No Other One, Chapter 30
Title: No Other One, Chapter 30
Author: Duckie Nicks
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Yelina Salas, Horatio Caine, the whole Caine family
Author's Note: WARNING: SPOILER FOR SEASON 6.
Summary: Almost two decades ago, Horatio made a decision that would change his family forever. Will they ever forgive him? Will he ever tell Yelina how he feels? This is an alternative to the beginning of season 6. A Horatio and Kyle story; H/Y romance in the future. Fulfills
fanfic100 prompt #069, Thunder, and
alphabetasoup prompt, J is for Juno.
Previous Chapters: Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 21, Chapter 22, Chapter 23, Chapter 24, Chapter 25, Chapter 26, Chapter 27, Chapter 28, and Chapter 29.
Disclaimer: I own the show, just as I'm America's Next Top Model. ;) Don't sue.
“The divine wrath is slow indeed in vengeance, but it makes up for its tardiness by the severity of the punishment.” - Valerius Maximus
Horatio had said he was going grocery shopping.
As he drove over to Yelina’s house, he couldn’t help but think about that particular lie once more. He’d only been with his son for a number of hours, and already he was lying to the boy.
The redhead sighed. Maybe they were just doomed to repeat everything they’d learned as individuals about parenting.
It depressed him to think that way, though. And, perhaps in part to console himself, Horatio thought that at least it wasn’t an important lie. He would stop at the grocery store, he supposed. It wasn’t really a lie if he stopped somewhere else first, was it?
And besides, the redhead thought. It wouldn’t do to tell the boy the truth. What was he going to say - “Sorry, Kyle, but I’m going to go see my sister-in-law who probably wants to kill me because you exist!”
He was protecting his son, he thought.
But as the lieutenant pulled up to Yelina’s home, he couldn’t help but wonder… who the hell was going to protect him?
He decided to treat it like a band-aid. As much as he didn’t want to deal with this, with her anger, Horatio knew that vacillating on her front step would hardly resolve the situation quickly. And brevity was something he wanted here.
It was wrong to think that way, sure. But his lie would be less successful if he stayed at her home for the next six hours. And so, trying to be as confident as he could, the redhead rang the doorbell.
When she answered it, Horatio couldn’t deny that the brunette looked more upset than usual. Her hair was a mess of curls tangled within one another. Her hazel eyes were a dark color but bright with unshed tears. Her nose was red, and everything thing else screamed anger.
“What are you doing here?” she asked. Unless he was very much mistaken, he could hear the muffled rage in her voice.
“Well,” Horatio began, clenching and unclenching his jaw. “I called you. I wanted to -”
“I know what you want.” She folded her arms across her chest, and this time, the redhead didn’t even have cake to lure her away from the things she must have been feeling.
“Please let me explain.”
“There’s nothing to explain,” the brunette nearly snapped. Yelina licked her lips. “You had a son that you didn’t tell me about. There’s really… nothing you can say that will change that, Horatio.”
He nodded his head, knowing it to be true. But the redhead wasn’t willing to let that go, not just yet. Not until she understood. “It’s not that simple,” he tried to argue.
“No, it is that simple.”
“Yelina, I didn’t - I didn’t know the boy existed.” His fingers snuck into his pants pocket, lightly touching the sunglasses there, and he swallowed hard, as his inadequate words hung in the air.
She narrowed her dark eyes on him. It was a lame excuse, Horatio was aware, but… he’d hoped it would go over better that it seemed to.
“Right,” she said coolly. Her voice was tinged with her rough accent. “You didn’t know he existed. That’s just…” The brunette unfolded and refolded her arms, and he shuffled his feet at her obvious agitation.
“I really didn’t, Yelina. You have to believe me.” He was all but short of begging her, and truth be told, Horatio felt he was almost willing to do that.
“’You didn’t know.’” She repeated, trying the words out.
“Yes.”
But it clearly didn’t sit well in her mind, because Yelina shook her head furiously, her curls whipping back and forth. “You act as though that explains everything.”
Well, he wanted to respond, in his mind, it did justify and explain a lot. But Horatio was smart enough to know that that was probably not the smartest thing to say to her. “I know it doesn’t,” he said tactfully.
“No, it doesn’t.”
The redhead sighed. She wasn’t going to make this any easier for him. And it was wrong of him to want otherwise, he supposed. “I wish things could be different,” he told her honestly.
