No Other One, Chapter 32
Title: No Other One, Chapter 32
Author: Duckie Nicks
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Yelina Salas, Horatio Caine, the whole Caine family
Author's Note: WARNING: SPOILER FOR SEASON 6.
Summary: Almost two decades ago, Horatio made a decision that would change his family forever. Will they ever forgive him? Will he ever tell Yelina how he feels? This is an alternative to the beginning of season 6. A Horatio and Kyle story; H/Y romance in the future.
Previous Chapters: Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 21, Chapter 22, Chapter 23, Chapter 24, Chapter 25, Chapter 26, Chapter 27, Chapter 28, Chapter 29, Chapter 30, and Chapter 31.
Disclaimer: I own the show, just as I'm America's Next Top Model. ;) Don't sue.
“The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness.” - Honore de Balzac
She sagged against the door. This day would never end, she thought, having gone from one exhausting conversation to another. From Stetler to Rebecca Nevins to her brother-in-law. Each time she thought she was finished, another exchange seemed to pop up, more frustrating and tiring than the last.
The most recent had been, easily, the worst. Years of desire met with disappointment had caught up with her, and honestly, Yelina hadn’t intended on telling Horatio so much. But at the same time, the brunette didn’t think it was an entirely wasted effort. Her words had hurt him; her brother-in-law had, if only for a brief moment, gotten to experience just a fraction of the pain she felt now.
In the very least, she was sure that they would never go down that road of attraction and innuendo again.
Horatio would no doubt say that she had been cruel to him - cold, and maybe she had been. But it was worth it.
So worth it, because it meant Yelina was essentially free from him and from everything they’d been through together.
And yet, part of her thought that maybe that wasn’t true. That maybe she’d erred by being so honest.
Shaking her head, the brunette pushed the thought aside, her body too tired to consider the matter too closely. Her muscles ached as though she’d run several miles, but there could be no rest for her at the moment. Not when she needed to bear the brunt of Ray Junior’s pain.
Pushing herself away from the door, the brunette walked slowly towards her son’s room. It wasn’t fear - or reluctance - that determined her pace. That wasn’t an issue for her. Not really anyway.
Ray would be angry, would yell and scream, as he always did. Which wasn’t particularly fun for her, no, but he wouldn’t mean it. He never did.
And they would get through this together. They always did.
But right now, she was still furious, distraught beyond belief herself. Yelina had almost hoped Horatio had refused to leave so she could kill him; she was angry, blinded by her rage, and that made her the worst person to talk to about this.
Who else was Ray Junior going to talk to about this, though?
In her mind, there was no one else, and putting this conversation off wouldn’t help matters.
Pushing her son’s door open and her feelings aside, Yelina told herself that right now it wasn’t about her or her anger. That would have to wait, and the mother shoved all of her pain into the darkest recesses of her mind. This couldn’t be about her; she would not take comfort from her son, because that wasn’t his job. And this had to be entirely about him.
The door wide open, the brunette’s eyes searched the room for him. The teenager wasn’t on his bed crying, as she might have imagined. And preferred. It was awful to want that - to think that tears would make the situation easier. But as he was sitting stoically (or as close to stoicism as Ray could ever hope to get), the mother also knew that this would be the most exhausting conversation of the day. Because now it meant taking the time to draw out his feelings in addition to soothing him.
In other words… they’d have to fight, and it was the last thing Yelina wanted to do. Taking a deep breath, she said a quick prayer to get them both through this.
“Ray?” she asked tentatively. But if he’d heard her, the teen didn’t let it show. He merely continued to play his video game on his computer. “Raymond,” Yelina repeated more sternly.
He still didn’t look at her. “What?”
The brunette silently crossed the room till she stood next to him. “Will you please look at me?”
“No.”
Inwardly the mother rolled her eyes. Leaning forward, she paused his game, her hands just quick enough to avoid being slapped away. Annoyed, she bit down on her lip. But she pushed her irritation aside, knowing it wouldn’t get them anywhere. “We need to talk about this.”
Naturally, of course, the teenager hit the space bar, unpausing the game. “About what a nag you are?” he snarled back. “Because I’ve been complaining about that for years and -”
Her hand clasped around his chin forcing him to look at her. His brown eyes meeting her hazel ones, she searched his face. And it was easy to see the pain brimming in them… with a little shame as well. Despite his angry words, she could tell he didn’t mean it.
