fic: When It Comes To You (It's All A Bit Different) - 9a
Title: When It Comes to You (It's All A Little Different) - 9/10
Rating: NC-17 overall
Pairing: Sam/Sebastian
Warnings: mpreg
Words: ~6,000 this chapter (~48,800 so far)
Summary: Kurt found out that even though Sam is in Lima with the rest of the Glee club, he's still running off to Kentucky some weekends to strip. Kurt and Blaine devise a plan with Sebastian's help to give Sam the money he needs and to keep him from going back to stripping. From there, it all spirals way out of control.
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Waking up in Sam’s arms was something that Sebastian wasn’t so sure he’d ever get used to. It freaked him out, letting someone else have that little bit of control, the ability to make him feel safe in a way he hasn’t in his whole life. Sebastian tried not to panic, and slowly squirmed out of Sam’s arms and into the living room early that morning, leaving Sam sleeping in bed alone. As he paused in the doorway, Sebastian looked back to really take in the sight of Sam curled up in his bed. Sam’s blonde hair was all over the place and he looked calm and peaceful - a complete change from his constantly worried or scared look that he adopted around Sebastian every time they were together. Sebastian sighed and thought about what Sam might take all of this to mean, and he walked out into the living area of the apartment.
In the kitchen, Sebastian brewed himself some coffee and browsed through the cupboards, trying to find something he could serve for breakfast. He might feel awkward about the whole situation, but he was raised to be a good host, and to be a good host he should provide breakfast to Sam, and Maddie by extension. All he could find were some sausages and eggs, and there was a half of a loaf of bread left that he could make some toast out of as well. The clock neared ten a.m. by the time Sebastian finished making breakfast, and when he did, Maddie started to cry. Sebastian glanced up, trying to figure out how to walk away from half-scrambled eggs to get her, but Sam was on his game. The monitor was still on in the room so he’d heard her, and he walked in a few minutes later with a sleepy looking Maddie and his own scruffy disorientation. “Hey,” he said groggily.
“Hey,” Sebastian replied shortly.
Sam put Maddie in her high chair, and then he sat down at the table next to her. He ran his hands through his hair and kept silent as Sebastian worked in the kitchen. Sam wanted to offer to help, but Sebastian looked like he had it all under control. A couple of minutes later, Maddie had a sippy cup filled with juice, and Sam had a steaming hot cappuccino in front of him. He gratefully sipped from it and watched as Sebastian prepared their plates. Maddie just got toast and some Fruit Loops, and he and Sam had the eggs, sausages, and toast. Sebastian gave Maddie her breakfast first, and then slid Sam’s across the table to him along with a fork before Sebastian sat down in his own spot, plate, fork, and coffee in front of him.
Breakfast was quiet and slightly awkward. Sebastian didn’t have people over often, and he was still tired and in his pajamas, so he didn’t quite know what to say. Sam kept glancing up over the table at him, and finally, when they had finished eating, Sam said softly, “That was delicious. Thank you.”
Sebastian nodded in recognition of the thanks, and he held his hand out to take Sam’s dirty dishes. Sam took his own and stood up. “Let me help,” he offered.
It would have taken energy that Sebastian didn’t yet possess for him to argue and say no, so instead he just led Sam into the kitchen and put his own dishes away in the dishwasher, so Sam knew where it was and how to do it to Sebastian’s liking. Once that was done, neither of them knew what to do. “Sebastian, I… thank you for letting us stay here last night,” Sam settled upon, not entirely sure how to convey what he was feeling in that moment.
“Waking Maddie to bring her home would have been hell,” Sebastian shrugged.
Sam knew that was as much of an acknowledgement that he was going to get in that moment. “We should probably get going… I’m sure Burt and Carole are wondering where we are…” Sam trailed off nervously. He wasn’t sure how Sebastian would react to them leaving. Sam still had custody of Maddie until Friday, and it was only Sunday.
Sebastian just nodded, and he glanced over at Maddie. “You can get her ready to go if you want,” Sam offered.
It was little stuff like that that caused Sebastian to look at Sam in a way that said he couldn’t quite figure him out. If he was so adamant about joint custody, why was he so willing to share? What was he getting at? Sebastian was confused, but took Sam up on his offer. Sebastian cleaned Maddie up and took her from her high chair. Once they got to her room, Sebastian looked down at her with a bit of sadness and she asked inquisitively, “Dada?”
