30 Thinkies about "Children of Earth: Day Five"
Let's just do this, all right?
Before I start, I want to say this: I would love nothing more than to be exposed as a blithering idiot who suffered an attack of premature fanwankulation. I am perfectly willing to be jerked around like a marionette as long as I get a happy ending out of it. Otherwise? Not so much. Makes me feel used and abused. People may say, "oh it's not personal." Yes, not personal personal, not a personal attack against me, Spider, or you, [insert name here] individually, but there is no way I'm going to believe that RTD isn't giggling like a maniac at what he's put us through. He knows who his fan base is, he knows exactly how important these characters and this relationship is to us, he built up publicity and buzz based on these characters and this relationship, and he knew exactly what he was doing. He did it to Rose, he did it to Donna, he did it to Tosh and Owen.
What was the quote last night? "An injury to one is an injury to all"? How about the converse: "an injury to the group is an injury to each member of the group"? I, Spider, am injured and insulted on behalf of all of us as a group who were hurt by this development. Your mileage may vary, but in my opinion, and in MY JOURNAL, yes it's personal.
Anyway, onward.
1) Do I really have to tell you what happened previously?
2) Oh hello, Super Cooper. Immediate Doctor reference! DRINK! *Spider chugs beer* Thank the gods. I hope this is going to be a DRINK heavy episode, or I don't know how I'm going to get through it. The brain kittens are practically on life support, they're so comatose. I've tried tempting them with sushi-grade tuna, disco balls, li'l red UNIT caps... nothing. I think there's going to be lots of fluffy schmoopy fic-reading in my future.
3) Super Cooper is right about one thing, though. The Doctor is ... not fickle, but whimsical. Fey. Both of those words in the original sense. He operates by whim. He's otherworldly. His priorities are not ours, and his concerns are not ours. The Earth is a hobby for him. A beloved hobby, but still just a pasttime. "S you can see how the world ended." Hmmm.... she should know better than that by now. If this was how the world ended, Jack would know about it from a 51st century perspective. And she should know that he would know. W'ever.
4) "Free of charge." There you go, Ianto's sister! Never trust anyone who says, "Trust me."
5) Li'l red UNIT cap sighting! DRINK! *Spider chugs beer. Brain kittens perk up a bit.* There's more to Creepy Old Guy Decker than just being an amoral scientist. There's something else about him, I can feeeeeeeel it. Turkey heads and vomit! You know, I'm not going to be sorry to see the back end of that, I can tell you. Once or twice was eeewy and gooey and gross and fun, but now I am so very over it.
6) So they're using some chemical in the kids as a drug. Question #1: why does it have to be kids, not adults? Does it have to do with the hormones released at puberty? Question #2: How did they figure this out in the first place? In 1965 they just came out of nowhere and said "we want 12 kids" -- what, just at random? Is this like some stupid stoner slacker thing, "duuuuuude, let's just smoke up this kid and see if we can get high off it!" What did they try before they decided on kids? Wallabies? Giant centipedes? Why does it have to be human kids? This is like that "It has to come out of a cow" line in Doctor Who (which I believe suffers from a miscomprehension and wasn't meant to be anything but sarcastic in -- *brain kittens sigh, wake up, give Spider a half-hearted THWAP*
Oh. Right. Sorry. I must be procrastinating. Onward.
7) Hi, Jack. Damn, even his hair looks depressed. "What about Lois?" I don't give a BLUE BLOODY DAMN about Lois, all right? It was obvious from the moment she entered the chippy shop to see Gwen and Rhys that she was being positioned to join Torchwood and use her PA skills to neatly slot into the "Ianto" spot. If anyone (talking about YOU, RTD) expects me to start giving a damn about her they're sorely mistaken. Characters are not interchangeable like that. "I can't look at her anymore." Oh, Jack. I'm sorry they did this to you... *brain kittens huggle Spider*
8) Alice, don't be an idiot. DON'T let your son out of your sight! You have absolutely no reason to trust them, and every reason to be wary. I would keep my kid right at my side, even if it meant he would see something meant for "grownups". The kid's been through enough crap, he knows there's something wrong. Treat him with the respect he's earned.
9) I don't give a damn about Frobisher. "Your children will be innoculated." Yup. That was bound to happen. "First they came for the Communists, And I didn’t speak up..." Frobisher thought he was immune, that he wielded some kind of power. But he doesn't have power; he's a tool used by those in power. Just as we fans think we have some influence, but the Powers That Be just see us as a tool, as the means by which they get ratings and money.
