fic: Five Months
Title: Five Months
Rating: NC-17
Words: ~4,000
Pairing: Kurt/Sebastian
Note: Randomly written for the glee_kink_meme because I couldn't sleep. Also, I feel like I got rambly but I just got SUPER into the plot.
Summary/Prompt: After five months of a happy relationship, Sebastian doesn't bottom. Kurt was used to topping and he misses the feeling, so he asks Sebastian if they can try. I want Sebastian to be really afraid of being so vulnerable and Kurt being loving and encouraging.
Kinks: rimming
Five months. For five whole months, Sebastian had let himself actually attempt this commitment thing - and not with the person he’d originally sought out to have this new adventure with. No, Blaine was moving on to bigger and better things (namely, Sam Evans) and leaving Kurt in the dust. Innocent Kurt, who actually sought solace in a drink at Scandals to try to forget the break up. Sebastian had jumped at the chance to talk to Kurt as soon as he saw him, and what he hadn’t been prepared for was the way Kurt positively threw himself at Sebastian and kissed him hard. What Sebastian had been even more unprepared for was the relationship the two fell into so naturally.
Relationships weren’t easy and Sebastian knew it - it was a part of the whole reason why he didn’t do them in the first place. But this thing with Kurt made sense. They were together now, about mid-June was the starting point and they’d made it a whole five months so far. It was now November, the snowflakes fell outside their quaint, decent-sized lower east side apartment, and New York was their escape from Lima and the ghosts that haunted them there. Kurt and Sebastian were happy together, and it was amazing to the both of them.
One particularly cold night in November, the two of them climbed into bed together and Sebastian lay on his side, staring out the window as the snowflakes fell past the dim lights outside. It was a mesmerizing sight. He was calm and wasn’t expecting the arm that reached around his waist to hold him close. Usually Sebastian was the big spoon, whenever he’d give in to cuddling, that is. “What’re you doing?” Sebastian mumbled, letting his arm drape over Kurt’s.
“It’s been a while, you know,” Kurt hummed softly.
“You’re insatiable,” Sebastian smirked.
Kurt, whom Sebastian had kind of assumed was a prude, was actually really into sleeping with Sebastian whenever they had the free time. Eighteen years of pent up sexual frustration would do that to a guy, Sebastian supposed. He rolled over to face Kurt, and he said, “Well, I can’t exactly pass up an opportunity for this.”
Sebastian reached back and grabbed Kurt’s ass firmly, and he smiled until Kurt reached down for his wrist. “Actually… I wanted to talk to you about that,” Kurt said hesitantly.
Sebastian’s stomach dropped and he almost completely turned away from Kurt because he had no idea what was coming. His mind rushed to a few ideas but Sebastian would rather not think about them. “Well… when I was with Blaine, he and I would switch roles. It was nice,” Kurt began slowly, running his hand gently along Sebastian’s side. “I was thinking… I mean, I don’t know if you’ve ever switched before, but it’s nice. We should… we should try it.”
Sebastian had never bottomed in his life. He didn’t want to. It wasn’t that he was particularly afraid of pain or anything, because that was no problem. It was the whole idea of becoming that vulnerable to someone. The thought that somebody else would get to take that one sacred thing to him, his first time with something like that - it was terrifying. Sebastian had thought for a while that he might not ever bottom, because he’d never find someone he trusted enough.
“Sebastian?” Kurt asked softly. “Are you okay?”
Sebastian must have been gazing off at something else, because when he looked back at Kurt, it was evident that he was quite concerned. “I don’t… I mean, I haven’t…” Sebastian wasn’t entirely sure how to politely phrase it.
Kurt must have understood anyway, because he reached out to smooth his fingers through Sebastian’s hair and kissed him softly. Sebastian just closed his eyes and sighed into the kiss, trying to relax and hoping that maybe Kurt would drop it. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Kurt, because he’d never trusted anybody more. It was just the extremely vulnerable position left Sebastian in a pretty good place for some of the toughest rejection he might ever face. Not that Kurt would do that to him, but the fear was still there. It might always be there. On top of it all, Sebastian knew that if he opened up and did that sort of thing for Kurt, there was no going back. It meant total commitment on Sebastian’s part, and the thought of giving something like that to someone after only five months sounded insane.
When Kurt broke the kiss, he slid his fingers through Sebastian’s hair again and he whispered, “I promise you, Sebastian… you’ll love it.”
Sebastian just kept his eyes closed and rubbed his thumb over Kurt’s hipbone, all sharp angles and perfect skin until he chose to mark it up. When their eyes met, Kurt offered Sebastian a small smile and whispered, “I promise you… nothing bad is going to happen. You know that I love you.”
There they were. Those words that freaked Sebastian out because he knew they were actually true. Those words he hadn’t grown up hearing, wasn’t used to hearing, and was far too fearful to use. Yet again, he didn’t want to say them, mean them, and then end up alone. Vulnerability wasn’t exactly Sebastian’s favorite thing. It scared him more than anything else. Nevertheless, he found himself nodding to Kurt anyway, and he closed his eyes as their lips connected once more. “I’ll make it great for you, Sebastian,” Kurt whispered softly, shifting so he was straddling Sebastian.