“Yeah, baby?” he asked as he changed her diaper and put a new dress on her.
Maddie just smiled and clapped, and Sebastian understood. Her speech was still very limited, but something about his expression had worried her and she had wanted to cheer him up. He smiled down at her and once she was dressed, Sebastian picked her up to hug her. “I love you, Mads,” he said softly, kissing her on the cheek.
Maddie wrapped her little arms around Sebastian’s neck as best she could to hug him in return, and she cooed happily, “Dada.”
After their exchange in Maddie’s room, Sebastian was even more reluctant to let Maddie go. It was a legally binding agreement so Sebastian knew he couldn’t fight it, but deep down he wanted to. Out in the living room, Sam was changed back into what he’d worn the previous day, and he reached out for Maddie. “Time to go?” he asked.
Confusion filled Maddie’s eyes and she looked up at Sebastian, then over at Sam. When her eyes met Sebastian’s again, it killed him to say, “Go with daddy, Mads. You get to see me again soon, I promise.”
Maddie looked sad and confused, but she let Sam take her, and she snuggled into his chest. Sam’s eyes met Sebastian’s, and for a minute that same sadness that Sam recognized from court was back in Sebastian’s eyes. “I…” Sam began.
“Just go,” Sebastian said softly, walking over to the door to open it.
Sam gave Sebastian a pleading look but it wasn’t going to work and he knew it. “I’ll see you later, then,” Sam said, defeated.
“Friday,” Sebastian said simply, closing the door and pointedly avoiding looking at either of them. It hurt too much.
Frustrated, Sebastian went back into his room and flopped onto his bed. It didn’t take him more than five minutes to smell Sam on the blankets and pillows. It was like everything was a reminder of this family he’d acquired, now. Avoiding it was impossible as long as Sebastian let moments like the previous night happen again. What killed him even more was that now he didn’t find himself just missing Maddie.
The following night when Sebastian went to bed, alone and cold under his covers, he thought back to the night before where Sam had held him and they’d fallen asleep together. He wanted that back. Sebastian felt like an idiot for it, but he wanted desperately to relive that night over and over again. Something about Sam made Sebastian feel safe and cared about, and it was so much better than a phone call from his mother in France every so often.
Now that he didn’t have school, Sebastian saw nothing wrong with going out to Scandals. Monday night he drank, Tuesday night he drank, Wednesday night he got so wasted he couldn’t remember anything past ten o’clock, and finally on Thursday it all caught up with him. From the time he got home at two o’clock in the morning, all the way until eight o’clock that night, Sebastian spent his time curled up under a blanket on the bathroom floor, vomiting intermittently when he wasn’t dozing off. His phone lay forgotten in his room, six missed calls and thirteen ignored text messages from Blaine all gathered in his phone. At eight o’clock, Sebastian was forced to move by a concerned Blaine, and Sebastian was thankful.
Blaine was stronger than he looked, Sebastian noticed, and he dragged Sebastian into the living room where he handed him a trash can and told him not to move. Sitting up didn’t help Sebastian at all, even though at least now he knew he was just dealing with the after-effects. The room wasn’t spinning anymore, and he didn’t feel that buzz. “Sebastian, you have to stop this,” Blaine said seriously, handing Sebastian a tall glass of water. “If you get caught, do you even realize what the consequences will be?”
Sebastian shot a strong glare at Blaine. Truthfully, he hadn’t thought about the consequences at all, but he certainly didn’t think that anything about the situation was Blaine’s business. Then again, Sebastian didn’t even know how Blaine got into the apartment building and his apartment, nor did he care to think about it. “Sebastian, if you get caught at Scandals with that fake ID, you’ll get arrested. You could lose Maddie for good. Do you understand that?” Blaine told him, looking right into Sebastian’s unfocused eyes.
