39 + 1 Thinkies about "Children of Earth: Day Three"
Holy crap, we're on Day Three already. The mind boggles. I haven't been online at all today -- no e-mail, no LJ, no Twitter -- because I dunno about you kids, but I'm suffering a bit of overload. Maintaining and sharing the level of squee suitable to the occasion has been almost physically exhausting. And that's just the fandom! I've barely even begun to process the episodes themselves! It's like... okay, back to the polyfandom thing, but remember when a new Harry Potter book came out? You waited and waited and anticipated until you thought your brain was going to EXPLODE and then you stood on line until midnight kicking sugar-charged rugrats out from underfoot and then you raced home and spent the entire night reading the whole fucking book until at like 9 in the morning you were DONE and your mind was reeling because you'd just had a HUGE FUCKING TRUCKLOAD OF CEMENT CANON DUMPED ON YOUR HEAD?
...that wasn't just me, was it? You did that too, right? Yeah, you know you did...
ANYWAY. This week, it's insane! After waiting and waiting and anticipating (and arguing and fanwanking and generally behaving like a bunch of gibbering idiots a.k.a. fans) we're getting HUGE FUCKING TRUCKLOADS OF CEMENT CANON DUMPED ON OUR HEADS night after night after night! There's no way I can take in everything at once on my first viewing, especially while trying to write a reasonably amusing running commentary. So, if you caught something in an episode that I missed in my Thinkies, HEY THAT'S WAY COOL! I genuinely appreciate it when you point out in comments something I missed. Sometimes I didn't include it because I just didn't see it, sometimes I didn't think it was important, sometimes I simply didn't have anything funny to say about it. IF IT'S BORING, IT AIN'T IN THE THINKIES.
So I took a bit of a fandom breather today to calm the fuck down, and that's why I haven't answered your e-mail/Twitter/comment about yesterday's episode, or, for that matter, about ANYTHING ELSE THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED IN THE REAL FUCKING WORLD. I'll do it tomorrow, I swear... while I'm also responding to the e-mails/comments/etc generated by tonight's ep. Oy vey.
ANYWAY ANYWAY. Do I really have to go through the rules again? *sigh* No peeking and no cheating; NO SPOILERS NO WAY NO HOW OR I WILL SHOOT YOU IN THE FACE; Jack/Ianto OMG OTP <3 <3 <3; brain full o' kittens and nothing but squee. Got it? Wonderful. ONWARD!
1) On Day One, stuff happened. On Day Two, more stuff happened.
2) Hi, London! HI EVERYONE! Welcome to your new... warehouse? Aircraft hangar? Well, it's your new Hub now -- without benefit of Mainframe, Rift, Big Fuckin' Guns, Archive or -- OMG! MYFANWY! She better have been out hunting or something because it would have been AWFUL if she got caught in the EARTH SHATTERING KABOOM. *Spider huggles brain kittens* Hey, look at Jack! Are those sweatpants? LOL! OMG OMG! WHAT ABOUT THE COAT???? HE CAN'T LOSE THE COAT!!! See, these are the things that I only realize now because my brain was so fried after the past couple of truckloads of cement canon!
3) "This is home." Ianto is so proud of himself for finding them a new Hub. *hearts hearts* Rhys was a boy scout, of course! "Used to be a Torchwood holding facility. Torchwood 1." Oh. Ooooh. Dang. Sorry, Ianto. Look at him -- shuttered, totally blank. *brain kittens huggle Ianto* "Worse than that, do I have to stay in these clothes?" HA! That's our Captain! *sparkly hearts!*
4) "Last to know! Last to know!" Okay, this seems contrived to me. Is it really that big a deal? Or is this just "oh we need some conflict here"? Again, I suspect lazy writing. But I love Jack's "oh gods, not this..." expression. Also... um, excuse me, but since when does becoming pregnant turn a woman into nothing but an ambulatory womb? Yeah, there's danger, but it isn't though they can avoid it at this point, and having Gwen as an active agent is better than rolling her in bubble wrap and turning her into an object whose only worth is as an incubator -- *Brain kittens thwap Spider* OH. RIGHT. SORRY. Gwen looks really hot in those trousers, doesn't she? :)
5) Can the PM sound any more untrustworthy than he does when he's trying to get people to trust him? I don't think so!
