Chapter 19: Another Blow to the Heart
Inspired by interactions in the Hotel California Panfandom RPG, this is a joint project between two women who adored the idea of Jack recruiting Buffy to Torchwood. Perhaps they adored it a little too much, but that remains to be seen.
Title: So Buffy Met Jack...
Authors: Amy tainted_crimson & Sarah magicom
Crossover: Buffy the Vampire Slayer / Torchwood
Spoilers: Through Buffy / Angel series finales and Torchwood Series 2 / Doctor Who Series 4. (Some elements borrowed from Season 8 comics)
Rating: FR-15 (for usual Torchwood-ness)
Disclaimer: Everything is owned by Joss/Fox and Russell/BBC!
Summary: After spending a few weeks trapped in an extratemporal holding cell together, Captain Jack Harkness offered Buffy Summers a job at Torchwood. And how could she ever turn down an offer like that?
Chapters: 01, 02, 03, 04, 05, 06, 07, 08, 09, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18
ANOTHER BLOW TO THE HEART
Ianto quietly set a cup of herbal tea on Jack's desk. It was nearly ten at night and Gwen had only just gone home. He stood near Jack's elbow for a moment, Jack looking up and giving him a smile in acknowledgement of the beverage before turning back to the paperwork he'd been going over.
"Any word from Buffy?" Ianto asked, slipping his hands into his pockets, perhaps in an unconscious effort to appear more casual about it than he felt. Gwen had suggested, when they'd been talking about how long Buffy had been gone, that perhaps she'd phoned Jack or sent him a message when they hadn't been around. Perhaps they'd had a personal conversation, at least. Ianto couldn't let the idea go without asking, and it was a rare thing for Ianto to ask Jack for more information than he offered voluntarily.
Jack put the papers aside and looked up at him, shaking his head slightly. He took a breath before speaking. "Ianto, it's been a month since she left. We have to consider that she might not be coming back," he said softly. "She was able to leave them because they let her go. If they can't operate without her now... I'm not sure how much it's even her choice."
Ianto nodded a little grimly and turned to go.
Jack stood up. "Ianto," he said, calling him back.
Ianto stopped in the doorway and turned to look, wearily, at Jack again.
"If I hear anything, I promise I'll let you know."
Ianto gave a very faint nod and disappeared out the door. Jack hoped he was going home to rest. They'd lost another team member, they were short-handed again, and it was taking its toll.
Four weeks. An entire month had passed since Buffy left Cardiff, so absolutely certain that she would be returning in just a matter of days and everything would be able to go back to being like normal. She should have known better. Nothing ever worked out the way she planned.
There had just been so much to do, so many girls who needed comforting, so many details of the attack to sort through. Their witches had done more spells than Buffy cared to remember, but apparently the 'enemy' had some powerful stuff on their side as well, making it hard for even Willow to get a read on them. It was... disconcerting. Buffy wanted to make sure that everyone involved with the New Council would be safe when she left, but she could stay forever and make sure it happened herself.
Perhaps what had kept her in Cleveland the longest was her reluctance to clear out Faith's things. Dawn had offered to do it, and Buffy knew Willow and Xander would have done the same had they not been so trampled down with work (what with Willow being Head Witch and Xander being Head Watcher these days), but... It was something Buffy had to do for herself. And it had been hard. Painful. Faith had become a best friend and almost like a sister to her, and now she was just a pile of material possessions and very vibrant memories that would, eventually, fade with time.
Everything dies, but somehow that knowledge never managed to make it any easier for Buffy.
Nothing was easy for Buffy these days. When she'd spoken to the Scoobies, what few remained now, about returning to Cardiff, she was pretty sure another explosion had occurred and the news had just missed hearing about it. Willow had been completely up in arms, drawing Xander to her side and claiming that they couldn't manage things without her. Dawn had already gone back to Europe herself, but Giles had been silent on the matter. Not silent in a good way, but silent in the way that clearly said he didn't agree with her, and he was letting her make her own mistakes. She had never fully recovered her relationship with her former Watcher, and it had hurt more than she'd realized it might when he didn't support her decision.
Yet, despite the near-violent protests from her friends, Buffy never once questioned that decision. She never once considered the possibility of not going back to Cardiff and the little team who had welcomed her into their family. And finally she'd decided that she'd simply been gone too long, and, consequences be damned, it was time to leave.
As she folded up the last shirt and stowed it away in her bag, Buffy let out a deep breath and felt those heavy chains lift from her shoulders. She was going home.
Buffy had caught a flight that very night, choosing not to call Ianto and make use of those love skills of his. It would just have taken too long, and the time differences were weird and she just wanted to go. So she'd had one of the administration girls book her tickets and she was gone. She didn't say goodbye to anyone, not after the way they'd reacted when she'd made her decision known; she just left, and was glad there'd be an entire ocean between them.
