How the hell are you supposed to know you'll be happy with the decision you've made?  Whose to say you will or won't?  Despite pre-caution, planning, rational thoughts and decisions.  Who the fuck is to say you'll be happy?  Who the fuck are they to say you will or won't?

It's bullshit to say everyone will be happy all the time.  It's bullshit to ( Read more... )

Blasted Pandora and their depressing music.  Currently playing: The theme song from Requiem for Dream where everyone ends up either alone, used, mutilated or doped up.  Relevant to my life?  No.  Relevant to my overly emotion pity-mones?  Yes.

Pity-mones.  The hormones that make me feel sorry for myself. 
Make me feel sorry about the fact that I ( Read more... )

I feel like a pryo maniac.  Setting fire to all the things I once loved, cared about, and valued.  Metaphorical ashes are falling all around me, suffocating me in my own need to run away.  It's like I'm polluting the very air I breathe with my weakness.  With my inability to accept, to fix, to improve, to be loved ( Read more... )

There is a weight on me ( Read more... )

I was supposed to go away but like all things, never went.  I guess that's an accurate description of my life.  Of my emotions.  They always come back.  Like now.  And all it takes is an un-accepted rental application to set them off.  How sad is that ( Read more... )

It's hard to be sad when your sadness isn't yours to feel.  Cause and effect.  What you do is what you get.  Your fault and yours alone.  Its hard to talk to anyone about it because of it.  What are you supposed to say?  "I'm sad because of my own doing and I know its my fault but I'm still sad anyways ( Read more... )

As a newly divorced woman, in a figurative sense of course, I have decided that personal growth is on the top of my agenda. That being said, writing things down is always an easy reminder of all the things that are important to me at this time and should thus remain so over the course of my new transformation. It is my hope that I will tread these ( Read more... )

I feel betrayed... I feel taken advantage of. I feel like my entire world has been thrown askew... That I know nothing, have no ability to find which way is up and which way is down... PEA, Phenylethylamine... the fucking chemical that changed my life. It all makes so much sense. I feel betrayed by the fact that he knew. he knew all along. ( Read more... )

Here I am again, inspired by the depressing music spewing forth from my Pandora radio. Sweet Sweet Radio Head, my muse ( Read more... )

Sometimes its hard for me to image what I would be like as an older woman. I think it's hard for anyone to image what they would by like. But I always worry about being like some more than others, more specifically the older women who are overly sensitive about their age. Jumpy, quick to anger and just as quick to hurt. It's them I fear the most. ( Read more... )