fic: When It Comes to You (It's All A Little Different)
Title: When It Comes to You (It's All A Little Different) - 5/?
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Sam/Sebastian
Warnings: mpreg
Words: ~5,100 this chapter (~26,800 so far)
Summary: Kurt found out that even though Sam is in Lima with the rest of the Glee club, he's still running off to Kentucky some weekends to strip. Kurt and Blaine devise a plan with Sebastian's help to give Sam the money he needs and to keep him from going back to stripping. From there, it all spirals way out of control.
[ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] [ 4 ]
Sebastian quickly found that life seemed a lot easier when he just stopped caring about anything. All he had to do was sit back and let everything happen around him and then things were a little easier. Like when Sam called to ask Sebastian if he was busy that Friday. It was just easier for Sebastian to say no, so he did, and then agreed to go out with Sam. Sam suggested going to this place called Color Me Mine, which sounded lame, but Sebastian was too tired to argue, so he just said yes. Sam asked if he’d want to get dinner, too, and Sebastian couldn’t find it in him to make up an excuse, so he’d agreed to that as well.
His new lackluster attitude went unnoticed by almost everyone, because the only person that had really bothered to talk to him lately was Sam, and Sam didn’t know Sebastian well enough to realize when something had changed. Blaine and busy moping about Kurt being gone, and he texted from time to time, but it was hard to tell a mood shift in text messages. So, Sebastian was back at the beginning, basically alone with the exception of Maddie, and he only had two months to go.
Sebastian ached from head to toe most of the time, but taking too many pain medications might hurt Maddie so he just dealt with the pain instead. A small part of him was grateful that Sam didn’t choose anything too high in physical activity, because Sebastian was constantly exhausted, and the date was early enough in the evening that Sebastian could still go to bed at a decent time and he knew that Sam didn’t expect to hook up. It was a double comfort, and he wore an oversized sweatshirt with some altered jeans and his favorite pair of tennis shoes. Sebastian dressed more out of comfort than style, now, and he didn’t care what people thought of him. He knew he could look good when he wanted to, but he didn’t really feel like it when he was seven months pregnant and in his own words, a fat cow.
Sam showed up at the apartment late - nine minutes left, to be exact. He said he’d be there at 5:45 so they could be to Color Me Mine by 6:00, but instead Sam showed up at 5:54. When Sebastian pointed it out, Sam just blushed and said, “I… sorry about that. I’m dyslexic and sometimes I read things wrong.”
Sebastian didn’t say a word, and instead just nodded and sat in the passenger seat of Sam’s beat up blue pickup he’d gotten from Finn for graduation. It didn’t look safe, at least not for transporting Maddie in, so Sebastian made a mental note to be the one to take her to and from Sam’s place if he wanted to see her. When they got to Color Me Mine (too late to join the class, of course) the two went into the studio room where they could paint nearly anything they wanted to. “So… coasters? Mugs? Plates? What do you feel like painting?” Sam asked with a childlike grin on his face.
Sebastian tried to hide how uncomfortable he felt in a place like this, because he was artistic when it came to words, but definitely not when it came to paint and a paintbrush. “I like coffee,” he said flatly, and for Sam, it was enough.
Sam tried to stay optimistic as he grabbed them each a mug and handed one to Sebastian along with a paintbrush. They sat down at a table with palettes of paint all over the place, and Sam started painting almost right away. He wanted to say something to Sebastian, to try to break the tension and get him to laugh or something, but Sam didn’t know the first place to start. Instead, he asked lamely, “So… you were new to the Warblers last year. What were you doing before that?”
“School,” Sebastian replied flatly.
Sam sighed and said, “Well… yeah, I know. I mean where? And like, why did you move here? I mean… pretty much everywhere is better than Ohio, isn’t it?”
Sebastian glanced up at Sam, a bit irritated at how he was pressing for information, but at the same time he felt special because of it. Not even Blaine had asked this much of him at first. Sebastian had to be the one to brag and puff out his chest just to capture Blaine’s interest, but it appeared as though he captured Sam’s interest by merely existing. It would have been a refreshing change if Sebastian hadn’t been so terrified of opening up to someone - especially Sam.
See, ever since that night, Sebastian hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it. The way he’d made himself vulnerable to Sam, the way he’d blindly trusted him (without alcohol, even!), and the way Sam kissed him and made Sebastian feel like he meant something to him. It felt more like there was no money involved, so whenever Sebastian reminded himself that he’d paid four grand for that night, he realized the money was the only reason why it happened the way it did.
Sam felt the opposite, though he wasn’t exactly sure how to bring it up. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about that night, but because it wasn’t something one should do for money - it felt like something more. Making love, almost, though he could tell those words would freak Sebastian out just by looking at him. Sam would save mentioning that all for the right moment, which he hoped might arise before the baby arrived.
“I went to school in Paris, where my mum lives,” Sebastian explained after a long pause. He still hadn’t started painting, but he was eyeing up the different colors of paint, which Sam knew was a good first step. “After a while she decided I needed to come back here to be with kids like me, whatever the hell that means, so I got put in Dalton because father has a home in Westerville.”
Sam listened intently, and when Sebastian finished speaking, he asked, “Does your father have lots of homes?”
“About a dozen across the US and a few in other countries. I’ve only ever seen the one in Westerville, though. Father likes his privacy,” Sebastian explained.
“So the one in Paris…?”
“It’s my mum’s.”
Sam nodded and turned his eyes back to his mug, where he’d already begun painting a landscape from the movie Avatar, though he knew Sebastian wouldn’t be able to identify it. Sebastian was painting an abstract pattern - swirls and harsh angles and mixtures of the two. He used bold colors - deep golds and navy blues, along with other shades, and his design slowly began to morph across the entire mug. He felt ridiculous, spending so long painting a stupid mug, but at the same time, Sebastian found it really relaxing.
“Why were you working all the way out in Kentucky if you live here?” Sebastian asked. He wasn’t interested, per se, but it had been something he’d been wondering ever since Blaine and Kurt approached him about the plan all those months ago.
