I have infinite anger. I am not good, I am not compassionate. I have a fury. I am a terrible force.

https://medium.com/higher-thoughts/how-one-year-of-daily-blogging-changed-my-life-fc20fb79d1d1#.wt6310et4Read more... )

These days I feel like everything in my life is a fake. I talk so much and say so little, I think so much, but of nothing of consequence, I worry about nothing, I let my life pass. I cannot grasp it. I get distracted. Whenever I have an hour to myself, I sit down and write the same thing in my journal, over and over again. This can not be it; this ( Read more... )

My father died this Friday. I saw him just last week.


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My bed is full
so full
of stuff
and worries
and more stuff

It is warm
and I always hate
to leave it

but when I do
get out
I always leave
some of the stuff
behind

such a relief

Writing is not safe. Poetry is not safe. Those are the last words I wrote in my joural, I wrote them last sunday, not a single word written since then. Is my life worse because of it? That's the question, isn't it. There are already so many things on my calendar, things I have to force myself to do and remember; I don't want to add "write in ( Read more... )

So what I'm doing is forcing myself to copy the last fragment from the journal I'm writing without any editing, in order to try out how it would be to have that kind of writing out in the open, even if it's just here. The reason I'm doing this is that right now I suspect that this is really how I want to write, but I'm pretty sure it's not ( Read more... )

I don't dare write like I know I can. Like I want to. Like I do.

Because I think I have to tell a story. Because I think others won't understand. (Which others?) Because I feel embarrassed, ashamed, guilty.

Because I think it's BAD.

Because I think that's not how it's done.

Because I think.

Back in Madrid, feeling almost normal again. As normal as can be - my headaches caused by the damp and opressive clouds in Brussels (and also, very likely, the stress of the situation) are gone. It's still cold in the mornings, but the weather is much more like spring, so I'm feeling tiny tendrils of hope every time I step out on the balcony. I had ( Read more... )

I've been in Brussels these past days. Everyone is fine. These are some pictures I took there.


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