This position was comfortable. It was something they were used to, and it was the right place to start. Kurt knew that if he could get Sebastian to loosen up, he could take this where he wanted it to go. If Sebastian found that he didn’t like it, Kurt would never say another word about it, and he wouldn’t be disappointed about it, either. He could respect it. Even more, if Sebastian said mid-way through it all that he didn’t like it - or any time, really - Kurt would stop. He’d never push Sebastian to do something he didn’t want to do. He kissed Sebastian slowly, taking his time to let their tongues slide together before he sucked gently at Sebastian’s lower lip.
Sebastian kept his eyes closed and just tried to relax. Having Kurt on top of him was easy. He was used to it, and the way they were kissing was a bit more intimate, but just as good, too. His teeth clamped down on his lower lip as Kurt’s breath came out in hot little puffs along the sensitive skin of his neck. Gently, Kurt kissed along Sebastian’s neck and sucked at his collarbone, biting gently to leave just a hint of a mark before he tugged off Sebastian’s shirt and continued to kiss lower.
Everything was moving slowly as Kurt tried to keep Sebastian relaxed and feeling good. His lips dragged down over his navel, over the waistband of his boxer shorts, and down to mouth over Sebastian’s half-hard cock pressing against the fabric of the boxer shorts. Kurt smirked a bit as he leaned back to take his own shirt off, and he shuffled down the bed to kick off his pajama shorts before he leaned in to slide his fingers along Sebastian’s body.
Sebastian visibly shivered as Kurt’s fingernails raked down over his nipples, along his abs, and down to hook under the waistband of his boxer shorts. Inch by inch, Kurt tugged the shorts down Sebastian’s body, over his legs and down until they were tossed haphazardly to the side. Kurt looked up and his eyes met Sebastian’s, and he leaned back upwards to kiss him again. He’d seen the obvious shift from lust to worry in Sebastian’s eyes. He understood that this was new for Sebastian. “Are you doing okay, Sebastian?” Kurt asked softly, reaching out to hold his hand, putting a pause on everything else.
After taking a deep breath, Sebastian glanced down at Kurt, who was now settled between Sebastian’s legs, down to nothing but his briefs, as Sebastian lay sprawled out naked on the bed, cock hard against his stomach. As much as it scared him to do so, Sebastian nodded. There was still hope that he could fully relax. Kurt knew what he was doing, and Kurt wouldn’t hurt him. Besides, it was bound to happen sometime with the way their relationship was going. Sebastian gave Kurt’s hand a squeeze and tugged a bit, pulling him into a familiar, calming kiss.
Kurt smiled as he kissed Sebastian, and he reached down to shuck his own underwear as he continued to kiss his boyfriend. Kurt raked his fingernails gently along Sebastian’s sides, eliciting another shiver from him before he trailed lower, mouthing over Sebastian’s cock again before sliding even lower, now coaxing Sebastian’s legs up to change the angle. “Give me a pillow,” Kurt said, gesturing to one of the throw pillows on the pile next to the bed.
Sebastian reached out for one and handed it to Kurt. He’d never done anything involving a pillow before, but then again, Sebastian usually didn’t do “first times.” There was too much attachment involved. Kurt placed the pillow under Sebastian’s hips, changing the angle a bit more so he had better access to Sebastian’s ass. Legs spread wide and pushed upwards, Sebastian felt extremely vulnerable and his face was burning red. “Kurt…” he began.
“Shh, it’s okay,” Kurt insisted, leaning in to kiss Sebastian again. “It’ll help, I promise.” Kurt reached out to touch Sebastian’s hair again and then said, “I’m not going to prep you yet. I just want you to get used to this. Just some rimming, I promise. I’ll tell you everything I’m doing, and you just stop me if you need to, okay?”
Sebastian’s heart raced and he was still scared to death, but he found himself nodding and accepting another kiss from Kurt before he could really second-guess himself. Eyes closed, Sebastian tried to steady his breathing and to tell himself to stop being such a pussy. This was a big deal for him, though, and the fear and sinking feeling that Kurt could just up and leave him like this, vulnerable and humiliated, was a distinct possibility if his feelings weren’t genuine. Sebastian was always afraid of people leaving him, but Kurt leaving would be the worst thing ever.
Gently, Kurt slid his hands over Sebastian’s thighs, around his hips and one hand reached out to stroke him slowly before he leaned in, licking a gentle line over Sebastian’s tight hole. Prepping him without scaring him would be the biggest thing Kurt would need to focus on, but hopefully this would make a difference. Kurt arched his back so his ass was up in the air as he leaned down to lick Sebastian with a big more pressure, his arms hooking underneath Sebastian’s legs to wrap around and hold his hips in place. Sebastian gasped and squirmed a bit, but one glance upwards told Kurt it was a good gasp and movement.
So, Kurt kept going. He pressed the tip of his tongue against Sebastian’s puckered entrance, slowly easing him open. With each minute that passed, he could feel Sebastian’s muscles relaxing. Moans told Kurt that Sebastian was feeling okay, and as he traced his tongue around the skin and darted it inside to taste, he let out his own moans of pleasure. Kurt was hard and probably dripping precum on the blankets that he’d just washed, but he didn’t particularly care. In that moment, Kurt was purely focused on making Sebastian feel good, a job at which Kurt was actually succeeding.