They said nothing to one another, but in the background, the sound of Ray’s character dying could be heard. And with his game over, the LCD screen reading so in dripping blood, he gave in. “Fine. Let’s talk.”
“Honey,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry that -”
“That you didn’t tell me what was going on?!” he finished for her, his voice filled with anger and betrayal.
Her sigh seemed loud in the still room. “I… didn’t know how to tell you,” the mother admitted. “And I thought that if Horatio didn’t tell you himself, you wouldn’t believe it.”
“Bullshit. That’s crap, and you know it,” he yelled. Ray Junior gritted his teeth before continuing. “You just didn’t want to tell me so that I’d be mad at him and not you!”
“Right,” she snapped in a tone that matched his. Her arms instinctively folded across her chest. “That was my scheme the entire time, and very clearly it worked oh so well, little boy.” The sarcasm rounded off her harsh words. “Unfortunately, you’re wrong. Because I knew either way you would be furious with me. So... thinking that maybe Horatio could offer a better explanation, I let him tell you. Unless you believe I’m somehow more aware and in control of what your uncle’s penis is up to.”
Ray Junior, smiling, stood up. At his height, he was just a few inches shorter than she was. But what he lacked in size was easily made up for in the humorless gaze the teen was giving her. And he too folded his arms before saying, “Yeah, well, that’s too bad. Cause it’d be nice not to have new family members pop up every few years!”
His words felt like a slap in the face - and yet it was also a reminder: their relationship was so poisonous. His desire to hurt her seemed to infect every interaction they had these days, and after each conversation, his need had no doubt been fulfilled.
It had become part and parcel to who they were now, an inescapable fact. This was their family dynamic, and it would… probably never change, because some part of her son would blame her for the rest of his life for the things that had happened.
This was who they were.
But it wounded nonetheless, and today might just be fatal she thought.
Her breath coming in short spurts, Yelina had to remind herself why hitting him would be wrong. He was an idiot, but he was also her son she told herself. She would not hurt someone she had given life to.
No matter how much he might have deserved it.
She would not… and couldn’t do it, because in the end, it wouldn’t do any good. Ray Junior would just pull further away from her and never speak to her again.
Closing her eyes, Yelina took a deep breath. And finally, when she had calmed down, the brunette said quietly, “If you want to blame me for this, then… all right. It would be a lie,” she warned. “But one I would let you believe if it helped you, because I’m your mother.”
“Right” His voice was filled with sarcasm, which she hated, because she had meant every word she’d said. And it bothered her, because at his age, Ray shouldn’t be so cynical. Or angry.
“You’re really Mommy of the fucking year, here,” he growled. “I mean who could compete with your martyrdom and your inability to marry into a family where everyone’s genitals stay where they’re supposed to!” He uncharacteristically shoved his chair into the desk, the wood smacking loudly against it.
Yelina’s mind reeled with her son’s cruel words, and truth be told, if anyone else had said them, she would have beaten them senseless. But from her own child? She was just stunned, completely unable to deny his accusations or fight back.
And maybe part of that, her traitorous mind thought, was because there was no way for her to do that - to deny what he was saying. Because from her own perspective, he was in some ways so… right. She wasn’t a martyr, not by any means.
But the mother could agree that this was in some ways her fault. She’d chosen to marry Raymond; she’d brought both herself and her son into this situation, and… that was something he could -should - blame her for… not that she would ever apologize for that decision.
It was obvious, though, that Ray Junior didn’t care what she had to say about the matter at all. Instead, he turned around, taking a few steps before flopping onto his bed. But there was no doubt in her mind that the teen was waiting for her to say something, do something.
“If you’re expecting an apology from me - for falling in love with your father - Ray, you won’t get one. I don’t regret that at all.”
His brown eyes met hers. “Don’t believe you.”
Well, of course he didn’t. “I’m not saying that…” Her voice trailed off as she searched for the right words. “This family turned out to be more screwed up and broken than I could have ever imagined,” Yelina admitted. It was not a truth she’d ever wanted to acknowledge in private, much less one her son should have to face.
Really, she couldn’t have anticipated that part at all, a sad smile forming on her face. When she’d first met and fallen in love with Ray, he had seemed sad to her… And yes, there was an almost unhealthy competition with his brother, but there had been no real warning signs, she thought. Nothing to suggest that these two men would do so much harm to her or her son later in life.
“I’m sorry that I haven’t protected you from that,” Yelina told him. She did not say, “from them,” even though she knew… they were both thinking it anyway.
