Books and Booze
In my mind I am trying to think of new ways to fulfill myself. Lately I've been going to Barnes and Noble... it truly excites me to find books that have true meaning. I love looking through picture books and living vicariously through the people in the photos. I like books that will teach me how to do or open my eyes to something new. Especially ones that are inspiring. Every time I leave Barnes and Noble with a new book I feel a little more complete... even if that does seem ridiculous. I almost feel wholesome and new again, like I'd just gone to church or something... it's spiritual.. ha!
I've been taking one day at a time and am taking baby steps to live a better life. The only change I'm not sure about is the drinking part. I don't love drinking as much as I used to -which was a little too much- but it seems to be a difficult thing for me to cut from my life. Maybe that's because I haven't found a replacement for it. I'm also somewhat afraid that quitting drinking will be a crash to my social life. Just about all of my friends love to drink and when we get together.. we drink with whatever we decide to do. There are two reasons that I would like to quit but both reasons kind of tie in together. The first reason is because I want to stop making bad decisions. Jenn told me that I have no self control when it comes to drinking and that I use drinking as an excuse to make it seem okay that I do certain things. Hmm... not sure if that's true or not but it could be? When I'm drunk I feel immortal... some times I hear the good angel telling me not to do something, but the bad angel always wins. And when I say "immortal" I mean in every way except for driving myself when under the influence. Maybe if I cared more about MYSELF then drinking wouldn't be such an issue... or an excuse to anything.. The other reason that I want to quit drinking is because I want to be healthy (emotionally and physically). Drunk=bad decisions=emotional output. It also equals slow metabolism and packing on the pounds.... I'm not sure which of the two reasons is worse in my opinion. Other than that, I don't really WANT to quit drinking... Guess I'll just have to decide what I want more for myself...
The drinking adds so many redundant things into my life and in saying this I can't explain why I enjoy it so much. I have a love/hate relationship with alcohol. It isn't an addiction, just for pass time and social interaction. I know I can control how much I drink... but who wants to be the only sober person? It would be easier to give up if it weren't summer. There's too much freedom and not enough structure right now. But for now I am just going to keep working at it. Wish me luck.
I've been taking one day at a time and am taking baby steps to live a better life. The only change I'm not sure about is the drinking part. I don't love drinking as much as I used to -which was a little too much- but it seems to be a difficult thing for me to cut from my life. Maybe that's because I haven't found a replacement for it. I'm also somewhat afraid that quitting drinking will be a crash to my social life. Just about all of my friends love to drink and when we get together.. we drink with whatever we decide to do. There are two reasons that I would like to quit but both reasons kind of tie in together. The first reason is because I want to stop making bad decisions. Jenn told me that I have no self control when it comes to drinking and that I use drinking as an excuse to make it seem okay that I do certain things. Hmm... not sure if that's true or not but it could be? When I'm drunk I feel immortal... some times I hear the good angel telling me not to do something, but the bad angel always wins. And when I say "immortal" I mean in every way except for driving myself when under the influence. Maybe if I cared more about MYSELF then drinking wouldn't be such an issue... or an excuse to anything.. The other reason that I want to quit drinking is because I want to be healthy (emotionally and physically). Drunk=bad decisions=emotional output. It also equals slow metabolism and packing on the pounds.... I'm not sure which of the two reasons is worse in my opinion. Other than that, I don't really WANT to quit drinking... Guess I'll just have to decide what I want more for myself...
The drinking adds so many redundant things into my life and in saying this I can't explain why I enjoy it so much. I have a love/hate relationship with alcohol. It isn't an addiction, just for pass time and social interaction. I know I can control how much I drink... but who wants to be the only sober person? It would be easier to give up if it weren't summer. There's too much freedom and not enough structure right now. But for now I am just going to keep working at it. Wish me luck.