26 + 1 Thinkies about "Children of Earth: Day Four"
<--- PLZ TO SEE ICON KTHX. This icon is taken from the skilled and witty pen of amand_r; it is used by permission.
I HAVE BEEN SPOILED. So, it appears, has the entire fucking fandom. The only way I could have avoided this is to have not been near a computer the entire day. And since I didn't know I had to avoid being near my computer... *flings hands up in despair*
I am so angry I could spit venom. Angry at the show runners, angry at the fandom, angry at myself.
I don't usually bring "real life" into these Thinkies, but let me just say this one thing: I JUST FUCKING QUIT SMOKING FIVE DAYS AGO AND THIS IS NOT HELPING ONE IOTA. *ahem*
Anyway -- the burning (itching, scabbing, festering) question is: What do I do now? I was thinking that I should try to do this as if I hadn't been spoiled, but I don't know whether it's possible to UN-know something, and I don't think I can pull off pretending to not know it. It also wouldn't be truthful or fair.
Here's something I never thought I'd say: I can't fucking wait for this week to be over.
So let's just do this, all right? Get comfortable, settle down, and we'll all get through this together.
1) *Spider drags brain kittens out from where they've been cowering under the bed* Previously: Lots of stuff happened.
2) 1965. Hi, Jack. *Spider manages a weak wave.* Jack's hair is combed neatly; he looks gorgeous as usual. Ah, we finally learn how the 456 threaten Earth: they're letting loose an influenza virus worse than the Spanish Flu of 1918, and they'll send a cure in exchange for the children. Yes, Jack, we know you were there. Is that Lucia, Alice's mom? Must be. She looks enough like the woman in the photo.
3) "Sounds like a good deal." 12 children exchanged for the entire population of the Earth? Well, if you go by the numbers, it is a good deal. But that's a Devil's bargain; it's not about the children, it's about the piece of your soul that you hand over with them. Plus, the fact that the kids will "live forever" shouldn't exactly be on the plus side of Jack's ledger, you know what I'm saying? In addition, FAIRIES. Nuff said.
4) "You just come with Uncle Jack." STRANGERS WITH CANDY! DUDE! "Walk into the light." SHIT. Aw, Jack. I know you had to do it... *Brain kittens crawl into Spider's lap and sit there looking forlorn*
5) "You are in every nightmare I've ever had." Duuuuuuuuuude. Damn. But yeah, Jack has to hear that. And he has to take that bullet. It's only right and fair. And blah blah, Gwen is ***Compassionate*** with ***sparkles*** and ***rainbows*** and ***butterflies***. I am seriously NOT FEELING THE LOVE for Super Cooper right now, okay? "That man held my hand and took me to them." Hear that? He held his hand. Compare with Grey, please, where holding his brother's hand might have kept him safe and letting go meant abandonment to horror. Compare with the Doctor, please, where taking a Companion's hand means that, while there may be mayhem and running, there is also trust and hope and adventure. *Brain kittens look up at Spider, consider thwapping her for Deep Thoughts, decide it ain't worth it* *Spider huggles brain kittens*
6) Jack gasps awake! DRINK! *Spider chugs beer* Oh, thank the GODS, I needed that. "Okay, this is normal." Um, Gwen honey? It may be a lot of things, but it certainly is not NORMAL.
7) Alice remains awesome.
8) "It was a protection racket, you had to know they'd be back." Thank you, Super Cooper, for stating the obvious! Didn't anyone think of that before? "You wouldn't be missed." Yep, had to know that was coming.
9) Turkey heads and vomit! WOO HOO! (Squee's a bit thin on the ground tonight, you know. I'm doing the best I can!) "Come in." WHAT THE FUCK NOW? Can I have BAD IDEAS OF THE CENTURY for 100, Alex? Oooh, there's the cool red hazmat suit. :)
10) Drippy goopy GROSSNESS EEEWWWWW! *Brain kittens perk up and giggle* EEEEEEWWWWWW! It's a Thunderbird puppet! *Brain kittens thwap Spider* HEY, work with me here! It's a tough crowd! What could they possibly AAAAAAAH! VOMIT SPEW! Heee! Is that a recording? Are they using Frobisher's voice back at him?
11) So yeah, it's a protection racket, and as such, both the price and the risk always get cranked higher. It's like that old joke: "Would you have sex with me for a million dollars?" "Sure." "Would you have sex with me for one dollar?" "No! What do you think I am?" "We've established what you are. Now we're just haggling price."