Moving towards his bed, the mother sat down next to his feet. He was so close, she thought. But the distance between them seemed expansive. “I’m sorry,” she repeated. “But I won’t ever apologize for marrying your father. Because… as much as I wish things could be different - if they were, I wouldn’t have you. And by comparison, illegitimate children hardly matter to me.”
Perhaps she had overplayed her hand with this admittance. Because her son was never afraid to express his emotions, sure, but… that didn’t mean he could appreciate the sentimentality of her words. And she knew he didn’t appreciate it, because when the boy looked at her, it was easy to see; Ray Junior was furious.
“I don’t believe you.” His words were defiant, sad. “Because if you meant what you just said, you wouldn’t talk about me like I’m Frankenstein’s monster!”
Her eyebrows raised in confusion. “When -”
“Just now - talking to Uncle Horatio. You said that I was the worst of you and Dad combined. Not the best - not even the mediocre stuff. But the worst.” He turned onto his side, refusing to look back at her. “You can’t say you wouldn’t give me up and talk about me like I’m demon spawn.”
What he was saying seemed to turn on a light inside of her head, and honestly, Yelina could have never guessed he would react this way. Watching him intently, she waited for him to say more. But there was nothing except his cool silence, forcing her to think about how he felt.
Shifting herself further on the bed, Yelina moved until her body was next to Ray’s. His head on the pillow near her hip, the mother rested against the head board. From here it was easy to gaze at his pained face.
And there was no denying the truth that came to her mind, because she knew that today she too had hurt her son. Knew that Horatio hadn’t helped matters, but in the end, she’d done just as much damage, it seemed.
“Ray…”
“Before you lie, you should know that I heard you. Don’t lie.”
“I have no intention of doing that,” she said quietly, and it was the truth. Because right now her son needed reassurance and approval - not another lie to think about.
Her right hand slid towards her son, instinctively carding through his hair. “I’ve never denied that you inherited some… less than wonderful traits.”
“Thanks a lot,” he snapped angrily. The teen shrugged his shoulders, wriggling on the bed to get as far away from her as the mattress would allow. Part of her was tempted to pull him back, but she didn’t, letting him take the space he so clearly wanted.
“You’re easily frustrated, impatient. That you got from your father. You can be secretive, thanks to me. And you got a double dose of stubbornness from both of us. But -”
“Thanks,” Ray Junior interrupted. “When do I get to list your bad qualities?”
“Raymond,” Yelina said in exasperation. “You believe that I don’t see anything else in you, but I do. I would be blind otherwise. You’re smart, and when you want, you make smart choices, which apparently puts you leagues ahead of everyone else in this family.”
She stopped herself then, once again forcing her anger over the situation back into the corner of her mind.
“You’re funny and sweet. Brave, and if I don’t take credit for any of that, it’s because… I have no idea where you got it from.”
Her hand ventured over to him once more. “You’re not… demon spawn or however you put it. You are my son - a gift from God, one that no one in this family deserved.”
“That’s for sure,” he whispered honestly in agreement.
That there was no anger in his voice, no need to fight her on this was a good sign she thought.
Moving closer to him, the brunette said quietly, “I’m sorry.” And she prayed that he believed that, because she was.
In the end, she knew it wasn’t her fault. But… some part of her felt as though she had failed as a mother by not protecting him. The brunette might not have seen the signs when she dated and first married Raymond. However, at some point, she had realized he had problems, that he wasn’t good for her son.
And there was no denying, not anymore, that she should have taken her son and run as fast as she could. Staying with her husband had been a mistake - the consequences falling mainly on the teenager next to her.
“Then why did you stay?” Ray Junior asked somberly. “Why didn’t you leave?” And the guilt gripping her clamped down on her heart, squeezing her tightly, when he asked, “Why did this happen?”
The emotions he had so terribly wanted to hold back refused to be ignored any longer. Ray rolled over, giving her a brief window to see the tears falling from his eyes, before he buried his head in her lap.
“Why” uttered over and over again, each time more desperately, each time without an answer. There was no reason she could offer that would help.
Her hands moved onto him, pulling him as closely as possible. Fingers in his hair, rubbing his back, the mother tried to comfort him, and it wasn’t long before her tears mingled with his own. And the only sounds filling the room were his “whys” and sobs, Yelina’s prayers to hold her son together, and to get them both through this, going unsaid.