Yes, I'm bitter. You got a problem with that?
10) Requisition 31. A gun? A suicide pill? Something like that. At least Bridget gets a kiss goodbye.
11) Oh, hello Andy. "The bloody pill doesn't stand a chance." Oh, so she was using birth control? Interesting... "That's what Torchwood does, it ruins your life." *nod nod nod* So, she's considering "getting rid of it". Ain't gonna happen. The kids will be saved, "life will go on, we have a fresh start" or some such rubbish and she and Rhys will have the kid and name it Ianto. Just you wait. :P *Brain kittens vomit*
12) By the way, have you noticed how *little* we're with the Torchwood team in this ep so far -- what's LEFT of them, I mean? It's all about the politicians versus the aliens, with special guest Super Cooper, and cameos by Jack moping in a cell. I have no doubt that Jack will manage to escape with the help of Plucky Girl Companion Lois, but I really feel as if any engagement I had in this story is completely gone. I could turn it off right now without wondering what happens next. Honestly, the only reason I'm still here is because I don't want the series of Thinkies to be incomplete.
13) So now we get to learn all about how wonderful Frobisher was before he kills his entire family then blows his own fucking brains out. Y'see, RTD has to make sure we care about the people he kills. Whatever.
14) Ianto's sister gets AWESOME in Andy's face. Which is very cool indeed. :)
15) You know, I'm trying to work my way into caring about all the kids being taken away and the moms yelling. But I don't.
16) Oh, so we don't even get to hear Gwen tell Ianto's sister about his death? "He didn't say anything about my car, did he?" Now that's funny! :) Oh, now we get to Cry With Cooper. Ianto's dad did what? Worked in some kind of clothing store, I guess? That's an interesting little point of back story, both Ianto's dad's job and the story Ianto built around him. Very interesting, says a lot about the character.
17) Why aren't they letting Alice and Stephen go? How long do you think it's going to be before Badass Lady (I never bothered to get her name) flips to the Light Side and helps Alice and Stephen? I mean, she's been starting to turn since the end of last ep, but the full about-face looks imminent. It looks like nobody else got told her name either because she was "brought up to protect the state" and I guess that means she's some nameless Operative. What. Ev. Er. *Spider rolls eyes* And of course Alice says, "If your duty is to protect the state, the one person you need now is Jack Harkness." Jack Who?
18) Oh yeah! That's right, the star of the fucking show. Hi Jack! Bye Jack! We'll see you again for another cameo in a few minutes, I guess.
19) Johnny gets to be a hero! I like him. He's so fucking dead. Or maybe not! He'll get the homeys riled up and they'll throw some bricks at the riot-shielded cops. Very Northern Ireland. AND HERE COMES ANDY! GET STUCK IN, ANDY! It's about fucking time! :)
20) Alice gives up her kid again, just like that. *Spider shakes head in disapproval* So, Jack and Creepy Scientist Guy Decker have to work together to reverse the polarity of the neutron flow. *BLAM!* Or maybe not! Now that was funny! :D "We hacked into Torchwood years ago, you idiot!" THAT'S EVEN FUNNIER!
21) See? Of course she wouldn't "get rid of it". Super Cooper would NEVER do such a cruel, heartless thing. OH NOES!
22) What, you really thought they'd say, "yeah, I guess 80% will do." Ah, here is where Bridget decides to step up to the plate.
23) Oh shut UP Creepy Scientist Guy Decker! Yep, they have to reverse the thingamawhatsis and sour the milk for the baby space whale and clap your hands if you believe in Doctors. What. Ever.
24) SEE? WHEN YOU'RE HELD CAPTIVE BY A NEFARIOUS GOVERNMENT AGENCY, NEVER LET YOUR KID OUT OF YOUR SIGHT. And now Jack will be able to angst in the rain over TWO, count 'em TWO gravesites! Woo hoo! Because let's not just kill off his lover, let's toss his grandson in there too to make sure he's COMPLETELY DYSFUNCTIONAL FOR THE NEXT HUNDRED YEARS OR SO. Because, see, Jack was *just* starting to feel good about himself and his place on Earth and at Torchwood and with Ianto, and HEAVEN FORBID JACK BE ABLE TO FEEL ANYTHING BESIDES BROODING ANGST. RTD is such a fuckwad. Some of us LIKE Happy Jack! *Spider grumbles. Brain kittens grumble. Spider chugs beer FOR NO REASON AT ALL.*
25) Aaaaand the Welsh soprano goes "aaaaaah" while the screaming children are carried away, and little blond Stephen gets ready to be sacrificed, and Alice goes running toward him and Jack is GRIM AND DETERMINED and the kid is TRUSTING and AFRAID and starts screaming and looks like the kid in the movie who "sees dead people". BOOM! Blood and guts and there go the aliens, and they all live happily ever after. NOT.