Sebastian reached down with one hand to slide his fingers through Kurt’s hair, the pleasure wiping away any hesitations he might have had, at least for now. When Sebastian looked completely blissed out, Kurt pulled away and thanked a god he didn’t believe in that they’d invested in flavored lube a while back. He took the bottle from the bedside table drawer and knelt right back between Sebastian’s legs. Now that the moment had simmered out, when their eyes met, Sebastian had that faint look of hesitance back in his eyes. “I love you, and I’m going to prep you now, but I’m not going to stop doing this,” Kurt explained, leaning up to kiss Sebastian again.
Sebastian’s heart started pounding in his chest as he realized that this was really happening. He was actually agreeing to this, and it felt good. He trusted Kurt, even though there was still that slim chance that he could be absolutely humiliated, but something about Kurt and how sweet he was being just calmed Sebastian. Even at his most vulnerable, that distrust was slowly ebbing away. Kurt slinked back down and poured some lube out onto his fingers. He massaged it gently onto his fingers to warm it before reaching out to touch Sebastian.
Kurt kept his focus on Sebastian; every movement, every noise - he was hyperaware of it all because he didn’t even want to do a hint of what might scare Sebastian away. Gently, Kurt leaned in to slide his tongue over Sebastian’s hole as he eased in his first finger just to the knuckle. “You okay?” Kurt asked, his warm breath puffing out where Sebastian was most sensitive.
“I… yeah…” Sebastian stammered.
“Good,” Kurt nodded, leaning in to lick the skin that had stretched to fit around his first finger as he eased it further inside.
Sebastian’s jaw was dropped and he kept his eyes closed as he tried to stay relaxed. It was strange; just being prepped meant someone was inside of him. His breathing grew short and labored at what this would all mean, and he leaned his head backwards as Kurt got his forefinger as far in as it could go. “Good… one finger already, baby,” Kurt cooed. “You’re doing great, Sebastian. How do you feel?”
Sebastian was short of breath, but he couldn’t stop himself from admitting, “G-good.”
Kurt glanced up to make sure Sebastian was telling the truth, and the smile playing on Sebastian’s lips just reassured him. Kurt leaned back down to press his tongue against Sebastian’s hole, easing it inside as he crooked his first finger and stretched Sebastian slowly, all the while eliciting soft little moans from Sebastian’s lips. “I’m going to add another finger, Sebastian,” Kurt warned softly, using his other hand to pet at Sebastian’s inner thigh, hoping to keep him relaxed.
Kurt’s method worked until Sebastian was completely stretched, and then it was the moment that they’d been building up to. Kurt had a condom on and had slicked it up with lube, and added a bit more to Sebastian’s entrance just to be safe. Not too much, but more than they usually used. Kurt knelt between Sebastian’s legs and reached up to hold both sides of Sebastian’s face reassuringly. “You’re okay?” Kurt asked.
Sebastian’s eyes said no, but he nodded, and he reached out to hold Kurt’s hips. Sebastian felt vulnerable, and he was scared that if he did this, he’d feel more for Kurt than Kurt felt for him and he’d get left in the dust. Something this important in Sebastian’s life couldn’t just be brushed off. He hoped Kurt understood that, and even though they hadn’t talked about it, it felt like Kurt just sort of knew. Sex wasn’t something that Kurt took lightly. It was important to him and it always had meaning, even if they got a little rough. Sebastian gasped when he felt Kurt’s cock against his hole, and he just closed his eyes. “Hey, no… shh, just… look at me,” Kurt said softly.
He reached out with one hand and laced his fingers through Sebastian’s. “Do you want me to stop? I don’t want to force you to do anything,” Kurt asked softly.
“I’m fine… it’s just, a big deal for me,” Sebastian admitted.
Just the fact that Sebastian was brave enough to admit that out loud had Kurt overwhelmed. He smiled and leaned in to kiss Sebastian tenderly before he whispered, “I want it to be perfect for you.”
Sebastian was trembling in Kurt’s arms but he was mostly just nervous. “It’ll be okay,” Kurt insisted. “I love you, remember? I would never, ever hurt you and you know that.”
Sebastian nodded and sighed before the tension and anticipation got to be too much. “Just… do it,” he muttered.
Kurt’s expression steeled and he reached down, re-aligning his cock to Sebastian’s hole and he began to press slowly inside. Sebastian’s eyes closed, his jaw dropped as he leaned his head back against the pillows. Kurt moved slowly, gauging every move off of Sebastian’s expression. He stroked Sebastian’s cock as he pressed inside until finally he bottomed out, balls deep inside of Sebastian. Kurt leaned down to kiss Sebastian softly, and he whispered, “You okay?”
Sebastian didn’t think he could speak if he tried. It was all so much more than he’d been expecting; more than he’d been ready for. The feeling of someone inside of him was so intimate and something so deep that he couldn’t really describe it. Sebastian’s mind blanked out as he realized just how connected he and Kurt were in that moment. This was something he’d never done, but now he fully understood why. The connection when their bodies met like this wasn’t something casual. It was serious and special and he could only really nod in response to Kurt’s question.