The thought of losing Maddie was instantly sobering, and Sebastian didn’t feel buzzed, just sick. He couldn’t lose her. But at the same time, Sebastian didn’t know how to handle himself or what to do with his time now that she wasn’t around. “I know you don’t want to lose her. This whole court battle you had with Sam is solid proof of that,” Blaine told Sebastian as he smoothed the sweat-slicked hair off of Sebastian’s forehead. “Everything you do, you have to do for Maddie. Are you enrolled for college? Have you even applied? It’ll be starting soon, and I really think it would be good for you. You need something to do with your time, and you need something to keep you out of trouble. You and I both know that Sam is a perfectly capable parent, but you both deserve equal time with Maddie and that isn’t going to happen if you’re going out and risking all of this just to drink it all away.”
Blaine had been worried for days, hearing through the grapevine how often Sebastian had been at Scandals. When their eyes met, Sebastian looked like he was on the verge of tears. He couldn’t handle the pressure and didn’t know what to do. “M-mother said I’m accepted to… fuck, I don’t even know, but I can do home study,” Sebastian slurred.
“You could… but should you?” Blaine challenged.
“Of course I should,” Sebastian shot.
Blaine sighed and said, “I mean… she’s getting old enough to go to daycare. I think you and Sam both need to stop sending so much time at home with her and take this on like adults. Staying home with her is admirable, but don’t you think she should start making friends? Maddie loves you both, but daycare will teach her sharing, and help her make friends. She’s growing up, and this is the next step.”
“I prefer classes online,” Sebastian said matter-of-factly.
“That’s okay,” Blaine said earnestly. “Just… try half and half, maybe? Take half of your classes on campus, and then take the other half online. That way maybe she only has to go to daycare for half days, or only certain days of the week. Work it out with Sam, too. Find somewhere that you can both pay for and make it to daily and work it out.”
Sebastian sighed. Working things out with Sam meant seeing him more, and seeing him more meant that Sebastian was faced with all of these feelings that he hated thinking about. After everything he’s put Sam through, and everything Sam put him through, Sebastian was convinced that there was no chance for the two of them anymore. Blaine let Sebastian sit and relax for a few minutes before he asked, “So, Sam stayed over last weekend, huh?”
When their eyes met, the pure danger in Sebastian’s eyes should have scared Blaine away right then and there. He just watched Sebastian, though, and finally he sighed and said, “Yeah. Sam invited me out to dinner with them and we came back here for ice cream. Maddie fell asleep and I didn’t want to have to wake her so they stayed overnight.”
Blaine knew the whole story, whether Sebastian wanted to explain it to him or not. He was well aware that the two men had cuddled. Sam went on and on about it for hours when he’d gotten back, a huge grin on his face. Even being pushed out the door didn’t have an effect on him because all Sam could think about was the way they’d cuddled and gone out as a family and acted so completely domestic. It was the greatest feeling, in Sam’s opinion. “You should take him out on a date. I’ll babysit. Just… see how it goes. You guys were fine before she was born, right?” Blaine offered.
He knew he was walking on thin ice with his suggestion, but Blaine wanted Sebastian to know that he had that sort of faith in their relationship. “One date, not a lifetime commitment,” Blaine clarified.
Sebastian sighed and said, “Later. I just…”
He felt his stomach lurch again, and he was throwing up while Blaine sighed and walked into the kitchen. Blaine checked every nook and cranny of the apartment, searching for any alcohol that might be left in Sebastian’s home. All he found was a half-full flask, and Blaine took the liberty of pouring it down the drain. Sebastian really didn’t need alcohol around when he was dealing with this sort of confusion and all this change in his life. When Sebastian returned, he flopped onto the couch and Blaine said, “I want you to stop drinking. For now, at least, because you need to straighten out what exactly is going on between you and Sam, and figure out how to work Maddie into it. This is your shot at a family - at something you’ve told me many times you didn’t have growing up. I know you can give her a good life, but don’t rule out a relationship along with it, okay?”
Sebastian glared up at Blaine, but nodded and went into the bathroom to take a shower. When he got out, he brushed his teeth and got himself a glass of ice water, and he sat around on the patio for a while, just thinking about it all.
On the one hand, Sebastian didn’t know if he wanted to deal with all the baggage of a relationship. If they fought, Maddie would know it. Sam had so much going on in his life, the stripping thing was evidence of that, and Sebastian knew full well that he was living in a town without his family. What if Sam wanted to go back to Kentucky to be with his parents? That would leave Sebastian stuck with the option of moving to an even worse state than Ohio, or going through a breakup.
