(Untitled)

[hey_high_five]

What up, my loyal Barnabitos. I know you have been lost in the wilderness of lame without my regular guidance, but it's been long days of nothing on our real-life Gilligan's island. Ginger's not even here in the slinky red sequined dress that led to the sexual awakening of thousands of pubescent boys and lipstick lesbians

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[robin_sparkles]

"Well, for one, I doubt they involve Hustler," Robin theorized curiously from the doorway, sipping at her cup of tea as she wandered in and set down a new copy of a soft-core porn novel featuring Mindy and her very good friend Janet and a sexual awakening that they just couldn't deny. She settled into her chair and shifted until one leg was tucked under the other.

She peeked over the magazine. "Ooh, advice," she teased, leaning over and flipping the page before he was even done reading it aloud.

[hey_high_five]

"Nonsense. Hustler is a quality publication- it's Good Housekeeping for guys," he told her but gave her a smile and gestured her in with a nod of his head.

Yeah, those sickeningly pleasant needs to be around her, hear about her life and pet her hair? Weren't just a side-kick on the medication and seem to be here to stay. It would be miserable if she wasn't so damn awesome.

"Hey," he protested half heartedly but held the magazein up so she could see it anyway.

[robin_sparkles]

"Shh, you'll disturb the porn," she warned with a grin, craning her head to one side to properly read the article and held it up for him because he was the one with casts. She just kept her eyes on the page. "I can't stay too long right now, I'm going out tonight, but I'll come back tomorrow for longer," she provided, getting the business part out of the way before they got back to the porn.

[hey_high_five]

"Going out? What're you going out to do? Or...who are you going out to do, eh?" Barney prompted her as he raised an expectant eyebrow.

It wasn't like he didn't want her to go out- otherwise she wouldn't have any stories about life beyond the very-boring hospital walls. More, it was just that she wanted her to go out and then have a terrible time. Because that would mean that Barney had won.

[picksthelosers]

"I know the answer that."

There's no point in questioning why she is in one place one moment and why she's in another. Some suggest she enjoys the suffering of others, others say she enjoys like watching them mend. Mostly it's boredom mixed with wanderlust. Never underestimate the power of being able to move.

"Part of it is being to keep a secret house for your mistress in the city when your wife is in the country."

[hey_high_five]

Oh, Barney couldn't underestimate the ability to move. Especially now that he couldn't do much more than shrug and bobble his head.

But his eyes definitely widened appreciatively when he glanced up and there she was. Hello, Jennifer Connolly.

"You could always avoid that problem by not getting married at all. That's a major tool in the arsenal right there."

[picksthelosers]

She has to give him credit. That's always been her personal favourite option and something must be said for favourites.

"That it is. I have always liked that option." A tap of the fingers against an examination table, a quick pick up and then set down of a bottle of pills and she shrugs. "Marriage is not a gamble worth taking. I love bets, but I like games better."

[hey_high_five]

His eyes lit up at the mention of gambling, and it was like someone had turned a switch on inside him all of a sudden. Barney could go six months without thinking about betting, then as soon as someone mentioned a bet, it was all he could think about.

Too bad he was stuck in a hospital bed thousands of miles away from a craps table and unable to throw a pair of dice besides.

"What sort of games?"

[goingtodorking]

"That lady's supposed to be wearing clothes."

Karen knows that the lady in the magazine is supposed to be wearing clothes because Mrs Shoot told her so. She leans her chin on the man's bed, her eyebrows drawn together. She's in the clinic looking for Rollie, but he isn't there.

She gives a heartfelt little sigh.

"Why hasn't she got any clothes on?"

[hey_high_five]

"She..." Barney glanced between Miss February and the little moppet who had tottered out of nowhere. What to say to satisfy her curiosity but not scar her for life, at least enough so it doesn't get traced back to him?

"She didn't go away to college for her boyfriend's sake and failed out of nursing school three months after Billie Bob Boyfriend got caught in the back of his sedan with her older sister. So she's banking on her only valuable asset. That's why she's not wearing any clothes."

[goingtodorking]

Karen doesn't understand any of that, which deepens her frown. She gives a dramatic little sigh. Grown-ups almost never give her a clear answer.

"...She should be wearing clothes," she points out obstinately.

[hey_high_five]

"If ever I meet her, I'll tell her you said that," he promised even though, a Hustler star 17 years after her prime? Yikes, talk about a trainwreck.

He closed the magazine up and set it down in the corner of teh bed so she didn't her without clothes on again in the cover.

"So what's up, you just come here to hang with the Barnacle?"

[lawyered]

"Woah, nice bolo," Marshall commented, tapping a finger against the cover of Barney's old porn magazine. "Kind of clashes with the bottle blonde, though."

Grinning, he popped a cookie into his mouth and perched himself on the end of Barney's bed. "Dude, isn't that kind of dangerous? Looking at that stuff?" he asked, looking pointedly from the arm casts to the magazine and back again.

[hey_high_five]

"Please. A bolo doesn't go with anything besides flannel and cow-poking," he scoffed.

Bolos. They're offensive to anyone who's worn a collared shirt trying to pass itself off as a tie instead of just a trumped-up shoelace.

He glanced up at Marshall then back at his casts, not getting it. "What's dangerous?"

[lawyered]

"Ah," said Marshall, holding up a finger, "but it does go with something."

Swallowing the rest of his cookie down, Marshall swung his legs, big feet kicking against the hospital bed wheels loudly.

Barney's question earned him an even more pointed look from Marshall. "Dude," he stated, both brows lifting. "If what happens to 99% of men while looking at Hustler happens to you while you're all Mr. Noboto-ed up, don't look at me to help you out. I like you, but I gotta draw the line at some things, including your penis."

[hey_high_five]

Barney looked at him for a moment then scoffed and shook his head.

"Dude. You think I haven't thought about that? Come on. This is purely a recreational perusal. No way do I want your toddler-sized hand anywhere near my penis."

[the_support]

Though it was her day off, Ellie always made sure to pop in when she had a patient still in the clinic. She headed over to him after saying hello to the doctor working the shift, and raised a brow when she caught what kind of magazine he was reading.

"Good magazine?" she asked, unable to hide her smirk as she stood by his bedside, his file in hand. She had gotten to know him enough to not really be surprised he was reading that, and knew who visited him enough to have a good guess on where he got it in the first place.

[hey_high_five]

"Nothing compares to a golden age Playboy, but this isn't so bad," he said by way of greeting and flipped a page so she could get a look at the cover spread. "She's got some weird pubic hair going there, am I right? I realize 1991 was a barbarous time, but come on."

[the_support]

Ellie scarcely looked down at the picture, as, unsurprisingly, naked women or those kinds of magazines in general weren't her cup of tea.

"I think I'll take your word for it," she replied, humoring him a little. It was a neutral enough answer. "Think you can tear your eyes away for a little bit? I wanted to check how you're doing."

[hey_high_five]

"It's- like, did she try to perm it or something? Let me give you a word of warning," he said solemnly, holding up a finger to her. "Pubic hair coloring and styling should not be left to amateurs no matter how many times you've dyed your hair "auburn" with dye out of a box."

That girl who had the purple star on underneath her Felix the Cat panties? Yikes. It looked like a sea urchin which fed only on the penises of really attractive men.