“My family lives out there,” Sam explained. “I was living with Kurt and Finn because the glee club needed me, but… my family moved there because it’s where dad could find a job. We… haven’t had the best luck lately.”
“I kind of got that,” Sebastian replied, a hint of sarcasm in his voice. “I mean, I don’t know many 18 year olds that strip before they even graduate.”
Sam’s cheeks turned bright red and he bit his lip, because he really was ashamed of what he’d been doing, and why he’d been doing it. Sebastian didn’t apologize, but he noticed Sam’s reaction and stopped talking about it. He turned his attention back to his mug and didn’t say another word until Sam sat back, admiring his finished mug with pride. Sebastian glanced up to look at it, and then he asked, “Is that fucking Pandora?”
Sebastian hadn’t seen too much of an issue in asking if the place was the one he recognized from the movie, but the look on Sam’s face told him that it was a big deal. A very big deal, apparently, because Sam’s entire face broke out into this grin that glowed even though the room was kind of dark and Sebastian instantly regretted asking. “You know Avatar!?” Sam asked in excitement.
“I mean, I watched it last week, yeah,” Sebastian said nonchalantly, trying to hide the fact that he watched he movie almost every week now that he was pregnant and had way too much time on his hands. “I’m guessing you do too if you drew the landscape from memory.”
“It’s my favorite movie,” Sam said with a grin. “I even know the language.”
Sebastian’s eyes went wide and he tried his hardest not to laugh, and he shook his head as he said, “You’re not allowed to teach it to Maddie until she has perfect comprehension of English first.”
His condition was far better than what else was on the tip of his tongue, which was a myriad of jibes as to why someone would possibly want to learn a fictitious language that would never come in handy. Sam’s expression was hard to read after that, and he asked softly, “Maddie?”
Sebastian realized then that he’d never actually told Sam their daughter’s name yet. The thought that Sam hated it, or that he was disappointed he hadn’t gotten a say in choosing it, both crossed Sebastian’s mind, but he pushed them away. Instead, he just nodded and said, “Yeah. Maddie. Short for Madeline? It’s her name.” His hand reached down to cover his bump for a minute, and then he looked up at Sam and asked, “Is there a problem?”
“N-no,” Sam shook his head instantly. His cheeks were flushed and he looked sad, but he said, “I think it’s a beautiful name.”
“Her middle name is Samantha,” Sebastian added, hoping it would make a difference.
Sam did seem to perk up a bit at that, but he didn’t show too much of a difference in his expression. Sebastian knew that he should feel some sort of guilt for choosing the name without Sam, but he was prepared to do this on his own, and the likelihood that he would (in his mind at least) was very high, so Sebastian saw no point in letting Sam have a say. Sam just nodded and let his mug go off to be speed-dried, and he watched as Sebastian finished his own. “I like that design,” he said lamely. “It’s cool, the way you do the angles and the curves all in one. It’s unique. The color scheme is, too.”
Sebastian looked up sharply at Sam as he paid him the compliment, because Sebastian thought his entire mug looked like absolute shit. His cheeks flushed a bit and he lost control of his cool, indifferent demeanor for a moment because he’d just been complimented. It didn’t often happen, being complimented for things he could do, because usually people just told him he was hot and tried to get with him. “Th-thanks,” Sebastian said, and then turned back to his mug with a scowl.
He furiously painted the rest of it and let it go off to be speed-dried, and slowly he hobbled over to wash his hands. Bending over to wash them was a pain as well, so Sebastian couldn’t find it in himself to argue with Sam when the blonde reached over to help Sebastian wash the flecks of paint from his hands. The touch wasn’t as electric as that night together at Stallionz, but it still set Sebastian on edge. When they were done, Sam reached over with paper towels to dry off Sebastian’s hands as well as his own, and their eyes met for a moment.
Sam felt his heart do a leap, and Sebastian’s whole stomach contorted into knots. Sam was a very attractive man, even in his weird Beiber outfit, and Sam thought Sebastian was just as attractive as he had been that night they spent together. Sure, he’d gained a bunch of weight thanks to the baby, but that didn’t make him appear any less attractive in Sam’s eyes. Sebastian was the first to break eye contact, and he turned to walk towards the front door, leaving Sam to compose himself alone.
Sam followed after Sebastian, his cheeks still flushed, and Sebastian tried to ignore how curled up the money was as Sam handed it over the counter to pay for their mugs, which were in boxes, in a bag, right there on the counter. Sam thanked them and took the bag, and then the two of them left Color Me Mine. “Well… it’s like eight o’clock now,” Sam told Sebastian as they walked out the door. “There’s a really awesome pizza place around the corner if you want to eat quick before I bring you home?”
Sebastian really was hungry, so he couldn’t find it in him to argue it. “Sure,” he nodded, and he let Sam lead the way.
The pizza place was in the opposite direction of Sam’s truck, but it didn’t really matter because Sebastian had been sitting for so long that a walk was exactly what he needed. They walked inside and went up to the counter, and Sam ordered a pepperoni pizza for the two of them. “Is that okay?” he asked as he grabbed a soda from the cooler and backed up so Sebastian could choose one, too.
“Sure,” Sebastian nodded, reaching out for a lemonade. “Pepperoni is fine.”
They walked over to a table and Sam pulled out a chair for Sebastian. That caused Sebastian to eye the seat warily, but he took it anyway and nodded in thanks to Sam before the blonde sat down across from him. “So, have you been feeling okay? Like… she’s not making you sick or anything?” Sam asked nervously.
“I had morning sickness for like, five months or something,” Sebastian shrugged. “After a while I just got used to it. I mean, she’ll be worth it, you know? She’s mine.”
Sam wanted desperately to add, “and mine,” but he bit his tongue. Sebastian was obviously very territorial about the whole parenting thing, and Sam knew he just had to try to find a way to weave himself in, not push himself in. It would work easier that way. “I think it’s really brave of you to do this, you know,” Sam said softly. “I’m sorry I didn’t try to come find you, and I’m sorry you had to go through all of this on your own…”
“It’s fine.”