Breakups were the biggest reason why Sebastian avoided relationships. He didn’t want to have to say goodbye to someone that he let in. Sebastian was a very reserved person and if someone got to see all of him, his whole personality like the way that he let Blaine, they were lucky. Sebastian could count on one hand the people that he’d opened up to about his life and what he really was like behind the cold exterior. If Sebastian let Sam in, he was subjecting himself to the potential of having that all thrown in his face if Sam left. He wasn’t sure he was ready to deal with that.
On the other hand, Sebastian really wanted someone in his life consistently. He didn’t like sitting at home alone. If he hadn’t figured that out before Maddie, he certainly figured it out after. Sebastian had grown up alone; he was sick and tired of having to do everything in solitude, go out alone, eat alone, talk to nobody. Having Sam in his life meant that Sebastian would at least have someone to talk to, or watch mindless movies with, or anything. As long as he wasn’t alone, it was a step in the direction that Sebastian wanted to move towards.
Even more, Sebastian knew that with Maddie, meeting anyone else would be more of a chore than he was willing to deal with. Having a child severely limited dating possibilities, so if Sebastian wanted a shot at a relationship, maybe Sam was his only chance. The chances of finding a guy that he was attracted to that actually liked children was slim to none and Sebastian knew it. Besides, he didn’t know if he’d want to see anybody other than Sam caring for and loving Maddie like a daughter. Sebastian got very possessive of her, and he didn’t want anybody else to have the chance to be mistaken as ‘dada.’ It was hard enough for Sebastian to share that title with Sam.
After almost two hours of sitting out on the patio thinking about it all, Sebastian picked up his cell phone and dialed Sam’s phone number. After three rings, Sebastian was about to hang up because Sam obviously wasn’t interested, but then Sam answered, sounding rushed, “Hey.”
“I can call later,” Sebastian shook his head.
“No, sorry, I was just putting Maddie down to bed and my phone was in my room,” Sam said. He sounded calmer now. “I’m good.”
Sebastian was quiet, and Sam didn’t say anything for fear of messing up whatever it was Sebastian had called him for. “So, Friday night…”
“Oh, yeah, I can bring her to your place after dinner, or you can come get her, or whatever you want to do,” Sam said simply. “I’m totally flexible.”
He wanted to make switching Maddie from one home to the other as seamless as possible, and he didn’t want to start any fights, so Sam agreed to just do whatever it was that Sebastian would want. “That’s… well, that’s not why I called, but I guess we can just figure it out next week,” Sebastian shrugged.
“Next week?” Sam asked curiously.
After Sebastian had fought so hard for custody of Maddie, was he really giving Sam two weeks in a row with her? Sam didn’t know where this was going, so he was silent and waited for an answer. “Leave her with Blaine Friday night. He already agreed to babysit,” Sebastian instructed.
“Why does she need a babysitter?”
Sam didn’t know what was going on, but he didn’t really think it was right of Sebastian to go out during his weeks that he had Maddie. If he brought her out, that was one thing, but giving her to someone else so he could go out drinking or clubbing or whatever it was that he liked to do was a completely separate thing. “We’re going out Friday night,” Sebastian said simply.
The line was silent and Sebastian waited for some sort of argument or other problem that could convince Sebastian that this whole thing had been a bad idea. “Who’s we?” Sam asked cluelessly.
Sebastian rolled his eyes. He would have been annoyed if he hadn’t known that this was just the way Sam was: clueless. Sebastian took a moment to let out a deep sigh, and then he said, “You and me. We’re going out to dinner, okay? So I’ll pick you up at eight.”
Sam didn’t say a single word. He didn’t know what to think. Was Sebastian really taking him out on a date? There was really no other way to interpret the situation, and the fact that Sebastian sounded so freaked out only gave away the fact that this was indeed a date. Sebastian didn’t mind going out as a family, but one on one was different. It had been far too long since they went out with just the two of them. “Sure,” Sam said softly, still in shock.
“Dress up, too,” Sebastian added.
He had things in mind for Friday night, and he wouldn’t admit that half of the ideas were courtesy of Blaine. Instead, Sebastian would just let things go the way they would, and Sam would either appreciate it or he wouldn’t like it. Sebastian found himself hoping that things would go well. He needed to give this a try because he had more of a chance of it working out with Sam than he did with anyone else. Mostly, Sebastian was just tired of being alone, and he knew that Sam could help him with that.