She couldn't say she didn't miss the old days, when they'd all gotten along and been as thick as thieves, as they say. But this, Torchwood, was better for her now. She was becoming a better person for it and she didn't want to go back to who she'd been made to become before. It was too horrible for her to even think about.
She didn't know how, but she'd actually managed to get a good bit of sleep on the plane, so when she arrived in Cardiff in the middle of the afternoon, she weighed her options before heading to her apartment to drop off her things.
The apartment was definitely not how she'd left it. The entire place screamed Ianto. The Welshman had obviously been inside sometime over the past four weeks, because the place was neat and tidy and didn't smell like rancid garbage. He'd taken care of the mountain of dishes that had been in the sink, and when she went into her bedroom, she noticed her previously coffee-fied jeans carefully neatly folded on her bed, now perfectly clean and without a hint of coffee.
Well, that decided it. She was going into work for the evening, jet-lag be damned.
Jack was at Tosh's old terminal checking readings on recent Rift activity when the cog door rolled open. That was odd enough to catch his attention, since he could see both Ianto, at his desk behind the coffee machine, and Gwen, at her work station, from where he was standing. Some part of him barely dared to hope that it was Buffy until the petite blonde walked into the room. Jack looked at her for a long moment before breaking into a grin and strolling over to her. He was sorely tempted to sweep her up into a crushing hug, but he didn't know how she was doing. He hadn't talked to her since she'd walked away from their car at the airport. Maybe she wouldn't welcome that sort of thing now.
"Buffy," he said mildly, but his grin was still bright and genuine. "Welcome back."
To say that Buffy was tired was like saying a vampire just kinda likes drinking blood -- a severe understatement. The entirety of the last month had worn her down into a bundle of frayed, raw nerves and emotions, but... it felt so wonderful to be home. Just breathing in the distinctive smell of the Hub was enough to bring out a rare (for these days) smile.
"It's good to be back," she told Jack in a voice that betrayed her weariness. She could see Gwen peering their way, a hopeful look on the older woman's face. Turning her gaze back to Jack, Buffy stuck her hands on her hips and tilted her head at him before demanding, "What, a person's gone for a month and suddenly she doesn't qualify for a Jack Harkness Hug anymore? I don't remember that being in the fine print when I signed up for this job."
Jack laughed and pulled her into a bearhug, giving her a little spin before setting her down again. He kept one hand on her shoulder for a moment, giving it a little squeeze. "How are you?" he asked, his expression becoming serious. "Did you just get back?" He smiled a little mischievously. "You know, I'm pretty sure we issued you with a phone. You didn't have to stumble out of the plane, then come straight down here," he told her.
Ianto looked at her over the coffee machine. "It's entirely likely she doesn't have the phone anymore," he reminded them with only a hint of a smile betraying the fact that he was teasing her. "A month is her previous record."
"Ha ha, Mr. Chuckles," Buffy replied with all the sarcasm she could muster in her exhausted state. "I'll have you know, the phone is safe and sound," and she pulled it out of her pocket to prove the claim. She didn't, however, add that it had been safely stowed in her room at the NC HQ the entire time, because that would just be giving him way too much ammunition.
She was about to answer Jack's questions when suddenly there was a Gwen Cooper hugging her. "We're so glad you're back, love," Gwen told Buffy softly as she let her go.
Jack stood aside until Gwen had finished personally welcoming Buffy back.
"You know," he told Buffy, "I hope you don't think you're going to be doing actual work here tonight, Miss Jetlag." Two could come up with appropriate nicknames for people. "In fact, I'm a hair's breadth from sending this lot home as it is," he added with a nod towards the vague direction of Gwen and Ianto.
Ianto glanced at Jack over the coffee machine, then went back to quietly doing... whatever it was he was doing back there. Probably catching up on paperwork. They'd been out of the Hub a lot. The Rift had been active while Buffy was gone.
Jack smiled warmly at her. "But if you're feeling up to it, I'm sure we'd all enjoy your company if you felt like sticking around for a bit."
"Thank god," Buffy said with palpable relief as she walked over to her station, which looked exactly as she had left it, and then dropped into her chair. "I did just get back, and I came to thank Ianto," she raised her voice a bit so he'd be sure to hear her, "for looking after my apartment, and, well, I didn't really want to be alone just yet."
Ianto looked over at her curiously.
Jack gave Ianto a questioning look. "What've you done now?" he joked.
Ianto shrugged and fiddled with something on the coffee machine.
Buffy grinned and reached over to pick up a pen that had been left out and return it to the little cup with the rest of them. "He's just been cementing that adorable image I have of him, is all," she said with a teasing tone.
Gwen laughed loudly and returned to her station to grab her bag. "I'm sorry, Buffy, you just got back and I'm running off," she told the other woman, "but I promised Rhys I'd be home in time for dinner tonight. He's cooking..."
