No Other One, Chapter 75
Title: No Other One, Chapter 75
Author: Duckie Nicks
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Yelina Salas, Horatio Caine, the whole Caine family
Author's Note: WARNING: SPOILER FOR SEASON 6.
Summary: Almost two decades ago, Horatio made a decision that would change his family forever. Will they ever forgive him? Will he ever tell Yelina how he feels? This is an alternative to the beginning of season 6. A Horatio and Kyle story; H/Y romance in the future.
Previous Chapters: Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 21, Chapter 22, Chapter 23, Chapter 24, Chapter 25, Chapter 26, Chapter 27, Chapter 28, Chapter 29, Chapter 30, Chapter 31, Chapter 32, Chapter 33, Chapter 34, Chapter 35, Chapter 36, Chapter 37, Chapter 38, Chapter 39, Chapter 40, Chapter 41, Chapter 42, Chapter 43, Chapter 44, Chapter 45, Chapter 46, Chapter 47, Chapter 48, Chapter 49, Chapter 50, Chapter 51, Chapter 52, Chapter 53, Chapter 54, Chapter 55, Chapter 56, Chapter 57, Chapter 58, Chapter 59, Chapter 60, Chapter 61, Chapter 62, Chapter 63, Chapter 64, Chapter 65, Chapter 66, Chapter 67, Chapter 68, Chapter 69, Chapter 70, Chapter 71, Chapter 72, Chapter 73, Chapter 74
Disclaimer: I don't own the show.
"Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering." - Paulo Coelho
Kyle tiredly pressed the side of his head against the passenger side window in Yelina's car. She had eventually relented, agreeing to give him whatever information she could find on Horatio. But getting to that point had exhausted Kyle beyond words.
True, she hadn't put up much of a fight. Perhaps realizing that he would never come with her until she gave him what he wanted, she had nodded her head in a relatively short time. She'd caved.
Really, it must have only taken her five minutes at most to agree to give him what he wanted. But for Kyle it had felt like an eternity. Seconds had stretched into hours, minutes into months, and he had no idea why that was.
Maybe it was everything that had happened wearing on him. Maybe it was the fact that he was going to have to talk to Horatio about stuff. Maybe it was something else all together. At this point, Kyle didn't really know or care; all he wanted was to crawl into a bed - any bed - or some sort of hole and disappear.
But that clearly wasn't going to happen.
"You'll be fine," Yelina said, suddenly disrupting his train of thought.
He didn't know what to say, so he simply nodded his head in understanding.
She, on the other hand, couldn't stop talking.
"I can get you whatever information you want on Horatio, but I do hope you understand: it will take me some time."
Immediately Kyle glanced over at her. In his heart, he knew what her words meant. And he didn't like it. "Yeah, it'll take you time," he said sarcastically. "To weed through everything, white wash it, so I don't know -"
"No," she interrupted. "I have no intention of combing through the information I give you."
He was doubtful. "Really?"
"Kyle, our agreement was that I would give you all you could ever want to know about your father. I have no intention of lying to you."
He thought she sounded honest enough. He still didn't believe her, but he thought he heard earnestness in her tones.
Suddenly, as though the moment had transplanted him into another place and time, he remembered why he needed to remain doubtful. He remembered how years ago he'd stayed with a religious family for a week. That had been the amount of time it taken for them to go from foster family to people who'd wanted nothing to do with him. Which was ironic, because they'd been, like, über-Christian, and thinking a kid was the Devil didn't exactly seem Christian to Kyle.
But anyway, before they'd made that decision, they'd tried to indoctrinate the crap out of him. They'd taken him to church, read him the Bible, and told him (during one of their batshit crazy tirades) that what made the Devil so powerful was that he could easily imitate God. And what Kyle had taken from that was a). Christians were fucking psycho, and b). good people weren't always what they seemed to be.
As if he'd needed to learn the latter part.
He'd practically learned that at birth.
Correction: he had totally learned it at birth if Horatio, who clearly liked looking like a good guy, had abandoned him knowingly. But Kyle didn't want to think about that possibility right now. He didn't want to think about Horatio. Because this was about Yelina and whether or not she would betray Kyle - not anything else.
But try as he might, Kyle wasn't sure where to land on the matter. He just really had no idea. So he decided that the best thing to do would be to grill her some more. "Yeah? Well, people don't intend to do a lot of things. So that doesn't mean shit."
