( tl;dr. No names for privacy. Sol is blue. )

I seriously have to wonder if I even have the emotional capacity to maintain friendships for any extended amount of time. Since '97 or so, there hasn't been a constant presence in my life besides my dad and brother. With very few exceptions, everyone I knew or became attached to at some point has gone. Therapists, friends, neighbors, teachers, ( Read more... )

You probably won't read this since it's too late, but I fucked up. And I am sorry.

Seeing how this is directed to one person and I don't plan on going into detail, comments are screened.

◦ Therapy is a waste of money. I always get upset when I go. Related, I don't think I'll be sleeping tonight at all. I want a comfy chair to curl up in.

◦ I'm not good roommate material. I'm well aware of this.

◦ Had one good day so far and Dave ruined it. It was also the first day I ever had hairspray in my hair. Got it styled. Woo.◦ Fonon's ( Read more... )

( Introspective musing. )

God. Mom called five fucking hours ago and I couldn't help getting so goddamn upset and pissed at her. I would have broke down crying if there hadn't been anyone around. But I didn't. I kept it in other than a few tears ( Read more... )

Okay. Now my browser is fucked up and my bookmarks are missing.

Fuck today. I'm going back to my room to cry.

Cried, had a nap, feel mildly better. Woot.

Shit.

Can I go home now?

Don't feel like seeing the shrink today. Mom's copping out too. Shock. Everything's making me depressed. RP. Flickr. Just being awake. God I wish I could hibernate.

I wonder if it makes me a horrible person for being bitter and jealous to see other people happy.

...getting the strong urge lately to do another friends-cut and just take most people off. I hardly talk with anyone, and if I do, it's almost exclusively about Abyss and RP.

Yeah, totally going backwards in dealing with shit.

Ugh. Dying from cramps, monthly female-related blood loss, and boredom. Why does everything have to suck and make me depressed lately? And why can't I care enough to do anything?

I miss Dave, I miss mom, and I'm homesick.

Good to know I've survived twenty-three fucking years for nothing.