26) Jack cries the One Single Heroic Tear of "My brain is so fuckin' fried I'm leaking custard from my ears. Can I have my blankie now?"
27) Bridget steps up and becomes a hero. Excellent. :) Bastard PM is functionally castrated, which is nice.
28) God damn it, there's another of those gorgeous shots, with Jack sitting there on the bench and the two round windows in the doors at the end of the hallway. Another one that I'd love to have as a desktop, if only it wouldn't TURN ME INTO A SOBBING IDIOT EVERY TIME I LOOKED AT MY COMPUTER.
29) SIX MONTHS LATER? WTF? Let's see how big Super Cooper's belly is. Hmmm, that's reasonable, I guess. And there's ANOTHER gorgeous shot of Jack brooding against the sky. You know, I might be able to handle seeing that on my computer desktop. My gods, but he's still fucking gorgeous. "Are you ever coming back, Jack?" "What for?" "Me." BECAUSE IT'S ALL ABOUT GWEN, NATURALLY. *Brain kittens puke on Super Cooper's shoes* "I have lived so many lives, it's time to find another one." "You can not just run away." "Oh yes, I can. Just watch me." HA! For some reason, I LIKE THAT EXIT. It's very, very Jack. :)
30) In conclusion. Just...yeah. Conclusion.
I'd like to thank everyone who reads these Thinkies for sharing the squee and angst with me. I have a lot to think through about "CoE" as a whole, and I'll most likely post a massive rant within the next couple days, but right now, let's all just GROUP HUG and be thankful we had each other to help us get through it. TORCHWOOD FANDOM RULES. AND THAT MEANS **YOU**.
*smoochies from Spider and the Brain Kittens*
Before I start, I want to say this: I would love nothing more than to be exposed as a blithering idiot who suffered an attack of premature fanwankulation. I am perfectly willing to be jerked around like a marionette as long as I get a happy ending out of it. Otherwise? Not so much. Makes me feel used and abused. People may say, "oh it's not personal." Yes, not personal personal, not a personal attack against me, Spider, or you, [insert name here] individually, but there is no way I'm going to believe that RTD isn't giggling like a maniac at what he's put us through. He knows who his fan base is, he knows exactly how important these characters and this relationship is to us, he built up publicity and buzz based on these characters and this relationship, and he knew exactly what he was doing. He did it to Rose, he did it to Donna, he did it to Tosh and Owen.
What was the quote last night? "An injury to one is an injury to all"? How about the converse: "an injury to the group is an injury to each member of the group"? I, Spider, am injured and insulted on behalf of all of us as a group who were hurt by this development. Your mileage may vary, but in my opinion, and in MY JOURNAL, yes it's personal.
Anyway, onward.
1) Do I really have to tell you what happened previously?
2) Oh hello, Super Cooper. Immediate Doctor reference! DRINK! *Spider chugs beer* Thank the gods. I hope this is going to be a DRINK heavy episode, or I don't know how I'm going to get through it. The brain kittens are practically on life support, they're so comatose. I've tried tempting them with sushi-grade tuna, disco balls, li'l red UNIT caps... nothing. I think there's going to be lots of fluffy schmoopy fic-reading in my future.
3) Super Cooper is right about one thing, though. The Doctor is ... not fickle, but whimsical. Fey. Both of those words in the original sense. He operates by whim. He's otherworldly. His priorities are not ours, and his concerns are not ours. The Earth is a hobby for him. A beloved hobby, but still just a pasttime. "S you can see how the world ended." Hmmm.... she should know better than that by now. If this was how the world ended, Jack would know about it from a 51st century perspective. And she should know that he would know. W'ever.
4) "Free of charge." There you go, Ianto's sister! Never trust anyone who says, "Trust me."
