. I find that though I am in a different ( Read more... )

summer is over, i can tell because it's cold at night now and my finger nails get blue a lot lately. i wasn't prepared for autumn, fall if you will, to be back so soon. i think i still loved joshua at this time last year...which is foreign to me now ( Read more... )

I will be canceling the phone service I have now in the next couple weeks because of an argument my cousin and I ended up having over the last week. My phone is in her name because I did not want to make a $500 down payment when I needed to get a phone. She lied to me about some pretty petty things while she was in Massachusetts and threatened to ( Read more... )

i am a mess. i do not want this week to end because then i am away from the person who means the most to me for a very long time. i love jaime so much, the thought of boarding the air plane next saturday by myself makes me have to hold back from crying. how is it that i anticipate being away from him so much that i already miss him and he is right ( Read more... )

i guess it's like this. if you're my friend at all, you should be happy for me because i am happy. if you're not then you need to shut the fuck up if you still want to be friends. don't be be condescending or make snide remarks to me or to someone who will tell me because then we will have a problem and i will tell you where you can shove your ( Read more... )

i guess it is just more difficult to talk to someone about my decision to marry jaime when i know that they do not support me because they think i am making a detrimental decision. even if those words are not said, i can just tell when someone doesn't think what i am doing is right. but i make my choices for myself based on my life, i do not make ( Read more... )

I have this "thing" when it comes to people. As I grow and become this woman, if you will, as the years pile on I expect nothing to stay the same with myself. I want everything to be different and everything to be better than it once was. However, I want to maintain knowing who I am as a person at all times. I don't mean I am going to change, ( Read more... )

this morning i needed a coffee and a bagel, wanted it and needed it. i left jaime's house and headed there - over half way there i get into an accident due to road conditions. i am stuck in a snowbank for about a half hour. two people try to push me out but i am really stuck. alli comes to offer her AAA if nothing else works. jaime and corey come ( Read more... )

today is the day. blah anxiety.

just kidding i guess?

    I didn't know what hate felt like, not the hate that comes after love. It's huge and desperate and it longs to be proved wrong. And every day it's proved right it grows a little more monstrous. If love was passion, the hate will be obsession. 
    The hate is not only for the once loved, it's for yourself too; how could you ever have loved this?