End (33/??)
Author: Duckie Nicks
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Yelina Salas, Horatio Caine, the whole Caine family
Author's Note: WARNING: SPOILER FOR SEASON 6.
Summary: Almost two decades ago, Horatio made a decision that would change his family forever. Will they ever forgive him? Will he ever tell Yelina how he feels? This is an alternative to the beginning of season 6. A Horatio and Kyle story; H/Y romance in the future.
Previous Chapters: Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 21, Chapter 22, Chapter 23, Chapter 24, Chapter 25, Chapter 26, Chapter 27, Chapter 28, Chapter 29, Chapter 30, and Chapter 31.
Disclaimer: I own the show, just as I'm America's Next Top Model. ;) Don't sue.
“The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness.” - Honore de Balzac
She sagged against the door. This day would never end, she thought, having gone from one exhausting conversation to another. From Stetler to Rebecca Nevins to her brother-in-law. Each time she thought she was finished, another exchange seemed to pop up, more frustrating and tiring than the last.
The most recent had been, easily, the worst. Years of desire met with disappointment had caught up with her, and honestly, Yelina hadn’t intended on telling Horatio so much. But at the same time, the brunette didn’t think it was an entirely wasted effort. Her words had hurt him; her brother-in-law had, if only for a brief moment, gotten to experience just a fraction of the pain she felt now.
In the very least, she was sure that they would never go down that road of attraction and innuendo again.
Horatio would no doubt say that she had been cruel to him - cold, and maybe she had been. But it was worth it.
So worth it, because it meant Yelina was essentially free from him and from everything they’d been through together.
And yet, part of her thought that maybe that wasn’t true. That maybe she’d erred by being so honest.
Shaking her head, the brunette pushed the thought aside, her body too tired to consider the matter too closely. Her muscles ached as though she’d run several miles, but there could be no rest for her at the moment. Not when she needed to bear the brunt of Ray Junior’s pain.
Pushing herself away from the door, the brunette walked slowly towards her son’s room. It wasn’t fear - or reluctance - that determined her pace. That wasn’t an issue for her. Not really anyway.
Ray would be angry, would yell and scream, as he always did. Which wasn’t particularly fun for her, no, but he wouldn’t mean it. He never did.
And they would get through this together. They always did.
But right now, she was still furious, distraught beyond belief herself. Yelina had almost hoped Horatio had refused to leave so she could kill him; she was angry, blinded by her rage, and that made her the worst person to talk to about this.
Who else was Ray Junior going to talk to about this, though?
In her mind, there was no one else, and putting this conversation off wouldn’t help matters.
Pushing her son’s door open and her feelings aside, Yelina told herself that right now it wasn’t about her or her anger. That would have to wait, and the mother shoved all of her pain into the darkest recesses of her mind. This couldn’t be about her; she would not take comfort from her son, because that wasn’t his job. And this had to be entirely about him.
The door wide open, the brunette’s eyes searched the room for him. The teenager wasn’t on his bed crying, as she might have imagined. And preferred. It was awful to want that - to think that tears would make the situation easier. But as he was sitting stoically (or as close to stoicism as Ray could ever hope to get), the mother also knew that this would be the most exhausting conversation of the day. Because now it meant taking the time to draw out his feelings in addition to soothing him.
In other words… they’d have to fight, and it was the last thing Yelina wanted to do. Taking a deep breath, she said a quick prayer to get them both through this.
“Ray?” she asked tentatively. But if he’d heard her, the teen didn’t let it show. He merely continued to play his video game on his computer. “Raymond,” Yelina repeated more sternly.
He still didn’t look at her. “What?”
The brunette silently crossed the room till she stood next to him. “Will you please look at me?”
“No.”
Inwardly the mother rolled her eyes. Leaning forward, she paused his game, her hands just quick enough to avoid being slapped away. Annoyed, she bit down on her lip. But she pushed her irritation aside, knowing it wouldn’t get them anywhere. “We need to talk about this.”
Naturally, of course, the teenager hit the space bar, unpausing the game. “About what a nag you are?” he snarled back. “Because I’ve been complaining about that for years and -”
Her hand clasped around his chin forcing him to look at her. His brown eyes meeting her hazel ones, she searched his face. And it was easy to see the pain brimming in them… with a little shame as well. Despite his angry words, she could tell he didn’t mean it.
