In my mind I am trying to think of new ways to fulfill myself. Lately I've been going to Barnes and Noble... it truly excites me to find books that have true meaning. I love looking through picture books and living vicariously through the people in the photos. I like books that will teach me how to do or open my eyes to something new. Especially ( Read more... )

2:52am. Still awake. Thought I heard someone stirring around on my patio, but it was just my (over-active) imagination.. thank goodness!!! Just about every other night I freak myself out. My absolute worst fear is being attacked, having someone break into my apartment or both. I'm just terrified by the idea and am not sure how or where that started ( Read more... )

I am so frustrated with waiting for it... being curious about it... the damn thing is not getting written... I've already bitched about it... my patience is gone... It is obviously not that important!!!

It's my birthday. I'm old.

Sex is not the ice-breaker, it's the destroyer. lol. I'm not even going to explain this one. And I'm not saying this bitterly or sarcastically, but why does sex change everything? I'm friends with just about every sexual partner I've had and after time have rekindled friendships with those people, after the "relationship" with them was destroyed. ( Read more... )

...that makes me never want to sleep....

was yesterday ( Read more... )

Some time within the last week I had an awful dream which has been sitting with me. It was about Ty. Whenever I do have dreams about Ty he is always much younger. In this particular dream he was about age six or seven and he had become so ill that we were losing him. I had been carrying him until I collapsed to the ground on my knees. He was too ( Read more... )

Today seems weird. Something is off. Just can't put my finger on it.... don't think I like it.

Today I've had a quiet mind. It was a beautiful day but I didn't enjoy any of it. Stomach growling but no appetite. Little desire to do anything let alone move around. I stayed on the couch most of the day... hiding in my own living room under the blanket, drowning out everything with the television.. telling myself that I should be more optimistic ( Read more... )