Buffy just waved her hand. "Go home to the hubby."
Jack gave Gwen a little wave as she left, as well. The cog door had barely closed behind her when Ianto set a coffee down on Buffy's desk.
"Probably not the best thing at this time of night, but I expect you're knackered enough to sleep, regardless of how much caffeine is in your system," he said before going back to his desk.
Buffy very nearly melted into a warm gooey puddle when she smelled Ianto's coffee, something that had been sorely missed during her month away. She was about to begin devouring the tasty beverage when her tired mind finally registered what she had just seen. She was up out of her seat and halfway across the room in seconds, carefully grabbing Ianto's sleeve and tugging it up to reveal the bandage under the fabric.
Her jaw dropped as she stared at the injury, not quite comprehending. She turned a frightened, confused stare on Ianto, and then on Jack, silently begging the both of them for an explanation.
Ianto likely wouldn't have given her his arm to examine, but she was on it before he even realized what she was doing. He lifted it gently out of her grasp before she could follow the bandaging, which went almost all the way to his elbow, to its end. The injury was a couple of days old and, while it still stung a bit if he moved it the wrong way, he'd pretty much forgotten that it was there. He hadn't thought anything of setting the coffee mug on Buffy's desk with that hand fully in her view and he was sort of kicking himself for it.
"Just a bit of a run-in with one of our nastier customers," he said. He smiled a bit wryly. "It bit me, to be precise." It had scratched him up a bit as well, but the teeth had made a deeper wound than the claws had done. "No permanent damage," he assured her, stepping back from her towards his desk.
"You should see the other guy," Jack added lightly. 'The other guy' was in the alien morgue. Jack had had to shoot it when it rushed Ianto, or it would have done worse than maul the archivist's arm a bit.
They were so... casual about it. Like it was no big deal. But Buffy felt as if something had slammed into her, knocking the breath out of her lungs. Ianto had gotten hurt, had been bitten by something, because she wasn't there. That was what resonated in her mind, the idea that, ultimately, she had failed them. Her job was to keep these people safe, to make sure they made it through the day unscathed because they couldn't afford to have any more of their little world chipped away.
And she'd failed them. Just like she'd failed people so many times before.
"I'm sorry," she said quietly, looking down at the floor with guilt pressing against her chest, making it hard to breathe. "I should have been here to stop it from happening."
Jack put his arm around her shoulders and squeezed her gently. "Buffy, I know what you're thinking because it's all over your face, but this is not your fault," he told her firmly. "Field work is dangerous, even when you are here and sometimes things happen that we can't anticipate."
"And also, I'm barely hurt," Ianto interjected, deciding that the number of stitches it had required was a piece of information Buffy never needed to know.
"Seriously," Jack agreed. "He missed, like, half a day of work." They hadn't been able to spare him for longer.
"It looks worse than it is," Ianto told her. That may have been true.
If Buffy had been what she seemed to be, a ditzy blonde who had a very low score on the IQ exam, then maybe she would have believed their words. But she wasn't, and she didn't. She'd been around Giles long enough to pick up on when someone wasn't telling her all the facts, and all it did was make the pain worse.
"Yeah, sure, if you say so," she said with a hint of false perk, trying to push past that cloying exhaustion and overwhelming sense of guilt and only partially succeeding. "Hey," she said as she stepped away from Jack's touch, "I think I'm actually gonna head home now. Little more tired than I thought. But call me if anything pops up, okay? Officially back on the clock now."
If they knew her at all, they would see right through it; it had always worked on the Scoobies.
"Buffy, wait," Jack said, relenting. He took a step towards her, but didn't attempt to touch her. She'd already shrugged him off.
"Why don't you grab your coffee and come sit in my office for a couple minutes before you go?" he asked. It wasn't really a suggestion. He made a sweeping gesture towards his door as Ianto turned his gaze to the floor and moved back to his desk.
Doing as instructed, Buffy turned to pick up her drink and headed into Jack's office, sitting in front of his desk, the warm mug clutched between her hands. The smell of coffee was no longer as comforting as it had been just minutes before, and she was struggling to keep herself detached enough to not break down into tears right there.
"Buffy, I don't know what else to tell you about that," he said, nodding towards the window where Ianto could be seen doing something studiously at his desk. Jack suspected he wasn't actually doing anything particularly productive, but just wanted to look busy enough that nobody would expect him to leave before he knew whether things were alright between them and Buffy. "You were doing what you had to do and nobody blames you for it. That is one hundred percent the truth." He looked at her for a long moment, not speaking again until she met his eyes. "We're just thrilled to have you back," he told her gently. "We were starting to worry that you wouldn't be able to return at all."