Gently, Kurt started to rock his hips, his rhythm slow at first and building to something more as he felt Sebastian relaxing under his touch. It didn’t take long for Sebastian to rebuild his usual bedroom confidence, and their hips moved together as they did something new. They’d never truly made love before. It all just felt like sex in comparison to what they were sharing in that moment. Not that Sebastian would ever refer to anything as ‘making love,’ but if he would, it would be the very experience he was sharing with Kurt right then.
Kurt smiled and kissed Sebastian softly, whispering little affirmations of love as their bodies slid together perfectly. Sebastian held onto Kurt tight, and the whole feeling of all of this new-ness and the way the two were connected meant he wasn’t going to last long. Combine that with how tight he was around Kurt and they weren’t going to last long at all. It was okay, though, because the experience the two were sharing was something that made time slow. They were only focused on each other, and their feelings, and when Kurt reached down to stroke Sebastian again and whispered, “I want you to cum with me,” - that was it.
Sebastian’s back arched as he moaned, deep and low, cum spurting out in hot white ropes between his body and Kurt’s. Kurt’s whole body tensed and he pressed deep inside of Sebastian, pausing as his orgasm rocked through his whole body. When both relaxed, they settled into each other’s arms, Kurt still inside of Sebastian and a mess between the two of them. Kurt had his face buried into Sebastian’s neck and he could still feel him trembling beneath him.
On the other hand, Sebastian was dealing with a lot more than just bliss and contentment. So overwhelmed by the magnitude of it all, Sebastian was a mess. He didn’t know what to feel or what to do - his emotions were a mess and his brain was flooded. If he were a robot, he’d be short-circuiting. Immense relief filled Sebastian as he realized that Kurt wasn’t going anywhere, and the feeling of just having shared that with Kurt only built upon all of that and told Sebastian that he had nothing to be afraid of. Combined with all of his fears erased and the weight of pure and total love upon him had Sebastian blinking quickly, tears in his eyes.
What he and Kurt had just done was something Sebastian never thought he could ever have or feel. Long ago he’d sworn off dating and relationships, settling for something that wouldn’t hurt him, but then Kurt came along. He let him in, he gave him a chance, and for once in his life, Sebastian felt totally and unconditionally loved. His parents hadn’t been around, and nobody he’d met in school was really quite the same. But here was Kurt - a boy who started out hating Sebastian’s guts now loved him and made him feel better than he ever had - happier than he ever had. It was huge. What’s more - Sebastian wasn’t quite sure how to handle it.
But Kurt wouldn’t judge him or leave him, and Sebastian knew that now. It was like the weight of the whole situation washed over him and just made him feel safe. He could feel emotions without fear of judgment from others, and he could be entirely, one hundred percent himself and Kurt wouldn’t think any less of him for it. This was only proven fact by Kurt’s reaction when he felt a tear on his face that had slid down Sebastian’s cheek. “Sebastian… are you okay?” Kurt asked, filled with concern as he wiped away the tears.
“Yeah,” Sebastian nodded, his voice nothing but a whisper. “I… I’m great.”
He pulled Kurt into a kiss, and that was the only exchange they needed. Kurt understood how much of a weight this was for Sebastian. He’d felt the same after his own first time, and for Kurt, it was a natural reaction to this sort of thing. Slowly, he pulled out of Sebastian and rolled off the condom. He tied it and tossed it into the garbage can, and then reached out to clean their torsos with a tissue. They could shower in the morning, but in that moment, Kurt just really wanted to hold Sebastian.
Once they were clean enough, Kurt lifted the covers up and over Sebastian, and then climbed underneath them right next to him. “I love you so much, Sebastian,” Kurt whispered, reaching over to pull him into a gentle, slow kiss.
Sebastian closed his eyes and used whatever energy he had left to press back, and he wasn’t even ashamed when Kurt reached out to slide his arm around his shoulders. Sebastian rolled inwards, his head on Kurt’s shoulder, and let his arm drape over Kurt’s waist.
Maybe it was all the emotions that took over, or perhaps Sebastian just felt safe enough to admit the feelings that had been looming in his mind for a while now, but he felt no hesitation to speak his mind with Kurt. Good or bad, he knew that he could, but this was different. These words that were lingering on the tip of Sebastian’s tongue were words that didn’t come easily for him. Saying them meant no going back - things were serious now and they both knew it. Sebastian just wanted to reaffirm it all, and to tell Kurt those words that he deserved to feel, words that Sebastian truly meant.
Slowly, Sebastian tipped his head upwards until his lips were brushing against Kurt’s ear. “I love you, too, Kurt,” Sebastian whispered, the tears now gone in favor of a relaxed, peaceful mood.
The look on Kurt’s face was one of amazement, but he just smiled and held Sebastian a bit closer. He kissed Sebastian’s forehead and sighed happily. “Goodnight, Sebastian. Thank you for trying this. It… it was good, right?” Kurt asked softly.
Sebastian’s signature smirk found its way back onto his face, and he got his playful attitude back as well. “I guess we can do it a few more times in the future,” he teased.
Kurt let out a little giggle, the one that always made Sebastian’s heart beat a little faster, and they knew they’d be okay. Sebastian felt safe around Kurt when he didn’t feel that way around anyone else, and Kurt knew exactly where Sebastian stood in their relationship. Everything was good. Sebastian dozed off almost right away, and Kurt spent a few more minutes admiring his boyfriend’s calm expression in the dim glow of the streetlights before falling into a comfortable sleep as well.