They said nothing to one another, but in the background, the sound of Ray’s character dying could be heard. And with his game over, the LCD screen reading so in dripping blood, he gave in. “Fine. Let’s talk.”
“Honey,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry that -”
“That you didn’t tell me what was going on?!” he finished for her, his voice filled with anger and betrayal.
Her sigh seemed loud in the still room. “I… didn’t know how to tell you,” the mother admitted. “And I thought that if Horatio didn’t tell you himself, you wouldn’t believe it.”
“Bullshit. That’s crap, and you know it,” he yelled. Ray Junior gritted his teeth before continuing. “You just didn’t want to tell me so that I’d be mad at him and not you!”
“Right,” she snapped in a tone that matched his. Her arms instinctively folded across her chest. “That was my scheme the entire time, and very clearly it worked oh so well, little boy.” The sarcasm rounded off her harsh words. “Unfortunately, you’re wrong. Because I knew either way you would be furious with me. So... thinking that maybe Horatio could offer a better explanation, I let him tell you. Unless you believe I’m somehow more aware and in control of what your uncle’s penis is up to.”
Ray Junior, smiling, stood up. At his height, he was just a few inches shorter than she was. But what he lacked in size was easily made up for in the humorless gaze the teen was giving her. And he too folded his arms before saying, “Yeah, well, that’s too bad. Cause it’d be nice not to have new family members pop up every few years!”
His words felt like a slap in the face - and yet it was also a reminder: their relationship was so poisonous. His desire to hurt her seemed to infect every interaction they had these days, and after each conversation, his need had no doubt been fulfilled.
It had become part and parcel to who they were now, an inescapable fact. This was their family dynamic, and it would… probably never change, because some part of her son would blame her for the rest of his life for the things that had happened.
This was who they were.
But it wounded nonetheless, and today might just be fatal she thought.
Her breath coming in short spurts, Yelina had to remind herself why hitting him would be wrong. He was an idiot, but he was also her son she told herself. She would not hurt someone she had given life to.
No matter how much he might have deserved it.
She would not… and couldn’t do it, because in the end, it wouldn’t do any good. Ray Junior would just pull further away from her and never speak to her again.
Closing her eyes, Yelina took a deep breath. And finally, when she had calmed down, the brunette said quietly, “If you want to blame me for this, then… all right. It would be a lie,” she warned. “But one I would let you believe if it helped you, because I’m your mother.”
“Right” His voice was filled with sarcasm, which she hated, because she had meant every word she’d said. And it bothered her, because at his age, Ray shouldn’t be so cynical. Or angry.
“You’re really Mommy of the fucking year, here,” he growled. “I mean who could compete with your martyrdom and your inability to marry into a family where everyone’s genitals stay where they’re supposed to!” He uncharacteristically shoved his chair into the desk, the wood smacking loudly against it.
Yelina’s mind reeled with her son’s cruel words, and truth be told, if anyone else had said them, she would have beaten them senseless. But from her own child? She was just stunned, completely unable to deny his accusations or fight back.
And maybe part of that, her traitorous mind thought, was because there was no way for her to do that - to deny what he was saying. Because from her own perspective, he was in some ways so… right. She wasn’t a martyr, not by any means.
But the mother could agree that this was in some ways her fault. She’d chosen to marry Raymond; she’d brought both herself and her son into this situation, and… that was something he could -should - blame her for… not that she would ever apologize for that decision.
It was obvious, though, that Ray Junior didn’t care what she had to say about the matter at all. Instead, he turned around, taking a few steps before flopping onto his bed. But there was no doubt in her mind that the teen was waiting for her to say something, do something.
“If you’re expecting an apology from me - for falling in love with your father - Ray, you won’t get one. I don’t regret that at all.”
His brown eyes met hers. “Don’t believe you.”
Well, of course he didn’t. “I’m not saying that…” Her voice trailed off as she searched for the right words. “This family turned out to be more screwed up and broken than I could have ever imagined,” Yelina admitted. It was not a truth she’d ever wanted to acknowledge in private, much less one her son should have to face.
Really, she couldn’t have anticipated that part at all, a sad smile forming on her face. When she’d first met and fallen in love with Ray, he had seemed sad to her… And yes, there was an almost unhealthy competition with his brother, but there had been no real warning signs, she thought. Nothing to suggest that these two men would do so much harm to her or her son later in life.
“I’m sorry that I haven’t protected you from that,” Yelina told him. She did not say, “from them,” even though she knew… they were both thinking it anyway.