6) LOLZ! Ianto's sister (did we ever get her name?) and Johnny taking in all the neighborhood children! Let's hear it for -- what? 10 quid a kid? My first kneejerk response is "PROFITEERING!" But really, those kids are going to need food and stuff, so I'd say that's reasonable. Especially if they, you know, ALL GO BERSERK AND KILL EVERYONE. Ten quid a head is more than reasonable in that case!
7) Jack's daughter Alice's nail varnish matches her mobile phone. Definitely takes after Dad!
8) Guns, but what about ammo? SUPER GWEN COOPER once again is oh so super. It's starting to irk me how she has all the answers. Didn't Jack used to be a con man? Oh right, he used to work the long con, not this petty shit.
9) CRIME SPREE MONTAGE! Ianto, if you're going to masquerade as a member of the hospitality-service industry, you might want to consider cleaning up your face. If I saw a waiter with an open, scabbing wound, I'd be thinking "HEALTH CODE VIOLATION!" Aaannnnd.... CAR-JACK JACK! WOO HOO!
10) Oh great, Alice, you've just doomed a complete stranger -- oh good, at least you haven't doomed a complete stranger to be kidnapped and tortured for information they don't possess. Whew! Hang on, CANON ALERT! WE HAVE BACKSTORY!
PAUSE PLAYBACK: Alice Carter, neé Sangster, parents James and Mary who don't exist. Alice's date of birth: 05/08/1975 -- remember, that's August 5th, not May 8th. James' D.O.B. 29/01/1939; Mary's D.O.B. 09/03/1945. "Dependent" = Jack's grandson, D.O.B. 4/10/1999. RESUME PLAYBACK. You're welcome. :)
11) "Let there be light." God complex much, Jack? ...oh all right, I'd probably say the same thing in that situation. HUB 2! Huh, very nice job with the spray paint, Rhys... all the shading and outlining... one would almost think there was a set design artist involved -- *brain kittens thwap Spider* SORRY! "Guess that makes you an official member of the team." "You can stick it, mate." I LOVE RHYS!
12) OF COURSE Ianto's been 'round the shops. <3 <3 <3 Creature comforts = "Coffee, obviously." c\_/ (that's a coffee cup!) Did he just say "doo dah" for toilet paper? Is that a brand name or just some ... Brit thing? And more importantly, ARMY SURPLUS SPECIAL! "I'm back." YES YOU ARE!!! I'LL DRINK TO THAT! *Spider chugs beer! Brain kittens wave British flags and throw confetti!*
Hmmm, it's not identical, is it? I wouldn't think it could be. It doesn't have the belt, does it? It does have the 4 stripes on the epaulets, though. Oh hell, now is not the time for comparisons anyway.
13) I do not care about Clem or his sense of smell. Even if he is getting dragged away by the cops.
14) Nice desktop on the purloined laptop. *Spider rolls eyes* Soooo, the Mainframe server is still running? ...because... it's far underground and the BELLY BOMB went off on the uppermost level of the Hub? Eh, that'll do. *shrug* The question is, why is Gwen giving the orders? Who put her in charge? I guess Jack's still feeling kinda peaky after being BLOWN TO BITS, REGENERATED FROM A SINGLE TOE, BURIED IN A TRUCKLOAD OF CANON CEMENT AND THROWN OFF A CLIFF.
I know in the first season Gwen was a bit rubbish. But now she's Super Cooper, and it's getting on my nerves. Perhaps it's the low DRINK level so far. Yes, I know the ep is only 13 minutes in -- I DON'T CARE. *Spider chugs beer*
15) Lois Habiba and the Plot Contacts of Doom. W'ever.
