i started crying in the car because i can't get myself to believe in god even though i really want to. i started crying because it angers me that i am so stubborn that i need a valid explanation for everything to believe it. i wish i didn't see it as being ignorant. i hate relationships because i am a lonely bitch who feels like no one will ever ( Read more... )

i feel really fucking lost without you around. i'm scared i won't see or hear from you in a year, what if our last fucking conversation as living human beings is online. what if we both die within the year? i fucking care about you more than anyone on this planet. the honesty and understanding i have with you cannot be recreated with replacements i ( Read more... )

i have so much anger about things that i feel i can prevent but i let happen anyway. i am so angry about how people turn out sometimes. i have really high expectations for those i care about the most, and when they are totally fucking up their lives it fucks me up. i want to be there to help them so bad. i feel like a failure as a true friend when ( Read more... )

i never felt alone, until i met you. life is best explained by trying to prepare ourselves for events to come and getting through them the best we can. sometimes you get fucking kicked on your ass and it's really hard to get back up. i'm terrified of getting my ass kicked again. everything i know about love is fucked up, i have nothing good to say ( Read more... )

life seems really pointless when you can't see your goals within sight and the sky stays orange at night. (i didn't mean to rhyme with that.) i hate loving people who don't have time for it. but honestly, neither do i. being in chicago felt more productive. i feel really suffocated here. only 10 more months.

the day i think im doing well i put myself back where i belong again. i have guilt that won't go away, i have problems that nag at me all day long, and insecurities that cripple my abilities to ever secure anything. im a fucked up fort some little kid built that keeps falling down. i wanna be the residual water that runs down the downhill curb ( Read more... )

i'm taking serious consideration into quitting substances for a while. when your friends are taking muscle relaxers, and turning into retards for an hour it can be a little worrisome. it really makes me upset to see one of the smartest, funny, awesome people i've ever met make himself into a stupid fucking blob that can't do anything productive ( Read more... )

i've been shut out....but i'll still be where you left me when you feel like letting me back in. my gut hurts when i think of the worst ( Read more... )

i shouldn't write entries when im wasted. (commenting on the pathetic entry before this one that i totally forgot about ( Read more... )

javier is my best friend. i really love him more than any one in the world. it scares me alot to move away from him, but i feel at the same time that we have moved such seperate ways in the past couple months that it won't reallly affect me/him too much. i miss alot the comfort of honestly talking to him without the threat of others getting jealous ( Read more... )