12) Ianto's eyes are even bluer than Jack's. "The Jack I know would have stood up to them. Only just scraped the surface, haven't I?" "Ianto, that's all there is.... I've lived a long time. I have done a lot of things." Ianto rolls his eyes. DRINK! *Spider chugs beer* Oh, thank the GODS, I needed that. "And just so you know..." DUDE. SHIT, that was cold. But I have to say, wow, that shot of Ianto standing by the wall of dirty windows is absolutely beautiful. Usually, I would think I'd have to grab that as a desktop background, but... um... considering everything.... no. Just no.
13) Sigh. Looks to me like, after regenerating from a finger and a blob of goo, the very last part of Jack to grow back is his SPINE.
14) They're trying to HAGGLE. What a bunch of idiots. Talking of children as units. FAS: "Failed asylum seekers." Yep, give me your disenfranchised, your poor, your unfashionably tinted skin... "Make them an offer of 60 units." Right, and they'll see your 60 units and raise you APOCALYPSE. *Spider rolls eyes*
15) I do not care about Frobisher or his family.
16) 3-2-5-0-0-0. 325,000. Is that ten percent of all the children on Earth? That's can't be right. Ohhhhh! Each country has a different number. It's the number of children of each country! Right! And now they are indeed starting to talk about the overpopulation angle. "If we need to spin this..." The thing is, I suspect that "real life" politicians would act just like this. Yes, even the Americans. Yes, we'd consider blowing their fucking heads off and probably shoot ourselves in the foot in the process, but sooner or later the Rich White Guys would get together and start throwing Poor Colored Kids under the bus.
17) I'm watching the "civil conversation" about how they're choosing the kids. I have nothing funny to say, and I'm pausing the playback for a moment. This is like --- no, this is WORSE than the Doctor Who episode " Turn Left" -- which episode, by the by, was also written by Russell T Davies, that SCUM-SUCKING MASTER OF EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION. During that ep there was a lot of HOLY SHIT WTF I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY'RE GOING THERE. I cried big snotty tears, I clung to the brain kittens, I was utterly horrified. This scene, on the other hand, is just grim.
I may indeed cry big snotty tears later in this ep, but then again, by that time I might just be too numb and resigned. Resume playback.
18) "We can use this evidence to force our way into Thames House." Um, why don't you just use your amaze-o-matic Torchwood technology and BROADCAST THIS FOOTAGE WORLD WIDE? You know, fuck the amaze-o-matic technology -- just put it on YouTube, guys! FOR FUCK'S SAKE!
19) Canny Ianto lets the wire-tappers in on the secret! "Hey, youze guyze listening in, they're after your kids kthxbye!" Very nice. He also looks very dapper in his waistcoat and shirtsleeves. *hearts hearts hearts*
20) "No one in this room is a willing accomplice." Hmmm... will the brain kittens thwap me if I pause playback and talk about this for a minute? *Brain kittens look up at Spider, shrug, lie back down* All righty then! What is the limit of personal responsibility in this situation? "We were just doing our jobs/following orders"? Nope; you can't pass the buck like that. An adult human has an ethical imperative to resist immoral orders of that magnitude. But Spider, they're under duress! Okay then, but in that case, you own up to it. You don't cover your arse to look like "naive dupes". You get on camera, Mr PM, and you say to your people, "We are being forced to do this." Whether you do so before you do it or afterwards is up to you; you can pretty much choose your riot now or later, because either way a riot there will be. But if you're not going to resist the genocide of your own people, and you're being forced to sacrifice your own people, LET THE PEOPLE KNOW. Screed over. You're welcome. Resume playback.
21) And now, gentlebeings, proper ethical human behavior in these circumstances will be demonstrated by Ms. Lois Habiba. Thank you, Lois. I'm proud to share a species with you.
22) Super Cooper gets to monolog. Awesome Rhys is prepared to RICKROLL THE ENTIRE PLANET. Jack and Ianto put their heads in the Lion's Mouth.
23) "An injury to one is an injury to all." Not, "fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me"? "Never mind the philosophy." "I like the philosophy." "I gathered." LOL! Oh, boys. And look at them stand the fuck up! I LOVE them like this -- implacable, determined, BIG DAMN HEROES to the very bone and core, yet still having time for a quip. This is my Jack, and this is my Ianto. This is how they will *ALWAYS* be. Full. Fucking. Stop.
24) "Then the fight begins. Action has been taken." And here it is. I'm not giving RTD the satisfaction of my tears. He's a manipulative bastard. He did this to me with Rose, and he raped Donna Noble's mind, and now he's taken this from us too.
25) Jack gasps awake. I'm not drinking. This isn't fun anymore.
26) In conclusion: Russell T Davies should die in a fire.
