Two years since my last entry? So much for keeping in touch, god damn ( Read more... )

I'm such a fucking embarrassment to myself it's almost nauseating. I seriously can't wait to get the fuck out of here, away from all this shit and not have to fucking deal with anything and make an even bigger ass out of myself. I deserve to be alone.

I heard everything I needed to hear. She really is moving on.

Now I just have to face the simple truth that I'm gonna be alone for as long as I live. This is my fate.

I now know that this is the beginning of the end of my life. All I have to do is wait. And my loneliness will kill me sooner or later. I've truely lost the war.

I held her in my arms for the first time in over two months this past weekend...and since then everything that I've felt for her that's laid dormant is beginning to resurface, ready to erupt. I need to remain in control. I need to not lose focus. I will in the near future sit with her and we will talk about us again. But right now, I can't afford ( Read more... )

Despite my efforts I'm starting to regress again...I won't be surprised if I don't make it to my 30th birthday...what the hell is even the point anymore? I'm never going to overcome this.

Been becoming increasingly lonesome as the days go by and it's starting to eat away at me. I just want to be with somebody. Anyone. Even if it's just for a little while. I miss being intimate with another person. I miss coming home to someone who's been waiting for me. I miss sharing a bed with someone. I really hate this.

Been a while since I posted last. In that time I managed to learn to get a handle on myself. I'm exercising, trying to eat better, and actively taking steps to understand and control my depression/anger problems. I'm not exhibiting attention seeking behavior for sympathy nor am I turning to alcohol to drown my sorrows. After two weeks of trying I'm ( Read more... )

Met with Spiffy yesterday. Told her I was going to take my therapy seriously and get my ahit together, all while hearing of her plight in the aftermath of our bad breakup Aside from feeling terrible for her misfortunes, I feel an overwhelming sense of responsibility. Not just because I caused it, but also because I feel I have a duty to do right by ( Read more... )

I feel as though I'm truly alone in all of this. I know I was wrong, and I'm constantly paying for it. It's just getting harder and harder to deal with. I know I don't deserve to be supported, but I'm just as devastated by this as she is...it's just a slower, different kind of pain.

I dunno how much longer I can continue to be strong on my own.

I would like to go a little while without having the urge to slit my throat or put a bullet in my head...this near constant loneliness is gonna make me crack sooner or later...