She looked at him sharply. Apparently, watching the road wasn't all that important. "My word -"
"Doesn't mean anything to -"
"But you made this agreement with me," she pointed out, turning her focus back onto her driving. "I do not believe you would have done that if you truly thought that I would betray you."
"That was before you said it would take time," he snapped, truly beginning to feel like he'd screwed up.
"Do you think I'm lying when I say that it will?" she asked curiously.
He wouldn't answer the question directly. He could, he guessed, but this wasn't about him or why he was thinking the things he thought.
This was about her.
"You put a file together for Horatio on me. Did that take months?" He was just asking a question, but it definitely sounded like an accusation.
"No, it didn't," she said quickly. And even faster, she added, "But there are several factors you have not considered."
"Like… what?" The question came out angry, so angry that it almost sounded like a demand.
"To begin with? You're much younger than Horatio. The sheer amount of information there is to collect is much larger. That alone will mean that I need more time," she explained patiently.
Truth be told, Kyle hadn't considered that. He was sixteen, and Horatio was… however the hell old he was, and Yelina was right; it would take longer to get everything Kyle wanted. But he wasn't going to capitulate just yet. She might have been right about that, but he still wanted to make sure he wasn't getting screwed over. And if he threw in the towel now, accepted that she was right and said, "Lets move on," he would never be sure that she really needed all the time she clearly wanted.
"Additionally," she told him, cutting across his thoughts. "You've lived your entire life in Miami. Horatio has not. So I'll have to look for records in every state, every city he's ever lived in." She glanced over at him as though she were making sure he was still listening.
Perhaps satisfied that he was, she kept talking. "Here, it's easy for me to retrieve information. The people I talk to… they know me. They know that I'm often working with the Miami P.D." She looked to her left and right before turning the car onto a side street. "These individuals give me the information I need without question, because there's a rapport there. They know I can be trusted. I won't be getting that from New York."
At first glance, Kyle thought that made sense. She probably could get things done faster here, where there were people she knew. But then… then he thought about how hard it would actually be for her to get information elsewhere. And the more he considered the matter, the more he began to believe that… it probably wouldn't be hard. After all, she was a family member of Horatio's, and Kyle didn't think it would be that difficult for her to get the stuff she wanted.
That doubt one he couldn't ignore, he brought up. "You're family. You don't think -"
"My relationship to Horatio is not by blood. The main tie that bound us is dead. Technically…." She sighed as though she were admitting a truth she didn't like. "We're not family. I don't see it that way, but given privacy laws, I doubt they would give me access based on that alone."
Kyle's gaze narrowed on her. "So what you're saying is that there's a good chance you can't deliver."
"No." He could hear the irritation in her voice. "If I said I would do it, it will be done. I promise you. But it will take time. Especially if Horatio is to remain ignorant of the fact that I'm checking up on him."
For the first time since they'd gotten in the car, Kyle felt that he could agree with her on something. "I don't want him to know about this."
"I'm glad," she replied. "It would be best if he didn't find out." Not even for a second did Kyle think that she was saying that for his benefit, which was why he wasn't surprised when she added, "He's a secretive person. He would not react well."
"Right."
He didn't know what else to say. As much as part of him hated that he didn't know shit about the man who was supposed to be his father, Kyle couldn't find it in himself to be angry. He couldn't be angry with anyone who didn't trust other people. So he'd just said right, because it seemed like that was his only option.
"You're both similar in that regard," Yelina said quietly.
Inwardly he groaned. Was she really doing that - trying to make it seem like Horatio and he were the exact same person? Cause Kyle didn't like it, and it wasn't going to work.
Defensive he practically snapped, "Don't do that."
"Do what?"
"You know. Don't try and make it seem like Horatio and I are the same person. We're not, and we're never gonna be."
He'd brattily put his foot down, but she clearly paid no attention to him.
Calmly she said, "I was making an observation."
"Well don't."
"Kyle…." Her voice was soft, his name almost hesitant on her lips. "I don't think you're the same person. I would not want you to be."
"That makes two of us," he grumbled.
At first Yelina didn't respond. Given the way she usually offered her thoughts and feelings promptly, Kyle hadn't expected her to stay silent. If anything he'd anticipated a quick admonishment the second he'd finished speaking. Especially since, from little he'd seen, Yelina was seriously in love with Lieutenant Firecrotch, Kyle had assumed that she would be annoyed at the implication that Kyle didn't want to be anything like his "father."