17) Damn, Ianto. Sorry about the off-the-rack suit. "What did it feel like, getting blown up?" DAMN, IANTO! "I felt it." "Shit." "Yeah." DAMN, IANTO! "Do you ever think that one day your luck will run out, that you won't come back?" GOD DAMN IANTO -- THERE'S SUCH A THING AS TACT, Y'KNOW! "I'm a fixed point in time and space. That's what the Doctor says." DOCTOR REFERENCE! DRINK! *Spider chugs beer!* "So one day you'll see me die of old age, and just keep going." "Yeah." "We'd better makes the most of it, then." "I suppose." "Like right now?" "Ianto, the world could be ending." "The world's always ending. And I have missed that coat." OH MY FUCKING GOD!!! *Spider keels over DED. THUD. Brain kittens fetch smelling salts. Spider wakes up.* Clueless Rhys is clueless. "The beans are almost done." "Bloody beans." I LOVE MY BOYS! *hearts and flowers and pretty pretty unicorns!*
18) Plot plot -- uh oh, Jack recognizes something... my gods, his eyes are fucking gorgeous... his teeth are perfect... and he knows the other two targets! That's my Captain! Wheee!
19) BACKSTORY ALERT! PAUSE PLAYBACK: Lucia Moretti. OMG SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE snaxcident! CLAIRE YOU BITCH, YOU'VE BEEN HOLDING OUT ON US! Operative 1968-1975. Date of Death 23/11/2006 Heart Disease. ("Natural causes. That's rare for Torchwood.") Daughter original name Melissa Moretti, went into deep cover as Alice Carter on 14/02/1977. RESUME PLAYBACK. You're welcome.
20) Andy! HI, ANDY! Bossy Gwen is Bossy. Smelly Clem is Smelly. DOOMED ALICE IS DOOMED. Bored -- what's the grandson's name again? I forget. But he's DOOMED. And his name is Stephen! Thanks, show! :) "Just like those games Gran used to teach you." "Are we in trouble? Gran always said there would be trouble." Gran was a wise, wise woman. And Alice ain't no slouch either! She might actually survive this thing! Especially now that Stephen is a POINTING ZOMBIE.
21) WE ARE HERE. Yes, I think we've all figured that out by now. And they are... a bunch of screechy sound effects in a fog? I LOVE MY CHEAP BBC! :D OMG I WANNA GET A JOB BEING THE ONE WHO GETS TO STAND IN THE FOG ROOM AND THROW VOMIT ALL OVER THE WINDOWS! And yeah, I know the "barely seen creepy things moving in the fog" is an old trick, but DAMN if it still don't work magic! CREEPY THINGS I CAN'T SEE ARE CREEPY! \0/ *Brain kittens hide behind the sofa!*
22) Aaaaaannnd Frobisher pisses his pants. HA!
23) UNIT! Damn, no li'l red UNIT caps. :( Oh, what the hell, DRINK anyway! :D *Spider chugs beer* The President's "absolute fury". LOL. Gawd, we Americans really have turned our global reputation to ... um, "doo dah", haven't we? *Spider rolls eyes* Belligerent US Army general is a Ranger. RANGERS LEAD THE WAY! *Spider supports our troops. Come home soon! Brain kittens wave American flags!* Bureaucratic tug-of-war is actually more interesting than I thought it would be. I really like how the PM manages to get exactly what he wants using reverse psychology. "Well, all right, I won't walk into the chamber of certain death -- but only because you're FORCING me not to." LOL!
24) Aaaaaaand Frobisher pisses his pants. Again. HA!
25) Sneaky Jack is sneaky. :D Smelly Clem is... boring. Super Cooper is really getting up my neck.
26) Ah! Jack knows all! I love it when he gets gets all dangerous and intense. "You're a better man than me." Hmmmm.... yeah, true. The Big Damn Hero Code usually prohibits taking children as hostages. That's one difference between Good Guys and Bad Guys, I guess. Sometimes on this show it's hard to tell. I LOVE MY SHOW!