Buffy was quiet for a long moment, lost in her own thoughts. Even if they didn't blame her for it, she blamed herself. It was her job to keep these people safe, it was what she'd been hired to do. And she hadn't been there to do it because she'd been at her former job, trying to help patch things up that she shouldn't have had to patch up. She should never have stayed as long as she had.
"I didn't say goodbye," she finally said, her voice soft. "There was this big argument... They didn't understand. They said I had a duty to be there, and I was turning my back on it, and on them." She closed her eyes, took a deep breath. "So I just left. I don't know what things will be like the next time I see them. But... I made my choice."
"I wasn't sure if it was your choice to make or not," he admitted. "I don't know how this whole Slayer thing works, really." He gave her a tentative smile. "I'm glad it was. I was... trying to prepare them for the possibility that it wasn't, though, so do me a favour? Try not to be too hard on yourself. He'll feel bad for making you feel bad... it's a great big circle of badness and they just want to be happy that you came back." He glanced down at his hands, folded on the desk, and took a deep breath before looking back at Buffy. "It was nobody's fault, Buffy. Really."
Buffy met Jack's gaze and just nodded. Taking a sip of her coffee, she found that it didn't even taste as wonderful as she remembered, and hoped that it was just her mood and not Ianto losing some of his coffee skills. That would be a tragedy beyond comprehension.
"I'm gonna go say goodnight and then go home, okay?" she said carefully, setting the mug on Jack's desk. "It's been... a very long month."
Jack's expression became somber again and he just nodded. He didn't get up to follow her. She'd been quite keen to stick around a bit when she'd arrived and he was sure that he'd fucked things up. "See you tomorrow," he said simply.
After she left the room, he ran his hand over his face and sat back in his chair. They'd been run off their feet all month and this was the first time he, personally, had felt truly exhausted.
Buffy walked over to Ianto slowly, contemplating in her mind how exactly to do this. Finally, she just leaned her hip against his desk and softly asked, "So, is that arm too sore to give me a hug? Or does that go against the Coffee God Code of Conduct?"
Ianto... wasn't really a hugger, but he felt like the awkwardness of the whole situation was his fault. He got up and held out his uninjured arm, giving her a small squeeze before stepping back again. He flexed the injured arm a couple of times, so she could see. "It's honestly fine," he assured her. "You've been bitten. It's not unheard of." A small smile as he added, "At least I didn't wake up pregnant, like Gwen did the last time something bit her."
That comment managed to get a smile out of Buffy, a bigger one than his hug had managed. She knew he wasn't big on public displays and he had a very pronounced personal bubble, so his willingness to grant her request really meant a lot to her.
"Now see, though, that would've been funny," she gently teased him, poking his good arm with a finger. "I'd love to see you waddling around looking like you'd swallowed a watermelon."
Ianto laughed very lightly and very briefly at that, but it was something. He nodded. "I'll keep that in mind," he said flatly. "But don't hold your breath. I don't plan on being bit by anything else in the near future."
He looked away from her a moment, almost like he was trying to gather his thoughts. "I'm sorry, though," he said quietly. "I should have been more careful and I didn't... it wasn't my intention to make you uncomfortable, or... or to upset you." She'd just returned from a difficult trip and he felt like he'd ruined what good mood she'd been able to salvage. He frowned slightly. "Oh, and I didn't know where you kept which dishes, actually. The cupboards were pretty much empty, so I just... guessed." He chanced at looked at her face again. "In case you can't find something," he added quickly.
Buffy shook her head and crossed her arms over her stomach, not wanting to touch Ianto again for fear of overstepping that bubble boundary. "Pretty much anything could upset me right now, Ianto," she tried to assure him with a wavering smile. "It's not your fault. The last few weeks haven't been the easiest for me. I might have cried a river if you'd forgotten the sprinkles on my coffee." It was a lame attempt at a joke, but the best she could manage.
"And really, thanks for looking after things for me. I didn't even think of any of it... I didn't think I'd be gone so long," she added with a shrug. "I appreciate it. I try not to spend a lot of time in the apartment, because it gets lonely pretty fast, so things just sort of... pile up after a while."
Ianto nodded. It hadn't been anything, really. He just didn't want her to come back to a smelly flat. Not after all that.
"Look after yourself," he told her earnestly.
Buffy nodded as well and gave him a smile. Stepping back, she gave Jack a little wave, not sure if he really noticed, and then left the Hub to start the agonizing walk back to her lonely apartment.
Jack stepped out of his office just as Buffy turned to go, walking down the steps as she left. He didn't even wait for the cog door to finish closing before going to Ianto and leaning into him, wrapping his arms around the injured man's waist and resting his head on his shoulder. Ianto returned the embrace without saying anything. Neither of them felt like they'd handled the situation with Buffy well and all they could do was take solace in each other's warmth.