Their eyes met, and Sebastian’s heart literally hurt at how sad Sam seemed. He’d really wanted to be there from the start, it seemed, but Sebastian knew it was only for the baby, not for him. Sam would never want Sebastian, just because he was who he was and the reputation most likely preceded him. “I don’t want to miss out on anything with her,” Sam explained, his voice low and his words traveling slowly as he tried to choose just the right ones. “I want to go to the doctor with you, and I want to be there when she’s born, and… I’d really like to be able to see her grow up.”
“You can,” Sebastian shrugged. “I mean, doctor stuff is boring, but… we’ll work out a custody thing when she’s born.”
“I want to watch her grow up with you,” Sam said flatly.
Sebastian looked up sharply, surprised by the admission, and he asked, “Wait… what?”
Sam took a drink of his soda, and then he looked at Sebastian and explained, “I’d really like it if we could try raising her together. And… I want to take you out again. On more dates, I mean. I’m having fun with you, and I… I want to get to know you better. I really like you, Sebastian.”
Sebastian’s head started spinning and he felt dizzy for it all. He’d been expecting the night they spent together to come up, or maybe custody of Maddie, but… not this. Sebastian wasn’t used to this sort of thing. Dating wasn’t something that Sebastian Smythe did, and especially not with perfect blonde athletic men that could have their pick of anyone on the fucking planet. “We’ve been on one date and slept together once,” Sebastian pointed out. He quieted as the server brought them their pizza, and then he began again, “I don’t think that’s grounds for raising a baby together. I know I don’t know the first thing about babies, or families, or fucking being around people at all, but… it doesn’t sound like a very good idea.”
It didn’t surprise Sam when Sebastian didn’t seem to agree right away, but it still hurt. “I don’t just want her on the weekends, though. I can’t stand only seeing her that much. I want to be there for all her firsts, and we can’t schedule those,” Sam pointed out. “What are you so afraid of?”
Sebastian froze when Sam asked what he was afraid of, and more things than he could possibly explain came to mind, so instead he just put a piece of pizza on his plate and started cutting it up. Not another word fell from Sebastian’s lips, and he shut Sam out for the rest of the dinner. Sebastian finished off one slice of pizza in the time it took Sam to eat three, and they split the leftovers unevenly because Sam knew Sebastian would be hungry later. They left sooner than Sam wanted them to, and he wanted to try one last time to show Sebastian that he didn’t have to be so alone.
Sam hated being alone, too, and living at Kurt and Finn’s parents’ house without Kurt and Finn there was the first step to being alone. He was used to going down the hall for a Call of Duty partner or someone to sing with, but they were gone. Now he just worked, ate, and slept, and Sam was getting tired of it. Burt and Carole were fine with Sam bringing Maddie there when he had her, but Sam didn’t want to settle for that - not when he knew there was chemistry there, somewhere deep down, between the two of them.
They left the pizza place, the leftovers in one of Sebastian’s hands and the mugs in one of Sam’s, and the darkness and moonlight shone down on them as they walked through the empty street together. “I’m sorry,” Sam said softly.
Sebastian didn’t acknowledge him, just as he hadn’t since the comment, but then something happened. Sebastian felt fingers against his own, and at first he thought it was an accident. But then Sam’s hand seemed to be pressing gently against his, trying to spread his fingers so theirs could weave together. Sebastian let it happen, the whole time his heart and head were moving far too fast as he tried to figure out what the hell Sam was playing at.
But that was all there was to it. They were holding hands. Just holding hands. Sebastian glanced down between them, almost as though he couldn’t believe it, and then looked back up ahead of them as they walked. Sam smiled at Sebastian’s reaction, and his smile grew when he felt Sebastian’s hand actually holding his own.
They reached Sam’s truck too soon for his tastes, and Sebastian let Sam help him into the truck, since moving was becoming kind of difficult for Sebastian. Then Sam walked around to climb into the driver’s seat, and he brought Sebastian home. They parked out front of the building, and Sam turned to look at Sebastian. “So… can I come to the next appointment?” he asked softly.
Sebastian nodded slowly and said, “Sure. I mean… if you want.”
“I want to,” Sam insisted. He smiled up at Sebastian, and then he told him, “Just… please think about it. You and me. I get that it might take time, but… I want to at least try, you know? For Maddie.”
Sam’s words really hit Sebastian hard, and all he could do was nod. It would get Sam off his back and Sebastian would have space, and he could tell him no later when he had more resolve and more energy. Sam started to lean in, but before he could do what he wanted, Sebastian climbed out of the truck and went inside.
Ever since the date, Sebastian had felt even weaker and more upset than he had before. He blamed the hormones, because he couldn’t figure out what he was thinking for once. Sam must have one hell of a perfect home life if he would think even for a minute that living together would be the best solution. It was absolutely insane and Sebastian wasn’t so sure he’d ever live with someone, never mind someone he’d fucked once and gone on one random date with.
Maddie was kicking more often now, and Sebastian was constantly aching thanks to that and her size. By November, he wasn’t sure how he could possibly grow any larger, and he was ready for her just to be there because carrying her around the way he was just hurt. Sebastian spent most of his time on the sofa or in his room, though occasionally he’d reply to Blaine and Sam’s text messages.
When Sebastian’s next appointment rolled around, Sam went with, and he stared at the screen with so much awe and adoration that Sebastian started to feel guilty for rejecting Sam the way he had. He wasn’t ready to live with anyone, but maybe holding his hand like he was doing in that moment they saw their daughter together was something he could handle.
Sam drove Sebastian to the appointment, so when it was over, Sam was driving him back. They decided to stop for burritos on the way back, and everything was going well. They’d ordered, Sebastian let Sam pay (with more curled up bills - Sam wasn’t fooling him at all), and now they were eating together in the restaurant a little more comfortably than before.
Comfortable, at least until Sebastian nearly face-planted his dinner as he doubled over in pain. It was shocking for Sam to see Sebastian so weakened and so utterly miserable, to the point that he froze and panicked and wasn’t sure what to do at first. “Doctor,” Sebastian breathed, looking up at Sam. “Doctor, now.”