27) London is pretty! I gotta go back there sometime soon. <3
28) "Who's the queer?" OI is right! WTF? Nice way to repay hospitality, Smelly Clem! He can SMELL that Ianto's A queer? O RLY?
Look, I like the word "queer". I call myself queer because, well, I am. It covers, as they say, a multitude of sins. But using it as a noun? Not so much. "Spider? Yeah, she's queer" somehow feels different to me than "Spider? Yeah, she's a queer." Your mileage may vary, naturally, but ME NO LIKE.
And no, the brain kittens didn't *thwap* me for that because they're queer too. So there nyah. :P
29) "Pay a visit." Very nice euphemism, that. Is that in common use? Yeah, yeah, Lois and the Plot-Contacts of Doom. W'ever. UGH UGH contact-lense closeup. I couldn't do that, which is why I don't wear contacts. GWEN! Learn your "its" and "it's"! SHAME! SHAME! *Appalled Spider is appalled!* Did Gwen just say she hates smileys? HAHAHAHAHAHA! *Spider gasps for breath* HAHAHAHAHA!
30) GWEN AND RHYS USED THE LENSES FOR "FUN". IANTO HAS BEEN THERE DONE THAT. A THOUSAND FANFICS ARE BORN. TONIGHT.
31) Frobisher wonders whether the PM is using him. Spider wonders whether Frobisher was dropped on his head as a baby. Like, DUH. "He didn't get to be PM by accident." Okay, WHY the fuck is it that it's always a waffling, clueless, ineffective MALE in charge when his kickarse FEMALE "assistant" is the one with the brass-plated ovaries and does all the real work? And don't tell me it's just -- *brain kittens thwap Spider* RIGHT. SORRY. MY BAD.
32) If Torchwood can get a camera into a pair of contacts, why can't they get a microphone into, I dunno, an earring or something? Torchwood should share a motto with the guys from Top Gear: AMBITIOUS BUT RUBBISH.
33) OF COURSE Ianto can read shorthand! *hearts hearts hearts*
34) Those look like... claws? Vulture heads? OH. OH. You know what they remind me of? Shit, I forget the name. But with the vomit spewing -- which is of course probably venom -- and those thingies.... could they be SPIDERS? SCORPIONS? SOME KIND OF ARACHNID? THAT WOULD BE THE AWESOMEST AWESOME TO EVER AWESOME!!!! ARACHNIDS REPRESENT! /\/\../\/\ (That's a spider!)
35) Am I right in thinking that's Barrowman's own car? I heard or read that somewhere in the scads of UNAVOIDABLE PUBLICITY, didn't I? Because it's a snazzy little number -- does anyone recognize the make and model?
36) "WE WANT YOUR CHILDREN. WE WILL TAKE YOUR CHILDREN." Jack was there in 1965! Of course he was there! I think I kind of half-realized that about 20 minutes ago when he first recognized the other targets, but kind of semi-ignored it because I checked my higher reasoning at the door so I could be OMG SURPRISED NOW.
37) Ten percent? Okay, I know I'm heartless and cruel, but the first thing I thought was, "Y'know, the Earth is overpopulated as it is, and the 456 didn't say it has to be an exact geographically representative proportion of children, so I bet the Rich White people would figure out a way that most if not all of the kids who are taken are Poor Kids of Color." Which would be an interesting plot twist for another kind of story entirely. But still absolutely heartless and cruel of me! *Brain kittens are APPALLED!*
38) "I gave them the kids. I gave them 12 children. As a gift." Did I hear someone mention FAIRIES?
39) Summing up: The plot picked up pace tonight AND HOW! A lot of forward movement, a truckload of backstory, some really funny lines but surprisingly few DRINK moments. One GREAT Jack/Ianto conversation, but I do wish there'd been some boysnogging. *Spider pouts. Brain kittens pour another round* It's interesting (to me, at least) that the "better" an episode is in terms of actual plot, the fewer Thinkies (and DRINKIES) I end up with. Because here at Arachnids R Us, our motto is, "If it's Thinkies, IT'S CRACK!"
