fic: When It Comes To You (It's All A Bit Different)
Title: When It Comes to You (It's All A Little Different) - 10/10
Rating: NC-17 overall
Pairing: Sam/Sebastian
Warnings: mpreg
Words: ~5,800 this chapter (~54,600 overall)
Summary: Kurt found out that even though Sam is in Lima with the rest of the Glee club, he's still running off to Kentucky some weekends to strip. Kurt and Blaine devise a plan with Sebastian's help to give Sam the money he needs and to keep him from going back to stripping. From there, it all spirals way out of control.
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As it turned out, trading off custody every week was kind of a pain. Sebastian got so tired of getting attached to Maddie just to see her go, and driving back and forth to drop her off and pick her up was wearing on both Sam and Sebastian. On top of that, Blaine was still encouraging them to go on dates since he’d heard from both parties that the first had gone well, and they were planning Maddie’s first birthday party. It was all so much that Sebastian cursed himself for promising to stay away from the alcohol. Sam just kept wishing he could go home to Kentucky to visit his parents.
Both kept to their duties as fathers, though, and before they knew it, it was time for Maddie’s party. It fell on a Saturday, and everyone gathered at the Hummel-Hudson home. Burt and Carole decorated for Sam and Sebastian while they took Maddie shopping for an outfit to wear, and when they arrived home (Maddie wanted to be changed as soon as they’d paid for the dress) they were surprised by almost all of New Directions and the Warblers in the house.
Maddie squealed and clapped and kicked her little legs where Sebastian held her, and she was overjoyed at the loud shout of “surprise!” and massive pink and purple streamers and decorations. She squirmed until Sebastian put her down, and she crawled right over to a big balloon that was at Finn’s feet. “Don’t step on her,” Sebastian hissed.
Finn just blushed and backed up, because he knew he wasn’t going to step on her and it was a bit insulting that Sebastian would think so. One touch of Sam’s hand on Sebastian’s managed to calm Sebastian down, and the two of them led Maddie into the living room. She teetered around, talking to everyone, and it was evident that she was quite the social little girl. “Well she is my daughter,” Sebastian commented when Rachel felt like pointing it out.
Rachel just glanced hesitantly over at Sam, who for once didn’t act like he was on eggshells with Sebastian and brushed the comment off without a thought. Things at the party got a bit less awkward when Sam and Sebastian each fell in with their respective high school group. It was much easier to stay calm when surrounded by friends. Trent kept telling Sebastian how glad he was to see him, and how much they missed Sebastian’s voice after he left, and Nick said that he would have much preferred that Sebastian stayed lead because the pressure was more than he wanted to deal with.
Sam kept getting wrangled into hugs and conversations with most people he hadn’t seen in a while, and he noticed the strange looks Quinn and Puck shared whenever Maddie would get close enough to them. Sam sighed and walked over to pick her up, and then went right up to Quinn. “Hey,” he said as Maddie snuggled up against his shoulder.
“Hi,” Quinn replied hesitantly.
Sam just smiled and tried to sound comforting. “I’m sorry,” he said simply. “I know that this must be hard for you… with Beth and all…”
“It’s… okay,” Quinn nodded slowly. “Beth has a good life with Shelby. She’s… really growing up.”
Quinn choked on the last words, and Sam said softly, “I know it’s not the same, but if you want, I’m sure Maddie wouldn’t mind it if you held her.”
The look on Quinn’s face was hard to read, but she wasn’t refusing, so Sam smiled and turned to look at Maddie. “What do you think, Mads? Want to play with Quinn for a bit? She’s really nice, and she likes crowns just like you,” Sam told her.
Maddie looked over at Quinn nervously, and Quinn held out her hands. “Crown?” she asked.
Quinn smiled and nodded, and Maddie slowly reached out for Quinn. The look on Quinn’s face made Sam feel good. Quinn looked so happy and Sam liked knowing that he could help a friend be that happy. It was something he was always proud of doing. Sebastian watched jealously from the side, and he jumped when Blaine snuck up behind him and said, “It’s okay.”
Sebastian spun around to face Blaine and didn’t say a word. “I saw the same thing you did. Don’t worry. Maddie knows you’re her father and she’ll never forget,” Blaine insisted. “It’s good for her to meet new people.”
“Isn’t that the crazy girl, though?” Sebastian persisted.
Blaine sighed. “She’s been through a lot,” he explained. “This party is kind of hard for her. Did you know she had a baby?”
Sebastian just narrowed his eyes at Blaine and didn’t reply. He hadn’t known at all. To be truthful, Sebastian didn’t quite know how to explain the look in Quinn’s eye as she watched Maddie play. Blaine just watched Sebastian and continued, “She gave her daughter up for adoption at the end of her sophomore year. The guy over there with the mohawk - Puck - he’s the father. Ever since then, Quinn hasn’t really been the same, especially around children. I heard that when she got to see her daughter, she just cried - the baby, not Quinn - and that didn’t help either. This is a good coping mechanism for her, I think. Especially since the adoptive mother moved away and took their baby with her.”
Sebastian glanced back over to where Quinn was styling Maddie’s hair and making sure her new tiara was situated just right on her head, and then he commented quietly, “I couldn’t imagine giving Maddie up.”
“Like I said,” Blaine replied. “It’s probably one of the hardest things she’s ever had to deal with. So… this is good for her.”
Sebastian just nodded and watched as Quinn glowed and smiled while she played with Maddie. He still couldn’t understand how a person could give their child up, but he was older than Quinn had been and that might be part of the reason. “If she weren’t out at Yale, I’d say you have another babysitter for her,” Blaine commented with amusement from where he stood next to Sebastian.
Sebastian just glanced over at Blaine, and then back out at Quinn. “Another?” he asked. “We have yet to find one. Now that you decided to move out and go to UCLA, our default babysitter is kind of MIA. “
“How’s school?” Blaine countered.
Sebastian sighed. “It’s fine, I guess. I’m taking generals online, even though Maddie is going to daycare for half of a day every day,” Sebastian shrugged. “Sam’s at the tech school for some sort of design thing. Advertising maybe? I don’t know if he’s decided yet.”
Blaine just nodded, a small smile playing on his lips. “So you and Sam are close, then?”
Sebastian rolled his eyes at Blaine’s feeble attempt to be subtle. It hadn’t really worked. “We talk, yes.”
“You do more than talk, from what I’ve heard.”
Quickly, Sebastian turned to face Blaine and asked, “What is that supposed to mean!? And who have you heard anything from?”
Blaine laughed at Sebastian’s defensiveness and explained, “You and Sam still go on dates. Seeing as Burt is usually the one to answer the door, word gets around. They’re honestly waiting for the two of you to take the next step.”
“It’s too soon for him to move in with me,” Sebastian shook his head. “You mistake me for someone that does commitment.”
Blaine just looked up at Sebastian with amusement. For a guy that claims to not do commitment, Sebastian had sure been acting like he could. He’d only been seeing Sam for months, and before that he hadn’t gone out on a date with anyone since he’d hooked up with Sam. It was Sebastian’s longest streak of being with the same guy ever, and on top of it, it was the closest thing to commitment Sebastian had ever done. Blaine was both impressed and proud of Sebastian, and now all he had to do was convince him that this was something he shouldn’t run from. “Well, I don’t know if I’d say it’s too soon for that. I mean, you two have known each other for what? Almost two years now?” Blaine shrugged.
