I am desperately afraid of the coming days. My boyfriend and I are growing apart. My ability to hold everything together is coming unthreaded ( Read more... )

I turn 25 near the end of this year. Saturn return isn't until you're 29, but 25 is a "quarter-life" crisis moment. Am I just hitting it early, or am I still having trouble "growing up ( Read more... )

Even though I know it's futile to wonder, because I'm never right, I wonder if mania is creeping up on me. I feel so full of LIFE, so full of... well... everything! I had a hard time sitting still at work today because I just wanted to be up, be doing, be moving ( Read more... )

I have been vacillating between raged and hyperactive. I won't try to put a mood judgment on anything -- I'm usually wrong anyway -- but I've been noticing the trend. It is making a few things difficult, but it's clearing up a lot of problems that had started simply because there wasn't any grease on the wheels ( Read more... )

Logic dictates that not eating is a bad thing. Food = energy. Food = life. Other things die so that things can live. This all makes perfect, natural sense ( Read more... )

Decide I don't matter. It solves problems of feeling unwanted, unsuccessful, irresponsible, or whatever it is I feel like at any given moment. Why should it matter? I don't.

If it's really so simple, why do I feel like crap making that decision?

Maybe I can classify all this depression and anxiety as anger turned the wrong way. Instead of venting -- primarily because I don't know how to vent properly -- I am turning it inside. So I get depressed, because I feel like the things that upset me are things I should change, and I get anxious, because I feel like I should be changing things and I ( Read more... )

The title is partially related to the necessary and cathartic process of dumping all of my negativity in order to make way for calm and balance. The title is also partially related to new complications with my disordered eating ( Read more... )

The last time I posted was shortly after Thanksgiving last year. I'd love to report that the reason I haven't posted again since is because I've been feeling better, but that would be a blatant lie. The simple truth is that I had to seek more immediate assistance -- not from a professional (though it got close), but from message boards. My ( Read more... )

I don't feel very connected anymore.

His birthday was today. It was kind of tame. He says he doesn't mind, but I feel terrible for not giving him the awesome birthday he should have for his 21st. I think he does mind and he's disappointed. I think a lot of things that just never seem to materialize, though. I dunno whether that makes me crazy and ( Read more... )