But what actually happened was that she didn't say a word at first. Her focus on her driving, it was as though she hadn't even heard him. It was like nothing had happened. But she must have heard him. His comment hadn't been made in a particularly quiet manner; certainly he'd been no louder with anything else he'd said. And it seemed unlikely that she randomly went deaf at that moment. So she must have been keeping silent on purpose.
What that purpose was, he didn't immediately know. He definitely didn't care.
Guaranteed, whatever point she wanted to make was one he wasn't going to enjoy or appreciate, so he was content to ignore her.
And yet she seemed to have no awareness of that fact, because she eventually said, "This is hard for you. I know."
He wanted to tell her she couldn't possibly understand, but she held up a hand and stopped him. "I don't mean that I know everything you're going through. I couldn't possibly comprehend that." She smiled sadly at him. "I merely see that this is difficult for you."
Kyle bristled. "I don't need your pity."
"Good," she replied with a nod of the head. "Because I'm going to tell you something you aren't going to like, and if you're expecting me to pity you…." She shrugged and didn't finish the thought.
However, he didn't need her to. He could internally hear the "too bad" (though she probably would have said it more eloquently) in his head. And even with the words unsaid, he got the gist.
"Yeah?" he challenged. "What are you going to tell me?"
"Simply that, if there is one thing you should realize by now, it is that you don't know Horatio very well." She clearly tried to make that sentence sound as inoffensive as possible but no dice. He was offended - not because she was wrong, but because she was stating the obvious. It was like - and he wanted to say this - no shit.
Perhaps sensing his annoyance, she was quick to keep talking. "As I said, I understand that it is difficult for you to trust him… to even want to trust him. I understand that you are assured that this will not work and you protect yourself by refusing to see even a hint of common ground you -"
"Thanks for the psychoanalysis, but I'm not interested."
He shifted in his seat. The bitter words he'd just uttered didn't reflect the unease he felt at her assessment. Part of him - no, the whole of him knew that she was right on some level. He didn't think he'd be with Horatio a year from now, so Kyle had already in some part decided that putting in the effort wasn't worth it.
He knew it.
That was totally what he was doing.
When he'd been younger, he'd been desperate to connect to anyone who'd even remotely resembled a parenting figure. He had clung to whatever similarities he'd found in his foster parents as though liking the same kind of soda could protect him from the pain he'd felt as a child.
And then he grew up.
Then he realized that it didn't matter how alike you were to someone else; they would always betray you in the end. They would always, always, always turn their back on you, and it was better to never feel anything than to allow yourself to connect to something that would never last.
So… yeah. Yelina was right about that. He didn't want to see any of himself in Horatio. But at the same time, what with the way she was making it sound like a bad thing, Kyle had no interest in hearing her out.
Apparently though, that wasn't enough to make her stop talking.
"You don't want to see all of the things you have in common," she reiterated, her accent thick and a little convoluted. "And if you keep doing that, you will ensure that this never works out."
"So it's all my fault," he grumbled.
She shook her head enthusiastically. "Of course not. Horatio is so desperate to… have a relationship with you that he sees the qualities you share and dismisses your differences."
Perhaps Kyle could agree to that. He didn't know enough about Horatio to see any similarities, but Kyle supposed that that could have been a… reasonable explanation for his "father's" behavior.
And yet Yelina didn't stop there. "Do you see?" she asked gently. "Every time you agree with what he says or asks of you, every time you pretend like you have no opinion, you make him believe that he's getting to know you."
"Well, that's his problem."
"No. It's not," she insisted. But immediately she backed off of that statement. Her voice calmer, she said, "Not solely anyway, because it's in your best interest as well to make sure that this situation works."
Kyle didn't say anything. He just gave her a doubtful look before turning to gaze back at the passing scenery.
"You think you would be better off bouncing between foster homes? You would prefer that?"
The way she spoke… it was almost as though she was legitimately asking that question. Her words had little doubt in them, had even less judgment, and it made Kyle feel like she actually wanted to know.
And so he couldn't help but be honest by half-whispering, half-murmuring, "I don't know."
He didn't.
