long day.  got to see my grandma.  it was hard to see her like that.  she's so frail and doesn't keep her eyes open and really just being around her i get the sense that she's just resigned. 
that wasn't my grandma. 
the circus of my family was there.  good to see some.  awkard to see others.  i won't pretend that everything is water under the ( Read more... )

i'm not good at the not knowing.  not in any aspect in my life.  sometimes, the insatiable curiousity that makes me wonder aloud about presents and surprises has an ugly flipside when i know the outcome is bad news ( Read more... )

i sat by my fountain today and did a lot of thinking.

it's taken me 20-some odd years, but i think i finally know my worth.  i realized that i've been getting there in small ways for a while, but it took me voicing it the other day that i knew that it stuck.

this is my fall.  my own. 

some really exciting things happened to me today.  right after the swell of pride, i was hit with a aching sadness that you weren't here to share it with me.  i played the conversation in my head, the one i would have with you.  me, beaming and giving you all the details.  you, proud and strong and shining ( Read more... )

yes, it's been forever since i posted.  things have been a little busy, and i'll write sometime about that.  the abridged version is:  pastry school, graduating with honors, starting a cake business, working at a bakery (soon to be working at some fancy schmancy new hotel,) moved in with the dude, became an aunt.

however....

due to the move (and ( Read more... )

there's a lot to be said for what just a few words can do ( Read more... )

things.  are.  awesome.

my plan totally worked, things came together, and i'm now a student at the french pastry school.  it's amazing.  i'm so excited every day to go, i love being there, and for the first time ever i have a '5 year plan.'  for the first time, i feel like i'm doing something because it's what I want to be doing, not because it's ( Read more... )

omigod.

so i've been working like crazy and just trying to make as much money as possible, and the past two days i worked this trade show for pepsi co.  it was at mccormick place which, for those of you not from around here, is enormous, and it was basically national convention of convenient stores......which means that all that crap you find in a ( Read more... )

i've learned a lot recently.  it's funny to look back and see the times that i've truly grown.  not just grown up, but really grown....in my ideas, my views, my personal life.  it's easy to take things for granted.  or to over-emphasize the importance of some things or people or events.  but maybe it's not just the occurence of those things that ( Read more... )

it's about looking at that person and knowing that they get it ( Read more... )