I've had a roller coaster of a week and really didn't want to write this, but I'm hoping I'll feel better getting it out.  tl;dr I've once again blown an opportunity to have gender not be a big deal in every aspect of my life and am not happy about it.

( cut for abusively negative self-talk )

I haven't been posting much, but things haven't been as boring as they were a couple weeks ago.  I upped my dose of T to 20.25 mg daily and am pretty happy with it.  I'm going to start posting T updates again this week to document new changes.

The most important news of the week is that I did not get a kidney infection. ( TMI )

( about T )

I kinda fell off the internet again.  I was really burnt out and barely made it to Spring Break.  I restarted T the week before break because I was a nervous wreck.  By then, I'd been having negative effects from stopping for about two weeks, and I couldn't cope anymore.  I'm going to make a T update kind of post about the whole thing, but the ( Read more... )

Today I committed an act of violence.  I went to work today and didn't realize I'd left my bike lights at home until the sun started to set.  I threw on my helmet and completely forgot that there had been a football game today and that I might have trouble getting back.  I was approaching the steepest incline of my commute when three bros on the ( Read more... )

I've been thinking about making this post for about a month, since cutting my hair short, and to a cut I liked, but I didn't get off my ass to do it until now, after my first trim turned into my first bad haircut.  I'm sure I'll recover as it grows out, but I have to deal with a couple weeks of hating the reflection of my own goddamn face and ( Read more... )

I spent today in San Francisco and was consistently read as male.  I was "gentleman" when buying lunch, "lad" when I looked lost, and "man" when talking with strangers in a bar.  In San Francisco, where people are pretty used to differentiating between butches and men!  I feel pretty damn accomplished about that.  (-:  Oh, and I wasn't binding, and ( Read more... )

Gaah!  Reading about this made me feel a little ill just now.  I actually love the idea of this event, giving cis folks (and maybe binary-identified trans people) an idea of what it's like to be transgender, and especially non-binary identified.  But when I read the description, it reminded me of my own cowardice and the toll taken by "the path of ( Read more... )

I just read something that really resonated with me.  I wanted to post some excerpts that I strongly identified with, just to record them somewhere.

( emphasis mine )

I had a little reunion with some high school friends today at my high school, with the help of a favorite teacher of ours.  One of my friends who was a little, babyfaced kid six years ago looks about ten years older than me now.  When another teacher came into the room where we were hanging out, she had to ask who each of us was because, hey, it's ( Read more... )