Part of him was so sure that this was a disaster waiting to happen that he didn't want to get invested in any way, shape, or form. At least then, when trouble hit, when Horatio changed his mind, Kyle could slink away with his pride intact and the knowledge that he'd never really fallen for Horatio's game.
But at the same time, he also considered that it might be dumb to outwardly resent Horatio in his life. As with everything else, some part of Kyle did contrarily feel resentful and proud of that fact. Yet the rest of him whispered that this was better than nothing, that this version of a family wasn't as bad as some of the other places he'd stayed. And knowing that, part of Kyle felt that he should try to make this work.
But…
If this wasn't going to be permanent, what was the point?
Not wanting to lose a good opportunity while at the same time not wanting to get hurt, Kyle just… really had no idea what to do. And his response to Yelina had absolutely been the truth; he just didn't know.
The question weighing heavily on his mind, he didn't even notice they were back at the lab until Yelina said, "We're here."
He looked up abruptly. Dimly he took in the familiar surroundings before him. His eyes barely managed to take in the scenery around him; he was too busy feeling overwhelming dread flood his body as though every cell of him knew what was going to happen.
He was going to have to talk to Horatio.
And, like, soon.
Before it had been something in the back of his mind; he'd known he was going to have to have an uncomfortable chat with his father, but Kyle had been able to deal with that fact, because it wasn't happening at that moment.
That conversation was about to go down now, and suddenly he really didn't want it to. But he'd made a deal with Yelina, and he knew there was no way out.
"Get out of the car, Kyle," Yelina said gently.
He didn't move.
He couldn't.
And perhaps sensing his fear, she told him, "You need to go talk to him."
"Right." He sounded dejected even to his own ears.
"Our deal aside, I urge you," she said, stressing the one word so much that she made it sound as though it were several syllables long. "I really, truly urge you to be honest with him. Until you know for sure that you don't want to live with him, maybe it would be wise to give him a chance."
Kyle opened his mouth to respond, but he never had the opportunity. At that moment, at that very second, there was a knock on the passenger side window.
Startled Kyle turned his head to tell whoever the intruder was to fuck off. But the words never escaped him.
Looking out the window, he was met by a familiar gaze. Swallowing hard, he felt the name echo throughout his body:
Horatio.
Go to the next chapter
Author: Duckie Nicks
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Yelina Salas, Horatio Caine, the whole Caine family
Author's Note: WARNING: SPOILER FOR SEASON 6.
Summary: Almost two decades ago, Horatio made a decision that would change his family forever. Will they ever forgive him? Will he ever tell Yelina how he feels? This is an alternative to the beginning of season 6. A Horatio and Kyle story; H/Y romance in the future.
Previous Chapters: Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 21, Chapter 22, Chapter 23, Chapter 24, Chapter 25, Chapter 26, Chapter 27, Chapter 28, Chapter 29, Chapter 30, Chapter 31, Chapter 32, Chapter 33, Chapter 34, Chapter 35, Chapter 36, Chapter 37, Chapter 38, Chapter 39, Chapter 40, Chapter 41, Chapter 42, Chapter 43, Chapter 44, Chapter 45, Chapter 46, Chapter 47, Chapter 48, Chapter 49, Chapter 50, Chapter 51, Chapter 52, Chapter 53, Chapter 54, Chapter 55, Chapter 56, Chapter 57, Chapter 58, Chapter 59, Chapter 60, Chapter 61, Chapter 62, Chapter 63, Chapter 64, Chapter 65, Chapter 66, Chapter 67, Chapter 68, Chapter 69, Chapter 70, Chapter 71, Chapter 72, Chapter 73, Chapter 74
Disclaimer: I don't own the show.
"Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering." - Paulo Coelho
Kyle tiredly pressed the side of his head against the passenger side window in Yelina's car. She had eventually relented, agreeing to give him whatever information she could find on Horatio. But getting to that point had exhausted Kyle beyond words.
True, she hadn't put up much of a fight. Perhaps realizing that he would never come with her until she gave him what he wanted, she had nodded her head in a relatively short time. She'd caved.
Really, it must have only taken her five minutes at most to agree to give him what he wanted. But for Kyle it had felt like an eternity. Seconds had stretched into hours, minutes into months, and he had no idea why that was.