And here's my Plus One for the teaser: Jack has nothing to fear, Zombie Kids recite numbers, someone's going into the fog, ANDY SIGHTING! Jack strides like a Big Damn Hero, Ianto can walk, wear a waistcoat and use a mobile phone at the same time. Is that an elephant trunk? TUNE IN TOMORROW AND SEE!
...that wasn't just me, was it? You did that too, right? Yeah, you know you did...
ANYWAY. This week, it's insane! After waiting and waiting and anticipating (and arguing and fanwanking and generally behaving like a bunch of gibbering idiots a.k.a. fans) we're getting HUGE FUCKING TRUCKLOADS OF CEMENT CANON DUMPED ON OUR HEADS night after night after night! There's no way I can take in everything at once on my first viewing, especially while trying to write a reasonably amusing running commentary. So, if you caught something in an episode that I missed in my Thinkies, HEY THAT'S WAY COOL! I genuinely appreciate it when you point out in comments something I missed. Sometimes I didn't include it because I just didn't see it, sometimes I didn't think it was important, sometimes I simply didn't have anything funny to say about it. IF IT'S BORING, IT AIN'T IN THE THINKIES.
So I took a bit of a fandom breather today to calm the fuck down, and that's why I haven't answered your e-mail/Twitter/comment about yesterday's episode, or, for that matter, about ANYTHING ELSE THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED IN THE REAL FUCKING WORLD. I'll do it tomorrow, I swear... while I'm also responding to the e-mails/comments/etc generated by tonight's ep. Oy vey.
ANYWAY ANYWAY. Do I really have to go through the rules again? *sigh* No peeking and no cheating; NO SPOILERS NO WAY NO HOW OR I WILL SHOOT YOU IN THE FACE; Jack/Ianto OMG OTP <3 <3 <3; brain full o' kittens and nothing but squee. Got it? Wonderful. ONWARD!
1) On Day One, stuff happened. On Day Two, more stuff happened.
2) Hi, London! HI EVERYONE! Welcome to your new... warehouse? Aircraft hangar? Well, it's your new Hub now -- without benefit of Mainframe, Rift, Big Fuckin' Guns, Archive or -- OMG! MYFANWY! She better have been out hunting or something because it would have been AWFUL if she got caught in the EARTH SHATTERING KABOOM. *Spider huggles brain kittens* Hey, look at Jack! Are those sweatpants? LOL! OMG OMG! WHAT ABOUT THE COAT???? HE CAN'T LOSE THE COAT!!! See, these are the things that I only realize now because my brain was so fried after the past couple of truckloads of cement canon!
3) "This is home." Ianto is so proud of himself for finding them a new Hub. *hearts hearts* Rhys was a boy scout, of course! "Used to be a Torchwood holding facility. Torchwood 1." Oh. Ooooh. Dang. Sorry, Ianto. Look at him -- shuttered, totally blank. *brain kittens huggle Ianto* "Worse than that, do I have to stay in these clothes?" HA! That's our Captain! *sparkly hearts!*
4) "Last to know! Last to know!" Okay, this seems contrived to me. Is it really that big a deal? Or is this just "oh we need some conflict here"? Again, I suspect lazy writing. But I love Jack's "oh gods, not this..." expression. Also... um, excuse me, but since when does becoming pregnant turn a woman into nothing but an ambulatory womb? Yeah, there's danger, but it isn't though they can avoid it at this point, and having Gwen as an active agent is better than rolling her in bubble wrap and turning her into an object whose only worth is as an incubator -- *Brain kittens thwap Spider* OH. RIGHT. SORRY. Gwen looks really hot in those trousers, doesn't she? :)
5) Can the PM sound any more untrustworthy than he does when he's trying to get people to trust him? I don't think so!