PART TWO
Rating: NC-17 overall
Pairing: Sam/Sebastian
Warnings: mpreg
Words: ~6,000 this chapter (~48,800 so far)
Summary: Kurt found out that even though Sam is in Lima with the rest of the Glee club, he's still running off to Kentucky some weekends to strip. Kurt and Blaine devise a plan with Sebastian's help to give Sam the money he needs and to keep him from going back to stripping. From there, it all spirals way out of control.
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Waking up in Sam’s arms was something that Sebastian wasn’t so sure he’d ever get used to. It freaked him out, letting someone else have that little bit of control, the ability to make him feel safe in a way he hasn’t in his whole life. Sebastian tried not to panic, and slowly squirmed out of Sam’s arms and into the living room early that morning, leaving Sam sleeping in bed alone. As he paused in the doorway, Sebastian looked back to really take in the sight of Sam curled up in his bed. Sam’s blonde hair was all over the place and he looked calm and peaceful - a complete change from his constantly worried or scared look that he adopted around Sebastian every time they were together. Sebastian sighed and thought about what Sam might take all of this to mean, and he walked out into the living area of the apartment.
In the kitchen, Sebastian brewed himself some coffee and browsed through the cupboards, trying to find something he could serve for breakfast. He might feel awkward about the whole situation, but he was raised to be a good host, and to be a good host he should provide breakfast to Sam, and Maddie by extension. All he could find were some sausages and eggs, and there was a half of a loaf of bread left that he could make some toast out of as well. The clock neared ten a.m. by the time Sebastian finished making breakfast, and when he did, Maddie started to cry. Sebastian glanced up, trying to figure out how to walk away from half-scrambled eggs to get her, but Sam was on his game. The monitor was still on in the room so he’d heard her, and he walked in a few minutes later with a sleepy looking Maddie and his own scruffy disorientation. “Hey,” he said groggily.
“Hey,” Sebastian replied shortly.
Sam put Maddie in her high chair, and then he sat down at the table next to her. He ran his hands through his hair and kept silent as Sebastian worked in the kitchen. Sam wanted to offer to help, but Sebastian looked like he had it all under control. A couple of minutes later, Maddie had a sippy cup filled with juice, and Sam had a steaming hot cappuccino in front of him. He gratefully sipped from it and watched as Sebastian prepared their plates. Maddie just got toast and some Fruit Loops, and he and Sam had the eggs, sausages, and toast. Sebastian gave Maddie her breakfast first, and then slid Sam’s across the table to him along with a fork before Sebastian sat down in his own spot, plate, fork, and coffee in front of him.
Breakfast was quiet and slightly awkward. Sebastian didn’t have people over often, and he was still tired and in his pajamas, so he didn’t quite know what to say. Sam kept glancing up over the table at him, and finally, when they had finished eating, Sam said softly, “That was delicious. Thank you.”
Sebastian nodded in recognition of the thanks, and he held his hand out to take Sam’s dirty dishes. Sam took his own and stood up. “Let me help,” he offered.
It would have taken energy that Sebastian didn’t yet possess for him to argue and say no, so instead he just led Sam into the kitchen and put his own dishes away in the dishwasher, so Sam knew where it was and how to do it to Sebastian’s liking. Once that was done, neither of them knew what to do. “Sebastian, I… thank you for letting us stay here last night,” Sam settled upon, not entirely sure how to convey what he was feeling in that moment.
“Waking Maddie to bring her home would have been hell,” Sebastian shrugged.
Sam knew that was as much of an acknowledgement that he was going to get in that moment. “We should probably get going… I’m sure Burt and Carole are wondering where we are…” Sam trailed off nervously. He wasn’t sure how Sebastian would react to them leaving. Sam still had custody of Maddie until Friday, and it was only Sunday.
Sebastian just nodded, and he glanced over at Maddie. “You can get her ready to go if you want,” Sam offered.
It was little stuff like that that caused Sebastian to look at Sam in a way that said he couldn’t quite figure him out. If he was so adamant about joint custody, why was he so willing to share? What was he getting at? Sebastian was confused, but took Sam up on his offer. Sebastian cleaned Maddie up and took her from her high chair. Once they got to her room, Sebastian looked down at her with a bit of sadness and she asked inquisitively, “Dada?”