Sam nodded and reached out to take hold of Sebastian’s hand, his other hand on his lower back to guide him out of the chair and towards the exit. People were staring, but Sam and Sebastian hadn’t noticed at all. Sam led Sebastian out to the truck and helped him in, and then dashed around to climb in and start driving. Once they were on the road, Sam reached over instinctively and let Sebastian squeeze his hand through the pain.
Sebastian felt relieved, having someone there with him, but mostly he couldn’t think through the pain. It was like Maddie was trying to kill him or something, she was kicking so hard and his whole body was aching. “It’ll be okay,” Sam repeated, but Sebastian hardly heard him at all. Sebastian’s eyes were squished shut and his head tossed back against the seat, the pain nearly blinding him. “You’re both going to be fine,” Sam told him, his voice trembling as he hoped he was right.
Sam parked outside the emergency room and rushed Sebastian in, and the doctor was called as Sebastian was rushed into a room. “Are you the father?” the nurse asked.
Sam nodded, and she let him back, and then he never let Sebastian’s hand leave his own. Sebastian was changed into a hospital gown, tucked into a bed, and they gave him an IV. Sam sat in a chair next to him, and Sebastian looked absolutely exhausted. His eyes were shut and the machines were beeping next to him, and Sam felt colossally nervous. It was too early for the baby, because it wasn’t December yet, and they’d admitted Sebastian to the maternity ward which had Sam wondering if maybe the baby was coming. Sam had to leave while Dr. Hayes came in to give Sebastian an exam, and when he was allowed back in, Sebastian looked pale. “What? What is it?” Sam asked.
Sebastian shook his head and glared out the window to his left, too upset to really say anything. “His body is rejecting the uterus. We have to perform emergency surgery. The rejection is too serious at this point - if we keep the baby in, she could be affected. We’ll keep her in the NICU for a few weeks so she can properly develop the rest of the way, and Sebastian will have the hysterectomy. It’s best for all parties involved at this stage,” Dr. Hayes explained as the nurses moved Sebastian onto a stretcher and he walked down the hall to go prepare surgery.
Another nurse handed Sam blue scrubs and he scrambled to put them on so he could reach out to hold Sebastian’s hand. “Sebastian, talk to me. She’s coming… we should be happy. Thankful, even. She’s going to be okay!” Sam tried to be optimistic as they walked down the hall.
Sebastian just shook his head and fixed a strong glare on Sam. “It’s too early. I fucked her up and it’s my fault,” he shrugged.
Sebastian tried to pry his hand away from Sam’s, but Sam wouldn’t allow it. He followed Sebastian into the operating room and took a seat near his head, on the side of the curtain where he wouldn’t see anything. Sebastian was drugged so he wouldn’t feel pain, and then the procedure began. Sam fixed all his attention on Sebastian and he smiled as he said, “But she’s healthy. She’s going to be fine. This… this is a miracle, Sebastian. She’s our miracle.”
Sam’s words were very little comfort to Sebastian, though, and he tried to tug his hand away. “Sorry. Sorry. I’ll stop. Just… please, don’t hate yourself for this. Hate me all you want for doing this to you, but… don’t hate yourself,” Sam’s heart hurt just saying it, but he’d grown to care too much for Sebastian and Maddie to let something like this mess them up.
Sebastian’s eyes narrowed at Sam and he nodded, and Sam was almost sick at what it all meant. He tried to fight the tears as Sebastian refused to look at him, and the way his hand relaxed and stopped holding Sam’s. It was more than Sam wanted to ever have to deal with, but he knew he shouldn’t be surprised. He was pulled from his thoughts when he heard crying ringing through the room, and when Sam looked over his shoulder, he spotted Maddie, squirming and crying. Sam backed up to let Sebastian see her, and Sebastian’s hand fell from Sam’s as he took a good look.
The nurse carried Maddie right over to Sebastian and rested her on his chest in blankets. He stared down at her in awe. She was so tiny and just his arms wrapping around her seemed to quiet her wails and calm her. Sebastian couldn’t handle it. He felt a tear sliding down his cheek, and Sam stepped away. “I shouldn’t be here,” he told a nurse sadly.
Sam turned and left the room, leaving Sebastian to stare down at Maddie in awe and adoration. Sam tossed the scrubs in a garbage can and ran out to his truck, tears falling down his own cheeks. He’d just messed everything up and he realized it - all for Sebastian and Maddie. He left them for their own good. Sam had noticed over the past few weeks that Sebastian was only letting him in to be nice - he had no intention of ever fully sharing Maddie and Sam realized that now.
Through his tears, Sam drove away from the hospital - past Sebastian’s apartment, past Burt and Carole’s house, and all the way to Kentucky where his parents lived, because he needed his own family now more than ever.
Back at the hospital, Sebastian greedily held Maddie until they forced her away from him. She had a checkup, Sebastian was stitched up and brought to his room, and when the two were reunited, Sebastian never stopped staring at her like she was the only thing in the room there with him. Maddie looked just like him - dark tufts of hair, little petite facial features, and she was already so big and strong. “For being a few weeks premature, she’s very well developed. A week here, tops, and she’ll be ready to go home,” Dr. Hayes told him. “Congratulations.”
Sebastian rarely slept, he was so focused on Maddie. He wanted to be the one to feed her and the one to stop her crying, and the one to do everything else for her. Nobody but himself and Sam knew about her yet, and Sebastian liked it that way. He could have Maddie all to himself, hold her all he wanted, before he ever had to worry about sharing. He also focused more on Maddie because Sam had done exactly what Sebastian hoped he wouldn’t: He left.
It shouldn’t have surprised him when Sam saw what they’d done together and decided to leave. A child was a lot to deal with and Sebastian had come to terms with it a while back. Sam had time, but apparently not enough. He couldn’t handle seeing her, being with Sebastian, or any of that. On top of it all, for some insane reason, he’d asked Sebastian to hate him, and that seemed to be the last straw. Sebastian was good at hating, and he’d do it without question.
Sam had left, and for Sebastian, that was the last straw. Sam didn’t get another chance, because Maddie was in the world now and he wouldn’t risk anything bad happening in her life just for someone to “try again.” Sebastian never trusted anyone with his own emotions, and now that Maddie’s were on the line as well, he was twice as skeptical.