Author's Notes: The wonderful Methos has made some gorgeous fanart for this story! Really, it's absolutely breathtaking, and both of us are extremely touched by the high praise. Please check it out here and thank Methos for prompting this update!
Title: So Buffy Met Jack...
Authors: Amy tainted_crimson & Sarah magicom
Crossover: Buffy the Vampire Slayer / Torchwood
Spoilers: Through Buffy / Angel series finales and Torchwood Series 2 / Doctor Who Series 4. (Some elements borrowed from Season 8 comics)
Rating: FR-15 (for usual Torchwood-ness)
Disclaimer: Everything is owned by Joss/Fox and Russell/BBC!
Summary: After spending a few weeks trapped in an extratemporal holding cell together, Captain Jack Harkness offered Buffy Summers a job at Torchwood. And how could she ever turn down an offer like that?
Chapters: 01, 02, 03, 04, 05, 06, 07, 08, 09, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18
ANOTHER BLOW TO THE HEART
Ianto quietly set a cup of herbal tea on Jack's desk. It was nearly ten at night and Gwen had only just gone home. He stood near Jack's elbow for a moment, Jack looking up and giving him a smile in acknowledgement of the beverage before turning back to the paperwork he'd been going over.
"Any word from Buffy?" Ianto asked, slipping his hands into his pockets, perhaps in an unconscious effort to appear more casual about it than he felt. Gwen had suggested, when they'd been talking about how long Buffy had been gone, that perhaps she'd phoned Jack or sent him a message when they hadn't been around. Perhaps they'd had a personal conversation, at least. Ianto couldn't let the idea go without asking, and it was a rare thing for Ianto to ask Jack for more information than he offered voluntarily.
Jack put the papers aside and looked up at him, shaking his head slightly. He took a breath before speaking. "Ianto, it's been a month since she left. We have to consider that she might not be coming back," he said softly. "She was able to leave them because they let her go. If they can't operate without her now... I'm not sure how much it's even her choice."
Ianto nodded a little grimly and turned to go.
Jack stood up. "Ianto," he said, calling him back.
Ianto stopped in the doorway and turned to look, wearily, at Jack again.
"If I hear anything, I promise I'll let you know."
Ianto gave a very faint nod and disappeared out the door. Jack hoped he was going home to rest. They'd lost another team member, they were short-handed again, and it was taking its toll.
Four weeks. An entire month had passed since Buffy left Cardiff, so absolutely certain that she would be returning in just a matter of days and everything would be able to go back to being like normal. She should have known better. Nothing ever worked out the way she planned.
There had just been so much to do, so many girls who needed comforting, so many details of the attack to sort through. Their witches had done more spells than Buffy cared to remember, but apparently the 'enemy' had some powerful stuff on their side as well, making it hard for even Willow to get a read on them. It was... disconcerting. Buffy wanted to make sure that everyone involved with the New Council would be safe when she left, but she could stay forever and make sure it happened herself.
Perhaps what had kept her in Cleveland the longest was her reluctance to clear out Faith's things. Dawn had offered to do it, and Buffy knew Willow and Xander would have done the same had they not been so trampled down with work (what with Willow being Head Witch and Xander being Head Watcher these days), but... It was something Buffy had to do for herself. And it had been hard. Painful. Faith had become a best friend and almost like a sister to her, and now she was just a pile of material possessions and very vibrant memories that would, eventually, fade with time.
Everything dies, but somehow that knowledge never managed to make it any easier for Buffy.
Nothing was easy for Buffy these days. When she'd spoken to the Scoobies, what few remained now, about returning to Cardiff, she was pretty sure another explosion had occurred and the news had just missed hearing about it. Willow had been completely up in arms, drawing Xander to her side and claiming that they couldn't manage things without her. Dawn had already gone back to Europe herself, but Giles had been silent on the matter. Not silent in a good way, but silent in the way that clearly said he didn't agree with her, and he was letting her make her own mistakes. She had never fully recovered her relationship with her former Watcher, and it had hurt more than she'd realized it might when he didn't support her decision.
Yet, despite the near-violent protests from her friends, Buffy never once questioned that decision. She never once considered the possibility of not going back to Cardiff and the little team who had welcomed her into their family. And finally she'd decided that she'd simply been gone too long, and, consequences be damned, it was time to leave.
As she folded up the last shirt and stowed it away in her bag, Buffy let out a deep breath and felt those heavy chains lift from her shoulders. She was going home.
Buffy had caught a flight that very night, choosing not to call Ianto and make use of those love skills of his. It would just have taken too long, and the time differences were weird and she just wanted to go. So she'd had one of the administration girls book her tickets and she was gone. She didn't say goodbye to anyone, not after the way they'd reacted when she'd made her decision known; she just left, and was glad there'd be an entire ocean between them.