Rating: NC-17
Words: ~4,000
Pairing: Kurt/Sebastian
Note: Randomly written for the glee_kink_meme because I couldn't sleep. Also, I feel like I got rambly but I just got SUPER into the plot.
Summary/Prompt: After five months of a happy relationship, Sebastian doesn't bottom. Kurt was used to topping and he misses the feeling, so he asks Sebastian if they can try. I want Sebastian to be really afraid of being so vulnerable and Kurt being loving and encouraging.
Kinks: rimming
Five months. For five whole months, Sebastian had let himself actually attempt this commitment thing - and not with the person he’d originally sought out to have this new adventure with. No, Blaine was moving on to bigger and better things (namely, Sam Evans) and leaving Kurt in the dust. Innocent Kurt, who actually sought solace in a drink at Scandals to try to forget the break up. Sebastian had jumped at the chance to talk to Kurt as soon as he saw him, and what he hadn’t been prepared for was the way Kurt positively threw himself at Sebastian and kissed him hard. What Sebastian had been even more unprepared for was the relationship the two fell into so naturally.
Relationships weren’t easy and Sebastian knew it - it was a part of the whole reason why he didn’t do them in the first place. But this thing with Kurt made sense. They were together now, about mid-June was the starting point and they’d made it a whole five months so far. It was now November, the snowflakes fell outside their quaint, decent-sized lower east side apartment, and New York was their escape from Lima and the ghosts that haunted them there. Kurt and Sebastian were happy together, and it was amazing to the both of them.
One particularly cold night in November, the two of them climbed into bed together and Sebastian lay on his side, staring out the window as the snowflakes fell past the dim lights outside. It was a mesmerizing sight. He was calm and wasn’t expecting the arm that reached around his waist to hold him close. Usually Sebastian was the big spoon, whenever he’d give in to cuddling, that is. “What’re you doing?” Sebastian mumbled, letting his arm drape over Kurt’s.
“It’s been a while, you know,” Kurt hummed softly.
“You’re insatiable,” Sebastian smirked.
Kurt, whom Sebastian had kind of assumed was a prude, was actually really into sleeping with Sebastian whenever they had the free time. Eighteen years of pent up sexual frustration would do that to a guy, Sebastian supposed. He rolled over to face Kurt, and he said, “Well, I can’t exactly pass up an opportunity for this.”
Sebastian reached back and grabbed Kurt’s ass firmly, and he smiled until Kurt reached down for his wrist. “Actually… I wanted to talk to you about that,” Kurt said hesitantly.
Sebastian’s stomach dropped and he almost completely turned away from Kurt because he had no idea what was coming. His mind rushed to a few ideas but Sebastian would rather not think about them. “Well… when I was with Blaine, he and I would switch roles. It was nice,” Kurt began slowly, running his hand gently along Sebastian’s side. “I was thinking… I mean, I don’t know if you’ve ever switched before, but it’s nice. We should… we should try it.”
Sebastian had never bottomed in his life. He didn’t want to. It wasn’t that he was particularly afraid of pain or anything, because that was no problem. It was the whole idea of becoming that vulnerable to someone. The thought that somebody else would get to take that one sacred thing to him, his first time with something like that - it was terrifying. Sebastian had thought for a while that he might not ever bottom, because he’d never find someone he trusted enough.
“Sebastian?” Kurt asked softly. “Are you okay?”
Sebastian must have been gazing off at something else, because when he looked back at Kurt, it was evident that he was quite concerned. “I don’t… I mean, I haven’t…” Sebastian wasn’t entirely sure how to politely phrase it.
Kurt must have understood anyway, because he reached out to smooth his fingers through Sebastian’s hair and kissed him softly. Sebastian just closed his eyes and sighed into the kiss, trying to relax and hoping that maybe Kurt would drop it. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Kurt, because he’d never trusted anybody more. It was just the extremely vulnerable position left Sebastian in a pretty good place for some of the toughest rejection he might ever face. Not that Kurt would do that to him, but the fear was still there. It might always be there. On top of it all, Sebastian knew that if he opened up and did that sort of thing for Kurt, there was no going back. It meant total commitment on Sebastian’s part, and the thought of giving something like that to someone after only five months sounded insane.
When Kurt broke the kiss, he slid his fingers through Sebastian’s hair again and he whispered, “I promise you, Sebastian… you’ll love it.”
Sebastian just kept his eyes closed and rubbed his thumb over Kurt’s hipbone, all sharp angles and perfect skin until he chose to mark it up. When their eyes met, Kurt offered Sebastian a small smile and whispered, “I promise you… nothing bad is going to happen. You know that I love you.”
There they were. Those words that freaked Sebastian out because he knew they were actually true. Those words he hadn’t grown up hearing, wasn’t used to hearing, and was far too fearful to use. Yet again, he didn’t want to say them, mean them, and then end up alone. Vulnerability wasn’t exactly Sebastian’s favorite thing. It scared him more than anything else. Nevertheless, he found himself nodding to Kurt anyway, and he closed his eyes as their lips connected once more. “I’ll make it great for you, Sebastian,” Kurt whispered softly, shifting so he was straddling Sebastian.