Maybe it was everything that had happened wearing on him. Maybe it was the fact that he was going to have to talk to Horatio about stuff. Maybe it was something else all together. At this point, Kyle didn't really know or care; all he wanted was to crawl into a bed - any bed - or some sort of hole and disappear.
But that clearly wasn't going to happen.
"You'll be fine," Yelina said, suddenly disrupting his train of thought.
He didn't know what to say, so he simply nodded his head in understanding.
She, on the other hand, couldn't stop talking.
"I can get you whatever information you want on Horatio, but I do hope you understand: it will take me some time."
Immediately Kyle glanced over at her. In his heart, he knew what her words meant. And he didn't like it. "Yeah, it'll take you time," he said sarcastically. "To weed through everything, white wash it, so I don't know -"
"No," she interrupted. "I have no intention of combing through the information I give you."
He was doubtful. "Really?"
"Kyle, our agreement was that I would give you all you could ever want to know about your father. I have no intention of lying to you."
He thought she sounded honest enough. He still didn't believe her, but he thought he heard earnestness in her tones.
Suddenly, as though the moment had transplanted him into another place and time, he remembered why he needed to remain doubtful. He remembered how years ago he'd stayed with a religious family for a week. That had been the amount of time it taken for them to go from foster family to people who'd wanted nothing to do with him. Which was ironic, because they'd been, like, über-Christian, and thinking a kid was the Devil didn't exactly seem Christian to Kyle.
But anyway, before they'd made that decision, they'd tried to indoctrinate the crap out of him. They'd taken him to church, read him the Bible, and told him (during one of their batshit crazy tirades) that what made the Devil so powerful was that he could easily imitate God. And what Kyle had taken from that was a). Christians were fucking psycho, and b). good people weren't always what they seemed to be.
As if he'd needed to learn the latter part.
He'd practically learned that at birth.
Correction: he had totally learned it at birth if Horatio, who clearly liked looking like a good guy, had abandoned him knowingly. But Kyle didn't want to think about that possibility right now. He didn't want to think about Horatio. Because this was about Yelina and whether or not she would betray Kyle - not anything else.
But try as he might, Kyle wasn't sure where to land on the matter. He just really had no idea. So he decided that the best thing to do would be to grill her some more. "Yeah? Well, people don't intend to do a lot of things. So that doesn't mean shit."
She looked at him sharply. Apparently, watching the road wasn't all that important. "My word -"
"Doesn't mean anything to -"
"But you made this agreement with me," she pointed out, turning her focus back onto her driving. "I do not believe you would have done that if you truly thought that I would betray you."
"That was before you said it would take time," he snapped, truly beginning to feel like he'd screwed up.
"Do you think I'm lying when I say that it will?" she asked curiously.
He wouldn't answer the question directly. He could, he guessed, but this wasn't about him or why he was thinking the things he thought.
This was about her.
"You put a file together for Horatio on me. Did that take months?" He was just asking a question, but it definitely sounded like an accusation.
"No, it didn't," she said quickly. And even faster, she added, "But there are several factors you have not considered."
"Like… what?" The question came out angry, so angry that it almost sounded like a demand.
"To begin with? You're much younger than Horatio. The sheer amount of information there is to collect is much larger. That alone will mean that I need more time," she explained patiently.
Truth be told, Kyle hadn't considered that. He was sixteen, and Horatio was… however the hell old he was, and Yelina was right; it would take longer to get everything Kyle wanted. But he wasn't going to capitulate just yet. She might have been right about that, but he still wanted to make sure he wasn't getting screwed over. And if he threw in the towel now, accepted that she was right and said, "Lets move on," he would never be sure that she really needed all the time she clearly wanted.
"Additionally," she told him, cutting across his thoughts. "You've lived your entire life in Miami. Horatio has not. So I'll have to look for records in every state, every city he's ever lived in." She glanced over at him as though she were making sure he was still listening.
Perhaps satisfied that he was, she kept talking. "Here, it's easy for me to retrieve information. The people I talk to… they know me. They know that I'm often working with the Miami P.D." She looked to her left and right before turning the car onto a side street. "These individuals give me the information I need without question, because there's a rapport there. They know I can be trusted. I won't be getting that from New York."
At first glance, Kyle thought that made sense. She probably could get things done faster here, where there were people she knew. But then… then he thought about how hard it would actually be for her to get information elsewhere. And the more he considered the matter, the more he began to believe that… it probably wouldn't be hard. After all, she was a family member of Horatio's, and Kyle didn't think it would be that difficult for her to get the stuff she wanted.