Sam had lost his chance, and now it was just Sebastian and Madeline Smythe against the world.
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Sam/Sebastian
Warnings: mpreg
Words: ~5,100 this chapter (~26,800 so far)
Summary: Kurt found out that even though Sam is in Lima with the rest of the Glee club, he's still running off to Kentucky some weekends to strip. Kurt and Blaine devise a plan with Sebastian's help to give Sam the money he needs and to keep him from going back to stripping. From there, it all spirals way out of control.
[ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] [ 4 ]
Sebastian quickly found that life seemed a lot easier when he just stopped caring about anything. All he had to do was sit back and let everything happen around him and then things were a little easier. Like when Sam called to ask Sebastian if he was busy that Friday. It was just easier for Sebastian to say no, so he did, and then agreed to go out with Sam. Sam suggested going to this place called Color Me Mine, which sounded lame, but Sebastian was too tired to argue, so he just said yes. Sam asked if he’d want to get dinner, too, and Sebastian couldn’t find it in him to make up an excuse, so he’d agreed to that as well.
His new lackluster attitude went unnoticed by almost everyone, because the only person that had really bothered to talk to him lately was Sam, and Sam didn’t know Sebastian well enough to realize when something had changed. Blaine and busy moping about Kurt being gone, and he texted from time to time, but it was hard to tell a mood shift in text messages. So, Sebastian was back at the beginning, basically alone with the exception of Maddie, and he only had two months to go.
Sebastian ached from head to toe most of the time, but taking too many pain medications might hurt Maddie so he just dealt with the pain instead. A small part of him was grateful that Sam didn’t choose anything too high in physical activity, because Sebastian was constantly exhausted, and the date was early enough in the evening that Sebastian could still go to bed at a decent time and he knew that Sam didn’t expect to hook up. It was a double comfort, and he wore an oversized sweatshirt with some altered jeans and his favorite pair of tennis shoes. Sebastian dressed more out of comfort than style, now, and he didn’t care what people thought of him. He knew he could look good when he wanted to, but he didn’t really feel like it when he was seven months pregnant and in his own words, a fat cow.
Sam showed up at the apartment late - nine minutes left, to be exact. He said he’d be there at 5:45 so they could be to Color Me Mine by 6:00, but instead Sam showed up at 5:54. When Sebastian pointed it out, Sam just blushed and said, “I… sorry about that. I’m dyslexic and sometimes I read things wrong.”
Sebastian didn’t say a word, and instead just nodded and sat in the passenger seat of Sam’s beat up blue pickup he’d gotten from Finn for graduation. It didn’t look safe, at least not for transporting Maddie in, so Sebastian made a mental note to be the one to take her to and from Sam’s place if he wanted to see her. When they got to Color Me Mine (too late to join the class, of course) the two went into the studio room where they could paint nearly anything they wanted to. “So… coasters? Mugs? Plates? What do you feel like painting?” Sam asked with a childlike grin on his face.
Sebastian tried to hide how uncomfortable he felt in a place like this, because he was artistic when it came to words, but definitely not when it came to paint and a paintbrush. “I like coffee,” he said flatly, and for Sam, it was enough.
Sam tried to stay optimistic as he grabbed them each a mug and handed one to Sebastian along with a paintbrush. They sat down at a table with palettes of paint all over the place, and Sam started painting almost right away. He wanted to say something to Sebastian, to try to break the tension and get him to laugh or something, but Sam didn’t know the first place to start. Instead, he asked lamely, “So… you were new to the Warblers last year. What were you doing before that?”
“School,” Sebastian replied flatly.
Sam sighed and said, “Well… yeah, I know. I mean where? And like, why did you move here? I mean… pretty much everywhere is better than Ohio, isn’t it?”
Sebastian glanced up at Sam, a bit irritated at how he was pressing for information, but at the same time he felt special because of it. Not even Blaine had asked this much of him at first. Sebastian had to be the one to brag and puff out his chest just to capture Blaine’s interest, but it appeared as though he captured Sam’s interest by merely existing. It would have been a refreshing change if Sebastian hadn’t been so terrified of opening up to someone - especially Sam.
See, ever since that night, Sebastian hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it. The way he’d made himself vulnerable to Sam, the way he’d blindly trusted him (without alcohol, even!), and the way Sam kissed him and made Sebastian feel like he meant something to him. It felt more like there was no money involved, so whenever Sebastian reminded himself that he’d paid four grand for that night, he realized the money was the only reason why it happened the way it did.
Sam felt the opposite, though he wasn’t exactly sure how to bring it up. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about that night, but because it wasn’t something one should do for money - it felt like something more. Making love, almost, though he could tell those words would freak Sebastian out just by looking at him. Sam would save mentioning that all for the right moment, which he hoped might arise before the baby arrived.
“I went to school in Paris, where my mum lives,” Sebastian explained after a long pause. He still hadn’t started painting, but he was eyeing up the different colors of paint, which Sam knew was a good first step. “After a while she decided I needed to come back here to be with kids like me, whatever the hell that means, so I got put in Dalton because father has a home in Westerville.”
Sam listened intently, and when Sebastian finished speaking, he asked, “Does your father have lots of homes?”
“About a dozen across the US and a few in other countries. I’ve only ever seen the one in Westerville, though. Father likes his privacy,” Sebastian explained.
“So the one in Paris…?”
“It’s my mum’s.”
Sam nodded and turned his eyes back to his mug, where he’d already begun painting a landscape from the movie Avatar, though he knew Sebastian wouldn’t be able to identify it. Sebastian was painting an abstract pattern - swirls and harsh angles and mixtures of the two. He used bold colors - deep golds and navy blues, along with other shades, and his design slowly began to morph across the entire mug. He felt ridiculous, spending so long painting a stupid mug, but at the same time, Sebastian found it really relaxing.
“Why were you working all the way out in Kentucky if you live here?” Sebastian asked. He wasn’t interested, per se, but it had been something he’d been wondering ever since Blaine and Kurt approached him about the plan all those months ago.
“My family lives out there,” Sam explained. “I was living with Kurt and Finn because the glee club needed me, but… my family moved there because it’s where dad could find a job. We… haven’t had the best luck lately.”