This position was comfortable. It was something they were used to, and it was the right place to start. Kurt knew that if he could get Sebastian to loosen up, he could take this where he wanted it to go. If Sebastian found that he didn’t like it, Kurt would never say another word about it, and he wouldn’t be disappointed about it, either. He could respect it. Even more, if Sebastian said mid-way through it all that he didn’t like it - or any time, really - Kurt would stop. He’d never push Sebastian to do something he didn’t want to do. He kissed Sebastian slowly, taking his time to let their tongues slide together before he sucked gently at Sebastian’s lower lip.
Sebastian kept his eyes closed and just tried to relax. Having Kurt on top of him was easy. He was used to it, and the way they were kissing was a bit more intimate, but just as good, too. His teeth clamped down on his lower lip as Kurt’s breath came out in hot little puffs along the sensitive skin of his neck. Gently, Kurt kissed along Sebastian’s neck and sucked at his collarbone, biting gently to leave just a hint of a mark before he tugged off Sebastian’s shirt and continued to kiss lower.
Everything was moving slowly as Kurt tried to keep Sebastian relaxed and feeling good. His lips dragged down over his navel, over the waistband of his boxer shorts, and down to mouth over Sebastian’s half-hard cock pressing against the fabric of the boxer shorts. Kurt smirked a bit as he leaned back to take his own shirt off, and he shuffled down the bed to kick off his pajama shorts before he leaned in to slide his fingers along Sebastian’s body.
Sebastian visibly shivered as Kurt’s fingernails raked down over his nipples, along his abs, and down to hook under the waistband of his boxer shorts. Inch by inch, Kurt tugged the shorts down Sebastian’s body, over his legs and down until they were tossed haphazardly to the side. Kurt looked up and his eyes met Sebastian’s, and he leaned back upwards to kiss him again. He’d seen the obvious shift from lust to worry in Sebastian’s eyes. He understood that this was new for Sebastian. “Are you doing okay, Sebastian?” Kurt asked softly, reaching out to hold his hand, putting a pause on everything else.
After taking a deep breath, Sebastian glanced down at Kurt, who was now settled between Sebastian’s legs, down to nothing but his briefs, as Sebastian lay sprawled out naked on the bed, cock hard against his stomach. As much as it scared him to do so, Sebastian nodded. There was still hope that he could fully relax. Kurt knew what he was doing, and Kurt wouldn’t hurt him. Besides, it was bound to happen sometime with the way their relationship was going. Sebastian gave Kurt’s hand a squeeze and tugged a bit, pulling him into a familiar, calming kiss.
Kurt smiled as he kissed Sebastian, and he reached down to shuck his own underwear as he continued to kiss his boyfriend. Kurt raked his fingernails gently along Sebastian’s sides, eliciting another shiver from him before he trailed lower, mouthing over Sebastian’s cock again before sliding even lower, now coaxing Sebastian’s legs up to change the angle. “Give me a pillow,” Kurt said, gesturing to one of the throw pillows on the pile next to the bed.
Sebastian reached out for one and handed it to Kurt. He’d never done anything involving a pillow before, but then again, Sebastian usually didn’t do “first times.” There was too much attachment involved. Kurt placed the pillow under Sebastian’s hips, changing the angle a bit more so he had better access to Sebastian’s ass. Legs spread wide and pushed upwards, Sebastian felt extremely vulnerable and his face was burning red. “Kurt…” he began.
“Shh, it’s okay,” Kurt insisted, leaning in to kiss Sebastian again. “It’ll help, I promise.” Kurt reached out to touch Sebastian’s hair again and then said, “I’m not going to prep you yet. I just want you to get used to this. Just some rimming, I promise. I’ll tell you everything I’m doing, and you just stop me if you need to, okay?”
Sebastian’s heart raced and he was still scared to death, but he found himself nodding and accepting another kiss from Kurt before he could really second-guess himself. Eyes closed, Sebastian tried to steady his breathing and to tell himself to stop being such a pussy. This was a big deal for him, though, and the fear and sinking feeling that Kurt could just up and leave him like this, vulnerable and humiliated, was a distinct possibility if his feelings weren’t genuine. Sebastian was always afraid of people leaving him, but Kurt leaving would be the worst thing ever.
Gently, Kurt slid his hands over Sebastian’s thighs, around his hips and one hand reached out to stroke him slowly before he leaned in, licking a gentle line over Sebastian’s tight hole. Prepping him without scaring him would be the biggest thing Kurt would need to focus on, but hopefully this would make a difference. Kurt arched his back so his ass was up in the air as he leaned down to lick Sebastian with a big more pressure, his arms hooking underneath Sebastian’s legs to wrap around and hold his hips in place. Sebastian gasped and squirmed a bit, but one glance upwards told Kurt it was a good gasp and movement.
So, Kurt kept going. He pressed the tip of his tongue against Sebastian’s puckered entrance, slowly easing him open. With each minute that passed, he could feel Sebastian’s muscles relaxing. Moans told Kurt that Sebastian was feeling okay, and as he traced his tongue around the skin and darted it inside to taste, he let out his own moans of pleasure. Kurt was hard and probably dripping precum on the blankets that he’d just washed, but he didn’t particularly care. In that moment, Kurt was purely focused on making Sebastian feel good, a job at which Kurt was actually succeeding.