That doubt one he couldn't ignore, he brought up. "You're family. You don't think -"
"My relationship to Horatio is not by blood. The main tie that bound us is dead. Technically…." She sighed as though she were admitting a truth she didn't like. "We're not family. I don't see it that way, but given privacy laws, I doubt they would give me access based on that alone."
Kyle's gaze narrowed on her. "So what you're saying is that there's a good chance you can't deliver."
"No." He could hear the irritation in her voice. "If I said I would do it, it will be done. I promise you. But it will take time. Especially if Horatio is to remain ignorant of the fact that I'm checking up on him."
For the first time since they'd gotten in the car, Kyle felt that he could agree with her on something. "I don't want him to know about this."
"I'm glad," she replied. "It would be best if he didn't find out." Not even for a second did Kyle think that she was saying that for his benefit, which was why he wasn't surprised when she added, "He's a secretive person. He would not react well."
"Right."
He didn't know what else to say. As much as part of him hated that he didn't know shit about the man who was supposed to be his father, Kyle couldn't find it in himself to be angry. He couldn't be angry with anyone who didn't trust other people. So he'd just said right, because it seemed like that was his only option.
"You're both similar in that regard," Yelina said quietly.
Inwardly he groaned. Was she really doing that - trying to make it seem like Horatio and he were the exact same person? Cause Kyle didn't like it, and it wasn't going to work.
Defensive he practically snapped, "Don't do that."
"Do what?"
"You know. Don't try and make it seem like Horatio and I are the same person. We're not, and we're never gonna be."
He'd brattily put his foot down, but she clearly paid no attention to him.
Calmly she said, "I was making an observation."
"Well don't."
"Kyle…." Her voice was soft, his name almost hesitant on her lips. "I don't think you're the same person. I would not want you to be."
"That makes two of us," he grumbled.
At first Yelina didn't respond. Given the way she usually offered her thoughts and feelings promptly, Kyle hadn't expected her to stay silent. If anything he'd anticipated a quick admonishment the second he'd finished speaking. Especially since, from little he'd seen, Yelina was seriously in love with Lieutenant Firecrotch, Kyle had assumed that she would be annoyed at the implication that Kyle didn't want to be anything like his "father."
But what actually happened was that she didn't say a word at first. Her focus on her driving, it was as though she hadn't even heard him. It was like nothing had happened. But she must have heard him. His comment hadn't been made in a particularly quiet manner; certainly he'd been no louder with anything else he'd said. And it seemed unlikely that she randomly went deaf at that moment. So she must have been keeping silent on purpose.
What that purpose was, he didn't immediately know. He definitely didn't care.
Guaranteed, whatever point she wanted to make was one he wasn't going to enjoy or appreciate, so he was content to ignore her.
And yet she seemed to have no awareness of that fact, because she eventually said, "This is hard for you. I know."
He wanted to tell her she couldn't possibly understand, but she held up a hand and stopped him. "I don't mean that I know everything you're going through. I couldn't possibly comprehend that." She smiled sadly at him. "I merely see that this is difficult for you."
Kyle bristled. "I don't need your pity."
"Good," she replied with a nod of the head. "Because I'm going to tell you something you aren't going to like, and if you're expecting me to pity you…." She shrugged and didn't finish the thought.
However, he didn't need her to. He could internally hear the "too bad" (though she probably would have said it more eloquently) in his head. And even with the words unsaid, he got the gist.
"Yeah?" he challenged. "What are you going to tell me?"
"Simply that, if there is one thing you should realize by now, it is that you don't know Horatio very well." She clearly tried to make that sentence sound as inoffensive as possible but no dice. He was offended - not because she was wrong, but because she was stating the obvious. It was like - and he wanted to say this - no shit.
Perhaps sensing his annoyance, she was quick to keep talking. "As I said, I understand that it is difficult for you to trust him… to even want to trust him. I understand that you are assured that this will not work and you protect yourself by refusing to see even a hint of common ground you -"
"Thanks for the psychoanalysis, but I'm not interested."
He shifted in his seat. The bitter words he'd just uttered didn't reflect the unease he felt at her assessment. Part of him - no, the whole of him knew that she was right on some level. He didn't think he'd be with Horatio a year from now, so Kyle had already in some part decided that putting in the effort wasn't worth it.