Sebastian just turned to look at Blaine, the look on his face stating that he couldn’t believe Blaine was actually going there. “I’m just saying,” Blaine shrugged. “You two are good together, and your family is adorable.”
The word adorable was Sebastian’s cue to leave, so he walked into the kitchen to start putting candles on the cake. Maddie was adorable as she clapped while everyone sang her ‘Happy Birthday,’ and then she made a complete mess while she ate her slice of cake. People started filing out of the home after cake and gift opening, and by dinnertime, Maddie was asleep in Sebastian’s arms on the couch. He let out a yawn himself and relaxed back against the arm of the couch, his whole body sprawled out along the cushions with Maddie curled up on top of him.
Sam helped Kurt, Blaine, Burt, and Carole clean up after the party, and when he walked back into the living room to talk to Sebastian, he stopped in the doorway. Sebastian and Maddie were both fast asleep on the sofa, and Sam just smiled at the sight. Slowly, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and took a picture, and once he had it saved, he just smiled and left the room again. “Where’s Sebastian?” Kurt asked as Sam walked back into the kitchen. “Did he leave already?”
Sam just smiled and shook his head. “He’s asleep with Maddie,” he grinned.
Burt and Carole exchanged a glance and Blaine peeked through the doorway to the same sight Sam had just photographed. “That is the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen,” Blaine said with a grin.
Carole was beaming as well at the sight, and she turned to face Sam as she said, “They’re welcome to stay for dinner. You guys probably shouldn’t let Maddie nap too long anyway, otherwise she won’t sleep tonight.”
Sam thought about it, and he knew how much Sebastian didn’t like it when Maddie wasn’t sleeping when she usually did. It unnerved him, having his schedule messed up and birthday or not, Sam wanted to keep things normal. So, he sighed and walked out into the living room where Sam and Maddie were sleeping, and he knelt down on the floor to the side. “Sebastian…” Sam whispered softly. “Sebastian, wake up.”
Slowly, Sebastian’s eyes fluttered open and he found himself face to face with Sam. He jumped a bit at how close they were, and Maddie started to stir as well. “If you guys don’t wake up now, she’ll never go to bed tonight,” Sam pointed out.
Sebastian sighed and nodded, letting out a yawn before he looked down at Maddie. Her little hands were clutching to his shirt, and he smiled down at her for a minute before he sat up on the couch. Maddie was still draped against him, and Sam said, “So… I guess you guys are going home now?”
Sam could have sworn he heard Sebastian mumble something, but he couldn’t make it out so he asked, “What?”
“I said,” Sebastian repeated. “You can come over if you want.”
It wasn’t very often that Sebastian offered that to Sam, but he didn’t really feel like turning him down. “Like, for dinner?” he asked, confused.
“Like, for the night,” Sebastian explained.
Sam was really confused now. He nodded anyway, and he asked, “Do you want the leftover cake?”
Sebastian stretched as well as he could considering he had Maddie on his lap, and then he shrugged, “I guess, yeah. Mads will eat it.”
Sam smiled and stood up, and he went into the kitchen to say goodnight to Burt and Carole. When he walked back into the living room, Sebastian was holding Maddie, who had her newest doll in her hands, and she was ready to go, tiara still on her head. “You can ride with us if you want. I’m taking her to a hotel to swim in a kiddie pool tomorrow so I can drive you home,” Sebastian said casually.
It was strange for Sam, having Sebastian offer to drive him just like that, and for Sebastian to invite him over. In Sebastian’s mind, it was just the inevitable. He was giving in and doing everything he’d convinced himself that he shouldn’t, purely because he was tired of fighting it. It was exhausting.
Blaine and Kurt watched in amusement as Sam and Sebastian left, Maddie in Sam’s arms. They were looking more and more like a family every day. “How long do you think it will take for Sam to move in with them?” Kurt asked conversationally.
“I give them until New Year’s,” Blaine said with a sly smile.
New Year’s was only a couple of months away, which wasn’t really much time, but with the way things were going it made sense. “I hope so,” Kurt commented. “I can tell the switching custody is hard on them. So is being away from each other, even if Sebastian won’t admit it.”
Blaine just nodded and smiled, glad to see Sam and Sebastian getting along.
When Sebastian parked outside his apartment building and got out, Sam was already out and picking up Maddie, and she was squealing and smiling. “What do you feel like having for dinner?” Sebastian asked conversationally as they walked inside and got in the elevator.
Sam thought about it for a moment. “I don’t know. What do you feel like making?” he replied.
Sebastian really had no idea. He wasn’t all that hungry, but he figured that Maddie and Sam were. “I could make French toast?” he offered.
It was news to Sam that Sebastian liked to cook. He’d always assumed Sebastian was a guy that was strictly into take-out dinners. “Sure, that sounds good,” Sam smiled, happy to have the chance to taste more of Sebastian’s cooking.
Dinner went by without a hitch, and it made both feel even more comfortable with the situation. Maddie was excited to have both of her dads around, and the smile on her face told Sebastian that maybe this is how things should be. He thought about what it would be like having Sam around all the time. He really wasn’t sure what to think when he didn’t see anything wrong with that picture.
After Maddie went to bed, Sebastian walked out in the living room to see Sam on the sofa, flipping through channels now that they didn’t have to watch a Barbie movie. He settled upon Iron Man as soon as Sebastian sat down, and then asked, “Is this okay?”
Sebastian just nodded as he settled in on the couch next to Sam, and he focused his attention on the movie. It felt like middle school all over again when Sam set his hand down on the sofa near Sebastian’s. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what he wanted, and Sebastian sighed and rolled his eyes before he flicked his fingers out to touch Sam’s. That was as much of a green light as he was going to give Sam, but thankfully the blonde caught on.
Sam slowly moved his fingers and settled his hand over Sebastian’s. Their fingers wove together easily and for the rest of the movie, the two of them sat hand in hand. Sam’s heart was beating fast the entire time, and Sebastian really didn’t know what to think. He let his thumb rub over the back of Sam’s hand and Sam ended up leaning against Sebastian by the time the movie ended. As the credits rolled, neither of them moved. They were comfortable, and moving might mean questioning everything, and it wasn’t the right time for that. Sebastian just wanted to enjoy the calm feeling that being around Sam granted him, and Sam didn’t want to lose this moment with Sebastian no matter what.
Sam turned to look up at Sebastian, and when he did, he caught Sebastian’s attention. Sebastian turned to look down at Sam, and it was in that moment that he realized just how close the two of them were sitting. Their noses touched, and Sam’s eyes instinctively fluttered closed. Sebastian knew what the natural next step would be, but he was nervous about it all of a sudden. If this backfired, things would be so much more tense, and that might screw things up for Maddie. The last thing Sebastian wanted to do was make things difficult for their daughter.