Sebastian reached down with one hand to slide his fingers through Kurt’s hair, the pleasure wiping away any hesitations he might have had, at least for now. When Sebastian looked completely blissed out, Kurt pulled away and thanked a god he didn’t believe in that they’d invested in flavored lube a while back. He took the bottle from the bedside table drawer and knelt right back between Sebastian’s legs. Now that the moment had simmered out, when their eyes met, Sebastian had that faint look of hesitance back in his eyes. “I love you, and I’m going to prep you now, but I’m not going to stop doing this,” Kurt explained, leaning up to kiss Sebastian again.
Sebastian’s heart started pounding in his chest as he realized that this was really happening. He was actually agreeing to this, and it felt good. He trusted Kurt, even though there was still that slim chance that he could be absolutely humiliated, but something about Kurt and how sweet he was being just calmed Sebastian. Even at his most vulnerable, that distrust was slowly ebbing away. Kurt slinked back down and poured some lube out onto his fingers. He massaged it gently onto his fingers to warm it before reaching out to touch Sebastian.
Kurt kept his focus on Sebastian; every movement, every noise - he was hyperaware of it all because he didn’t even want to do a hint of what might scare Sebastian away. Gently, Kurt leaned in to slide his tongue over Sebastian’s hole as he eased in his first finger just to the knuckle. “You okay?” Kurt asked, his warm breath puffing out where Sebastian was most sensitive.
“I… yeah…” Sebastian stammered.
“Good,” Kurt nodded, leaning in to lick the skin that had stretched to fit around his first finger as he eased it further inside.
Sebastian’s jaw was dropped and he kept his eyes closed as he tried to stay relaxed. It was strange; just being prepped meant someone was inside of him. His breathing grew short and labored at what this would all mean, and he leaned his head backwards as Kurt got his forefinger as far in as it could go. “Good… one finger already, baby,” Kurt cooed. “You’re doing great, Sebastian. How do you feel?”
Sebastian was short of breath, but he couldn’t stop himself from admitting, “G-good.”
Kurt glanced up to make sure Sebastian was telling the truth, and the smile playing on Sebastian’s lips just reassured him. Kurt leaned back down to press his tongue against Sebastian’s hole, easing it inside as he crooked his first finger and stretched Sebastian slowly, all the while eliciting soft little moans from Sebastian’s lips. “I’m going to add another finger, Sebastian,” Kurt warned softly, using his other hand to pet at Sebastian’s inner thigh, hoping to keep him relaxed.
Kurt’s method worked until Sebastian was completely stretched, and then it was the moment that they’d been building up to. Kurt had a condom on and had slicked it up with lube, and added a bit more to Sebastian’s entrance just to be safe. Not too much, but more than they usually used. Kurt knelt between Sebastian’s legs and reached up to hold both sides of Sebastian’s face reassuringly. “You’re okay?” Kurt asked.
Sebastian’s eyes said no, but he nodded, and he reached out to hold Kurt’s hips. Sebastian felt vulnerable, and he was scared that if he did this, he’d feel more for Kurt than Kurt felt for him and he’d get left in the dust. Something this important in Sebastian’s life couldn’t just be brushed off. He hoped Kurt understood that, and even though they hadn’t talked about it, it felt like Kurt just sort of knew. Sex wasn’t something that Kurt took lightly. It was important to him and it always had meaning, even if they got a little rough. Sebastian gasped when he felt Kurt’s cock against his hole, and he just closed his eyes. “Hey, no… shh, just… look at me,” Kurt said softly.
He reached out with one hand and laced his fingers through Sebastian’s. “Do you want me to stop? I don’t want to force you to do anything,” Kurt asked softly.
“I’m fine… it’s just, a big deal for me,” Sebastian admitted.
Just the fact that Sebastian was brave enough to admit that out loud had Kurt overwhelmed. He smiled and leaned in to kiss Sebastian tenderly before he whispered, “I want it to be perfect for you.”
Sebastian was trembling in Kurt’s arms but he was mostly just nervous. “It’ll be okay,” Kurt insisted. “I love you, remember? I would never, ever hurt you and you know that.”
Sebastian nodded and sighed before the tension and anticipation got to be too much. “Just… do it,” he muttered.
Kurt’s expression steeled and he reached down, re-aligning his cock to Sebastian’s hole and he began to press slowly inside. Sebastian’s eyes closed, his jaw dropped as he leaned his head back against the pillows. Kurt moved slowly, gauging every move off of Sebastian’s expression. He stroked Sebastian’s cock as he pressed inside until finally he bottomed out, balls deep inside of Sebastian. Kurt leaned down to kiss Sebastian softly, and he whispered, “You okay?”
Sebastian didn’t think he could speak if he tried. It was all so much more than he’d been expecting; more than he’d been ready for. The feeling of someone inside of him was so intimate and something so deep that he couldn’t really describe it. Sebastian’s mind blanked out as he realized just how connected he and Kurt were in that moment. This was something he’d never done, but now he fully understood why. The connection when their bodies met like this wasn’t something casual. It was serious and special and he could only really nod in response to Kurt’s question.
Gently, Kurt started to rock his hips, his rhythm slow at first and building to something more as he felt Sebastian relaxing under his touch. It didn’t take long for Sebastian to rebuild his usual bedroom confidence, and their hips moved together as they did something new. They’d never truly made love before. It all just felt like sex in comparison to what they were sharing in that moment. Not that Sebastian would ever refer to anything as ‘making love,’ but if he would, it would be the very experience he was sharing with Kurt right then.
