Wow. I seriously cannot believe this is the month we call December. I suppose it makes sense once I contemplate it's placement, for it's empty syllables (quite fittingly) label the period of my habitat's deepest winter, and of course I have never(and never could) drawn any warmth from it. As a former poet of sorts, (an artist, if it is to mask my ( Read more... )

Sometimes I get on these weird spouts where I develop these new ideals and decide that I am changing my lifestyle and the way I am doing things and that I am right and I will show everyone... Well that is what I used to do... (Red Flagged Contradiction). I want to apologize to my Mah Mah for broadcasting our relationship on the internet and blindly ( Read more... )

This is a poem I wrote probably 3 or 4 months ago. Not very good, but found in on my computer and was delighted because, I had forgotten it. Oh guess what kiddos. Everything is copyrighted, do it and die. If I know you do and die, but hey if not do it and pay otey. This particular one I wrote for Matt ( Read more... )

I need to be in bed. Really. I went out shopping yesterday around four and I got back around 11:30 and I am still up. I was looking at these other peoples journals. Trying to fight my way into a journal that wouldn't let me in but used to and wondering what this means...hmmm...peculiar... This is such bullshit seriously. I can type until he tips of ( Read more... )

Sometimes I am completely amazed by things, I don't even know what they are. Okay, take this, I'm sleepy and probably won't make any sense, typing like a cripple here. Ray Charles movie nice, hurt my feelings thought fuck infidelity. And just when you think you are done with a bastard's memory they pop up like one of those annoying punching bags ( Read more... )

BASICS

1.] first name: Monica
2.] middle name: Crystal
3.] last name: Leave me alone. (Not my last name but seriously you fucking stalker)
4.] nickname(s): I don't have any. No one likes me that much.
5.] gender: Female
6.] age: Won't this stop me?
7.] birthday: 12/22/capricorn
8.] height: 5'3
9.] hair color: dark brown (today ( Read more... )

I keep staying with Matt and his bullshit. He continually hurts me and lies to me. No one can understand why I keep staying. But it is just so hard to let go. Not because of him exactly...I just don't want to be left alone in this house again... Here is a conversation from tonight ( Read more... )

My mom threw me out because I lent her some money and I owed that money to my grandma. My grandma was badgering me about the money and I had promised my mom I wouldn't say anything to my grandmother about it, but she was saying that I was worthless and everything so I told her that I had her fucking money and that she would have to get it from my ( Read more... )

Wow, I didn't realize how long it had been since I wrote in this thing. It used to make me so happy. And speaking of happy, ever since I stopped writing, I haven't been happy. Not because of not writing, but lack of expression, lack of emotional nourishment, everything you need in the way of other people has seriously been lacking. I'm starving. ( Read more... )

I am so lost and somtimes it seems like I don't want to recognize all that is really bothering me. People ask me why am I listening to rap? Why am I listening to rock? They won't take me seriously with my singing and such because it's not kewl cuz I'm educated, because i have a fucking mind, I'm not hip-hop enough to be black, not prissy enough to ( Read more... )