“Yeah, baby?” he asked as he changed her diaper and put a new dress on her.
Maddie just smiled and clapped, and Sebastian understood. Her speech was still very limited, but something about his expression had worried her and she had wanted to cheer him up. He smiled down at her and once she was dressed, Sebastian picked her up to hug her. “I love you, Mads,” he said softly, kissing her on the cheek.
Maddie wrapped her little arms around Sebastian’s neck as best she could to hug him in return, and she cooed happily, “Dada.”
After their exchange in Maddie’s room, Sebastian was even more reluctant to let Maddie go. It was a legally binding agreement so Sebastian knew he couldn’t fight it, but deep down he wanted to. Out in the living room, Sam was changed back into what he’d worn the previous day, and he reached out for Maddie. “Time to go?” he asked.
Confusion filled Maddie’s eyes and she looked up at Sebastian, then over at Sam. When her eyes met Sebastian’s again, it killed him to say, “Go with daddy, Mads. You get to see me again soon, I promise.”
Maddie looked sad and confused, but she let Sam take her, and she snuggled into his chest. Sam’s eyes met Sebastian’s, and for a minute that same sadness that Sam recognized from court was back in Sebastian’s eyes. “I…” Sam began.
“Just go,” Sebastian said softly, walking over to the door to open it.
Sam gave Sebastian a pleading look but it wasn’t going to work and he knew it. “I’ll see you later, then,” Sam said, defeated.
“Friday,” Sebastian said simply, closing the door and pointedly avoiding looking at either of them. It hurt too much.
Frustrated, Sebastian went back into his room and flopped onto his bed. It didn’t take him more than five minutes to smell Sam on the blankets and pillows. It was like everything was a reminder of this family he’d acquired, now. Avoiding it was impossible as long as Sebastian let moments like the previous night happen again. What killed him even more was that now he didn’t find himself just missing Maddie.
The following night when Sebastian went to bed, alone and cold under his covers, he thought back to the night before where Sam had held him and they’d fallen asleep together. He wanted that back. Sebastian felt like an idiot for it, but he wanted desperately to relive that night over and over again. Something about Sam made Sebastian feel safe and cared about, and it was so much better than a phone call from his mother in France every so often.
Now that he didn’t have school, Sebastian saw nothing wrong with going out to Scandals. Monday night he drank, Tuesday night he drank, Wednesday night he got so wasted he couldn’t remember anything past ten o’clock, and finally on Thursday it all caught up with him. From the time he got home at two o’clock in the morning, all the way until eight o’clock that night, Sebastian spent his time curled up under a blanket on the bathroom floor, vomiting intermittently when he wasn’t dozing off. His phone lay forgotten in his room, six missed calls and thirteen ignored text messages from Blaine all gathered in his phone. At eight o’clock, Sebastian was forced to move by a concerned Blaine, and Sebastian was thankful.
Blaine was stronger than he looked, Sebastian noticed, and he dragged Sebastian into the living room where he handed him a trash can and told him not to move. Sitting up didn’t help Sebastian at all, even though at least now he knew he was just dealing with the after-effects. The room wasn’t spinning anymore, and he didn’t feel that buzz. “Sebastian, you have to stop this,” Blaine said seriously, handing Sebastian a tall glass of water. “If you get caught, do you even realize what the consequences will be?”
Sebastian shot a strong glare at Blaine. Truthfully, he hadn’t thought about the consequences at all, but he certainly didn’t think that anything about the situation was Blaine’s business. Then again, Sebastian didn’t even know how Blaine got into the apartment building and his apartment, nor did he care to think about it. “Sebastian, if you get caught at Scandals with that fake ID, you’ll get arrested. You could lose Maddie for good. Do you understand that?” Blaine told him, looking right into Sebastian’s unfocused eyes.
The thought of losing Maddie was instantly sobering, and Sebastian didn’t feel buzzed, just sick. He couldn’t lose her. But at the same time, Sebastian didn’t know how to handle himself or what to do with his time now that she wasn’t around. “I know you don’t want to lose her. This whole court battle you had with Sam is solid proof of that,” Blaine told Sebastian as he smoothed the sweat-slicked hair off of Sebastian’s forehead. “Everything you do, you have to do for Maddie. Are you enrolled for college? Have you even applied? It’ll be starting soon, and I really think it would be good for you. You need something to do with your time, and you need something to keep you out of trouble. You and I both know that Sam is a perfectly capable parent, but you both deserve equal time with Maddie and that isn’t going to happen if you’re going out and risking all of this just to drink it all away.”