“I kind of got that,” Sebastian replied, a hint of sarcasm in his voice. “I mean, I don’t know many 18 year olds that strip before they even graduate.”
Sam’s cheeks turned bright red and he bit his lip, because he really was ashamed of what he’d been doing, and why he’d been doing it. Sebastian didn’t apologize, but he noticed Sam’s reaction and stopped talking about it. He turned his attention back to his mug and didn’t say another word until Sam sat back, admiring his finished mug with pride. Sebastian glanced up to look at it, and then he asked, “Is that fucking Pandora?”
Sebastian hadn’t seen too much of an issue in asking if the place was the one he recognized from the movie, but the look on Sam’s face told him that it was a big deal. A very big deal, apparently, because Sam’s entire face broke out into this grin that glowed even though the room was kind of dark and Sebastian instantly regretted asking. “You know Avatar!?” Sam asked in excitement.
“I mean, I watched it last week, yeah,” Sebastian said nonchalantly, trying to hide the fact that he watched he movie almost every week now that he was pregnant and had way too much time on his hands. “I’m guessing you do too if you drew the landscape from memory.”
“It’s my favorite movie,” Sam said with a grin. “I even know the language.”
Sebastian’s eyes went wide and he tried his hardest not to laugh, and he shook his head as he said, “You’re not allowed to teach it to Maddie until she has perfect comprehension of English first.”
His condition was far better than what else was on the tip of his tongue, which was a myriad of jibes as to why someone would possibly want to learn a fictitious language that would never come in handy. Sam’s expression was hard to read after that, and he asked softly, “Maddie?”
Sebastian realized then that he’d never actually told Sam their daughter’s name yet. The thought that Sam hated it, or that he was disappointed he hadn’t gotten a say in choosing it, both crossed Sebastian’s mind, but he pushed them away. Instead, he just nodded and said, “Yeah. Maddie. Short for Madeline? It’s her name.” His hand reached down to cover his bump for a minute, and then he looked up at Sam and asked, “Is there a problem?”
“N-no,” Sam shook his head instantly. His cheeks were flushed and he looked sad, but he said, “I think it’s a beautiful name.”
“Her middle name is Samantha,” Sebastian added, hoping it would make a difference.
Sam did seem to perk up a bit at that, but he didn’t show too much of a difference in his expression. Sebastian knew that he should feel some sort of guilt for choosing the name without Sam, but he was prepared to do this on his own, and the likelihood that he would (in his mind at least) was very high, so Sebastian saw no point in letting Sam have a say. Sam just nodded and let his mug go off to be speed-dried, and he watched as Sebastian finished his own. “I like that design,” he said lamely. “It’s cool, the way you do the angles and the curves all in one. It’s unique. The color scheme is, too.”
Sebastian looked up sharply at Sam as he paid him the compliment, because Sebastian thought his entire mug looked like absolute shit. His cheeks flushed a bit and he lost control of his cool, indifferent demeanor for a moment because he’d just been complimented. It didn’t often happen, being complimented for things he could do, because usually people just told him he was hot and tried to get with him. “Th-thanks,” Sebastian said, and then turned back to his mug with a scowl.
He furiously painted the rest of it and let it go off to be speed-dried, and slowly he hobbled over to wash his hands. Bending over to wash them was a pain as well, so Sebastian couldn’t find it in himself to argue with Sam when the blonde reached over to help Sebastian wash the flecks of paint from his hands. The touch wasn’t as electric as that night together at Stallionz, but it still set Sebastian on edge. When they were done, Sam reached over with paper towels to dry off Sebastian’s hands as well as his own, and their eyes met for a moment.
Sam felt his heart do a leap, and Sebastian’s whole stomach contorted into knots. Sam was a very attractive man, even in his weird Beiber outfit, and Sam thought Sebastian was just as attractive as he had been that night they spent together. Sure, he’d gained a bunch of weight thanks to the baby, but that didn’t make him appear any less attractive in Sam’s eyes. Sebastian was the first to break eye contact, and he turned to walk towards the front door, leaving Sam to compose himself alone.
Sam followed after Sebastian, his cheeks still flushed, and Sebastian tried to ignore how curled up the money was as Sam handed it over the counter to pay for their mugs, which were in boxes, in a bag, right there on the counter. Sam thanked them and took the bag, and then the two of them left Color Me Mine. “Well… it’s like eight o’clock now,” Sam told Sebastian as they walked out the door. “There’s a really awesome pizza place around the corner if you want to eat quick before I bring you home?”
Sebastian really was hungry, so he couldn’t find it in him to argue it. “Sure,” he nodded, and he let Sam lead the way.
The pizza place was in the opposite direction of Sam’s truck, but it didn’t really matter because Sebastian had been sitting for so long that a walk was exactly what he needed. They walked inside and went up to the counter, and Sam ordered a pepperoni pizza for the two of them. “Is that okay?” he asked as he grabbed a soda from the cooler and backed up so Sebastian could choose one, too.
“Sure,” Sebastian nodded, reaching out for a lemonade. “Pepperoni is fine.”
They walked over to a table and Sam pulled out a chair for Sebastian. That caused Sebastian to eye the seat warily, but he took it anyway and nodded in thanks to Sam before the blonde sat down across from him. “So, have you been feeling okay? Like… she’s not making you sick or anything?” Sam asked nervously.
“I had morning sickness for like, five months or something,” Sebastian shrugged. “After a while I just got used to it. I mean, she’ll be worth it, you know? She’s mine.”
Sam wanted desperately to add, “and mine,” but he bit his tongue. Sebastian was obviously very territorial about the whole parenting thing, and Sam knew he just had to try to find a way to weave himself in, not push himself in. It would work easier that way. “I think it’s really brave of you to do this, you know,” Sam said softly. “I’m sorry I didn’t try to come find you, and I’m sorry you had to go through all of this on your own…”
“It’s fine.”