Something else besides logic within Sebastian took over, and he leaned in without another thought. Their lips met again and both knew that now, there was no going back. Sam reached up with his free hand to hold the side of Sebastian’s face as they kissed, and Sebastian pressed into the kiss just enough. His heart was pounding so heard it threatened to burst right out of his chest, and Sam couldn’t breathe or think. It was like the whole world had stopped and now it was just the two of them. If there was one thing they could agree on more than anything, it was that they didn’t want to lose this feeling.
The kiss only broke because Sam needed air, and when their eyes met, Sam’s cheeks were flushed red and Sebastian’s expression was completely blank. “Sebastian…” Sam began slowly, his voice deeper and huskier thanks to the kiss. “I… I don’t expect you to say it back, but… I love you. I love our family. I just… I’m so happy with you guys.”
Sam looked fearful and Sebastian could feel Sam’s hand trembling within his own. Sebastian just nodded and leaned in to kiss Sam. He felt so much, but he couldn’t put it in words. Now that he’d had little glimpses of life with Sam around the house along with himself and Maddie, Sebastian didn’t want to let that go. He wanted it to be a permanent thing, and he’d do whatever he could to make it happen. This was his one shot at a family and Sebastian didn’t want to lose that. “I don’t want you to leave,” Sebastian admitted.
Sam looked confused, and then asked, “But I thought I was sleeping over tonight?”
“I don’t mean just tonight,” Sebastian admitted. He closed his eyes and turned away because it was hard to admit all of this out loud, but he kept speaking. “I mean after tonight. For… the future and stuff.”
Sam just stared at Sebastian, trying to make sense of his words. He didn’t want to assume too much, but it sounded a lot like Sebastian wanted Sam to move in. That had to mean something huge, because Sebastian shut everyone out. It was just the way he worked. “I… I want to. Move in, I mean,” Sam admitted timidly. “I want to, and… I can for a little bit, but…” Sam took a deep breath and said, “I got into college. It’s… not here. I got into the illustration program at the Massachusetts College of Art and Design. I’ve… well, it’s kind of been my dream to go there, and I finally got in. So… I’m moving there.”
“So I’ll move out there, then,” Sebastian said simply. “Mother can rent out this place, or sell it, and we can get somewhere together in Massachusetts.”
Sam frowned. “You can’t uproot your life for me, Sebastian,” he pointed out.
Sebastian’s expression steeled and he said, “I’m not uprooting my life. We’re a family now, Sam.”
Sam sat back and looked at Sebastian incredulously. “Wait, so just because we’re getting along, you think we’re a family? There is so much more to it,” Sam said, his voice strained. “We can’t just get along when it’s convenient. We have to be able to handle each other twenty-four seven. Being a family is a lot more than throwing a birthday party for our daughter.”
“I thought that was what you wanted… for us to be a family,” Sebastian argued.
“I do!” Sam insisted. “I really do, Sebastian. But… this sort of thing should be compromises. Not you and I following each other around and doing whatever the other is doing.”
Sebastian frowned. He didn’t understand what he was doing wrong. He’d finally accepted that he had feelings for Sam, that he wanted to be a family with Sam, but here he was hearing that he shouldn’t do this. It was frustrating. “Fine,” Sebastian sighed. “How will we do the custody thing?”
It hurt Sam, hearing Sebastian give up so easily. “We have time to worry about that later,” he insisted, reaching out for Sebastian’s hand again. “It’ll be fine.”
Sebastian’s hand was limp in Sam’s where Sam was holding it, and that was when Sam got the horrible, sinking realization that he’d just screwed things up. “I’m going to bed,” Sebastian said. “You can sleep in there with me or out here, it’s up to you.”
He stood and left before Sam could say anything else, because Sebastian didn’t handle rejection well, and this whole situation was as close to it as he could imagine with Sam in that moment. Full of disappointment, Sebastian changed into his pajamas and brushed his teeth, mulling over the entire thing in his head. He tried to figure out where he’d gone wrong, but he summed it up to the timing. If Sebastian hadn’t been so stubborn, they might have honestly had a shot at something. Even without trying, Sebastian had managed to fuck things up with Sam. To say it was an awful feeling was a vast understatement.
Sam sat on the sofa, his eyes wet as he realized what he’d just done. It was hard enough for him to accept that he’d probably have to say goodbye to Maddie when he moved, but now knowing that he’d hurt Sebastian by moving too was more than he could handle. Sam sat up for hours until he fell asleep on the sofa, still sitting up.
When Sebastian woke the next morning to an empty bed, he felt like shit. He’d really managed to screw things up this time. He went into Maddie’s room where she played silently in her crib. “Come here, Mads,” he said softly, picking her up and holding her close.
Maddie looked confused, but didn’t argue when Sebastian pulled her into a big hug. Sebastian felt awful for Maddie, forget his own problems. She’d just gotten used to having Sam around and he was about to leave again. “I’m sorry,” Sam said from the doorway.
He’d slept fitfully all night so when he’d heard Maddie and Sebastian, he’d followed. Sebastian turned to look at Sam and said, “You should be saying that to Maddie, not me.”
“I’m doing this for her,” Sam said lamely.
Sebastian just scoffed and rolled his eyes. He didn’t say another word during breakfast, and Sam was too afraid to. Sam really didn’t want to make things any worse than they already were. Sebastian was quick to drop Sam off, and when Sam walked right through the door, Kurt was right there and ready to talk to him about how things had gone. He just didn’t expect the look on Sam’s face. “What’s going on?” he asked.
Sam sighed and just plopped down on the sofa. He didn’t really know where to start, but he had to explain somehow. As he started to talk, Kurt sat next to him and looked at him sadly. Across town, Sebastian played with Maddie in the kiddie pool, and she squealed and smiled and bounced around in the water. Sebastian forced a smile for her, but couldn’t stop thinking about it all. He didn’t want to say goodbye to Sam, but what was worse was Maddie would have to say goodbye to Sam and that would break his heart.
By the time Sebastian got home and actually had some spare moments to pull out his phone, he noticed three missed calls from Blaine. After putting Maddie down for a nap, Sebastian called him back. “What do you want?” he said as soon as Blaine answered.
“Are you okay?” Blaine asked softly.
Sebastian rolled his eyes. Of course Sam would go and tell everyone in that damn house he lives in so they all knew their problems. “Fine,” he said firmly.
“I heard what happened,” Blaine offered.
“Yeah, I got that.”
Sebastian was glad that he could finally snap, even if he shouldn’t have been doing it towards Blaine. It wasn’t anybody’s fault but Sebastian’s that he’d opened up and said something to Sam about moving in. He’d known it was stupid but he did it anyway and now he was paying for it. “He loves you and Maddie, you have to believe him,” Blaine pleaded.
“If he cared that much, why are you calling me and not him?” Sebastian challenged. “Exactly. He’s a coward and can’t own up to the fact that for the second time in Maddie’s life, he’s cutting and running.”
Blaine sighed and asked, “Why don’t you just look at moving out there?”
“I already brought that up with Sam, actually,” Sebastian said roughly. “He said I shouldn’t do that for him. He doesn’t want me out there. What else am I supposed to do? I’m not some creepy asshole that will do it even if Sam said I shouldn’t.”