“Which part?”
“All of it.”
Yelina frowned, shook her head again. “I…” Her voice trailed off, but he could detect the pain from the single word. Finally the brunette spoke up once more. “I gave you the opportunity to tell me the truth.”
“I know you did.”
“I asked you point blank what was going with this kid!” Her tone was rough, infused with her thick accent. “I asked you a couple of times, and you said -”
He shifted on his feet as he countered, “That’s because I didn’t know.”
Her white teeth bit down what had to be painfully on her soft, muted red lips. “That’s a lie.” Horatio wanted to counter that, but she held up her hand. “When I met with Rick Stetler this morning, he knew what you’d done.”
“So that’s who told you,” he said, finally understanding. Of course, Stetler would have done something like that.
“No,” Yelina snapped. “It wasn’t. He thought I had the right to hear it from you. But apparently… you don’t feel the same way.”
“I wanted to -”
“But you didn’t!” Time seemed to tick away slowly, the sound of her heartbreak ringing in his ears, and Horatio wanted to soothe her ache in some way, wanted to make it better. But there seemed to be no way to do that.
Finally, she added, “Stetler is many things, I know, but… he takes his time when he thinks there’s going to be a big reward in the end.” The brother-in-law had a lot to say about good old Rick, but she held up a hand, forcing him to remain silent.
“He’s looked for ways to ‘get’ you, but he wouldn’t automatically believe you had a son. So he would verify it, double check it - which takes time, yes?”
The redhead looked away, unable to avoid the conclusion his sister-in-law was surely going to make. “The way I see it… you’ve known since yesterday. And thinking about how you behaved last night, I know that you’ve known that long. At least.
“So if you’re going to come over here and apologize to me, Horatio, and say that you’re sorry for lying, then perhaps you should stop doing just that.”
At that moment, he couldn’t remember how long he’d known Yelina, the number of years escaping his mind. But in all of that time, Horatio was sure he’d never seen her this angry. There’d been glimpses here and there, but… he didn’t think she’d ever been this mad. At least, not at him, anyway.
And the fury coming from her nearly black eyes almost took his breath away. His mouth opened of its own volition, the words emptying from him without thought. “I learned the truth yesterday, Yelina… after we talked. After the second time we spoke.”
She said nothing, only making him feel the need to talk more. “And I wanted to tell you - I was planning on telling you, but -”
“You didn’t?” she interrupted, the sarcasm not lost to him.
The shame welling within him felt as real as the frown on his face. “I’m sorry.” The words did nothing to abate the anger aimed at him, he thought, nor did it even begin to silence the voice within that told him… he’d screwed this up immeasurably.
“I’m so sorry,” Horatio said to her. It was so little to give her, he knew, but what else was there? The redhead could tell her that he’d wanted to let Kyle hear the truth first, maybe. But it hardly seemed like a good excuse - or maybe it was, but he doubted Yelina would suddenly understand. She was too angry for that, the fury radiating off of her body, it seemed, so he let the apology hang in the air.
“And this is supposed to mean something to me?”
Yes, he wanted to tell her, wanted to tell himself. But instead, Horatio kept his mouth shut, allowing her to continue.
“Do you remember when Madison was diagnosed with leukemia and… I learned the truth about her?” Her voice was soft, tentative. And looking at her, he could tell that her tone wasn’t for his benefit. Because her eyes had that… faraway look, like she was tiptoeing around a moment in time, afraid to delve too deeply in the past.
“When you first said that she was Ray’s…” She brought a hand to rub her chin nervously, her index finger slowly tracing the curve of her top lip. It was something he’d never seen her do before, but then again, Horatio had never seen her need this much time to find the words she wanted.
And though they were close, this was a topic that had remained elusive to them, never discussing it after that day at the hospital. The brother-in-law realized then that maybe they should have, because it might have made this so much easier.
“I had almost gotten used to the idea that she could be your daughter, you know?” Her brow furrowed itself, and she swallowed hard. “That Ray…” her voice trailed off, unable to continue.
“I know,” Horatio told her, trying to soothe.
“Let me finish.” Her voice was low, gravelly, and heavily accented - so much so that it all sounded like one long word. And yet, it somehow felt like three individual, rough, slaps, to his senses.
