I got a referral to see an endo about my PCOS. I want to get a doc that has experience with trans patients. I also want to get into see the doc up here that treats many of the ftms here. So, I've got an appt. with my doc to talk about this stuff on Friday. This basically means that besides my gf and my therapist, she is going to be the first ( Read more... )

I'm slipping already. I missed yesterday in my attempt to write every day. Fine, okay, I'm here today though. I got rid of the mohawk yesterday. It was all grown out and getting hard to do every day. I don't know, I just need a break from it for the winter. My girlfriend is sad to see it go, but I think that I might just pass once in a while ( Read more... )

Okay, this is Day #2 of "I'm going to blog every day even if it doesn't make sense." Are you with me? Okay, also. This blog is now reserved only for gender stuff. So, that's why it is going to seem completely Captain Ahab. Okay? I have a lot of life going on and this is becoming an increasingly important aspect and I need this outlet for it ( Read more... )

I feel so out of it today. Why is it that the gender identity voices get louder when I already can't think? My girlfriend has been working overnight shifts and I miss her. I miss her I miss her. I don't like sleeping by myself and waking up by myself. And, it isn't me being grumpy, it's me being sad. But, it all comes out the same these days ( Read more... )

I can survive as a female. I could, I can. Do I want to? Sure, of course I want to survive. Duh. Do I want to live my life just surviving? It feels like the minimum to me. What if transition was one of those things that I can do and what if it made my life more than just a survival? How in the world am I supposed to know that? Am I going ( Read more... )

I have taken some time off of the ftm questioning and posting in this journal. I think that it consumed me for weeks, and finally, I just got to a point where I could no longer interrupt my life to think about my life so much. The distance from it is okay, because I can step far enough back to see my gender in the bigger picture of my life. It ( Read more... )

Today is the first day I've ever packed at work. I think because I've been packing more and more (almost all the time) outside of work, it doesn't feel like a dirty secret or anything. It feels quite comfortable, actually ( Read more... )

Apparently, my kid is much further along with this coming out thing than even I am. He watched 4 episodes of Transgeneration with me this morning, and we talked about what being transgendered means. He has had one of these conversations before with Michele, and he gets it. "Oh, like Holly is that way." Yeah, like I'm that way. Then he asked ( Read more... )

It is so weird that one little thing in a sea of little things can pop right up out of the water and redeem whatever day it's floating in. It was just a little phone call from a friend I haven't heard from, in what seems like forever. But, there she was and there I was and we were talking again. This connection we have, it's odd, but it works ( Read more... )

"Tyler ( Read more... )