“He just doesn’t want you to go out there and do nothing,” Blaine explained. “If you had a reason to be out there, too, then I’m sure…”
“I told him my reason. Him.”
Blaine looked at Sebastian sadly. He could tell that Sebastian had finally come to accept how he felt for Sam, just to have it seemingly thrown back in his face. It was a lousy feeling, witnessing that after it had taken over a whole year for Sebastian to come to terms with it all. He frowned and said, “I don’t think he can handle that much pressure. Because then if you go out there with him and you guys are unhappy… he’d blame himself.”
“If he wants to walk out of Maddie’s life again, then fine. That’s all on him,” Sebastian said angrily. “I’m done dealing with his back and forth bullshit. Either he wants me or he doesn’t. He’s got to make up his fucking mind because I can’t stand this shit.
Blaine didn’t have much to say to that. He understood what Sebastian was talking about, but he didn’t know how to fix it. “I’ll talk to you later, Sebastian,” Blaine said softly.
Sebastian just hung up and resigned himself to disappointment for the rest of the night. The following morning, Sebastian had a phone call from his mother that he was left irate after, but he had more answers. Frantically, Sebastian shuffled through papers, clicked away at his computer, and watched Maddie out of the corner of his eye. If he wanted this to work, he had to try. It might be too late for spring semester, but he could try for summer, or spend spring getting Maddie used to the city before he started school in the fall - there were possibilities that he’d been too angry to realize the day before.
After that day of working, it was all a waiting game. Weeks passed and Sebastian heard nothing back from the school. Then finally, at the end of November when Sam came to pick up Maddie, the letter was out on the counter, strategically placed so Sam would see it. Sebastian was smug when Sam noticed it, and Sam had to set Maddie down so he could pick it up. “What’s this?” he asked, reading it over.
Sebastian had been accepted on special provisions to Berklee College of Music. “This is in Boston,” Sam said as he held up the letter.
“Yeah, well so is your school. I needed a reason to move out there just to please you, didn’t I?” Sebastian said, albeit a bit sarcastically.
“I didn’t mean that,” Sam said softly, setting the letter down. “You can’t just… for me…”
“I did this for me. And for Maddie.”
Sam looked up at Sebastian and didn’t really know what to say anymore. Sebastian was happy to add more to the conversation, though, and he said, “Yeah, well, I did this a little bit for you, too. But not like the way you’re thinking.” Sebastian crossed his arms and said, “I’m doing this because I care enough about you to not let you fuck this up again. You walked out of her life once and I swore if you did it again, you’d be done. No more. But I know you don’t want that, and quite honestly, I don’t really want that for you. I did this so you wouldn’t lose her.”
Sam knew it was more than that. Sebastian had just admitted that he cared, in a roundabout way, and Sam didn’t know how to take it all. “You… Sebastian, I’m not…”
“You said it yourself,” Sebastian rolled his eyes. “I’m saving you from making a horrible mistake. Besides, it’s a music school. Does it really surprise you that I applied and got in? I start in the fall so I’ll spend spring getting Maddie used to the city. We’ll find her a daycare so in the fall we can both go to classes.”
Sam just stared at Sebastian. He didn’t know what to think. “You… but…” he trailed off, still trying to make sense of it all.
“Mother already found us an apartment. It’s right downtown, in a good part of the city, and we can get to our schools on the bus route. I’ll have my car but public transportation is cheaper than gas for getting to and from campuses,” Sebastian shrugged. “We just need to find a good daycare for Mads because I refuse to bring her somewhere that isn’t absolutely perfect.”
Sam really didn’t have any words to say, so he reached out and pulled Sebastian into a huge hug. Maddie squealed and cheered from where she stood next to the two of them, and she bounced up and down and shouted, “Dadas! Yay!”
Sebastian was stiff in the hug at first, but Maddie’s cheering softened him just enough and he let his arms fall around Sam’s waist to hold him close. Sebastian was honestly terrified to move out to Boston, away from his friends (not that he had many), and to send Maddie off to daycare full time so he could try to get a degree in music business. He knew he could do it, but the fear was still there. If anything happened to Maddie, Sebastian would never forgive himself.
After Christmas, Blaine and Kurt came by Sebastian’s apartment in a moving truck and Kurt’s Navigator; a huge caravan to help them move. Sebastian’s car was already stuffed with boxes and Maddie’s car seat, and Sam would be riding in the car as well. The guys took turns watching Maddie while the rest moved everything downstairs into the moving van in the snow, and just in time for New Year’s, Sam, Sebastian, and Maddie were leading the caravan of vehicles out to Boston.
The trip was fairly easy; they drove all day to New York City where they slept overnight at Kurt’s apartment, and then in the morning on the day of the 31st, they made the final four hour drive out to Boston to start unpacking. Instead of an apartment, Sebastian’s mother had found them a townhouse in a nice, vintage-looking part of town not too far outside of downtown. It was gorgeous and of course, in pristine condition, and Sam almost felt guilty, agreeing to live in this house that was already paid for. He didn’t want to start a conflict with Sebastian, though, so he just went with it.
Blaine and Kurt helped Sebastian move everything inside as Sam took Maddie out grocery shopping (in Sebastian’s car, which was a first). When they got back, most things were put in the correct rooms, even if the boxes were still stuffed and the furniture wasn’t in the right place. At least Maddie had her toys and could stay occupied while everyone else worked to unpack things. Sebastian hated leaving jobs unfinished. He wouldn’t be able to sleep until the entire apartment was unpacked.
It worked out, Sebastian’s busybody attitude, because just before midnight, they unpacked the last box. Blaine had already returned the moving truck, and Kurt and Blaine were going to stay overnight before they left for Lima in the morning. Everyone seemed to be getting along, and it was nice.
Maddie fell asleep before midnight, but the two couples were awake and the TV had just been hooked up in time to see the ball drop. When the TV echoed with cheering and it signaled the start of a new year, Blaine and Kurt kissed, and Sebastian didn’t even falter when Sam turned to him and reached out to kiss him as well. Sebastian just closed his eyes and let an arm wrap around Sam’s waist.
In the weeks to come, Sebastian learned something very powerful. After letting go of all the fear of being hurt, and all the hesitation that people were only going to let him down, he found that life was better. He was happier. Maddie was growing up and they were singing together in the living room as they watched old musicals, and Sam seemed more at ease. Sebastian relaxing was good for their relationship - their official relationship, they’d agreed - and Sam didn’t act like he was on eggshells anymore. He could be himself and so could Sebastian and to Sebastian’s amazement, the two of them still got along.
Letting go of that fear and letting Sam in was one of the best things to happen to Sebastian, second only to Maddie’s birth. Growing up didn’t suck as bad as he’d thought, and even just at age twenty, Sebastian felt accomplished. He was content with his life, with where he was going, and with his relationships. Where he and Sam would go in the future, he didn’t know, but it didn’t matter because in the here and now, the two of them were happy, and they could manage to push through their little quarrels because the good outweighed the bad, and they just knew each other enough to push those buttons.
On Sam’s birthday, after they’d gone out to dinner, put Maddie to bed, and then made love, Sebastian felt more emotions than he ever had before, and without a single thought or hesitation, he admitted that he loved Sam. From there, the rest is history.