“I was so angry then, but…” A smile - sad and small - played on her lips. “In a way, I was relieved to know the truth.”
His blue eyes raked over her, confused, imploring her to say more. And he was so sure that his reaction made her smile widen humorlessly.
“When Raymond wanted to go under cover, I… hated the idea.”
“I remember,” he said. The look in her eyes stopped him from saying anymore.
“I didn’t want him to do it; I thought it was wrong to do it, to leave his family, but in the end, I let him go, knowing that if I hade him stay, he would resent me… maybe more than he already did.” The last part was added quietly, an admission Horatio thought he had no right to hear.
Her smile was gone.
“I tried to blame you for it at the time - told my mother and father that my husband was abandoning us temporarily, because of some childish need to outdoyou.”
A cool wind, out of place for summer, seemed to come from nowhere, and Yelina wrapped her arms around her midsection. Though something inside of him told him that maybe it wasn’t the weather inspiring this action. But, knowing she would be angry if he said something, Horatio kept his mouth shut.
“And… maybe you believe that too,” she added gingerly. “Right?” Her next words though were tarnished by a tangible bitterness. “But what neither of us admit - what we both know to be true - is that if he were really happy… if he had held his commitment to me in any regard, nothing you could do, no matter how many idiotic things you did, could have touched him.”
“My brother loved you,” Horatio told her. The “as much as he could love anyone” was left unsaid, but somehow he supposed she knew. Her expression looked even more pained, if that were possible.
“He…” But her mouth closed just as quickly as it opened. The tears filling her eyes were not lost on him, but he made no move to touch her, to do anything. Because he knew it wasn’t what she would want. “Maybe,” Yelina said finally. “But the more I loved him, the older Ray Junior got, the more trapped he felt… so I let him go, hoping that he would… do whatever he needed to do. Get it out of his system.”
Her sigh ragged, she let out a breath roughly between her teeth, looking away from him momentarily.
“The drugs… I figured. Even if it hadn’t been forced, I knew he would. Doing things in small measures - half way or remotely rationally - was never his method.”
Horatio nodded his head solemnly. She was right about that, and normally the redhead would have felt the familiar anger towards his brother creep up on him then. But now…
He’d once asked his brother how a man could abandon his own family. He’d wondered at the time, because it seemed something so inconceivable and wrong. And maybe part of him still felt that way, but…
How could he judge when he’d essentially done the same exact thing?
Memories of trying to be the good boy flashed through his mind. Horatio had tried so hard, so so so hard to be that person. To be the one anyone could depend on, the one who never strayed from his moral compass, who never - not once - did something unforgivable or hurtful.
But Kyle existed, the proof that Horatio was just as big a screw up as Raymond could have ever hoped to be. And here the redhead was trying to play Daddy. But what relationship could he have with his son, really?
When some part of him would always see the boy as his downfall - the one who ruined the image he had strived for for so long. When a very real and palpable piece of him could believe that this teenager was the bane of his existence… what relationship could they have?
He could almost taste the bitterness.
“Cheating on me,” Yelina said, interrupting his thoughts, in a voice that mirrored how he felt. “I didn’t - of course, I would have preferred… he not do that. But in some small measure,” she explained, “I knew that would happen too. And…”
What she was going to say, however, remained unspoken, her lips pursing shut once more.
There was so much he wanted to tell her at that moment, and he would have been more than ready to end the silence, but it wasn’t what she wanted. Which meant Horatio could do little more than wait for her to keep talking, his mind replaying what she had told him thus far.
“So when I learned the truth about Madison… as angry as I was, it was… really nothing more than confirmation of something I had already accepted.”
Despite knowing it would be in his best interest to maintain his silence, he couldn’t help but interject, “You seemed pretty angry to me.”
The sneer on her lips was not imagined. “I’ve already said as much,” she snapped. “I had assumed he would have affairs, but the proof of that being shoved in my face? At the place where I work? By my brother-in-law? That was something I… never expected. Or wanted.”
This time Yelina looked downward, her focus on the floor in front of her.
Horatio watched her intently, noticing the constantly changing emotions radiate from her features. Anger and hurt permeated most frequently, and he wanted to help her… ease the pain she felt, because hadn’t that been his role in all of this for years?
