I want to make myself keep posting because I'm hoping it'll be good for my mental health.  (My new therapist isn't the sort to tell me what to do outside of therapy, and I'm glad the impulse to write is coming from me.)  I've been a mess for about two months now, and it didn't look like it was going to get any better until approximately two days ( Read more... )

This post is embarrassingly doubly backdated.  This first part is from last Monday, 6/22.

( yesterday )

Today, for the first time since the summer, I felt like I was actually approaching some sense of being "post-transition."  I had a pretty average day at work, aside from the part where I forgot my phone at home and actually chatted with my officemates during lunch time and after a talk we all attended.  I got this strong feeling like I belonged ( Read more... )

I booked my top surgery today.  I was pretty calm when I called, but I got the ol' stomach full of butterflies afterwards.  (Actually, I'd never felt the sensation that term describes before today, nor do I entirely recall the emotion associated with it.)  They're letting me reserve July 7 and are going to try to get my insurance to front the money ( Read more... )

I've had a roller coaster of a week and really didn't want to write this, but I'm hoping I'll feel better getting it out.  tl;dr I've once again blown an opportunity to have gender not be a big deal in every aspect of my life and am not happy about it.

( cut for abusively negative self-talk )

Last year, I judged a science fair, and the experience made me doubt my own sanity.  I judged the same fair this year, and it to some extent restored my faith in humanity, or at least in middle school science teachers.  At the same time, it made me question my own misogyny ( Read more... )

So I convinced myself that I was okay with shaving for the long and short term future and would teach myself after this week, when there's a break.  I planned to start T again on Friday. . . and then I didn't.  I got into the loop of "but I don't need it" and got stuck.  I miss feeling sure of myself.  I've been so swamped with work because I'm ( Read more... )

I've got far too many half-written posts to be starting another, but I guess this is kinda important.  I pulled an all-nighter on Wednesday-to-Thursday and forgot to apply my T the next day.  That was actually the first time I forgot to do it at all.  "No biggie," I told myself.  I got home late and decided to apply it at midnight and let that be ( Read more... )

( more than anyone wants to know about my masturbatory habits: TMI & NSFW )

( super-duper TMI&NSFW whining under the cut )