Rating: NC-17 overall
Pairing: Sam/Sebastian
Warnings: mpreg
Words: ~5,800 this chapter (~54,600 overall)
Summary: Kurt found out that even though Sam is in Lima with the rest of the Glee club, he's still running off to Kentucky some weekends to strip. Kurt and Blaine devise a plan with Sebastian's help to give Sam the money he needs and to keep him from going back to stripping. From there, it all spirals way out of control.
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As it turned out, trading off custody every week was kind of a pain. Sebastian got so tired of getting attached to Maddie just to see her go, and driving back and forth to drop her off and pick her up was wearing on both Sam and Sebastian. On top of that, Blaine was still encouraging them to go on dates since he’d heard from both parties that the first had gone well, and they were planning Maddie’s first birthday party. It was all so much that Sebastian cursed himself for promising to stay away from the alcohol. Sam just kept wishing he could go home to Kentucky to visit his parents.
Both kept to their duties as fathers, though, and before they knew it, it was time for Maddie’s party. It fell on a Saturday, and everyone gathered at the Hummel-Hudson home. Burt and Carole decorated for Sam and Sebastian while they took Maddie shopping for an outfit to wear, and when they arrived home (Maddie wanted to be changed as soon as they’d paid for the dress) they were surprised by almost all of New Directions and the Warblers in the house.
Maddie squealed and clapped and kicked her little legs where Sebastian held her, and she was overjoyed at the loud shout of “surprise!” and massive pink and purple streamers and decorations. She squirmed until Sebastian put her down, and she crawled right over to a big balloon that was at Finn’s feet. “Don’t step on her,” Sebastian hissed.
Finn just blushed and backed up, because he knew he wasn’t going to step on her and it was a bit insulting that Sebastian would think so. One touch of Sam’s hand on Sebastian’s managed to calm Sebastian down, and the two of them led Maddie into the living room. She teetered around, talking to everyone, and it was evident that she was quite the social little girl. “Well she is my daughter,” Sebastian commented when Rachel felt like pointing it out.
Rachel just glanced hesitantly over at Sam, who for once didn’t act like he was on eggshells with Sebastian and brushed the comment off without a thought. Things at the party got a bit less awkward when Sam and Sebastian each fell in with their respective high school group. It was much easier to stay calm when surrounded by friends. Trent kept telling Sebastian how glad he was to see him, and how much they missed Sebastian’s voice after he left, and Nick said that he would have much preferred that Sebastian stayed lead because the pressure was more than he wanted to deal with.
Sam kept getting wrangled into hugs and conversations with most people he hadn’t seen in a while, and he noticed the strange looks Quinn and Puck shared whenever Maddie would get close enough to them. Sam sighed and walked over to pick her up, and then went right up to Quinn. “Hey,” he said as Maddie snuggled up against his shoulder.
“Hi,” Quinn replied hesitantly.
Sam just smiled and tried to sound comforting. “I’m sorry,” he said simply. “I know that this must be hard for you… with Beth and all…”
“It’s… okay,” Quinn nodded slowly. “Beth has a good life with Shelby. She’s… really growing up.”
Quinn choked on the last words, and Sam said softly, “I know it’s not the same, but if you want, I’m sure Maddie wouldn’t mind it if you held her.”
The look on Quinn’s face was hard to read, but she wasn’t refusing, so Sam smiled and turned to look at Maddie. “What do you think, Mads? Want to play with Quinn for a bit? She’s really nice, and she likes crowns just like you,” Sam told her.
Maddie looked over at Quinn nervously, and Quinn held out her hands. “Crown?” she asked.
Quinn smiled and nodded, and Maddie slowly reached out for Quinn. The look on Quinn’s face made Sam feel good. Quinn looked so happy and Sam liked knowing that he could help a friend be that happy. It was something he was always proud of doing. Sebastian watched jealously from the side, and he jumped when Blaine snuck up behind him and said, “It’s okay.”
Sebastian spun around to face Blaine and didn’t say a word. “I saw the same thing you did. Don’t worry. Maddie knows you’re her father and she’ll never forget,” Blaine insisted. “It’s good for her to meet new people.”
“Isn’t that the crazy girl, though?” Sebastian persisted.
Blaine sighed. “She’s been through a lot,” he explained. “This party is kind of hard for her. Did you know she had a baby?”
Sebastian just narrowed his eyes at Blaine and didn’t reply. He hadn’t known at all. To be truthful, Sebastian didn’t quite know how to explain the look in Quinn’s eye as she watched Maddie play. Blaine just watched Sebastian and continued, “She gave her daughter up for adoption at the end of her sophomore year. The guy over there with the mohawk - Puck - he’s the father. Ever since then, Quinn hasn’t really been the same, especially around children. I heard that when she got to see her daughter, she just cried - the baby, not Quinn - and that didn’t help either. This is a good coping mechanism for her, I think. Especially since the adoptive mother moved away and took their baby with her.”
Sebastian glanced back over to where Quinn was styling Maddie’s hair and making sure her new tiara was situated just right on her head, and then he commented quietly, “I couldn’t imagine giving Maddie up.”
“Like I said,” Blaine replied. “It’s probably one of the hardest things she’s ever had to deal with. So… this is good for her.”
Sebastian just nodded and watched as Quinn glowed and smiled while she played with Maddie. He still couldn’t understand how a person could give their child up, but he was older than Quinn had been and that might be part of the reason. “If she weren’t out at Yale, I’d say you have another babysitter for her,” Blaine commented with amusement from where he stood next to Sebastian.
Sebastian just glanced over at Blaine, and then back out at Quinn. “Another?” he asked. “We have yet to find one. Now that you decided to move out and go to UCLA, our default babysitter is kind of MIA. “
“How’s school?” Blaine countered.
Sebastian sighed. “It’s fine, I guess. I’m taking generals online, even though Maddie is going to daycare for half of a day every day,” Sebastian shrugged. “Sam’s at the tech school for some sort of design thing. Advertising maybe? I don’t know if he’s decided yet.”
Blaine just nodded, a small smile playing on his lips. “So you and Sam are close, then?”
Sebastian rolled his eyes at Blaine’s feeble attempt to be subtle. It hadn’t really worked. “We talk, yes.”
“You do more than talk, from what I’ve heard.”
Quickly, Sebastian turned to face Blaine and asked, “What is that supposed to mean!? And who have you heard anything from?”
Blaine laughed at Sebastian’s defensiveness and explained, “You and Sam still go on dates. Seeing as Burt is usually the one to answer the door, word gets around. They’re honestly waiting for the two of you to take the next step.”
“It’s too soon for him to move in with me,” Sebastian shook his head. “You mistake me for someone that does commitment.”
Blaine just looked up at Sebastian with amusement. For a guy that claims to not do commitment, Sebastian had sure been acting like he could. He’d only been seeing Sam for months, and before that he hadn’t gone out on a date with anyone since he’d hooked up with Sam. It was Sebastian’s longest streak of being with the same guy ever, and on top of it, it was the closest thing to commitment Sebastian had ever done. Blaine was both impressed and proud of Sebastian, and now all he had to do was convince him that this was something he shouldn’t run from. “Well, I don’t know if I’d say it’s too soon for that. I mean, you two have known each other for what? Almost two years now?” Blaine shrugged.
