Hogwarts Too Exposed Chapter 22

[szaleniec1000]

Everything you need to know about Chapter 22 of Hogwarts Too Exposed is that it's titled "Joining" and sports a warning that:

This chapter contains a large amount of sexual content which some readers might find objectionable.

And yes, this is the uncensored version. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

Comments

[taekarado]

i feel unclean just looking at this thing. like i need to brush my teeth. with acid.

one things been bugging me since this subplot got started. if alex and jamie have pleasured each other before... surely that means they arent virgins anymore? jamie even states that her "hymen is ancient history", so the idea of his noble penis breaking it for her is basically moot, so whats the point of it?

not touching the caitlin/emily thing with a barge pole. it is sick and wrong, both the act and how the parents react to it. it is wrong. im not being a varying mileage here, im stating a fact. it is 6 degrees outside and this is wrong.

...
...
*blurts* HOW THE FUCK WOULD A TEN YEAR OLD KNOW HOW TO MASTURBATE?!

[szaleniec1000]

one things been bugging me since this subplot got started. if alex and jamie have pleasured each other before... surely that means they arent virgins anymore? jamie even states that her "hymen is ancient history", so the idea of his noble penis breaking it for her is basically moot, so whats the point of it?

Now you mention it, there's been no elaboration on that point at all. As you say, there's nothing left to make this a Big Deal™. The author is lazy and doesn't show his working. He hints that it's something to do with Jamie being the daughter of the worst Seer in the universe and so Joining™ is important, but when it comes down to it the only thing he tells us that makes the relationship special is that it's normal and healthy. ETA: and it probably says a lot about our author that he's presented what the rest of us see as normal and healthy as something exceptional.

As to the rest... agreed.

[fly_buggy_fly]

I'm not trying to justify this, but children *do* know how to masturbate and sometimes even do it.

I'm serious; this is a real thing that happens. They don't, of course, know what it is and that it's anything sexual, but they do know it feels good and do it.

I've worked with children for six years and, in that time, we've had two young girls (one a toddler, the other four) who have masturbated. One of them liked to, well, hump a chair. The other used her fingers.

Kids do it. It's natural. And it's up to adults to teach them about privacy and when such behavior is appropriate/inappropriate.

But that doesn't mean there's not a HUGE difference between the innocent urges of those two kids and this horrible train wreck of a story.

/soapbox

[taekarado]

But that doesn't mean there's not a HUGE difference between the innocent urges of those two kids and this horrible train wreck of a story.
see, thats the kicker, isnt it? very young children exploring their bodies? thats still slightly squicky for me personally, but its a part of growing up.

a ten year old knowing that masturbation is done for pleasure, judging by her inability to do so after the attack, and doing it as such? that is what erks me out.

[szaleniec1000]

I ALSO HATE WAND HOLSTERS.

There seem to be three main reasons wand holsters appear in fanfic:

1. The most tolerable, but also the rarest: they're doing a wizarding take on a genre where characters have guns, and wand holsters fit the aesthetic. It's a bit cheesy, but go for it.

2. They think they're plugging a "plot hole" (in the sense of your rant about fanfics that try to do that) that Mad-Eye Moody apparently wasn't just being his usual paranoid self when he cautioned against blowing your arse off by keeping your wand in your pocket. Yay for missing the point!

3. Because a fic you liked did it, for any of the reasons including this one. Cargo-cult writing at its finest. Before you introduce anything just because your favourite fic did it, consider why it did it and whether that makes sense for the story you want to tell.

Hogwarts Exposed is an example of 2 and I suspect 3.

[sith_droideka]

Or 4. The setting demands it. Take, for instance, a wizarding world where the Muggle is becoming more commonplace, 2050s Wizarding Britain or something. So I could see wand holders or holsters becoming commonplace.

Trouble is, HE can't be this one either because there's clearly little-to-no integration with the Muggle world.

[szaleniec1000]

That too. Now it's mentioned briefly when Ginny is introduced as Muggle Studies teacher that there's more interaction with the Muggle world, but we don't see this demonstrated at all. (Everyone's wanton disregard for the Statute of Secrecy doesn't count.)

[fly_buggy_fly]

Sometimes, I like to "correct" bad fics...I will now do that with some of this:

"Harry and I know what you were doing," Hermione said quickly, trying fruitlessly to gain her composure. Her face now also a bright red, though more from anger than embarrassment. "I just wasn't expecting either of the girls to witness such… Well, I guess it will make explaining it a little easier. And I can't believe you would do such a thing on the floor of our quarters! And now Harry and I must explain this to the girls..."

Emily shook her head in frustration was making gagging noises. "EWWWW GROSS. Why would you wanna lick that? Pee comes outta there!"

Emily turned toward Jamie. "Do you return the favor and suck Alex's penis? Why are you letting him do something so nasty?" she asked Jamie without the least trepidation.

"Okay you two," Harry said, pointing to the chesterfield. "Time for a father, daughter, mother talk."

"Can we get comfy first?" Caitlin asked innocently.

"I suppose so No! I'm being serious; it's hardly time for you to get naked!"

[gargargarrick]

You are the wind beneath my wings. :o Also, I should make an icon of "in fact, no one is getting naked!" for general Exposed-related use.

[fly_buggy_fly]

Hahaha; that would make for a superfun icon XD

[duster]

This is the chapter I was dreading. Because it confirms that everyone on the cast is a robot programmed to be vaguely human.

Apologies for the long reply, I have so much to say about this chapter.

Emily turned toward Jamie. "Do you return the favor and suck Alex's penis?" she asked Jamie without the least trepidation.
Having been an 11 year old girl (over a decade ago, lord I'm old) I can tell you from experience no 11 year old girl talks like she's your physician about to administer an STD test.

"Okay you two," Harry said, pointing to the chesterfield. "Time for a father, daughter, mother talk."
Assuming Alex is still here, why isn't Harry having a natural father reaction to walking in on his (adopted) daughter having sex and clubbing the offending boy with the nearest object that isn't nailed down?

"Alex, are you and Jamie getting married?" Emily asked bluntly

[szaleniec1000]

And they're already 16 by this point, though nobody has had an on-screen birthday.

[duster]

Age of consent I can let slide because teenagers gonna teenage. It's the marriage I was going "bwuh?" at.

Snatching from other fanfics makes sense though given the track record of creepy ephebophilia I wouldn't put it past Neil to come up with teen marriages on his own.

[warlock_female]

Man at age 11/12 I didn't even know that non-hetrosexual people existed (super religious parents), let alone thought about having sex with my best female friend. OH wait, I'm a (lot) older, bi, and I STILL don't want to have sex with either my sister or best female friend. In fact just the thought makes me sick to my stomach.

I'm now really, really wondering if the guy who wrote this has any friends from his younger days or if he's all pissed off that they never wanted to have sex with him.