6) LOLZ! Ianto's sister (did we ever get her name?) and Johnny taking in all the neighborhood children! Let's hear it for -- what? 10 quid a kid? My first kneejerk response is "PROFITEERING!" But really, those kids are going to need food and stuff, so I'd say that's reasonable. Especially if they, you know, ALL GO BERSERK AND KILL EVERYONE. Ten quid a head is more than reasonable in that case!
7) Jack's daughter Alice's nail varnish matches her mobile phone. Definitely takes after Dad!
8) Guns, but what about ammo? SUPER GWEN COOPER once again is oh so super. It's starting to irk me how she has all the answers. Didn't Jack used to be a con man? Oh right, he used to work the long con, not this petty shit.
9) CRIME SPREE MONTAGE! Ianto, if you're going to masquerade as a member of the hospitality-service industry, you might want to consider cleaning up your face. If I saw a waiter with an open, scabbing wound, I'd be thinking "HEALTH CODE VIOLATION!" Aaannnnd.... CAR-JACK JACK! WOO HOO!
10) Oh great, Alice, you've just doomed a complete stranger -- oh good, at least you haven't doomed a complete stranger to be kidnapped and tortured for information they don't possess. Whew! Hang on, CANON ALERT! WE HAVE BACKSTORY!
PAUSE PLAYBACK: Alice Carter, neé Sangster, parents James and Mary who don't exist. Alice's date of birth: 05/08/1975 -- remember, that's August 5th, not May 8th. James' D.O.B. 29/01/1939; Mary's D.O.B. 09/03/1945. "Dependent" = Jack's grandson, D.O.B. 4/10/1999. RESUME PLAYBACK. You're welcome. :)
11) "Let there be light." God complex much, Jack? ...oh all right, I'd probably say the same thing in that situation. HUB 2! Huh, very nice job with the spray paint, Rhys... all the shading and outlining... one would almost think there was a set design artist involved -- *brain kittens thwap Spider* SORRY! "Guess that makes you an official member of the team." "You can stick it, mate." I LOVE RHYS!
12) OF COURSE Ianto's been 'round the shops. <3 <3 <3 Creature comforts = "Coffee, obviously." c\_/ (that's a coffee cup!) Did he just say "doo dah" for toilet paper? Is that a brand name or just some ... Brit thing? And more importantly, ARMY SURPLUS SPECIAL! "I'm back." YES YOU ARE!!! I'LL DRINK TO THAT! *Spider chugs beer! Brain kittens wave British flags and throw confetti!*
Hmmm, it's not identical, is it? I wouldn't think it could be. It doesn't have the belt, does it? It does have the 4 stripes on the epaulets, though. Oh hell, now is not the time for comparisons anyway.
13) I do not care about Clem or his sense of smell. Even if he is getting dragged away by the cops.
14) Nice desktop on the purloined laptop. *Spider rolls eyes* Soooo, the Mainframe server is still running? ...because... it's far underground and the BELLY BOMB went off on the uppermost level of the Hub? Eh, that'll do. *shrug* The question is, why is Gwen giving the orders? Who put her in charge? I guess Jack's still feeling kinda peaky after being BLOWN TO BITS, REGENERATED FROM A SINGLE TOE, BURIED IN A TRUCKLOAD OF CANON CEMENT AND THROWN OFF A CLIFF.
I know in the first season Gwen was a bit rubbish. But now she's Super Cooper, and it's getting on my nerves. Perhaps it's the low DRINK level so far. Yes, I know the ep is only 13 minutes in -- I DON'T CARE. *Spider chugs beer*
15) Lois Habiba and the Plot Contacts of Doom. W'ever.