Sebastian just turned to look at Blaine, the look on his face stating that he couldn’t believe Blaine was actually going there. “I’m just saying,” Blaine shrugged. “You two are good together, and your family is adorable.”
The word adorable was Sebastian’s cue to leave, so he walked into the kitchen to start putting candles on the cake. Maddie was adorable as she clapped while everyone sang her ‘Happy Birthday,’ and then she made a complete mess while she ate her slice of cake. People started filing out of the home after cake and gift opening, and by dinnertime, Maddie was asleep in Sebastian’s arms on the couch. He let out a yawn himself and relaxed back against the arm of the couch, his whole body sprawled out along the cushions with Maddie curled up on top of him.
Sam helped Kurt, Blaine, Burt, and Carole clean up after the party, and when he walked back into the living room to talk to Sebastian, he stopped in the doorway. Sebastian and Maddie were both fast asleep on the sofa, and Sam just smiled at the sight. Slowly, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and took a picture, and once he had it saved, he just smiled and left the room again. “Where’s Sebastian?” Kurt asked as Sam walked back into the kitchen. “Did he leave already?”
Sam just smiled and shook his head. “He’s asleep with Maddie,” he grinned.
Burt and Carole exchanged a glance and Blaine peeked through the doorway to the same sight Sam had just photographed. “That is the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen,” Blaine said with a grin.
Carole was beaming as well at the sight, and she turned to face Sam as she said, “They’re welcome to stay for dinner. You guys probably shouldn’t let Maddie nap too long anyway, otherwise she won’t sleep tonight.”
Sam thought about it, and he knew how much Sebastian didn’t like it when Maddie wasn’t sleeping when she usually did. It unnerved him, having his schedule messed up and birthday or not, Sam wanted to keep things normal. So, he sighed and walked out into the living room where Sam and Maddie were sleeping, and he knelt down on the floor to the side. “Sebastian…” Sam whispered softly. “Sebastian, wake up.”
Slowly, Sebastian’s eyes fluttered open and he found himself face to face with Sam. He jumped a bit at how close they were, and Maddie started to stir as well. “If you guys don’t wake up now, she’ll never go to bed tonight,” Sam pointed out.
Sebastian sighed and nodded, letting out a yawn before he looked down at Maddie. Her little hands were clutching to his shirt, and he smiled down at her for a minute before he sat up on the couch. Maddie was still draped against him, and Sam said, “So… I guess you guys are going home now?”
Sam could have sworn he heard Sebastian mumble something, but he couldn’t make it out so he asked, “What?”
“I said,” Sebastian repeated. “You can come over if you want.”
It wasn’t very often that Sebastian offered that to Sam, but he didn’t really feel like turning him down. “Like, for dinner?” he asked, confused.
“Like, for the night,” Sebastian explained.
Sam was really confused now. He nodded anyway, and he asked, “Do you want the leftover cake?”
Sebastian stretched as well as he could considering he had Maddie on his lap, and then he shrugged, “I guess, yeah. Mads will eat it.”
Sam smiled and stood up, and he went into the kitchen to say goodnight to Burt and Carole. When he walked back into the living room, Sebastian was holding Maddie, who had her newest doll in her hands, and she was ready to go, tiara still on her head. “You can ride with us if you want. I’m taking her to a hotel to swim in a kiddie pool tomorrow so I can drive you home,” Sebastian said casually.
It was strange for Sam, having Sebastian offer to drive him just like that, and for Sebastian to invite him over. In Sebastian’s mind, it was just the inevitable. He was giving in and doing everything he’d convinced himself that he shouldn’t, purely because he was tired of fighting it. It was exhausting.
Blaine and Kurt watched in amusement as Sam and Sebastian left, Maddie in Sam’s arms. They were looking more and more like a family every day. “How long do you think it will take for Sam to move in with them?” Kurt asked conversationally.
“I give them until New Year’s,” Blaine said with a sly smile.
New Year’s was only a couple of months away, which wasn’t really much time, but with the way things were going it made sense. “I hope so,” Kurt commented. “I can tell the switching custody is hard on them. So is being away from each other, even if Sebastian won’t admit it.”
Blaine just nodded and smiled, glad to see Sam and Sebastian getting along.
When Sebastian parked outside his apartment building and got out, Sam was already out and picking up Maddie, and she was squealing and smiling. “What do you feel like having for dinner?” Sebastian asked conversationally as they walked inside and got in the elevator.
Sam thought about it for a moment. “I don’t know. What do you feel like making?” he replied.
Sebastian really had no idea. He wasn’t all that hungry, but he figured that Maddie and Sam were. “I could make French toast?” he offered.
It was news to Sam that Sebastian liked to cook. He’d always assumed Sebastian was a guy that was strictly into take-out dinners. “Sure, that sounds good,” Sam smiled, happy to have the chance to taste more of Sebastian’s cooking.
Dinner went by without a hitch, and it made both feel even more comfortable with the situation. Maddie was excited to have both of her dads around, and the smile on her face told Sebastian that maybe this is how things should be. He thought about what it would be like having Sam around all the time. He really wasn’t sure what to think when he didn’t see anything wrong with that picture.
After Maddie went to bed, Sebastian walked out in the living room to see Sam on the sofa, flipping through channels now that they didn’t have to watch a Barbie movie. He settled upon Iron Man as soon as Sebastian sat down, and then asked, “Is this okay?”
Sebastian just nodded as he settled in on the couch next to Sam, and he focused his attention on the movie. It felt like middle school all over again when Sam set his hand down on the sofa near Sebastian’s. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what he wanted, and Sebastian sighed and rolled his eyes before he flicked his fingers out to touch Sam’s. That was as much of a green light as he was going to give Sam, but thankfully the blonde caught on.
Sam slowly moved his fingers and settled his hand over Sebastian’s. Their fingers wove together easily and for the rest of the movie, the two of them sat hand in hand. Sam’s heart was beating fast the entire time, and Sebastian really didn’t know what to think. He let his thumb rub over the back of Sam’s hand and Sam ended up leaning against Sebastian by the time the movie ended. As the credits rolled, neither of them moved. They were comfortable, and moving might mean questioning everything, and it wasn’t the right time for that. Sebastian just wanted to enjoy the calm feeling that being around Sam granted him, and Sam didn’t want to lose this moment with Sebastian no matter what.
Sam turned to look up at Sebastian, and when he did, he caught Sebastian’s attention. Sebastian turned to look down at Sam, and it was in that moment that he realized just how close the two of them were sitting. Their noses touched, and Sam’s eyes instinctively fluttered closed. Sebastian knew what the natural next step would be, but he was nervous about it all of a sudden. If this backfired, things would be so much more tense, and that might screw things up for Maddie. The last thing Sebastian wanted to do was make things difficult for their daughter.