Kurt smiled and kissed Sebastian softly, whispering little affirmations of love as their bodies slid together perfectly. Sebastian held onto Kurt tight, and the whole feeling of all of this new-ness and the way the two were connected meant he wasn’t going to last long. Combine that with how tight he was around Kurt and they weren’t going to last long at all. It was okay, though, because the experience the two were sharing was something that made time slow. They were only focused on each other, and their feelings, and when Kurt reached down to stroke Sebastian again and whispered, “I want you to cum with me,” - that was it.
Sebastian’s back arched as he moaned, deep and low, cum spurting out in hot white ropes between his body and Kurt’s. Kurt’s whole body tensed and he pressed deep inside of Sebastian, pausing as his orgasm rocked through his whole body. When both relaxed, they settled into each other’s arms, Kurt still inside of Sebastian and a mess between the two of them. Kurt had his face buried into Sebastian’s neck and he could still feel him trembling beneath him.
On the other hand, Sebastian was dealing with a lot more than just bliss and contentment. So overwhelmed by the magnitude of it all, Sebastian was a mess. He didn’t know what to feel or what to do - his emotions were a mess and his brain was flooded. If he were a robot, he’d be short-circuiting. Immense relief filled Sebastian as he realized that Kurt wasn’t going anywhere, and the feeling of just having shared that with Kurt only built upon all of that and told Sebastian that he had nothing to be afraid of. Combined with all of his fears erased and the weight of pure and total love upon him had Sebastian blinking quickly, tears in his eyes.
What he and Kurt had just done was something Sebastian never thought he could ever have or feel. Long ago he’d sworn off dating and relationships, settling for something that wouldn’t hurt him, but then Kurt came along. He let him in, he gave him a chance, and for once in his life, Sebastian felt totally and unconditionally loved. His parents hadn’t been around, and nobody he’d met in school was really quite the same. But here was Kurt - a boy who started out hating Sebastian’s guts now loved him and made him feel better than he ever had - happier than he ever had. It was huge. What’s more - Sebastian wasn’t quite sure how to handle it.
But Kurt wouldn’t judge him or leave him, and Sebastian knew that now. It was like the weight of the whole situation washed over him and just made him feel safe. He could feel emotions without fear of judgment from others, and he could be entirely, one hundred percent himself and Kurt wouldn’t think any less of him for it. This was only proven fact by Kurt’s reaction when he felt a tear on his face that had slid down Sebastian’s cheek. “Sebastian… are you okay?” Kurt asked, filled with concern as he wiped away the tears.
“Yeah,” Sebastian nodded, his voice nothing but a whisper. “I… I’m great.”
He pulled Kurt into a kiss, and that was the only exchange they needed. Kurt understood how much of a weight this was for Sebastian. He’d felt the same after his own first time, and for Kurt, it was a natural reaction to this sort of thing. Slowly, he pulled out of Sebastian and rolled off the condom. He tied it and tossed it into the garbage can, and then reached out to clean their torsos with a tissue. They could shower in the morning, but in that moment, Kurt just really wanted to hold Sebastian.
Once they were clean enough, Kurt lifted the covers up and over Sebastian, and then climbed underneath them right next to him. “I love you so much, Sebastian,” Kurt whispered, reaching over to pull him into a gentle, slow kiss.
Sebastian closed his eyes and used whatever energy he had left to press back, and he wasn’t even ashamed when Kurt reached out to slide his arm around his shoulders. Sebastian rolled inwards, his head on Kurt’s shoulder, and let his arm drape over Kurt’s waist.
Maybe it was all the emotions that took over, or perhaps Sebastian just felt safe enough to admit the feelings that had been looming in his mind for a while now, but he felt no hesitation to speak his mind with Kurt. Good or bad, he knew that he could, but this was different. These words that were lingering on the tip of Sebastian’s tongue were words that didn’t come easily for him. Saying them meant no going back - things were serious now and they both knew it. Sebastian just wanted to reaffirm it all, and to tell Kurt those words that he deserved to feel, words that Sebastian truly meant.
Slowly, Sebastian tipped his head upwards until his lips were brushing against Kurt’s ear. “I love you, too, Kurt,” Sebastian whispered, the tears now gone in favor of a relaxed, peaceful mood.
The look on Kurt’s face was one of amazement, but he just smiled and held Sebastian a bit closer. He kissed Sebastian’s forehead and sighed happily. “Goodnight, Sebastian. Thank you for trying this. It… it was good, right?” Kurt asked softly.
Sebastian’s signature smirk found its way back onto his face, and he got his playful attitude back as well. “I guess we can do it a few more times in the future,” he teased.
Kurt let out a little giggle, the one that always made Sebastian’s heart beat a little faster, and they knew they’d be okay. Sebastian felt safe around Kurt when he didn’t feel that way around anyone else, and Kurt knew exactly where Sebastian stood in their relationship. Everything was good. Sebastian dozed off almost right away, and Kurt spent a few more minutes admiring his boyfriend’s calm expression in the dim glow of the streetlights before falling into a comfortable sleep as well.