17) Damn, Ianto. Sorry about the off-the-rack suit. "What did it feel like, getting blown up?" DAMN, IANTO! "I felt it." "Shit." "Yeah." DAMN, IANTO! "Do you ever think that one day your luck will run out, that you won't come back?" GOD DAMN IANTO -- THERE'S SUCH A THING AS TACT, Y'KNOW! "I'm a fixed point in time and space. That's what the Doctor says." DOCTOR REFERENCE! DRINK! *Spider chugs beer!* "So one day you'll see me die of old age, and just keep going." "Yeah." "We'd better makes the most of it, then." "I suppose." "Like right now?" "Ianto, the world could be ending." "The world's always ending. And I have missed that coat." OH MY FUCKING GOD!!! *Spider keels over DED. THUD. Brain kittens fetch smelling salts. Spider wakes up.* Clueless Rhys is clueless. "The beans are almost done." "Bloody beans." I LOVE MY BOYS! *hearts and flowers and pretty pretty unicorns!*
18) Plot plot -- uh oh, Jack recognizes something... my gods, his eyes are fucking gorgeous... his teeth are perfect... and he knows the other two targets! That's my Captain! Wheee!
19) BACKSTORY ALERT! PAUSE PLAYBACK: Lucia Moretti. OMG SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE snaxcident! CLAIRE YOU BITCH, YOU'VE BEEN HOLDING OUT ON US! Operative 1968-1975. Date of Death 23/11/2006 Heart Disease. ("Natural causes. That's rare for Torchwood.") Daughter original name Melissa Moretti, went into deep cover as Alice Carter on 14/02/1977. RESUME PLAYBACK. You're welcome.
20) Andy! HI, ANDY! Bossy Gwen is Bossy. Smelly Clem is Smelly. DOOMED ALICE IS DOOMED. Bored -- what's the grandson's name again? I forget. But he's DOOMED. And his name is Stephen! Thanks, show! :) "Just like those games Gran used to teach you." "Are we in trouble? Gran always said there would be trouble." Gran was a wise, wise woman. And Alice ain't no slouch either! She might actually survive this thing! Especially now that Stephen is a POINTING ZOMBIE.
21) WE ARE HERE. Yes, I think we've all figured that out by now. And they are... a bunch of screechy sound effects in a fog? I LOVE MY CHEAP BBC! :D OMG I WANNA GET A JOB BEING THE ONE WHO GETS TO STAND IN THE FOG ROOM AND THROW VOMIT ALL OVER THE WINDOWS! And yeah, I know the "barely seen creepy things moving in the fog" is an old trick, but DAMN if it still don't work magic! CREEPY THINGS I CAN'T SEE ARE CREEPY! \0/ *Brain kittens hide behind the sofa!*
22) Aaaaaannnd Frobisher pisses his pants. HA!
23) UNIT! Damn, no li'l red UNIT caps. :( Oh, what the hell, DRINK anyway! :D *Spider chugs beer* The President's "absolute fury". LOL. Gawd, we Americans really have turned our global reputation to ... um, "doo dah", haven't we? *Spider rolls eyes* Belligerent US Army general is a Ranger. RANGERS LEAD THE WAY! *Spider supports our troops. Come home soon! Brain kittens wave American flags!* Bureaucratic tug-of-war is actually more interesting than I thought it would be. I really like how the PM manages to get exactly what he wants using reverse psychology. "Well, all right, I won't walk into the chamber of certain death -- but only because you're FORCING me not to." LOL!
24) Aaaaaaand Frobisher pisses his pants. Again. HA!
25) Sneaky Jack is sneaky. :D Smelly Clem is... boring. Super Cooper is really getting up my neck.
26) Ah! Jack knows all! I love it when he gets gets all dangerous and intense. "You're a better man than me." Hmmmm.... yeah, true. The Big Damn Hero Code usually prohibits taking children as hostages. That's one difference between Good Guys and Bad Guys, I guess. Sometimes on this show it's hard to tell. I LOVE MY SHOW!
27) London is pretty! I gotta go back there sometime soon. <3
28) "Who's the queer?" OI is right! WTF? Nice way to repay hospitality, Smelly Clem! He can SMELL that Ianto's A queer? O RLY?
Look, I like the word "queer". I call myself queer because, well, I am. It covers, as they say, a multitude of sins. But using it as a noun? Not so much. "Spider? Yeah, she's queer" somehow feels different to me than "Spider? Yeah, she's a queer." Your mileage may vary, naturally, but ME NO LIKE.