But, even without saying it, she’d relieved him of that duty. He understood that much. And Horatio couldn’t help but worry that this time… he’d permanently screwed things up.
No, he mentally corrected himself, reconsidering the matter. No, this wasn’t worry. The way things were now weren’t tentative; there was no hope for reconciliation or forgiveness. This wasn’t worry.
It was realization.
Yelina would never come to him for help again. He’d seen to that.
And pushing away the pang of sadness, he finally noticed the smile gracing her face. It was unlike the ones he’d seen earlier in the day; yet the bitterness still seemed to infect every other part of her body.
But on her lips, the smile she held was sweet, and knowing it could have nothing to do with this, his head turned, looking in the same direction see what she had apparently noticed. It took him a few seconds to find it, but then there it was: down the street, two children, a boy and a girl, probably no more than six or seven years old, playing together, talking to one another animatedly.
Well, at least someone around here could have a civil conversation.
It was a fleeting thought, but somehow he was sure that she had read his mind, because she turned to look at him then. And the smile on her face quickly turned into an angry sneer. Their reprieve was over.
“It hurt. I will never say it didn’t. Doesn’t. But at least nothing had changed!” The frustration in her voice could be heard in every syllable. “In the end, Ray was still an idiot, and I could still trust you - nothing had changed.”
There was a beat, a moment before the knife was twisted in. “I can assure you,” she said coldly. “It won’t happen again.”
He sighed sadly, shifted on his feet. The way she looked at him, her eyes completely devoid of warmth and faith, made his skin crawl. And maybe it was just self-preservation, but Horatio felt the need to leave. In the very least… he knew that nothing else could be accomplished now.
She was too angry, and he’d messed up too much.
“All right,” he said quietly, softly, trying not to sound as hurt as he was. “All right… I think that maybe I should go.” But his words could only reflect how unsure he was of this new terrain, a fact he normally would have hated.
As he turned though, Yelina’s words grabbed his attention. “Go?” The sarcasm rang through the air. “I don’t think so.”
Despite his better judgment, he stopped moving. How she could command him, without raising her voice, when he really thought what she wanted was bad… confused him. But here he was, Horatio realized, staying like a trained dog.
His eyes questioningly slid up to meet hers, but seeing their intense black color, his focus quickly skittered away. The redhead would have preferred that she not see this, that no one witness this moment of shame, confusion, and nerves. But in his peripheral vision, Horatio could tell she was smirking.
Yelina not only knew how he was feeling, he realized, but she was also… enjoying it perhaps.
“Oh no, dear brother-in-law,” she half hissed, her accent thick and somehow devoid of all warmth. “We’re family.” And he didn’t think it possible, but she had found a way to wield that last word as though it were the strongest of curses.
Though given this family, it might have been just that.
“Yelina,” he tried to say.
“No,” she snapped. “In the past, I have borne the brunt of your mistakes. And Ray’s as well. I have been the one to tell my son the truth. But not anymore. I will not be the one to ruin his image of you.”
Later, Horatio thought he would mull over each and every word she had spoken. Replay the conversation in his mind until he felt sick to his stomach. But right now, all he could feel was surprise. “You haven’t told Ray Junior?” he asked.
And she opened her mouth to respond, but the retort she had hoped to hurl at him died on her lips, because… another voice spoke first. From somewhere inside the house, the question filtering outside, the boy asked, “Tell me what?”
The door seemed to open itself, revealing the confused teenager standing in the hallway. “Tell me what?” he repeated, his eyes flitting between his mother and uncle.
Horatio stood frozen, despite the warm air. He hadn’t… he hadn’t expected her to keep this a secret. In his mind, Yelina would have already told the boy the truth. That she hadn’t terrified him, and he was more than ready to turn and run, as cowardly as it was, when his sister-in-law grabbed his arm.
No, not his arm, but his suit jacket. Her grip was firm, but careful, and he understood: she was refusing to touch him.
As Yelina yanked him in past the front door, his stomach dropped to the floor as she half-purred, half-threatened. “Go on, Horatio. Why don’t you do the honors?”
Glancing at her black, angry eyes and then at Ray’s almost naïve face, Horatio wished then that he’d never been born. Because he was going to hurt his nephew and he’d already done that to his sister-in-law.
The door shut behind him; there was no way out, no hole in the immediate vicinity to crawl in. And he knew…
He was going to have to tell the truth.
