Call me on your way back home dear
Cause I miss you

I miss you and I haven't seen you in over a year.
It's weird, but knowing you are so far away makes me feel helpess when things go wrong.
 

Dear diary, ( or the few that actually read this!)
today, i am frantic and drinking alot of wine.
it makes my lips red and my mouth dry and my cheeks tingle.
i bought red hairdye and red gloss for my lips and a red scarf.
I think the colors of the leaves are fucking with my mind.
i named the turkey today and now i don't even want to look at it.
ronda.
Oh ( Read more... )

you've lost your touch haven't you..

it's so strange to think about it. it's strange to think about what would happen.
would anyone show up? would anyone give a damn?
hard to say.
it's taken me so long to get to this point.
what if i have to throw it all away?
what if i have to piece it all back together again?
what if i don't get a chance to?
tell me what ( Read more... )

Eyeless in the morning sun you were
Pale and mild
A modern girl
Taken with thought still prone to care
Making tea
In your underwear

It has come down to this. am i or am i not? it should be simple right? try again.
It would make everything alot more simple if I wasn't, but lately..i don't know.
I DON'T KNOW.
maybe i need someone to tell me straight up what ( Read more... )

Stop trying to hurt so bad..

that same feeling is back. i tried to ignore it and i can't.
you can only push something away for so long, until you don't have the strength to do it anymore.
i do this to myself. i bring it on myself. maybe to make myself feel something else.
maybe so i'm not so fucking numb.
or maybe to make myself so numb that i don't ( Read more... )

remember to breathe..

I moved in on friday and i already hate this.
I have that feeling in my stomach.
it's screaming at me, that i made a bad decision.
I start a new job tomorrow and i'm not looking forward to it.
You know when you go somewhere and you realize everyone is alot better looking then you?
That's how i feel about it.
I work with 4 other girls ( Read more... )

so i bought a lottery ticket.
i better win.
if i do..i won't have to work.ever.
i hate working, so this seems like the best thing for me.
imagine it.
NIKKI
30 MILLION DOLLARS.
happiest bitch in the world.

maybe you'll find a 10million dollar check in the mail?
cause i'm an awesome,sharing person.

i took it for love or at least something beautiful

have you ever had one of those days where, no matter how many people you are with,no matter who is talking to you,touching you,watching you, you feel alone?
I had that. I had that crying feeling.
The feeling where..you can feel it in your chest..your throat.
You are gritting your teeth but the urge to ( Read more... )

So apparently cigarettes are harder to quit than heroin.

well i wish i started using heroin instead.

fuck.

Today I have been thinking.
the same things swirl around in my brain.
love and lust and want and need and have and hate and structure and relationships and the like.

Love. Will I ever love someone? Will I ever truly love someone? Will I ever finally understand the difference? Is it possible for someone to love me? the way I am? my whole fucked up self ( Read more... )