Their eyes met, and Sebastian’s heart literally hurt at how sad Sam seemed. He’d really wanted to be there from the start, it seemed, but Sebastian knew it was only for the baby, not for him. Sam would never want Sebastian, just because he was who he was and the reputation most likely preceded him. “I don’t want to miss out on anything with her,” Sam explained, his voice low and his words traveling slowly as he tried to choose just the right ones. “I want to go to the doctor with you, and I want to be there when she’s born, and… I’d really like to be able to see her grow up.”
“You can,” Sebastian shrugged. “I mean, doctor stuff is boring, but… we’ll work out a custody thing when she’s born.”
“I want to watch her grow up with you,” Sam said flatly.
Sebastian looked up sharply, surprised by the admission, and he asked, “Wait… what?”
Sam took a drink of his soda, and then he looked at Sebastian and explained, “I’d really like it if we could try raising her together. And… I want to take you out again. On more dates, I mean. I’m having fun with you, and I… I want to get to know you better. I really like you, Sebastian.”
Sebastian’s head started spinning and he felt dizzy for it all. He’d been expecting the night they spent together to come up, or maybe custody of Maddie, but… not this. Sebastian wasn’t used to this sort of thing. Dating wasn’t something that Sebastian Smythe did, and especially not with perfect blonde athletic men that could have their pick of anyone on the fucking planet. “We’ve been on one date and slept together once,” Sebastian pointed out. He quieted as the server brought them their pizza, and then he began again, “I don’t think that’s grounds for raising a baby together. I know I don’t know the first thing about babies, or families, or fucking being around people at all, but… it doesn’t sound like a very good idea.”
It didn’t surprise Sam when Sebastian didn’t seem to agree right away, but it still hurt. “I don’t just want her on the weekends, though. I can’t stand only seeing her that much. I want to be there for all her firsts, and we can’t schedule those,” Sam pointed out. “What are you so afraid of?”
Sebastian froze when Sam asked what he was afraid of, and more things than he could possibly explain came to mind, so instead he just put a piece of pizza on his plate and started cutting it up. Not another word fell from Sebastian’s lips, and he shut Sam out for the rest of the dinner. Sebastian finished off one slice of pizza in the time it took Sam to eat three, and they split the leftovers unevenly because Sam knew Sebastian would be hungry later. They left sooner than Sam wanted them to, and he wanted to try one last time to show Sebastian that he didn’t have to be so alone.
Sam hated being alone, too, and living at Kurt and Finn’s parents’ house without Kurt and Finn there was the first step to being alone. He was used to going down the hall for a Call of Duty partner or someone to sing with, but they were gone. Now he just worked, ate, and slept, and Sam was getting tired of it. Burt and Carole were fine with Sam bringing Maddie there when he had her, but Sam didn’t want to settle for that - not when he knew there was chemistry there, somewhere deep down, between the two of them.
They left the pizza place, the leftovers in one of Sebastian’s hands and the mugs in one of Sam’s, and the darkness and moonlight shone down on them as they walked through the empty street together. “I’m sorry,” Sam said softly.
Sebastian didn’t acknowledge him, just as he hadn’t since the comment, but then something happened. Sebastian felt fingers against his own, and at first he thought it was an accident. But then Sam’s hand seemed to be pressing gently against his, trying to spread his fingers so theirs could weave together. Sebastian let it happen, the whole time his heart and head were moving far too fast as he tried to figure out what the hell Sam was playing at.
But that was all there was to it. They were holding hands. Just holding hands. Sebastian glanced down between them, almost as though he couldn’t believe it, and then looked back up ahead of them as they walked. Sam smiled at Sebastian’s reaction, and his smile grew when he felt Sebastian’s hand actually holding his own.
They reached Sam’s truck too soon for his tastes, and Sebastian let Sam help him into the truck, since moving was becoming kind of difficult for Sebastian. Then Sam walked around to climb into the driver’s seat, and he brought Sebastian home. They parked out front of the building, and Sam turned to look at Sebastian. “So… can I come to the next appointment?” he asked softly.
Sebastian nodded slowly and said, “Sure. I mean… if you want.”
“I want to,” Sam insisted. He smiled up at Sebastian, and then he told him, “Just… please think about it. You and me. I get that it might take time, but… I want to at least try, you know? For Maddie.”
Sam’s words really hit Sebastian hard, and all he could do was nod. It would get Sam off his back and Sebastian would have space, and he could tell him no later when he had more resolve and more energy. Sam started to lean in, but before he could do what he wanted, Sebastian climbed out of the truck and went inside.
Ever since the date, Sebastian had felt even weaker and more upset than he had before. He blamed the hormones, because he couldn’t figure out what he was thinking for once. Sam must have one hell of a perfect home life if he would think even for a minute that living together would be the best solution. It was absolutely insane and Sebastian wasn’t so sure he’d ever live with someone, never mind someone he’d fucked once and gone on one random date with.
Maddie was kicking more often now, and Sebastian was constantly aching thanks to that and her size. By November, he wasn’t sure how he could possibly grow any larger, and he was ready for her just to be there because carrying her around the way he was just hurt. Sebastian spent most of his time on the sofa or in his room, though occasionally he’d reply to Blaine and Sam’s text messages.
When Sebastian’s next appointment rolled around, Sam went with, and he stared at the screen with so much awe and adoration that Sebastian started to feel guilty for rejecting Sam the way he had. He wasn’t ready to live with anyone, but maybe holding his hand like he was doing in that moment they saw their daughter together was something he could handle.
Sam drove Sebastian to the appointment, so when it was over, Sam was driving him back. They decided to stop for burritos on the way back, and everything was going well. They’d ordered, Sebastian let Sam pay (with more curled up bills - Sam wasn’t fooling him at all), and now they were eating together in the restaurant a little more comfortably than before.
Comfortable, at least until Sebastian nearly face-planted his dinner as he doubled over in pain. It was shocking for Sam to see Sebastian so weakened and so utterly miserable, to the point that he froze and panicked and wasn’t sure what to do at first. “Doctor,” Sebastian breathed, looking up at Sam. “Doctor, now.”
Sam nodded and reached out to take hold of Sebastian’s hand, his other hand on his lower back to guide him out of the chair and towards the exit. People were staring, but Sam and Sebastian hadn’t noticed at all. Sam led Sebastian out to the truck and helped him in, and then dashed around to climb in and start driving. Once they were on the road, Sam reached over instinctively and let Sebastian squeeze his hand through the pain.