5) Li'l red UNIT cap sighting! DRINK! *Spider chugs beer. Brain kittens perk up a bit.* There's more to Creepy Old Guy Decker than just being an amoral scientist. There's something else about him, I can feeeeeeeel it. Turkey heads and vomit! You know, I'm not going to be sorry to see the back end of that, I can tell you. Once or twice was eeewy and gooey and gross and fun, but now I am so very over it.
6) So they're using some chemical in the kids as a drug. Question #1: why does it have to be kids, not adults? Does it have to do with the hormones released at puberty? Question #2: How did they figure this out in the first place? In 1965 they just came out of nowhere and said "we want 12 kids" -- what, just at random? Is this like some stupid stoner slacker thing, "duuuuuude, let's just smoke up this kid and see if we can get high off it!" What did they try before they decided on kids? Wallabies? Giant centipedes? Why does it have to be human kids? This is like that "It has to come out of a cow" line in Doctor Who (which I believe suffers from a miscomprehension and wasn't meant to be anything but sarcastic in -- *brain kittens sigh, wake up, give Spider a half-hearted THWAP*
Oh. Right. Sorry. I must be procrastinating. Onward.
7) Hi, Jack. Damn, even his hair looks depressed. "What about Lois?" I don't give a BLUE BLOODY DAMN about Lois, all right? It was obvious from the moment she entered the chippy shop to see Gwen and Rhys that she was being positioned to join Torchwood and use her PA skills to neatly slot into the "Ianto" spot. If anyone (talking about YOU, RTD) expects me to start giving a damn about her they're sorely mistaken. Characters are not interchangeable like that. "I can't look at her anymore." Oh, Jack. I'm sorry they did this to you... *brain kittens huggle Spider*
8) Alice, don't be an idiot. DON'T let your son out of your sight! You have absolutely no reason to trust them, and every reason to be wary. I would keep my kid right at my side, even if it meant he would see something meant for "grownups". The kid's been through enough crap, he knows there's something wrong. Treat him with the respect he's earned.
9) I don't give a damn about Frobisher. "Your children will be innoculated." Yup. That was bound to happen. "First they came for the Communists, And I didn’t speak up..." Frobisher thought he was immune, that he wielded some kind of power. But he doesn't have power; he's a tool used by those in power. Just as we fans think we have some influence, but the Powers That Be just see us as a tool, as the means by which they get ratings and money.
Yes, I'm bitter. You got a problem with that?
10) Requisition 31. A gun? A suicide pill? Something like that. At least Bridget gets a kiss goodbye.
11) Oh, hello Andy. "The bloody pill doesn't stand a chance." Oh, so she was using birth control? Interesting... "That's what Torchwood does, it ruins your life." *nod nod nod* So, she's considering "getting rid of it". Ain't gonna happen. The kids will be saved, "life will go on, we have a fresh start" or some such rubbish and she and Rhys will have the kid and name it Ianto. Just you wait. :P *Brain kittens vomit*
12) By the way, have you noticed how *little* we're with the Torchwood team in this ep so far -- what's LEFT of them, I mean? It's all about the politicians versus the aliens, with special guest Super Cooper, and cameos by Jack moping in a cell. I have no doubt that Jack will manage to escape with the help of Plucky Girl Companion Lois, but I really feel as if any engagement I had in this story is completely gone. I could turn it off right now without wondering what happens next. Honestly, the only reason I'm still here is because I don't want the series of Thinkies to be incomplete.
13) So now we get to learn all about how wonderful Frobisher was before he kills his entire family then blows his own fucking brains out. Y'see, RTD has to make sure we care about the people he kills. Whatever.
14) Ianto's sister gets AWESOME in Andy's face. Which is very cool indeed. :)
15) You know, I'm trying to work my way into caring about all the kids being taken away and the moms yelling. But I don't.
16) Oh, so we don't even get to hear Gwen tell Ianto's sister about his death? "He didn't say anything about my car, did he?" Now that's funny! :) Oh, now we get to Cry With Cooper. Ianto's dad did what? Worked in some kind of clothing store, I guess? That's an interesting little point of back story, both Ianto's dad's job and the story Ianto built around him. Very interesting, says a lot about the character.
17) Why aren't they letting Alice and Stephen go? How long do you think it's going to be before Badass Lady (I never bothered to get her name) flips to the Light Side and helps Alice and Stephen? I mean, she's been starting to turn since the end of last ep, but the full about-face looks imminent. It looks like nobody else got told her name either because she was "brought up to protect the state" and I guess that means she's some nameless Operative. What. Ev. Er. *Spider rolls eyes* And of course Alice says, "If your duty is to protect the state, the one person you need now is Jack Harkness." Jack Who?