He knew it.
That was totally what he was doing.
When he'd been younger, he'd been desperate to connect to anyone who'd even remotely resembled a parenting figure. He had clung to whatever similarities he'd found in his foster parents as though liking the same kind of soda could protect him from the pain he'd felt as a child.
And then he grew up.
Then he realized that it didn't matter how alike you were to someone else; they would always betray you in the end. They would always, always, always turn their back on you, and it was better to never feel anything than to allow yourself to connect to something that would never last.
So… yeah. Yelina was right about that. He didn't want to see any of himself in Horatio. But at the same time, what with the way she was making it sound like a bad thing, Kyle had no interest in hearing her out.
Apparently though, that wasn't enough to make her stop talking.
"You don't want to see all of the things you have in common," she reiterated, her accent thick and a little convoluted. "And if you keep doing that, you will ensure that this never works out."
"So it's all my fault," he grumbled.
She shook her head enthusiastically. "Of course not. Horatio is so desperate to… have a relationship with you that he sees the qualities you share and dismisses your differences."
Perhaps Kyle could agree to that. He didn't know enough about Horatio to see any similarities, but Kyle supposed that that could have been a… reasonable explanation for his "father's" behavior.
And yet Yelina didn't stop there. "Do you see?" she asked gently. "Every time you agree with what he says or asks of you, every time you pretend like you have no opinion, you make him believe that he's getting to know you."
"Well, that's his problem."
"No. It's not," she insisted. But immediately she backed off of that statement. Her voice calmer, she said, "Not solely anyway, because it's in your best interest as well to make sure that this situation works."
Kyle didn't say anything. He just gave her a doubtful look before turning to gaze back at the passing scenery.
"You think you would be better off bouncing between foster homes? You would prefer that?"
The way she spoke… it was almost as though she was legitimately asking that question. Her words had little doubt in them, had even less judgment, and it made Kyle feel like she actually wanted to know.
And so he couldn't help but be honest by half-whispering, half-murmuring, "I don't know."
He didn't.
Part of him was so sure that this was a disaster waiting to happen that he didn't want to get invested in any way, shape, or form. At least then, when trouble hit, when Horatio changed his mind, Kyle could slink away with his pride intact and the knowledge that he'd never really fallen for Horatio's game.
But at the same time, he also considered that it might be dumb to outwardly resent Horatio in his life. As with everything else, some part of Kyle did contrarily feel resentful and proud of that fact. Yet the rest of him whispered that this was better than nothing, that this version of a family wasn't as bad as some of the other places he'd stayed. And knowing that, part of Kyle felt that he should try to make this work.
But…
If this wasn't going to be permanent, what was the point?
Not wanting to lose a good opportunity while at the same time not wanting to get hurt, Kyle just… really had no idea what to do. And his response to Yelina had absolutely been the truth; he just didn't know.
The question weighing heavily on his mind, he didn't even notice they were back at the lab until Yelina said, "We're here."
He looked up abruptly. Dimly he took in the familiar surroundings before him. His eyes barely managed to take in the scenery around him; he was too busy feeling overwhelming dread flood his body as though every cell of him knew what was going to happen.
He was going to have to talk to Horatio.
And, like, soon.
Before it had been something in the back of his mind; he'd known he was going to have to have an uncomfortable chat with his father, but Kyle had been able to deal with that fact, because it wasn't happening at that moment.
That conversation was about to go down now, and suddenly he really didn't want it to. But he'd made a deal with Yelina, and he knew there was no way out.
"Get out of the car, Kyle," Yelina said gently.
He didn't move.
He couldn't.
And perhaps sensing his fear, she told him, "You need to go talk to him."
"Right." He sounded dejected even to his own ears.
"Our deal aside, I urge you," she said, stressing the one word so much that she made it sound as though it were several syllables long. "I really, truly urge you to be honest with him. Until you know for sure that you don't want to live with him, maybe it would be wise to give him a chance."
Kyle opened his mouth to respond, but he never had the opportunity. At that moment, at that very second, there was a knock on the passenger side window.
Startled Kyle turned his head to tell whoever the intruder was to fuck off. But the words never escaped him.
Looking out the window, he was met by a familiar gaze. Swallowing hard, he felt the name echo throughout his body:
Horatio.
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