And my Plus One for the teaser: Whatever happens, tomorrow's the fucking end of it, and honestly I don't even care.
I HAVE BEEN SPOILED. So, it appears, has the entire fucking fandom. The only way I could have avoided this is to have not been near a computer the entire day. And since I didn't know I had to avoid being near my computer... *flings hands up in despair*
I am so angry I could spit venom. Angry at the show runners, angry at the fandom, angry at myself.
I don't usually bring "real life" into these Thinkies, but let me just say this one thing: I JUST FUCKING QUIT SMOKING FIVE DAYS AGO AND THIS IS NOT HELPING ONE IOTA. *ahem*
Anyway -- the burning (itching, scabbing, festering) question is: What do I do now? I was thinking that I should try to do this as if I hadn't been spoiled, but I don't know whether it's possible to UN-know something, and I don't think I can pull off pretending to not know it. It also wouldn't be truthful or fair.
Here's something I never thought I'd say: I can't fucking wait for this week to be over.
So let's just do this, all right? Get comfortable, settle down, and we'll all get through this together.
1) *Spider drags brain kittens out from where they've been cowering under the bed* Previously: Lots of stuff happened.
2) 1965. Hi, Jack. *Spider manages a weak wave.* Jack's hair is combed neatly; he looks gorgeous as usual. Ah, we finally learn how the 456 threaten Earth: they're letting loose an influenza virus worse than the Spanish Flu of 1918, and they'll send a cure in exchange for the children. Yes, Jack, we know you were there. Is that Lucia, Alice's mom? Must be. She looks enough like the woman in the photo.
3) "Sounds like a good deal." 12 children exchanged for the entire population of the Earth? Well, if you go by the numbers, it is a good deal. But that's a Devil's bargain; it's not about the children, it's about the piece of your soul that you hand over with them. Plus, the fact that the kids will "live forever" shouldn't exactly be on the plus side of Jack's ledger, you know what I'm saying? In addition, FAIRIES. Nuff said.
4) "You just come with Uncle Jack." STRANGERS WITH CANDY! DUDE! "Walk into the light." SHIT. Aw, Jack. I know you had to do it... *Brain kittens crawl into Spider's lap and sit there looking forlorn*
5) "You are in every nightmare I've ever had." Duuuuuuuuuude. Damn. But yeah, Jack has to hear that. And he has to take that bullet. It's only right and fair. And blah blah, Gwen is ***Compassionate*** with ***sparkles*** and ***rainbows*** and ***butterflies***. I am seriously NOT FEELING THE LOVE for Super Cooper right now, okay? "That man held my hand and took me to them." Hear that? He held his hand. Compare with Grey, please, where holding his brother's hand might have kept him safe and letting go meant abandonment to horror. Compare with the Doctor, please, where taking a Companion's hand means that, while there may be mayhem and running, there is also trust and hope and adventure. *Brain kittens look up at Spider, consider thwapping her for Deep Thoughts, decide it ain't worth it* *Spider huggles brain kittens*
6) Jack gasps awake! DRINK! *Spider chugs beer* Oh, thank the GODS, I needed that. "Okay, this is normal." Um, Gwen honey? It may be a lot of things, but it certainly is not NORMAL.
7) Alice remains awesome.
8) "It was a protection racket, you had to know they'd be back." Thank you, Super Cooper, for stating the obvious! Didn't anyone think of that before? "You wouldn't be missed." Yep, had to know that was coming.
9) Turkey heads and vomit! WOO HOO! (Squee's a bit thin on the ground tonight, you know. I'm doing the best I can!) "Come in." WHAT THE FUCK NOW? Can I have BAD IDEAS OF THE CENTURY for 100, Alex? Oooh, there's the cool red hazmat suit. :)
10) Drippy goopy GROSSNESS EEEWWWWW! *Brain kittens perk up and giggle* EEEEEEWWWWWW! It's a Thunderbird puppet! *Brain kittens thwap Spider* HEY, work with me here! It's a tough crowd! What could they possibly AAAAAAAH! VOMIT SPEW! Heee! Is that a recording? Are they using Frobisher's voice back at him?
11) So yeah, it's a protection racket, and as such, both the price and the risk always get cranked higher. It's like that old joke: "Would you have sex with me for a million dollars?" "Sure." "Would you have sex with me for one dollar?" "No! What do you think I am?" "We've established what you are. Now we're just haggling price."