18) Oh yeah! That's right, the star of the fucking show. Hi Jack! Bye Jack! We'll see you again for another cameo in a few minutes, I guess.
19) Johnny gets to be a hero! I like him. He's so fucking dead. Or maybe not! He'll get the homeys riled up and they'll throw some bricks at the riot-shielded cops. Very Northern Ireland. AND HERE COMES ANDY! GET STUCK IN, ANDY! It's about fucking time! :)
20) Alice gives up her kid again, just like that. *Spider shakes head in disapproval* So, Jack and Creepy Scientist Guy Decker have to work together to reverse the polarity of the neutron flow. *BLAM!* Or maybe not! Now that was funny! :D "We hacked into Torchwood years ago, you idiot!" THAT'S EVEN FUNNIER!
21) See? Of course she wouldn't "get rid of it". Super Cooper would NEVER do such a cruel, heartless thing. OH NOES!
22) What, you really thought they'd say, "yeah, I guess 80% will do." Ah, here is where Bridget decides to step up to the plate.
23) Oh shut UP Creepy Scientist Guy Decker! Yep, they have to reverse the thingamawhatsis and sour the milk for the baby space whale and clap your hands if you believe in Doctors. What. Ever.
24) SEE? WHEN YOU'RE HELD CAPTIVE BY A NEFARIOUS GOVERNMENT AGENCY, NEVER LET YOUR KID OUT OF YOUR SIGHT. And now Jack will be able to angst in the rain over TWO, count 'em TWO gravesites! Woo hoo! Because let's not just kill off his lover, let's toss his grandson in there too to make sure he's COMPLETELY DYSFUNCTIONAL FOR THE NEXT HUNDRED YEARS OR SO. Because, see, Jack was *just* starting to feel good about himself and his place on Earth and at Torchwood and with Ianto, and HEAVEN FORBID JACK BE ABLE TO FEEL ANYTHING BESIDES BROODING ANGST. RTD is such a fuckwad. Some of us LIKE Happy Jack! *Spider grumbles. Brain kittens grumble. Spider chugs beer FOR NO REASON AT ALL.*
25) Aaaaand the Welsh soprano goes "aaaaaah" while the screaming children are carried away, and little blond Stephen gets ready to be sacrificed, and Alice goes running toward him and Jack is GRIM AND DETERMINED and the kid is TRUSTING and AFRAID and starts screaming and looks like the kid in the movie who "sees dead people". BOOM! Blood and guts and there go the aliens, and they all live happily ever after. NOT.
26) Jack cries the One Single Heroic Tear of "My brain is so fuckin' fried I'm leaking custard from my ears. Can I have my blankie now?"
27) Bridget steps up and becomes a hero. Excellent. :) Bastard PM is functionally castrated, which is nice.
28) God damn it, there's another of those gorgeous shots, with Jack sitting there on the bench and the two round windows in the doors at the end of the hallway. Another one that I'd love to have as a desktop, if only it wouldn't TURN ME INTO A SOBBING IDIOT EVERY TIME I LOOKED AT MY COMPUTER.
29) SIX MONTHS LATER? WTF? Let's see how big Super Cooper's belly is. Hmmm, that's reasonable, I guess. And there's ANOTHER gorgeous shot of Jack brooding against the sky. You know, I might be able to handle seeing that on my computer desktop. My gods, but he's still fucking gorgeous. "Are you ever coming back, Jack?" "What for?" "Me." BECAUSE IT'S ALL ABOUT GWEN, NATURALLY. *Brain kittens puke on Super Cooper's shoes* "I have lived so many lives, it's time to find another one." "You can not just run away." "Oh yes, I can. Just watch me." HA! For some reason, I LIKE THAT EXIT. It's very, very Jack. :)
30) In conclusion. Just...yeah. Conclusion.
I'd like to thank everyone who reads these Thinkies for sharing the squee and angst with me. I have a lot to think through about "CoE" as a whole, and I'll most likely post a massive rant within the next couple days, but right now, let's all just GROUP HUG and be thankful we had each other to help us get through it. TORCHWOOD FANDOM RULES. AND THAT MEANS **YOU**.
*smoochies from Spider and the Brain Kittens*