She couldn't say she didn't miss the old days, when they'd all gotten along and been as thick as thieves, as they say. But this, Torchwood, was better for her now. She was becoming a better person for it and she didn't want to go back to who she'd been made to become before. It was too horrible for her to even think about.
She didn't know how, but she'd actually managed to get a good bit of sleep on the plane, so when she arrived in Cardiff in the middle of the afternoon, she weighed her options before heading to her apartment to drop off her things.
The apartment was definitely not how she'd left it. The entire place screamed Ianto. The Welshman had obviously been inside sometime over the past four weeks, because the place was neat and tidy and didn't smell like rancid garbage. He'd taken care of the mountain of dishes that had been in the sink, and when she went into her bedroom, she noticed her previously coffee-fied jeans carefully neatly folded on her bed, now perfectly clean and without a hint of coffee.
Well, that decided it. She was going into work for the evening, jet-lag be damned.
Jack was at Tosh's old terminal checking readings on recent Rift activity when the cog door rolled open. That was odd enough to catch his attention, since he could see both Ianto, at his desk behind the coffee machine, and Gwen, at her work station, from where he was standing. Some part of him barely dared to hope that it was Buffy until the petite blonde walked into the room. Jack looked at her for a long moment before breaking into a grin and strolling over to her. He was sorely tempted to sweep her up into a crushing hug, but he didn't know how she was doing. He hadn't talked to her since she'd walked away from their car at the airport. Maybe she wouldn't welcome that sort of thing now.
"Buffy," he said mildly, but his grin was still bright and genuine. "Welcome back."
To say that Buffy was tired was like saying a vampire just kinda likes drinking blood -- a severe understatement. The entirety of the last month had worn her down into a bundle of frayed, raw nerves and emotions, but... it felt so wonderful to be home. Just breathing in the distinctive smell of the Hub was enough to bring out a rare (for these days) smile.
"It's good to be back," she told Jack in a voice that betrayed her weariness. She could see Gwen peering their way, a hopeful look on the older woman's face. Turning her gaze back to Jack, Buffy stuck her hands on her hips and tilted her head at him before demanding, "What, a person's gone for a month and suddenly she doesn't qualify for a Jack Harkness Hug anymore? I don't remember that being in the fine print when I signed up for this job."
Jack laughed and pulled her into a bearhug, giving her a little spin before setting her down again. He kept one hand on her shoulder for a moment, giving it a little squeeze. "How are you?" he asked, his expression becoming serious. "Did you just get back?" He smiled a little mischievously. "You know, I'm pretty sure we issued you with a phone. You didn't have to stumble out of the plane, then come straight down here," he told her.
Ianto looked at her over the coffee machine. "It's entirely likely she doesn't have the phone anymore," he reminded them with only a hint of a smile betraying the fact that he was teasing her. "A month is her previous record."
"Ha ha, Mr. Chuckles," Buffy replied with all the sarcasm she could muster in her exhausted state. "I'll have you know, the phone is safe and sound," and she pulled it out of her pocket to prove the claim. She didn't, however, add that it had been safely stowed in her room at the NC HQ the entire time, because that would just be giving him way too much ammunition.
She was about to answer Jack's questions when suddenly there was a Gwen Cooper hugging her. "We're so glad you're back, love," Gwen told Buffy softly as she let her go.
Jack stood aside until Gwen had finished personally welcoming Buffy back.
"You know," he told Buffy, "I hope you don't think you're going to be doing actual work here tonight, Miss Jetlag." Two could come up with appropriate nicknames for people. "In fact, I'm a hair's breadth from sending this lot home as it is," he added with a nod towards the vague direction of Gwen and Ianto.
Ianto glanced at Jack over the coffee machine, then went back to quietly doing... whatever it was he was doing back there. Probably catching up on paperwork. They'd been out of the Hub a lot. The Rift had been active while Buffy was gone.
Jack smiled warmly at her. "But if you're feeling up to it, I'm sure we'd all enjoy your company if you felt like sticking around for a bit."
"Thank god," Buffy said with palpable relief as she walked over to her station, which looked exactly as she had left it, and then dropped into her chair. "I did just get back, and I came to thank Ianto," she raised her voice a bit so he'd be sure to hear her, "for looking after my apartment, and, well, I didn't really want to be alone just yet."
Ianto looked over at her curiously.
Jack gave Ianto a questioning look. "What've you done now?" he joked.
Ianto shrugged and fiddled with something on the coffee machine.
Buffy grinned and reached over to pick up a pen that had been left out and return it to the little cup with the rest of them. "He's just been cementing that adorable image I have of him, is all," she said with a teasing tone.
Gwen laughed loudly and returned to her station to grab her bag. "I'm sorry, Buffy, you just got back and I'm running off," she told the other woman, "but I promised Rhys I'd be home in time for dinner tonight. He's cooking..."
Buffy just waved her hand. "Go home to the hubby."