Something else besides logic within Sebastian took over, and he leaned in without another thought. Their lips met again and both knew that now, there was no going back. Sam reached up with his free hand to hold the side of Sebastian’s face as they kissed, and Sebastian pressed into the kiss just enough. His heart was pounding so heard it threatened to burst right out of his chest, and Sam couldn’t breathe or think. It was like the whole world had stopped and now it was just the two of them. If there was one thing they could agree on more than anything, it was that they didn’t want to lose this feeling.
The kiss only broke because Sam needed air, and when their eyes met, Sam’s cheeks were flushed red and Sebastian’s expression was completely blank. “Sebastian…” Sam began slowly, his voice deeper and huskier thanks to the kiss. “I… I don’t expect you to say it back, but… I love you. I love our family. I just… I’m so happy with you guys.”
Sam looked fearful and Sebastian could feel Sam’s hand trembling within his own. Sebastian just nodded and leaned in to kiss Sam. He felt so much, but he couldn’t put it in words. Now that he’d had little glimpses of life with Sam around the house along with himself and Maddie, Sebastian didn’t want to let that go. He wanted it to be a permanent thing, and he’d do whatever he could to make it happen. This was his one shot at a family and Sebastian didn’t want to lose that. “I don’t want you to leave,” Sebastian admitted.
Sam looked confused, and then asked, “But I thought I was sleeping over tonight?”
“I don’t mean just tonight,” Sebastian admitted. He closed his eyes and turned away because it was hard to admit all of this out loud, but he kept speaking. “I mean after tonight. For… the future and stuff.”
Sam just stared at Sebastian, trying to make sense of his words. He didn’t want to assume too much, but it sounded a lot like Sebastian wanted Sam to move in. That had to mean something huge, because Sebastian shut everyone out. It was just the way he worked. “I… I want to. Move in, I mean,” Sam admitted timidly. “I want to, and… I can for a little bit, but…” Sam took a deep breath and said, “I got into college. It’s… not here. I got into the illustration program at the Massachusetts College of Art and Design. I’ve… well, it’s kind of been my dream to go there, and I finally got in. So… I’m moving there.”
“So I’ll move out there, then,” Sebastian said simply. “Mother can rent out this place, or sell it, and we can get somewhere together in Massachusetts.”
Sam frowned. “You can’t uproot your life for me, Sebastian,” he pointed out.
Sebastian’s expression steeled and he said, “I’m not uprooting my life. We’re a family now, Sam.”
Sam sat back and looked at Sebastian incredulously. “Wait, so just because we’re getting along, you think we’re a family? There is so much more to it,” Sam said, his voice strained. “We can’t just get along when it’s convenient. We have to be able to handle each other twenty-four seven. Being a family is a lot more than throwing a birthday party for our daughter.”
“I thought that was what you wanted… for us to be a family,” Sebastian argued.
“I do!” Sam insisted. “I really do, Sebastian. But… this sort of thing should be compromises. Not you and I following each other around and doing whatever the other is doing.”
Sebastian frowned. He didn’t understand what he was doing wrong. He’d finally accepted that he had feelings for Sam, that he wanted to be a family with Sam, but here he was hearing that he shouldn’t do this. It was frustrating. “Fine,” Sebastian sighed. “How will we do the custody thing?”
It hurt Sam, hearing Sebastian give up so easily. “We have time to worry about that later,” he insisted, reaching out for Sebastian’s hand again. “It’ll be fine.”
Sebastian’s hand was limp in Sam’s where Sam was holding it, and that was when Sam got the horrible, sinking realization that he’d just screwed things up. “I’m going to bed,” Sebastian said. “You can sleep in there with me or out here, it’s up to you.”
He stood and left before Sam could say anything else, because Sebastian didn’t handle rejection well, and this whole situation was as close to it as he could imagine with Sam in that moment. Full of disappointment, Sebastian changed into his pajamas and brushed his teeth, mulling over the entire thing in his head. He tried to figure out where he’d gone wrong, but he summed it up to the timing. If Sebastian hadn’t been so stubborn, they might have honestly had a shot at something. Even without trying, Sebastian had managed to fuck things up with Sam. To say it was an awful feeling was a vast understatement.
Sam sat on the sofa, his eyes wet as he realized what he’d just done. It was hard enough for him to accept that he’d probably have to say goodbye to Maddie when he moved, but now knowing that he’d hurt Sebastian by moving too was more than he could handle. Sam sat up for hours until he fell asleep on the sofa, still sitting up.
When Sebastian woke the next morning to an empty bed, he felt like shit. He’d really managed to screw things up this time. He went into Maddie’s room where she played silently in her crib. “Come here, Mads,” he said softly, picking her up and holding her close.
Maddie looked confused, but didn’t argue when Sebastian pulled her into a big hug. Sebastian felt awful for Maddie, forget his own problems. She’d just gotten used to having Sam around and he was about to leave again. “I’m sorry,” Sam said from the doorway.
He’d slept fitfully all night so when he’d heard Maddie and Sebastian, he’d followed. Sebastian turned to look at Sam and said, “You should be saying that to Maddie, not me.”
“I’m doing this for her,” Sam said lamely.
Sebastian just scoffed and rolled his eyes. He didn’t say another word during breakfast, and Sam was too afraid to. Sam really didn’t want to make things any worse than they already were. Sebastian was quick to drop Sam off, and when Sam walked right through the door, Kurt was right there and ready to talk to him about how things had gone. He just didn’t expect the look on Sam’s face. “What’s going on?” he asked.
Sam sighed and just plopped down on the sofa. He didn’t really know where to start, but he had to explain somehow. As he started to talk, Kurt sat next to him and looked at him sadly. Across town, Sebastian played with Maddie in the kiddie pool, and she squealed and smiled and bounced around in the water. Sebastian forced a smile for her, but couldn’t stop thinking about it all. He didn’t want to say goodbye to Sam, but what was worse was Maddie would have to say goodbye to Sam and that would break his heart.
By the time Sebastian got home and actually had some spare moments to pull out his phone, he noticed three missed calls from Blaine. After putting Maddie down for a nap, Sebastian called him back. “What do you want?” he said as soon as Blaine answered.
“Are you okay?” Blaine asked softly.
Sebastian rolled his eyes. Of course Sam would go and tell everyone in that damn house he lives in so they all knew their problems. “Fine,” he said firmly.
“I heard what happened,” Blaine offered.
“Yeah, I got that.”
Sebastian was glad that he could finally snap, even if he shouldn’t have been doing it towards Blaine. It wasn’t anybody’s fault but Sebastian’s that he’d opened up and said something to Sam about moving in. He’d known it was stupid but he did it anyway and now he was paying for it. “He loves you and Maddie, you have to believe him,” Blaine pleaded.
“If he cared that much, why are you calling me and not him?” Sebastian challenged. “Exactly. He’s a coward and can’t own up to the fact that for the second time in Maddie’s life, he’s cutting and running.”
Blaine sighed and asked, “Why don’t you just look at moving out there?”
“I already brought that up with Sam, actually,” Sebastian said roughly. “He said I shouldn’t do that for him. He doesn’t want me out there. What else am I supposed to do? I’m not some creepy asshole that will do it even if Sam said I shouldn’t.”
“He just doesn’t want you to go out there and do nothing,” Blaine explained. “If you had a reason to be out there, too, then I’m sure…”
“I told him my reason. Him.”