Blaine had been worried for days, hearing through the grapevine how often Sebastian had been at Scandals. When their eyes met, Sebastian looked like he was on the verge of tears. He couldn’t handle the pressure and didn’t know what to do. “M-mother said I’m accepted to… fuck, I don’t even know, but I can do home study,” Sebastian slurred.
“You could… but should you?” Blaine challenged.
“Of course I should,” Sebastian shot.
Blaine sighed and said, “I mean… she’s getting old enough to go to daycare. I think you and Sam both need to stop sending so much time at home with her and take this on like adults. Staying home with her is admirable, but don’t you think she should start making friends? Maddie loves you both, but daycare will teach her sharing, and help her make friends. She’s growing up, and this is the next step.”
“I prefer classes online,” Sebastian said matter-of-factly.
“That’s okay,” Blaine said earnestly. “Just… try half and half, maybe? Take half of your classes on campus, and then take the other half online. That way maybe she only has to go to daycare for half days, or only certain days of the week. Work it out with Sam, too. Find somewhere that you can both pay for and make it to daily and work it out.”
Sebastian sighed. Working things out with Sam meant seeing him more, and seeing him more meant that Sebastian was faced with all of these feelings that he hated thinking about. After everything he’s put Sam through, and everything Sam put him through, Sebastian was convinced that there was no chance for the two of them anymore. Blaine let Sebastian sit and relax for a few minutes before he asked, “So, Sam stayed over last weekend, huh?”
When their eyes met, the pure danger in Sebastian’s eyes should have scared Blaine away right then and there. He just watched Sebastian, though, and finally he sighed and said, “Yeah. Sam invited me out to dinner with them and we came back here for ice cream. Maddie fell asleep and I didn’t want to have to wake her so they stayed overnight.”
Blaine knew the whole story, whether Sebastian wanted to explain it to him or not. He was well aware that the two men had cuddled. Sam went on and on about it for hours when he’d gotten back, a huge grin on his face. Even being pushed out the door didn’t have an effect on him because all Sam could think about was the way they’d cuddled and gone out as a family and acted so completely domestic. It was the greatest feeling, in Sam’s opinion. “You should take him out on a date. I’ll babysit. Just… see how it goes. You guys were fine before she was born, right?” Blaine offered.
He knew he was walking on thin ice with his suggestion, but Blaine wanted Sebastian to know that he had that sort of faith in their relationship. “One date, not a lifetime commitment,” Blaine clarified.
Sebastian sighed and said, “Later. I just…”
He felt his stomach lurch again, and he was throwing up while Blaine sighed and walked into the kitchen. Blaine checked every nook and cranny of the apartment, searching for any alcohol that might be left in Sebastian’s home. All he found was a half-full flask, and Blaine took the liberty of pouring it down the drain. Sebastian really didn’t need alcohol around when he was dealing with this sort of confusion and all this change in his life. When Sebastian returned, he flopped onto the couch and Blaine said, “I want you to stop drinking. For now, at least, because you need to straighten out what exactly is going on between you and Sam, and figure out how to work Maddie into it. This is your shot at a family - at something you’ve told me many times you didn’t have growing up. I know you can give her a good life, but don’t rule out a relationship along with it, okay?”
Sebastian glared up at Blaine, but nodded and went into the bathroom to take a shower. When he got out, he brushed his teeth and got himself a glass of ice water, and he sat around on the patio for a while, just thinking about it all.
On the one hand, Sebastian didn’t know if he wanted to deal with all the baggage of a relationship. If they fought, Maddie would know it. Sam had so much going on in his life, the stripping thing was evidence of that, and Sebastian knew full well that he was living in a town without his family. What if Sam wanted to go back to Kentucky to be with his parents? That would leave Sebastian stuck with the option of moving to an even worse state than Ohio, or going through a breakup.