End (31/??)
Author: Duckie Nicks
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Yelina Salas, Horatio Caine, the whole Caine family
Author's Note: WARNING: SPOILER FOR SEASON 6.
Summary: Almost two decades ago, Horatio made a decision that would change his family forever. Will they ever forgive him? Will he ever tell Yelina how he feels? This is an alternative to the beginning of season 6. A Horatio and Kyle story; H/Y romance in the future. Fulfills
fanfic100 prompt #069, Thunder, and
alphabetasoup prompt, J is for Juno.
Previous Chapters: Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 21, Chapter 22, Chapter 23, Chapter 24, Chapter 25, Chapter 26, Chapter 27, Chapter 28, and Chapter 29.
Disclaimer: I own the show, just as I'm America's Next Top Model. ;) Don't sue.
“The divine wrath is slow indeed in vengeance, but it makes up for its tardiness by the severity of the punishment.” - Valerius Maximus
Horatio had said he was going grocery shopping.
As he drove over to Yelina’s house, he couldn’t help but think about that particular lie once more. He’d only been with his son for a number of hours, and already he was lying to the boy.
The redhead sighed. Maybe they were just doomed to repeat everything they’d learned as individuals about parenting.
It depressed him to think that way, though. And, perhaps in part to console himself, Horatio thought that at least it wasn’t an important lie. He would stop at the grocery store, he supposed. It wasn’t really a lie if he stopped somewhere else first, was it?
And besides, the redhead thought. It wouldn’t do to tell the boy the truth. What was he going to say - “Sorry, Kyle, but I’m going to go see my sister-in-law who probably wants to kill me because you exist!”
He was protecting his son, he thought.
But as the lieutenant pulled up to Yelina’s home, he couldn’t help but wonder… who the hell was going to protect him?
He decided to treat it like a band-aid. As much as he didn’t want to deal with this, with her anger, Horatio knew that vacillating on her front step would hardly resolve the situation quickly. And brevity was something he wanted here.
It was wrong to think that way, sure. But his lie would be less successful if he stayed at her home for the next six hours. And so, trying to be as confident as he could, the redhead rang the doorbell.
When she answered it, Horatio couldn’t deny that the brunette looked more upset than usual. Her hair was a mess of curls tangled within one another. Her hazel eyes were a dark color but bright with unshed tears. Her nose was red, and everything thing else screamed anger.
“What are you doing here?” she asked. Unless he was very much mistaken, he could hear the muffled rage in her voice.
“Well,” Horatio began, clenching and unclenching his jaw. “I called you. I wanted to -”
“I know what you want.” She folded her arms across her chest, and this time, the redhead didn’t even have cake to lure her away from the things she must have been feeling.
“Please let me explain.”
“There’s nothing to explain,” the brunette nearly snapped. Yelina licked her lips. “You had a son that you didn’t tell me about. There’s really… nothing you can say that will change that, Horatio.”
He nodded his head, knowing it to be true. But the redhead wasn’t willing to let that go, not just yet. Not until she understood. “It’s not that simple,” he tried to argue.
“No, it is that simple.”
“Yelina, I didn’t - I didn’t know the boy existed.” His fingers snuck into his pants pocket, lightly touching the sunglasses there, and he swallowed hard, as his inadequate words hung in the air.
She narrowed her dark eyes on him. It was a lame excuse, Horatio was aware, but… he’d hoped it would go over better that it seemed to.
“Right,” she said coolly. Her voice was tinged with her rough accent. “You didn’t know he existed. That’s just…” The brunette unfolded and refolded her arms, and he shuffled his feet at her obvious agitation.
“I really didn’t, Yelina. You have to believe me.” He was all but short of begging her, and truth be told, Horatio felt he was almost willing to do that.
“’You didn’t know.’” She repeated, trying the words out.
“Yes.”
But it clearly didn’t sit well in her mind, because Yelina shook her head furiously, her curls whipping back and forth. “You act as though that explains everything.”
Well, he wanted to respond, in his mind, it did justify and explain a lot. But Horatio was smart enough to know that that was probably not the smartest thing to say to her. “I know it doesn’t,” he said tactfully.
“No, it doesn’t.”
The redhead sighed. She wasn’t going to make this any easier for him. And it was wrong of him to want otherwise, he supposed. “I wish things could be different,” he told her honestly.