Blaine looked at Sebastian sadly. He could tell that Sebastian had finally come to accept how he felt for Sam, just to have it seemingly thrown back in his face. It was a lousy feeling, witnessing that after it had taken over a whole year for Sebastian to come to terms with it all. He frowned and said, “I don’t think he can handle that much pressure. Because then if you go out there with him and you guys are unhappy… he’d blame himself.”
“If he wants to walk out of Maddie’s life again, then fine. That’s all on him,” Sebastian said angrily. “I’m done dealing with his back and forth bullshit. Either he wants me or he doesn’t. He’s got to make up his fucking mind because I can’t stand this shit.
Blaine didn’t have much to say to that. He understood what Sebastian was talking about, but he didn’t know how to fix it. “I’ll talk to you later, Sebastian,” Blaine said softly.
Sebastian just hung up and resigned himself to disappointment for the rest of the night. The following morning, Sebastian had a phone call from his mother that he was left irate after, but he had more answers. Frantically, Sebastian shuffled through papers, clicked away at his computer, and watched Maddie out of the corner of his eye. If he wanted this to work, he had to try. It might be too late for spring semester, but he could try for summer, or spend spring getting Maddie used to the city before he started school in the fall - there were possibilities that he’d been too angry to realize the day before.
After that day of working, it was all a waiting game. Weeks passed and Sebastian heard nothing back from the school. Then finally, at the end of November when Sam came to pick up Maddie, the letter was out on the counter, strategically placed so Sam would see it. Sebastian was smug when Sam noticed it, and Sam had to set Maddie down so he could pick it up. “What’s this?” he asked, reading it over.
Sebastian had been accepted on special provisions to Berklee College of Music. “This is in Boston,” Sam said as he held up the letter.
“Yeah, well so is your school. I needed a reason to move out there just to please you, didn’t I?” Sebastian said, albeit a bit sarcastically.
“I didn’t mean that,” Sam said softly, setting the letter down. “You can’t just… for me…”
“I did this for me. And for Maddie.”
Sam looked up at Sebastian and didn’t really know what to say anymore. Sebastian was happy to add more to the conversation, though, and he said, “Yeah, well, I did this a little bit for you, too. But not like the way you’re thinking.” Sebastian crossed his arms and said, “I’m doing this because I care enough about you to not let you fuck this up again. You walked out of her life once and I swore if you did it again, you’d be done. No more. But I know you don’t want that, and quite honestly, I don’t really want that for you. I did this so you wouldn’t lose her.”
Sam knew it was more than that. Sebastian had just admitted that he cared, in a roundabout way, and Sam didn’t know how to take it all. “You… Sebastian, I’m not…”
“You said it yourself,” Sebastian rolled his eyes. “I’m saving you from making a horrible mistake. Besides, it’s a music school. Does it really surprise you that I applied and got in? I start in the fall so I’ll spend spring getting Maddie used to the city. We’ll find her a daycare so in the fall we can both go to classes.”
Sam just stared at Sebastian. He didn’t know what to think. “You… but…” he trailed off, still trying to make sense of it all.
“Mother already found us an apartment. It’s right downtown, in a good part of the city, and we can get to our schools on the bus route. I’ll have my car but public transportation is cheaper than gas for getting to and from campuses,” Sebastian shrugged. “We just need to find a good daycare for Mads because I refuse to bring her somewhere that isn’t absolutely perfect.”
Sam really didn’t have any words to say, so he reached out and pulled Sebastian into a huge hug. Maddie squealed and cheered from where she stood next to the two of them, and she bounced up and down and shouted, “Dadas! Yay!”
Sebastian was stiff in the hug at first, but Maddie’s cheering softened him just enough and he let his arms fall around Sam’s waist to hold him close. Sebastian was honestly terrified to move out to Boston, away from his friends (not that he had many), and to send Maddie off to daycare full time so he could try to get a degree in music business. He knew he could do it, but the fear was still there. If anything happened to Maddie, Sebastian would never forgive himself.
After Christmas, Blaine and Kurt came by Sebastian’s apartment in a moving truck and Kurt’s Navigator; a huge caravan to help them move. Sebastian’s car was already stuffed with boxes and Maddie’s car seat, and Sam would be riding in the car as well. The guys took turns watching Maddie while the rest moved everything downstairs into the moving van in the snow, and just in time for New Year’s, Sam, Sebastian, and Maddie were leading the caravan of vehicles out to Boston.
The trip was fairly easy; they drove all day to New York City where they slept overnight at Kurt’s apartment, and then in the morning on the day of the 31st, they made the final four hour drive out to Boston to start unpacking. Instead of an apartment, Sebastian’s mother had found them a townhouse in a nice, vintage-looking part of town not too far outside of downtown. It was gorgeous and of course, in pristine condition, and Sam almost felt guilty, agreeing to live in this house that was already paid for. He didn’t want to start a conflict with Sebastian, though, so he just went with it.
Blaine and Kurt helped Sebastian move everything inside as Sam took Maddie out grocery shopping (in Sebastian’s car, which was a first). When they got back, most things were put in the correct rooms, even if the boxes were still stuffed and the furniture wasn’t in the right place. At least Maddie had her toys and could stay occupied while everyone else worked to unpack things. Sebastian hated leaving jobs unfinished. He wouldn’t be able to sleep until the entire apartment was unpacked.
It worked out, Sebastian’s busybody attitude, because just before midnight, they unpacked the last box. Blaine had already returned the moving truck, and Kurt and Blaine were going to stay overnight before they left for Lima in the morning. Everyone seemed to be getting along, and it was nice.
Maddie fell asleep before midnight, but the two couples were awake and the TV had just been hooked up in time to see the ball drop. When the TV echoed with cheering and it signaled the start of a new year, Blaine and Kurt kissed, and Sebastian didn’t even falter when Sam turned to him and reached out to kiss him as well. Sebastian just closed his eyes and let an arm wrap around Sam’s waist.
In the weeks to come, Sebastian learned something very powerful. After letting go of all the fear of being hurt, and all the hesitation that people were only going to let him down, he found that life was better. He was happier. Maddie was growing up and they were singing together in the living room as they watched old musicals, and Sam seemed more at ease. Sebastian relaxing was good for their relationship - their official relationship, they’d agreed - and Sam didn’t act like he was on eggshells anymore. He could be himself and so could Sebastian and to Sebastian’s amazement, the two of them still got along.
Letting go of that fear and letting Sam in was one of the best things to happen to Sebastian, second only to Maddie’s birth. Growing up didn’t suck as bad as he’d thought, and even just at age twenty, Sebastian felt accomplished. He was content with his life, with where he was going, and with his relationships. Where he and Sam would go in the future, he didn’t know, but it didn’t matter because in the here and now, the two of them were happy, and they could manage to push through their little quarrels because the good outweighed the bad, and they just knew each other enough to push those buttons.
On Sam’s birthday, after they’d gone out to dinner, put Maddie to bed, and then made love, Sebastian felt more emotions than he ever had before, and without a single thought or hesitation, he admitted that he loved Sam. From there, the rest is history.