Conflagration - a Lewis commentfic

[wendymr]

Conflagration

A Lewis commentfic challenge for paperscribe.

This will be a work in progress for a while, so anyone who doesn't like being kept on the edge of their seats with fic should wait until it's reposted in full elsewhere. Warning for character in danger in the first instalment, below the cut.

Comments

[wendymr]

Robbie shakes his head. "Why would I? Keep telling you, I don't care what you look like. I only care that I don't hurt you."

James rests his head against Robbie's. "I don't think you could."

Oh, I have, lad. "I hope I never do again

[paperscribe]

"No," James says, but he doesn't look particularly bothered. "Not all right. But I'll humour you for the time being." He leans close to Robbie's ear and whispers, "I am eventually going to want that kiss though. Whichever me I am

[wendymr]

It's just a shame that it took the lad almost dying, and ending up like this - damaged, in pain, possibly facing the loss of his career - for Robbie to realise just how much James means to him. That being with James like this is filling a gap in his life he's had for a long time, and that he'd given up hoping he could fill

[paperscribe]

Robbie feels his stomach lurch. It's the 'sir' that gives it away; James has been calling him Robbie ever since his accident. He hasn't remembered to call him sir…he even mistakenly called him Robbie in front of Innocent, which the lad would be quite horrified to know, probably

[wendymr]

James swallows, looking awkward. "I think I need to sit down, sir

[paperscribe]

Robbie feels as though he's got a knife in his gut and it just keeps twisting and twisting. Everything that's sprung up between them in the time since the accident…that delicate balance of give and take and tentative trust and closeness…all gone, brushed aside as though it had never existed. Because for James, it hasn't.

Robbie knows he should be happy that James has his memories back…and he is happy that James has got himself back. He knows James was feeling lost and adrift without his memories, and at least that feeling's gone now. But, as Robbie has just proved, it's not easy for him to open up to anyone even once, let alone twice. And he thinks he did it better the first time…the time James can't remember.

"You don't have to say anything," Robbie says. "Just thought it was important that I tell you."

James looks at Robbie for a long moment. "You were worried, weren't you

[wendymr]

James excuses himself shortly afterwards to shower and dress. Robbie rinses their mugs and tries not to feel sorry that James has regained his memory. How could he possibly be so selfish as to wish that he'd stayed the way he was over the last week? That wasn't James, or, at least, it had only been a part of the James he knows and cares about. The James he has in his flat now may not be as... cuddly, perhaps... as the bloke he had in his arms last night, but he's still James, the man he's worked beside for seven years, the man he loves.

Later, James wants to see the doctor who treated him, which of course makes sense: he remembers nothing of what he was told. Robbie takes him to the John Radcliffe, and they wait together until the doctor has a few minutes to talk. James is making an effort to be more talkative, but it clearly is an effort. After a while, Robbie just pats his arm lightly. "You don't have to make conversation if you don't feel like it, man

[paperscribe]

Robbie knew that was a possibility, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. He doesn't show any of that, however. He simply nods

[wendymr]

James doesn't reply; instead, he studies Robbie closely. After a long moment, he says carefully, "I don't know what it was like for you, though I can work some things out from what you've said. But I do know how I would have felt if you'd been the one hurt like I've been, and the one not to remember anything. I... think... I would have sat with you around the clock at first, if I was allowed. And I wouldn't have wanted to let you out of my sight

[paperscribe]

Robbie's heart feels as if it jumps in his chest. Robbie. He called him Robbie with no fuss, no struggle. Please let that mean what he hopes it means. Oh, please. "Yes," he whispers.

James stares at their hands. "More than once?"

Robbie nods. "Yes."

"With bandages and without," James murmurs, and Robbie can't tell if James is talking to him or to himself. He lifts his gaze from their hands. "It helped, didn't it? When I was…in pain, or worried."

Robbie nods again. Oh, please, let him remember. Let him remember just a bit."It's strange," James whispers. "When I got up this morning, and I saw you for the first time…I wanted to hold your hand and I didn't know why

[wendymr]

James continues to look at him, eyes wide, his hand trembling slightly where it rests against Robbie's face. "I'm not sure... It all feels like a dream, and I'm afraid of getting it wrong

[paperscribe]

Robbie smiles fondly at James. "You did. And I said I felt the same, but I didn't say the words exactly." He pauses, gathering his courage. "I'll say them now if you like

[wendymr]

...and that's all there is :)