Jack gave Gwen a little wave as she left, as well. The cog door had barely closed behind her when Ianto set a coffee down on Buffy's desk.
"Probably not the best thing at this time of night, but I expect you're knackered enough to sleep, regardless of how much caffeine is in your system," he said before going back to his desk.
Buffy very nearly melted into a warm gooey puddle when she smelled Ianto's coffee, something that had been sorely missed during her month away. She was about to begin devouring the tasty beverage when her tired mind finally registered what she had just seen. She was up out of her seat and halfway across the room in seconds, carefully grabbing Ianto's sleeve and tugging it up to reveal the bandage under the fabric.
Her jaw dropped as she stared at the injury, not quite comprehending. She turned a frightened, confused stare on Ianto, and then on Jack, silently begging the both of them for an explanation.
Ianto likely wouldn't have given her his arm to examine, but she was on it before he even realized what she was doing. He lifted it gently out of her grasp before she could follow the bandaging, which went almost all the way to his elbow, to its end. The injury was a couple of days old and, while it still stung a bit if he moved it the wrong way, he'd pretty much forgotten that it was there. He hadn't thought anything of setting the coffee mug on Buffy's desk with that hand fully in her view and he was sort of kicking himself for it.
"Just a bit of a run-in with one of our nastier customers," he said. He smiled a bit wryly. "It bit me, to be precise." It had scratched him up a bit as well, but the teeth had made a deeper wound than the claws had done. "No permanent damage," he assured her, stepping back from her towards his desk.
"You should see the other guy," Jack added lightly. 'The other guy' was in the alien morgue. Jack had had to shoot it when it rushed Ianto, or it would have done worse than maul the archivist's arm a bit.
They were so... casual about it. Like it was no big deal. But Buffy felt as if something had slammed into her, knocking the breath out of her lungs. Ianto had gotten hurt, had been bitten by something, because she wasn't there. That was what resonated in her mind, the idea that, ultimately, she had failed them. Her job was to keep these people safe, to make sure they made it through the day unscathed because they couldn't afford to have any more of their little world chipped away.
And she'd failed them. Just like she'd failed people so many times before.
"I'm sorry," she said quietly, looking down at the floor with guilt pressing against her chest, making it hard to breathe. "I should have been here to stop it from happening."
Jack put his arm around her shoulders and squeezed her gently. "Buffy, I know what you're thinking because it's all over your face, but this is not your fault," he told her firmly. "Field work is dangerous, even when you are here and sometimes things happen that we can't anticipate."
"And also, I'm barely hurt," Ianto interjected, deciding that the number of stitches it had required was a piece of information Buffy never needed to know.
"Seriously," Jack agreed. "He missed, like, half a day of work." They hadn't been able to spare him for longer.
"It looks worse than it is," Ianto told her. That may have been true.
If Buffy had been what she seemed to be, a ditzy blonde who had a very low score on the IQ exam, then maybe she would have believed their words. But she wasn't, and she didn't. She'd been around Giles long enough to pick up on when someone wasn't telling her all the facts, and all it did was make the pain worse.
"Yeah, sure, if you say so," she said with a hint of false perk, trying to push past that cloying exhaustion and overwhelming sense of guilt and only partially succeeding. "Hey," she said as she stepped away from Jack's touch, "I think I'm actually gonna head home now. Little more tired than I thought. But call me if anything pops up, okay? Officially back on the clock now."
If they knew her at all, they would see right through it; it had always worked on the Scoobies.
"Buffy, wait," Jack said, relenting. He took a step towards her, but didn't attempt to touch her. She'd already shrugged him off.
"Why don't you grab your coffee and come sit in my office for a couple minutes before you go?" he asked. It wasn't really a suggestion. He made a sweeping gesture towards his door as Ianto turned his gaze to the floor and moved back to his desk.
Doing as instructed, Buffy turned to pick up her drink and headed into Jack's office, sitting in front of his desk, the warm mug clutched between her hands. The smell of coffee was no longer as comforting as it had been just minutes before, and she was struggling to keep herself detached enough to not break down into tears right there.
"Buffy, I don't know what else to tell you about that," he said, nodding towards the window where Ianto could be seen doing something studiously at his desk. Jack suspected he wasn't actually doing anything particularly productive, but just wanted to look busy enough that nobody would expect him to leave before he knew whether things were alright between them and Buffy. "You were doing what you had to do and nobody blames you for it. That is one hundred percent the truth." He looked at her for a long moment, not speaking again until she met his eyes. "We're just thrilled to have you back," he told her gently. "We were starting to worry that you wouldn't be able to return at all."
Buffy was quiet for a long moment, lost in her own thoughts. Even if they didn't blame her for it, she blamed herself. It was her job to keep these people safe, it was what she'd been hired to do. And she hadn't been there to do it because she'd been at her former job, trying to help patch things up that she shouldn't have had to patch up. She should never have stayed as long as she had.