Sebastian felt relieved, having someone there with him, but mostly he couldn’t think through the pain. It was like Maddie was trying to kill him or something, she was kicking so hard and his whole body was aching. “It’ll be okay,” Sam repeated, but Sebastian hardly heard him at all. Sebastian’s eyes were squished shut and his head tossed back against the seat, the pain nearly blinding him. “You’re both going to be fine,” Sam told him, his voice trembling as he hoped he was right.
Sam parked outside the emergency room and rushed Sebastian in, and the doctor was called as Sebastian was rushed into a room. “Are you the father?” the nurse asked.
Sam nodded, and she let him back, and then he never let Sebastian’s hand leave his own. Sebastian was changed into a hospital gown, tucked into a bed, and they gave him an IV. Sam sat in a chair next to him, and Sebastian looked absolutely exhausted. His eyes were shut and the machines were beeping next to him, and Sam felt colossally nervous. It was too early for the baby, because it wasn’t December yet, and they’d admitted Sebastian to the maternity ward which had Sam wondering if maybe the baby was coming. Sam had to leave while Dr. Hayes came in to give Sebastian an exam, and when he was allowed back in, Sebastian looked pale. “What? What is it?” Sam asked.
Sebastian shook his head and glared out the window to his left, too upset to really say anything. “His body is rejecting the uterus. We have to perform emergency surgery. The rejection is too serious at this point - if we keep the baby in, she could be affected. We’ll keep her in the NICU for a few weeks so she can properly develop the rest of the way, and Sebastian will have the hysterectomy. It’s best for all parties involved at this stage,” Dr. Hayes explained as the nurses moved Sebastian onto a stretcher and he walked down the hall to go prepare surgery.
Another nurse handed Sam blue scrubs and he scrambled to put them on so he could reach out to hold Sebastian’s hand. “Sebastian, talk to me. She’s coming… we should be happy. Thankful, even. She’s going to be okay!” Sam tried to be optimistic as they walked down the hall.
Sebastian just shook his head and fixed a strong glare on Sam. “It’s too early. I fucked her up and it’s my fault,” he shrugged.
Sebastian tried to pry his hand away from Sam’s, but Sam wouldn’t allow it. He followed Sebastian into the operating room and took a seat near his head, on the side of the curtain where he wouldn’t see anything. Sebastian was drugged so he wouldn’t feel pain, and then the procedure began. Sam fixed all his attention on Sebastian and he smiled as he said, “But she’s healthy. She’s going to be fine. This… this is a miracle, Sebastian. She’s our miracle.”
Sam’s words were very little comfort to Sebastian, though, and he tried to tug his hand away. “Sorry. Sorry. I’ll stop. Just… please, don’t hate yourself for this. Hate me all you want for doing this to you, but… don’t hate yourself,” Sam’s heart hurt just saying it, but he’d grown to care too much for Sebastian and Maddie to let something like this mess them up.
Sebastian’s eyes narrowed at Sam and he nodded, and Sam was almost sick at what it all meant. He tried to fight the tears as Sebastian refused to look at him, and the way his hand relaxed and stopped holding Sam’s. It was more than Sam wanted to ever have to deal with, but he knew he shouldn’t be surprised. He was pulled from his thoughts when he heard crying ringing through the room, and when Sam looked over his shoulder, he spotted Maddie, squirming and crying. Sam backed up to let Sebastian see her, and Sebastian’s hand fell from Sam’s as he took a good look.
The nurse carried Maddie right over to Sebastian and rested her on his chest in blankets. He stared down at her in awe. She was so tiny and just his arms wrapping around her seemed to quiet her wails and calm her. Sebastian couldn’t handle it. He felt a tear sliding down his cheek, and Sam stepped away. “I shouldn’t be here,” he told a nurse sadly.
Sam turned and left the room, leaving Sebastian to stare down at Maddie in awe and adoration. Sam tossed the scrubs in a garbage can and ran out to his truck, tears falling down his own cheeks. He’d just messed everything up and he realized it - all for Sebastian and Maddie. He left them for their own good. Sam had noticed over the past few weeks that Sebastian was only letting him in to be nice - he had no intention of ever fully sharing Maddie and Sam realized that now.
Through his tears, Sam drove away from the hospital - past Sebastian’s apartment, past Burt and Carole’s house, and all the way to Kentucky where his parents lived, because he needed his own family now more than ever.
Back at the hospital, Sebastian greedily held Maddie until they forced her away from him. She had a checkup, Sebastian was stitched up and brought to his room, and when the two were reunited, Sebastian never stopped staring at her like she was the only thing in the room there with him. Maddie looked just like him - dark tufts of hair, little petite facial features, and she was already so big and strong. “For being a few weeks premature, she’s very well developed. A week here, tops, and she’ll be ready to go home,” Dr. Hayes told him. “Congratulations.”
Sebastian rarely slept, he was so focused on Maddie. He wanted to be the one to feed her and the one to stop her crying, and the one to do everything else for her. Nobody but himself and Sam knew about her yet, and Sebastian liked it that way. He could have Maddie all to himself, hold her all he wanted, before he ever had to worry about sharing. He also focused more on Maddie because Sam had done exactly what Sebastian hoped he wouldn’t: He left.
It shouldn’t have surprised him when Sam saw what they’d done together and decided to leave. A child was a lot to deal with and Sebastian had come to terms with it a while back. Sam had time, but apparently not enough. He couldn’t handle seeing her, being with Sebastian, or any of that. On top of it all, for some insane reason, he’d asked Sebastian to hate him, and that seemed to be the last straw. Sebastian was good at hating, and he’d do it without question.
Sam had left, and for Sebastian, that was the last straw. Sam didn’t get another chance, because Maddie was in the world now and he wouldn’t risk anything bad happening in her life just for someone to “try again.” Sebastian never trusted anyone with his own emotions, and now that Maddie’s were on the line as well, he was twice as skeptical.
Sam had lost his chance, and now it was just Sebastian and Madeline Smythe against the world.