Moving towards his bed, the mother sat down next to his feet. He was so close, she thought. But the distance between them seemed expansive. “I’m sorry,” she repeated. “But I won’t ever apologize for marrying your father. Because… as much as I wish things could be different - if they were, I wouldn’t have you. And by comparison, illegitimate children hardly matter to me.”
Perhaps she had overplayed her hand with this admittance. Because her son was never afraid to express his emotions, sure, but… that didn’t mean he could appreciate the sentimentality of her words. And she knew he didn’t appreciate it, because when the boy looked at her, it was easy to see; Ray Junior was furious.
“I don’t believe you.” His words were defiant, sad. “Because if you meant what you just said, you wouldn’t talk about me like I’m Frankenstein’s monster!”
Her eyebrows raised in confusion. “When -”
“Just now - talking to Uncle Horatio. You said that I was the worst of you and Dad combined. Not the best - not even the mediocre stuff. But the worst.” He turned onto his side, refusing to look back at her. “You can’t say you wouldn’t give me up and talk about me like I’m demon spawn.”
What he was saying seemed to turn on a light inside of her head, and honestly, Yelina could have never guessed he would react this way. Watching him intently, she waited for him to say more. But there was nothing except his cool silence, forcing her to think about how he felt.
Shifting herself further on the bed, Yelina moved until her body was next to Ray’s. His head on the pillow near her hip, the mother rested against the head board. From here it was easy to gaze at his pained face.
And there was no denying the truth that came to her mind, because she knew that today she too had hurt her son. Knew that Horatio hadn’t helped matters, but in the end, she’d done just as much damage, it seemed.
“Ray…”
“Before you lie, you should know that I heard you. Don’t lie.”
“I have no intention of doing that,” she said quietly, and it was the truth. Because right now her son needed reassurance and approval - not another lie to think about.
Her right hand slid towards her son, instinctively carding through his hair. “I’ve never denied that you inherited some… less than wonderful traits.”
“Thanks a lot,” he snapped angrily. The teen shrugged his shoulders, wriggling on the bed to get as far away from her as the mattress would allow. Part of her was tempted to pull him back, but she didn’t, letting him take the space he so clearly wanted.
“You’re easily frustrated, impatient. That you got from your father. You can be secretive, thanks to me. And you got a double dose of stubbornness from both of us. But -”
“Thanks,” Ray Junior interrupted. “When do I get to list your bad qualities?”
“Raymond,” Yelina said in exasperation. “You believe that I don’t see anything else in you, but I do. I would be blind otherwise. You’re smart, and when you want, you make smart choices, which apparently puts you leagues ahead of everyone else in this family.”
She stopped herself then, once again forcing her anger over the situation back into the corner of her mind.
“You’re funny and sweet. Brave, and if I don’t take credit for any of that, it’s because… I have no idea where you got it from.”
Her hand ventured over to him once more. “You’re not… demon spawn or however you put it. You are my son - a gift from God, one that no one in this family deserved.”
“That’s for sure,” he whispered honestly in agreement.
That there was no anger in his voice, no need to fight her on this was a good sign she thought.
Moving closer to him, the brunette said quietly, “I’m sorry.” And she prayed that he believed that, because she was.
In the end, she knew it wasn’t her fault. But… some part of her felt as though she had failed as a mother by not protecting him. The brunette might not have seen the signs when she dated and first married Raymond. However, at some point, she had realized he had problems, that he wasn’t good for her son.
And there was no denying, not anymore, that she should have taken her son and run as fast as she could. Staying with her husband had been a mistake - the consequences falling mainly on the teenager next to her.
“Then why did you stay?” Ray Junior asked somberly. “Why didn’t you leave?” And the guilt gripping her clamped down on her heart, squeezing her tightly, when he asked, “Why did this happen?”
The emotions he had so terribly wanted to hold back refused to be ignored any longer. Ray rolled over, giving her a brief window to see the tears falling from his eyes, before he buried his head in her lap.
“Why” uttered over and over again, each time more desperately, each time without an answer. There was no reason she could offer that would help.
Her hands moved onto him, pulling him as closely as possible. Fingers in his hair, rubbing his back, the mother tried to comfort him, and it wasn’t long before her tears mingled with his own. And the only sounds filling the room were his “whys” and sobs, Yelina’s prayers to hold her son together, and to get them both through this, going unsaid.
End (33/??)