12) Ianto's eyes are even bluer than Jack's. "The Jack I know would have stood up to them. Only just scraped the surface, haven't I?" "Ianto, that's all there is.... I've lived a long time. I have done a lot of things." Ianto rolls his eyes. DRINK! *Spider chugs beer* Oh, thank the GODS, I needed that. "And just so you know..." DUDE. SHIT, that was cold. But I have to say, wow, that shot of Ianto standing by the wall of dirty windows is absolutely beautiful. Usually, I would think I'd have to grab that as a desktop background, but... um... considering everything.... no. Just no.
13) Sigh. Looks to me like, after regenerating from a finger and a blob of goo, the very last part of Jack to grow back is his SPINE.
14) They're trying to HAGGLE. What a bunch of idiots. Talking of children as units. FAS: "Failed asylum seekers." Yep, give me your disenfranchised, your poor, your unfashionably tinted skin... "Make them an offer of 60 units." Right, and they'll see your 60 units and raise you APOCALYPSE. *Spider rolls eyes*
15) I do not care about Frobisher or his family.
16) 3-2-5-0-0-0. 325,000. Is that ten percent of all the children on Earth? That's can't be right. Ohhhhh! Each country has a different number. It's the number of children of each country! Right! And now they are indeed starting to talk about the overpopulation angle. "If we need to spin this..." The thing is, I suspect that "real life" politicians would act just like this. Yes, even the Americans. Yes, we'd consider blowing their fucking heads off and probably shoot ourselves in the foot in the process, but sooner or later the Rich White Guys would get together and start throwing Poor Colored Kids under the bus.
17) I'm watching the "civil conversation" about how they're choosing the kids. I have nothing funny to say, and I'm pausing the playback for a moment. This is like --- no, this is WORSE than the Doctor Who episode " Turn Left" -- which episode, by the by, was also written by Russell T Davies, that SCUM-SUCKING MASTER OF EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION. During that ep there was a lot of HOLY SHIT WTF I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY'RE GOING THERE. I cried big snotty tears, I clung to the brain kittens, I was utterly horrified. This scene, on the other hand, is just grim.
I may indeed cry big snotty tears later in this ep, but then again, by that time I might just be too numb and resigned. Resume playback.
18) "We can use this evidence to force our way into Thames House." Um, why don't you just use your amaze-o-matic Torchwood technology and BROADCAST THIS FOOTAGE WORLD WIDE? You know, fuck the amaze-o-matic technology -- just put it on YouTube, guys! FOR FUCK'S SAKE!
19) Canny Ianto lets the wire-tappers in on the secret! "Hey, youze guyze listening in, they're after your kids kthxbye!" Very nice. He also looks very dapper in his waistcoat and shirtsleeves. *hearts hearts hearts*
20) "No one in this room is a willing accomplice." Hmmm... will the brain kittens thwap me if I pause playback and talk about this for a minute? *Brain kittens look up at Spider, shrug, lie back down* All righty then! What is the limit of personal responsibility in this situation? "We were just doing our jobs/following orders"? Nope; you can't pass the buck like that. An adult human has an ethical imperative to resist immoral orders of that magnitude. But Spider, they're under duress! Okay then, but in that case, you own up to it. You don't cover your arse to look like "naive dupes". You get on camera, Mr PM, and you say to your people, "We are being forced to do this." Whether you do so before you do it or afterwards is up to you; you can pretty much choose your riot now or later, because either way a riot there will be. But if you're not going to resist the genocide of your own people, and you're being forced to sacrifice your own people, LET THE PEOPLE KNOW. Screed over. You're welcome. Resume playback.
21) And now, gentlebeings, proper ethical human behavior in these circumstances will be demonstrated by Ms. Lois Habiba. Thank you, Lois. I'm proud to share a species with you.
22) Super Cooper gets to monolog. Awesome Rhys is prepared to RICKROLL THE ENTIRE PLANET. Jack and Ianto put their heads in the Lion's Mouth.
23) "An injury to one is an injury to all." Not, "fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me"? "Never mind the philosophy." "I like the philosophy." "I gathered." LOL! Oh, boys. And look at them stand the fuck up! I LOVE them like this -- implacable, determined, BIG DAMN HEROES to the very bone and core, yet still having time for a quip. This is my Jack, and this is my Ianto. This is how they will *ALWAYS* be. Full. Fucking. Stop.
24) "Then the fight begins. Action has been taken." And here it is. I'm not giving RTD the satisfaction of my tears. He's a manipulative bastard. He did this to me with Rose, and he raped Donna Noble's mind, and now he's taken this from us too.
25) Jack gasps awake. I'm not drinking. This isn't fun anymore.
26) In conclusion: Russell T Davies should die in a fire.
And my Plus One for the teaser: Whatever happens, tomorrow's the fucking end of it, and honestly I don't even care.