“Which part?”
“All of it.”
Yelina frowned, shook her head again. “I…” Her voice trailed off, but he could detect the pain from the single word. Finally the brunette spoke up once more. “I gave you the opportunity to tell me the truth.”
“I know you did.”
“I asked you point blank what was going with this kid!” Her tone was rough, infused with her thick accent. “I asked you a couple of times, and you said -”
He shifted on his feet as he countered, “That’s because I didn’t know.”
Her white teeth bit down what had to be painfully on her soft, muted red lips. “That’s a lie.” Horatio wanted to counter that, but she held up her hand. “When I met with Rick Stetler this morning, he knew what you’d done.”
“So that’s who told you,” he said, finally understanding. Of course, Stetler would have done something like that.
“No,” Yelina snapped. “It wasn’t. He thought I had the right to hear it from you. But apparently… you don’t feel the same way.”
“I wanted to -”
“But you didn’t!” Time seemed to tick away slowly, the sound of her heartbreak ringing in his ears, and Horatio wanted to soothe her ache in some way, wanted to make it better. But there seemed to be no way to do that.
Finally, she added, “Stetler is many things, I know, but… he takes his time when he thinks there’s going to be a big reward in the end.” The brother-in-law had a lot to say about good old Rick, but she held up a hand, forcing him to remain silent.
“He’s looked for ways to ‘get’ you, but he wouldn’t automatically believe you had a son. So he would verify it, double check it - which takes time, yes?”
The redhead looked away, unable to avoid the conclusion his sister-in-law was surely going to make. “The way I see it… you’ve known since yesterday. And thinking about how you behaved last night, I know that you’ve known that long. At least.
“So if you’re going to come over here and apologize to me, Horatio, and say that you’re sorry for lying, then perhaps you should stop doing just that.”
At that moment, he couldn’t remember how long he’d known Yelina, the number of years escaping his mind. But in all of that time, Horatio was sure he’d never seen her this angry. There’d been glimpses here and there, but… he didn’t think she’d ever been this mad. At least, not at him, anyway.
And the fury coming from her nearly black eyes almost took his breath away. His mouth opened of its own volition, the words emptying from him without thought. “I learned the truth yesterday, Yelina… after we talked. After the second time we spoke.”
She said nothing, only making him feel the need to talk more. “And I wanted to tell you - I was planning on telling you, but -”
“You didn’t?” she interrupted, the sarcasm not lost to him.
The shame welling within him felt as real as the frown on his face. “I’m sorry.” The words did nothing to abate the anger aimed at him, he thought, nor did it even begin to silence the voice within that told him… he’d screwed this up immeasurably.
“I’m so sorry,” Horatio said to her. It was so little to give her, he knew, but what else was there? The redhead could tell her that he’d wanted to let Kyle hear the truth first, maybe. But it hardly seemed like a good excuse - or maybe it was, but he doubted Yelina would suddenly understand. She was too angry for that, the fury radiating off of her body, it seemed, so he let the apology hang in the air.
“And this is supposed to mean something to me?”
Yes, he wanted to tell her, wanted to tell himself. But instead, Horatio kept his mouth shut, allowing her to continue.
“Do you remember when Madison was diagnosed with leukemia and… I learned the truth about her?” Her voice was soft, tentative. And looking at her, he could tell that her tone wasn’t for his benefit. Because her eyes had that… faraway look, like she was tiptoeing around a moment in time, afraid to delve too deeply in the past.
“When you first said that she was Ray’s…” She brought a hand to rub her chin nervously, her index finger slowly tracing the curve of her top lip. It was something he’d never seen her do before, but then again, Horatio had never seen her need this much time to find the words she wanted.
And though they were close, this was a topic that had remained elusive to them, never discussing it after that day at the hospital. The brother-in-law realized then that maybe they should have, because it might have made this so much easier.
“I had almost gotten used to the idea that she could be your daughter, you know?” Her brow furrowed itself, and she swallowed hard. “That Ray…” her voice trailed off, unable to continue.
“I know,” Horatio told her, trying to soothe.
“Let me finish.” Her voice was low, gravelly, and heavily accented - so much so that it all sounded like one long word. And yet, it somehow felt like three individual, rough, slaps, to his senses.