Breakups were the biggest reason why Sebastian avoided relationships. He didn’t want to have to say goodbye to someone that he let in. Sebastian was a very reserved person and if someone got to see all of him, his whole personality like the way that he let Blaine, they were lucky. Sebastian could count on one hand the people that he’d opened up to about his life and what he really was like behind the cold exterior. If Sebastian let Sam in, he was subjecting himself to the potential of having that all thrown in his face if Sam left. He wasn’t sure he was ready to deal with that.
On the other hand, Sebastian really wanted someone in his life consistently. He didn’t like sitting at home alone. If he hadn’t figured that out before Maddie, he certainly figured it out after. Sebastian had grown up alone; he was sick and tired of having to do everything in solitude, go out alone, eat alone, talk to nobody. Having Sam in his life meant that Sebastian would at least have someone to talk to, or watch mindless movies with, or anything. As long as he wasn’t alone, it was a step in the direction that Sebastian wanted to move towards.
Even more, Sebastian knew that with Maddie, meeting anyone else would be more of a chore than he was willing to deal with. Having a child severely limited dating possibilities, so if Sebastian wanted a shot at a relationship, maybe Sam was his only chance. The chances of finding a guy that he was attracted to that actually liked children was slim to none and Sebastian knew it. Besides, he didn’t know if he’d want to see anybody other than Sam caring for and loving Maddie like a daughter. Sebastian got very possessive of her, and he didn’t want anybody else to have the chance to be mistaken as ‘dada.’ It was hard enough for Sebastian to share that title with Sam.
After almost two hours of sitting out on the patio thinking about it all, Sebastian picked up his cell phone and dialed Sam’s phone number. After three rings, Sebastian was about to hang up because Sam obviously wasn’t interested, but then Sam answered, sounding rushed, “Hey.”
“I can call later,” Sebastian shook his head.
“No, sorry, I was just putting Maddie down to bed and my phone was in my room,” Sam said. He sounded calmer now. “I’m good.”
Sebastian was quiet, and Sam didn’t say anything for fear of messing up whatever it was Sebastian had called him for. “So, Friday night…”
“Oh, yeah, I can bring her to your place after dinner, or you can come get her, or whatever you want to do,” Sam said simply. “I’m totally flexible.”
He wanted to make switching Maddie from one home to the other as seamless as possible, and he didn’t want to start any fights, so Sam agreed to just do whatever it was that Sebastian would want. “That’s… well, that’s not why I called, but I guess we can just figure it out next week,” Sebastian shrugged.
“Next week?” Sam asked curiously.
After Sebastian had fought so hard for custody of Maddie, was he really giving Sam two weeks in a row with her? Sam didn’t know where this was going, so he was silent and waited for an answer. “Leave her with Blaine Friday night. He already agreed to babysit,” Sebastian instructed.
“Why does she need a babysitter?”
Sam didn’t know what was going on, but he didn’t really think it was right of Sebastian to go out during his weeks that he had Maddie. If he brought her out, that was one thing, but giving her to someone else so he could go out drinking or clubbing or whatever it was that he liked to do was a completely separate thing. “We’re going out Friday night,” Sebastian said simply.
The line was silent and Sebastian waited for some sort of argument or other problem that could convince Sebastian that this whole thing had been a bad idea. “Who’s we?” Sam asked cluelessly.
Sebastian rolled his eyes. He would have been annoyed if he hadn’t known that this was just the way Sam was: clueless. Sebastian took a moment to let out a deep sigh, and then he said, “You and me. We’re going out to dinner, okay? So I’ll pick you up at eight.”
Sam didn’t say a single word. He didn’t know what to think. Was Sebastian really taking him out on a date? There was really no other way to interpret the situation, and the fact that Sebastian sounded so freaked out only gave away the fact that this was indeed a date. Sebastian didn’t mind going out as a family, but one on one was different. It had been far too long since they went out with just the two of them. “Sure,” Sam said softly, still in shock.
“Dress up, too,” Sebastian added.
He had things in mind for Friday night, and he wouldn’t admit that half of the ideas were courtesy of Blaine. Instead, Sebastian would just let things go the way they would, and Sam would either appreciate it or he wouldn’t like it. Sebastian found himself hoping that things would go well. He needed to give this a try because he had more of a chance of it working out with Sam than he did with anyone else. Mostly, Sebastian was just tired of being alone, and he knew that Sam could help him with that.
PART TWO