Conflagration - a Lewis commentfic

[wendymr]

Conflagration

A Lewis commentfic challenge for paperscribe.

This will be a work in progress for a while, so anyone who doesn't like being kept on the edge of their seats with fic should wait until it's reposted in full elsewhere. Warning for character in danger in the first instalment, below the cut.

Comments

[paperscribe]

Robbie has no idea how long he stands there looking at the phone. Long enough for the fire officer to put an awkward hand on his arm. "Sir...listen

[wendymr]

"Inspector Lewis!" A familiar voice cuts sharply across his protests. He turns to see Chief Superintendent Innocent standing a few feet away. Reluctantly, he walks over to her, away from where he needs to go to find James. Maybe she can make the firefighters see sense

[paperscribe]

He doesn't hear anything else. He can't concentrate, and his eyes won't stop watering, and he doesn't know what to do. This can't be happening. It can't. James was a good bloke and a good police officer. He didn't deserve this

[wendymr]

"Robbie." Her hand stays on his arm. "There's nothing you can do. Staying here isn't going to help you. Even if..." She takes a deep breath, and he knows he isn't going to like this - though what difference does it make? James is dead. There's nothing that can hurt more than that

[wendymr]

It's well into the evening before he's finally allowed to see James again. The lad's in a private room, one of the few perks of being a copper injured on active duty - even though there's no reason at all to believe that James's injuries have anything to do with the job, other than that's the reason why he was at that house to begin with

[paperscribe]

They take care of the oxygen mask while James is sleeping, and a few other things besides. It feels like there are a constant stream of doctors and nurses, in and out of the room, constantly checking on James, monitoring this, adjusting that. Robbie considers that a good thing; James is getting the attention he needs to heal

[wendymr]

James falls asleep again shortly afterwards, as does Robbie, and when he wakens again it's to see fingers of dawn light stealing in from behind the blinds, and to hear the bustle of medical staff in the hallways

[paperscribe]

She starts with the easy ones--how is James, what have they told him, things like that. Robbie answers to the best of his ability; he did have a bit of sleep in the chair, so at least he can think relatively clearly

[wendymr]

Outside, as the fresh air hits him, Robbie leans back against the exterior wall and groans. What has he done? Robbie Lewis, you complete imbecile, have you taken leave of your senses?

He's taken advantage of a vulnerable individual. James is compromised in so many ways just now. He doesn't even remember who he is, let alone any facts about his life. He has no idea that Robbie is his boss. Does he even know whether he's attracted to men?

Add to that, of course, the fact that right now James doesn't know anyone else. His entire life has boiled down to Robbie. Other than medical care, he's dependent on Robbie for everything: company, a connection with the outside world, emotional support. Of course he's going to imagine that he has feelings for Robbie. And of course it's not possible that those feelings could be real.

And what happens next? If James doesn't get his memory back today, what then? If he doesn't have it back by the time he's discharged, then what?

How far are you prepared to go, Robbie Lewis?And how is James going to

[paperscribe]

As it's going to be a bit before he can get back in to see James, he goes home and manages to choke down something vaguely resembling lunch (though Laura would probably twit him about its nutritional content or lack thereof).

Robbie can't stop thinking about what an awful thing he's done to James. The first bit was accidental…course it was…and then…he shouldn't have been so softhearted. He should've explained right away. Now it will hurt James even more when he finds out the truth, and that was what he was hoping to avoid. I only wanted to help. I never meant… But that's no excuse, is it? There was never going to be any graceful way out of this, but the longer he waits, the worse it's going to get.

It's already bad enough, as far as Robbie is concerned. He's a bloody fool.

Robbie goes by James's flat and picks up a few more books. That, at least, he can do for the lad. Assuming James even wants him anywhere near when he tells James the truth. Which he may not do, and Robbie will understand if that happens. I'm sorry

[wendymr]

"Sounds... ominous." James's smile disappears

[paperscribe]

Robbie knew this would happen. But knowing doesn't make it any easier now it's happening.

"I will," Robbie says quietly, standing. "There's no excuse for what I did, and I know that. I don't blame you if…" If you never want to see me again. But he can't say it. "I'm sorry, lad. I am. I know that doesn't make it better. Nothing can make it better. But I am sorry."

James looks down at his lap and says, almost too quietly to hear, "So am I."

Robbie leaves the room, leaves the hospital entirely, and for a long time, he just sits in his car in the car park. He doesn't trust himself to drive, because he knows he'd keep playing that conversation over and over in his head instead of watching the road. He feels miserable. He should feel miserable. He did a terrible thing and now James is hurting and it's all his fault.

He won't ever want to see me again. Not now.

But Robbie still can't seem to make himself leave the car park.

[paperscribe]

James is awake and alert the next morning when Robbie comes to visit. He's got his earbuds in his ears and is listening to something, though he removes the earbuds and gives Robbie a slight smile when Robbie sits beside the bed. "Thank you for bringing the iPod. Is it yours or mine

[wendymr]

They're not left in peace for long today. All the drips and tubes are out, and so it's time to move James's recovery on. Around mid-morning, a physiotherapist arrives for an initial assessment: to begin with, range of motion on hands, arms, neck and elsewhere on James's upper body. Then he has to get out of bed so the physio can do the same with his lower body, particularly his legs and feet

[paperscribe]

"James, you've got to realise, I'm doing this because I want to," Robbie says. "You're not being a nuisance. I'm choosing to be here because I want to be. If I wanted to be here less, I could do, but I don't."

"But your life," James says quietly. "Your work."

Both of which have more to do with you than anyone else, Robbie thinks. "I don't have…" No, that's not the way to begin. He pauses. "I told you what it was like for me when I thought I lost you

[wendymr]

"Come on in." Robbie leads the way into his flat; James follows, looking around curiously. Curiosity - but no sign of recognition. Just like when they were at James's own flat half an hour ago

[wendymr]

Robbie shakes his head. "Why would I? Keep telling you, I don't care what you look like. I only care that I don't hurt you."

James rests his head against Robbie's. "I don't think you could."

Oh, I have, lad. "I hope I never do again

[paperscribe]

"No," James says, but he doesn't look particularly bothered. "Not all right. But I'll humour you for the time being." He leans close to Robbie's ear and whispers, "I am eventually going to want that kiss though. Whichever me I am

[wendymr]

It's just a shame that it took the lad almost dying, and ending up like this - damaged, in pain, possibly facing the loss of his career - for Robbie to realise just how much James means to him. That being with James like this is filling a gap in his life he's had for a long time, and that he'd given up hoping he could fill

[paperscribe]

Robbie feels his stomach lurch. It's the 'sir' that gives it away; James has been calling him Robbie ever since his accident. He hasn't remembered to call him sir…he even mistakenly called him Robbie in front of Innocent, which the lad would be quite horrified to know, probably