"I didn't say goodbye," she finally said, her voice soft. "There was this big argument... They didn't understand. They said I had a duty to be there, and I was turning my back on it, and on them." She closed her eyes, took a deep breath. "So I just left. I don't know what things will be like the next time I see them. But... I made my choice."
"I wasn't sure if it was your choice to make or not," he admitted. "I don't know how this whole Slayer thing works, really." He gave her a tentative smile. "I'm glad it was. I was... trying to prepare them for the possibility that it wasn't, though, so do me a favour? Try not to be too hard on yourself. He'll feel bad for making you feel bad... it's a great big circle of badness and they just want to be happy that you came back." He glanced down at his hands, folded on the desk, and took a deep breath before looking back at Buffy. "It was nobody's fault, Buffy. Really."
Buffy met Jack's gaze and just nodded. Taking a sip of her coffee, she found that it didn't even taste as wonderful as she remembered, and hoped that it was just her mood and not Ianto losing some of his coffee skills. That would be a tragedy beyond comprehension.
"I'm gonna go say goodnight and then go home, okay?" she said carefully, setting the mug on Jack's desk. "It's been... a very long month."
Jack's expression became somber again and he just nodded. He didn't get up to follow her. She'd been quite keen to stick around a bit when she'd arrived and he was sure that he'd fucked things up. "See you tomorrow," he said simply.
After she left the room, he ran his hand over his face and sat back in his chair. They'd been run off their feet all month and this was the first time he, personally, had felt truly exhausted.
Buffy walked over to Ianto slowly, contemplating in her mind how exactly to do this. Finally, she just leaned her hip against his desk and softly asked, "So, is that arm too sore to give me a hug? Or does that go against the Coffee God Code of Conduct?"
Ianto... wasn't really a hugger, but he felt like the awkwardness of the whole situation was his fault. He got up and held out his uninjured arm, giving her a small squeeze before stepping back again. He flexed the injured arm a couple of times, so she could see. "It's honestly fine," he assured her. "You've been bitten. It's not unheard of." A small smile as he added, "At least I didn't wake up pregnant, like Gwen did the last time something bit her."
That comment managed to get a smile out of Buffy, a bigger one than his hug had managed. She knew he wasn't big on public displays and he had a very pronounced personal bubble, so his willingness to grant her request really meant a lot to her.
"Now see, though, that would've been funny," she gently teased him, poking his good arm with a finger. "I'd love to see you waddling around looking like you'd swallowed a watermelon."
Ianto laughed very lightly and very briefly at that, but it was something. He nodded. "I'll keep that in mind," he said flatly. "But don't hold your breath. I don't plan on being bit by anything else in the near future."
He looked away from her a moment, almost like he was trying to gather his thoughts. "I'm sorry, though," he said quietly. "I should have been more careful and I didn't... it wasn't my intention to make you uncomfortable, or... or to upset you." She'd just returned from a difficult trip and he felt like he'd ruined what good mood she'd been able to salvage. He frowned slightly. "Oh, and I didn't know where you kept which dishes, actually. The cupboards were pretty much empty, so I just... guessed." He chanced at looked at her face again. "In case you can't find something," he added quickly.
Buffy shook her head and crossed her arms over her stomach, not wanting to touch Ianto again for fear of overstepping that bubble boundary. "Pretty much anything could upset me right now, Ianto," she tried to assure him with a wavering smile. "It's not your fault. The last few weeks haven't been the easiest for me. I might have cried a river if you'd forgotten the sprinkles on my coffee." It was a lame attempt at a joke, but the best she could manage.
"And really, thanks for looking after things for me. I didn't even think of any of it... I didn't think I'd be gone so long," she added with a shrug. "I appreciate it. I try not to spend a lot of time in the apartment, because it gets lonely pretty fast, so things just sort of... pile up after a while."
Ianto nodded. It hadn't been anything, really. He just didn't want her to come back to a smelly flat. Not after all that.
"Look after yourself," he told her earnestly.
Buffy nodded as well and gave him a smile. Stepping back, she gave Jack a little wave, not sure if he really noticed, and then left the Hub to start the agonizing walk back to her lonely apartment.
Jack stepped out of his office just as Buffy turned to go, walking down the steps as she left. He didn't even wait for the cog door to finish closing before going to Ianto and leaning into him, wrapping his arms around the injured man's waist and resting his head on his shoulder. Ianto returned the embrace without saying anything. Neither of them felt like they'd handled the situation with Buffy well and all they could do was take solace in each other's warmth.
Author's Notes: The wonderful Methos has made some gorgeous fanart for this story! Really, it's absolutely breathtaking, and both of us are extremely touched by the high praise. Please check it out here and thank Methos for prompting this update!