And no, the brain kittens didn't *thwap* me for that because they're queer too. So there nyah. :P
29) "Pay a visit." Very nice euphemism, that. Is that in common use? Yeah, yeah, Lois and the Plot-Contacts of Doom. W'ever. UGH UGH contact-lense closeup. I couldn't do that, which is why I don't wear contacts. GWEN! Learn your "its" and "it's"! SHAME! SHAME! *Appalled Spider is appalled!* Did Gwen just say she hates smileys? HAHAHAHAHAHA! *Spider gasps for breath* HAHAHAHAHA!
30) GWEN AND RHYS USED THE LENSES FOR "FUN". IANTO HAS BEEN THERE DONE THAT. A THOUSAND FANFICS ARE BORN. TONIGHT.
31) Frobisher wonders whether the PM is using him. Spider wonders whether Frobisher was dropped on his head as a baby. Like, DUH. "He didn't get to be PM by accident." Okay, WHY the fuck is it that it's always a waffling, clueless, ineffective MALE in charge when his kickarse FEMALE "assistant" is the one with the brass-plated ovaries and does all the real work? And don't tell me it's just -- *brain kittens thwap Spider* RIGHT. SORRY. MY BAD.
32) If Torchwood can get a camera into a pair of contacts, why can't they get a microphone into, I dunno, an earring or something? Torchwood should share a motto with the guys from Top Gear: AMBITIOUS BUT RUBBISH.
33) OF COURSE Ianto can read shorthand! *hearts hearts hearts*
34) Those look like... claws? Vulture heads? OH. OH. You know what they remind me of? Shit, I forget the name. But with the vomit spewing -- which is of course probably venom -- and those thingies.... could they be SPIDERS? SCORPIONS? SOME KIND OF ARACHNID? THAT WOULD BE THE AWESOMEST AWESOME TO EVER AWESOME!!!! ARACHNIDS REPRESENT! /\/\../\/\ (That's a spider!)
35) Am I right in thinking that's Barrowman's own car? I heard or read that somewhere in the scads of UNAVOIDABLE PUBLICITY, didn't I? Because it's a snazzy little number -- does anyone recognize the make and model?
36) "WE WANT YOUR CHILDREN. WE WILL TAKE YOUR CHILDREN." Jack was there in 1965! Of course he was there! I think I kind of half-realized that about 20 minutes ago when he first recognized the other targets, but kind of semi-ignored it because I checked my higher reasoning at the door so I could be OMG SURPRISED NOW.
37) Ten percent? Okay, I know I'm heartless and cruel, but the first thing I thought was, "Y'know, the Earth is overpopulated as it is, and the 456 didn't say it has to be an exact geographically representative proportion of children, so I bet the Rich White people would figure out a way that most if not all of the kids who are taken are Poor Kids of Color." Which would be an interesting plot twist for another kind of story entirely. But still absolutely heartless and cruel of me! *Brain kittens are APPALLED!*
38) "I gave them the kids. I gave them 12 children. As a gift." Did I hear someone mention FAIRIES?
39) Summing up: The plot picked up pace tonight AND HOW! A lot of forward movement, a truckload of backstory, some really funny lines but surprisingly few DRINK moments. One GREAT Jack/Ianto conversation, but I do wish there'd been some boysnogging. *Spider pouts. Brain kittens pour another round* It's interesting (to me, at least) that the "better" an episode is in terms of actual plot, the fewer Thinkies (and DRINKIES) I end up with. Because here at Arachnids R Us, our motto is, "If it's Thinkies, IT'S CRACK!"
And here's my Plus One for the teaser: Jack has nothing to fear, Zombie Kids recite numbers, someone's going into the fog, ANDY SIGHTING! Jack strides like a Big Damn Hero, Ianto can walk, wear a waistcoat and use a mobile phone at the same time. Is that an elephant trunk? TUNE IN TOMORROW AND SEE!