the frequency is increasing. what used to be a once or twice a year occurrence.. how many times the past month alone now? waking in the same predawn sweat five, ten, twelve years ago. what if? what if I'd held out for another day, another week, another year. stay the night with me. flesh pressed under dirty clearance rack comforter on a ( Read more... )

It makes one wonder if it’s just the trappings of it all, the frequency of the ambient droning of longing, regret etc that’s important. Give me enough time to second guess and I’ll wind up missing every Last girl I’ve ever felt something for or felt up. It’s a deeper problem, subconscious, subprime, suboptimal for the subhuman. The crisis of our ( Read more... )

all women, yes all, women are functionally identical.  discovery phase, experimental phase, reactionary phase, reconciliatory phase.  better to get that pussy in the early years than the later.  the sex wont be any better but there will be less histronics and degrading talking tos.   they love their conversation.  arching an eyebrow and dryly ( Read more... )

still cant, pathetically, answer the goddamn question "why".  used to say all the time "the mystery is there is no mystery", what the fuck did I think I was saying?  those were song lyrics asshole, your world weary affectation is just pastiche man, youre just cut and pasting a position, an identity.  if there was a reason why wouldnt you have ( Read more... )

damned thing, cursed thing, out out damn spot.  for years now, ive downplayed it in my own head, that perpetual mental illness convinced there was a studio audience listening in rapt attention to the voiceover ringing in my ears.  the ugly truth is that it was important, crucially important, and my embarrassment to the extent both at the time and ( Read more... )

Listening to the screech of the blue jays outside as the sun cracks over the tree line.  the bottle of whiskey is half gone.  no, not the one from the gas station, the other cheaper one.  back five, six years ago I was a smear on the map of the midwest, scamming my way out of bar tabs at craft beer pop ups or splitting a case of Hamms with someone ( Read more... )

I'll fucking kill myself, launch my body from the attic down through the ceiling drywall at shocking speed.   get the length of rope wrong, cheap nylon shit left over from moving.  pop my head off, blood foaming out my neck like a shaken beer can.  suicide note in my pocket is just the url to my livejournal.  god, what a good bit.

my mind's so blown splattered shattered empty headed.  im angryy in a pointless directionless way .  im broken oh god im broken i can't make sense of any of it.  why cannt i just fcupficoostn foucsec focus and amarer daf mma mfa marshall my thoughts i cant cant a canat its s sfsiag g ains si gis  si sgi sn istts  sitst  its alw asys been bad but it ( Read more... )

I'm gettin' dismembered in the morning ( Read more... )

there's this sort of pall over things ( Read more... )