“I was so angry then, but…” A smile - sad and small - played on her lips. “In a way, I was relieved to know the truth.”
His blue eyes raked over her, confused, imploring her to say more. And he was so sure that his reaction made her smile widen humorlessly.
“When Raymond wanted to go under cover, I… hated the idea.”
“I remember,” he said. The look in her eyes stopped him from saying anymore.
“I didn’t want him to do it; I thought it was wrong to do it, to leave his family, but in the end, I let him go, knowing that if I hade him stay, he would resent me… maybe more than he already did.” The last part was added quietly, an admission Horatio thought he had no right to hear.
Her smile was gone.
“I tried to blame you for it at the time - told my mother and father that my husband was abandoning us temporarily, because of some childish need to outdoyou.”
A cool wind, out of place for summer, seemed to come from nowhere, and Yelina wrapped her arms around her midsection. Though something inside of him told him that maybe it wasn’t the weather inspiring this action. But, knowing she would be angry if he said something, Horatio kept his mouth shut.
“And… maybe you believe that too,” she added gingerly. “Right?” Her next words though were tarnished by a tangible bitterness. “But what neither of us admit - what we both know to be true - is that if he were really happy… if he had held his commitment to me in any regard, nothing you could do, no matter how many idiotic things you did, could have touched him.”
“My brother loved you,” Horatio told her. The “as much as he could love anyone” was left unsaid, but somehow he supposed she knew. Her expression looked even more pained, if that were possible.
“He…” But her mouth closed just as quickly as it opened. The tears filling her eyes were not lost on him, but he made no move to touch her, to do anything. Because he knew it wasn’t what she would want. “Maybe,” Yelina said finally. “But the more I loved him, the older Ray Junior got, the more trapped he felt… so I let him go, hoping that he would… do whatever he needed to do. Get it out of his system.”
Her sigh ragged, she let out a breath roughly between her teeth, looking away from him momentarily.
“The drugs… I figured. Even if it hadn’t been forced, I knew he would. Doing things in small measures - half way or remotely rationally - was never his method.”
Horatio nodded his head solemnly. She was right about that, and normally the redhead would have felt the familiar anger towards his brother creep up on him then. But now…
He’d once asked his brother how a man could abandon his own family. He’d wondered at the time, because it seemed something so inconceivable and wrong. And maybe part of him still felt that way, but…
How could he judge when he’d essentially done the same exact thing?
Memories of trying to be the good boy flashed through his mind. Horatio had tried so hard, so so so hard to be that person. To be the one anyone could depend on, the one who never strayed from his moral compass, who never - not once - did something unforgivable or hurtful.
But Kyle existed, the proof that Horatio was just as big a screw up as Raymond could have ever hoped to be. And here the redhead was trying to play Daddy. But what relationship could he have with his son, really?
When some part of him would always see the boy as his downfall - the one who ruined the image he had strived for for so long. When a very real and palpable piece of him could believe that this teenager was the bane of his existence… what relationship could they have?
He could almost taste the bitterness.
“Cheating on me,” Yelina said, interrupting his thoughts, in a voice that mirrored how he felt. “I didn’t - of course, I would have preferred… he not do that. But in some small measure,” she explained, “I knew that would happen too. And…”
What she was going to say, however, remained unspoken, her lips pursing shut once more.
There was so much he wanted to tell her at that moment, and he would have been more than ready to end the silence, but it wasn’t what she wanted. Which meant Horatio could do little more than wait for her to keep talking, his mind replaying what she had told him thus far.
“So when I learned the truth about Madison… as angry as I was, it was… really nothing more than confirmation of something I had already accepted.”
Despite knowing it would be in his best interest to maintain his silence, he couldn’t help but interject, “You seemed pretty angry to me.”
The sneer on her lips was not imagined. “I’ve already said as much,” she snapped. “I had assumed he would have affairs, but the proof of that being shoved in my face? At the place where I work? By my brother-in-law? That was something I… never expected. Or wanted.”
This time Yelina looked downward, her focus on the floor in front of her.
Horatio watched her intently, noticing the constantly changing emotions radiate from her features. Anger and hurt permeated most frequently, and he wanted to help her… ease the pain she felt, because hadn’t that been his role in all of this for years?
But, even without saying it, she’d relieved him of that duty. He understood that much. And Horatio couldn’t help but worry that this time… he’d permanently screwed things up.
No, he mentally corrected himself, reconsidering the matter. No, this wasn’t worry. The way things were now weren’t tentative; there was no hope for reconciliation or forgiveness. This wasn’t worry.
It was realization.
Yelina would never come to him for help again. He’d seen to that.
And pushing away the pang of sadness, he finally noticed the smile gracing her face. It was unlike the ones he’d seen earlier in the day; yet the bitterness still seemed to infect every other part of her body.
But on her lips, the smile she held was sweet, and knowing it could have nothing to do with this, his head turned, looking in the same direction see what she had apparently noticed. It took him a few seconds to find it, but then there it was: down the street, two children, a boy and a girl, probably no more than six or seven years old, playing together, talking to one another animatedly.
Well, at least someone around here could have a civil conversation.
It was a fleeting thought, but somehow he was sure that she had read his mind, because she turned to look at him then. And the smile on her face quickly turned into an angry sneer. Their reprieve was over.
“It hurt. I will never say it didn’t. Doesn’t. But at least nothing had changed!” The frustration in her voice could be heard in every syllable. “In the end, Ray was still an idiot, and I could still trust you - nothing had changed.”
There was a beat, a moment before the knife was twisted in. “I can assure you,” she said coldly. “It won’t happen again.”
He sighed sadly, shifted on his feet. The way she looked at him, her eyes completely devoid of warmth and faith, made his skin crawl. And maybe it was just self-preservation, but Horatio felt the need to leave. In the very least… he knew that nothing else could be accomplished now.
She was too angry, and he’d messed up too much.
“All right,” he said quietly, softly, trying not to sound as hurt as he was. “All right… I think that maybe I should go.” But his words could only reflect how unsure he was of this new terrain, a fact he normally would have hated.
As he turned though, Yelina’s words grabbed his attention. “Go?” The sarcasm rang through the air. “I don’t think so.”
Despite his better judgment, he stopped moving. How she could command him, without raising her voice, when he really thought what she wanted was bad… confused him. But here he was, Horatio realized, staying like a trained dog.
His eyes questioningly slid up to meet hers, but seeing their intense black color, his focus quickly skittered away. The redhead would have preferred that she not see this, that no one witness this moment of shame, confusion, and nerves. But in his peripheral vision, Horatio could tell she was smirking.
Yelina not only knew how he was feeling, he realized, but she was also… enjoying it perhaps.
“Oh no, dear brother-in-law,” she half hissed, her accent thick and somehow devoid of all warmth. “We’re family.” And he didn’t think it possible, but she had found a way to wield that last word as though it were the strongest of curses.
Though given this family, it might have been just that.
“Yelina,” he tried to say.
“No,” she snapped. “In the past, I have borne the brunt of your mistakes. And Ray’s as well. I have been the one to tell my son the truth. But not anymore. I will not be the one to ruin his image of you.”
Later, Horatio thought he would mull over each and every word she had spoken. Replay the conversation in his mind until he felt sick to his stomach. But right now, all he could feel was surprise. “You haven’t told Ray Junior?” he asked.
And she opened her mouth to respond, but the retort she had hoped to hurl at him died on her lips, because… another voice spoke first. From somewhere inside the house, the question filtering outside, the boy asked, “Tell me what?”
The door seemed to open itself, revealing the confused teenager standing in the hallway. “Tell me what?” he repeated, his eyes flitting between his mother and uncle.
Horatio stood frozen, despite the warm air. He hadn’t… he hadn’t expected her to keep this a secret. In his mind, Yelina would have already told the boy the truth. That she hadn’t terrified him, and he was more than ready to turn and run, as cowardly as it was, when his sister-in-law grabbed his arm.
No, not his arm, but his suit jacket. Her grip was firm, but careful, and he understood: she was refusing to touch him.
As Yelina yanked him in past the front door, his stomach dropped to the floor as she half-purred, half-threatened. “Go on, Horatio. Why don’t you do the honors?”
Glancing at her black, angry eyes and then at Ray’s almost naïve face, Horatio wished then that he’d never been born. Because he was going to hurt his nephew and he’d already done that to his sister-in-law.
The door shut behind him; there was no way out, no hole in the immediate vicinity to crawl in. And he knew…
He was going to have to tell the truth.
End (31/??)