Chapter 12: Just a Friendly Little Chat
Inspired by interactions in the Hotel California Panfandom RPG, this is a joint project between two women who adored the idea of Jack recruiting Buffy to Torchwood. Perhaps they adored it a little too much, but that remains to be seen.
Title: So Buffy Met Jack...
Authors: Amy tainted_crimson & Sarah magicom
Crossover: Buffy the Vampire Slayer / Torchwood
Spoilers: Through Buffy / Angel series finales and Torchwood Series 2 / Doctor Who Series 4. (Some elements borrowed from Season 8 comics)
Rating: FR-15
Disclaimer: Everything is owned by Joss/Fox and Russell/BBC!
Summary: After spending a few weeks trapped in an extratemporal holding cell together, Captain Jack Harkness offered Buffy Summers a job at Torchwood. And how could she ever turn down an offer like that?
Chapters: 01, 02, 03, 04, 05, 06, 07, 08, 09, 10, 11
JUST A FRIENDLY LITTLE CHAT
Jack came out of his office after about forty minutes with Hart right in front of him. Right where Jack could see him, because Jack wouldn't have him anywhere else.
"Conference Room!" he called out as he walked through the Hub, directing Hart there ahead of him.
Ianto had thoroughly cleaned the coffee machine and had moved on to tidying his very tidy workspace when Jack and Hart emerged. He spared a glare at them as they passed, unsure of whether he was glaring at Hart or the situation in general. Clearly, Jack thought whatever Hart had come here to say had some merit, because they were having a meeting about it instead of, say, having Buffy toss Hart out of the Tourist Office in an unceremonious heap. He put down the file he was sorting out and followed the group down to the sublevels.
Buffy jerked up at the sound of Jack's voice, the little cup of pens and pencils falling into her lap, a few of them rolling to the floor. She'd resorted to her old balancing act during the long stretch of boredom -- it had been something to do while imagining the many ways to make this impostor not look like her scrumptious boyfriend. Of course, she'd contemplated going back down to her shiny new training room and practicing those ideas, but she'd wanted to be right there when Jack came out again, so...
She tossed the heap of writing utensils onto her desk, a few more rolling back to clatter to the floor as she hurried after the others.
Ianto glanced back at her suspiciously as she hurried up behind him. "What was that clattering noise?" he asked, his eyes narrowed. Really, he just wanted to avoid thinking about Hart. And Hart and Jack. Mostly Hart and Jack.
"Uhm...," Buffy stuttered, suddenly feeling like she was back in high school, with Giles asking her one of those Slayer questions she was supposed to know the answer to, but definitely hadn't. "Nothing!" Another few steps and she just couldn't avoid his pointed gaze anymore. "I'll clean it up," she half-grumbled, half-pouted.
He was about to point out that that wasn't what he'd asked her, but they'd reached the conference room. Jack was standing at the far end and Hart was slouched lazily in the chair to one side of him with one foot on the table. Ianto took the chair on Jack's other side, opposite Hart, giving him a glare for good measure as he sat down.
Buffy took the chair beside Hart, leaving the one next to Ianto for Gwen, which was just fine with the Welsh woman. After the poisonous kiss incident, she hadn't been particularly fond of the man. The incident with Gray hadn't helped her opinion of him any.
Buffy, for her part, wanted to be within smacking range. Just in case.
Hart gave Buffy an appreciative leer. "Well, hello Blondie," he said cheerfully. "Did you drop by to return my belongings?"
"Enough," Jack told him, a warning note in his voice.
Hart was undeterred. He spared Jack a glance, then turned his gaze back to Buffy. "He's the jealous type, you know. Gets all grumpy when I look at other people," he said, looking Buffy over more than looking at her.
She raised an eyebrow, but didn't move to stop his looking. He'd only be encouraged by that. Well, she was pretty sure he'd be encouraged by anything she did, at this point. "Really?" she questioned sarcastically. "I thought he got grumpy when we had unwanted visitors. My mistake."
Gwen smirked. She'd certainly come to appreciate Buffy's unique way of doing things over the month they'd worked together.
"I wouldn't know," Hart replied smoothly. "I've never had to see him deal with one."
Jack, standing at the head of the table with his arms crossed, cleared his throat loudly.
Hart turned his head towards Jack lazily and raised an eyebrow at him.
"I thought you called this an 'emergency'," Jack said, unconvinced.
Hart shrugged. "If you call the potential deaths of millions an emergency..."
Jack turned his gaze to everyone else at the table and spoke over any further comment Hart might have.
"It would seem our 'guest' has been selling alien artifacts," he announced.
"You can't get far on the Earth without local currency!" Hart protested.
"So get off of it," Ianto suggested dryly.
Gwen chimed in with a, "I second that idea," in a very perturbed tone.
"I third it," Buffy agreed, adding, "as long as I get to kick his ass before he goes." She wouldn't dare pass up the opportunity if it was presented.
Jack, for his part, ignored the interruption and carried on as Hart gave his team the evil eye.
"He, apparently, accidentally sold Warp Star that was inside another, much more harmless artifact..." Here he gave Hart another deeply unconvinced look.
"Hey," Hart argued, "why would I sell a Warp Star to a human on purpose?"
"Because the only consolation is money?" Ianto suggested coldly, repeating Hart's words to him at the British Gas building. He turned to Jack. "What's a Warp Star?" His tone was all business. He was unimpressed with Hart, the fact that he kept showing up to cause them all trouble and the fact that Jack still hadn't neutralized the threat he posed properly, like he would have done if the man was an alien. The very least they could have done was wipe his memory and dump him somewhere. Jack hadn't, and Ianto was convinced the reasons were all sentimental ones. He certainly didn't like the idea that Jack had any remaining 'sentiments' for Hart.
"Wait, I know this!" Buffy exclaimed, her eyes a little wider than usual. "One of the people on that ship thing had one of those, right?" she questioned Jack. In usual Buffy fashion, exact names and descriptive features didn't really make it into her vocabulary. "It's like... a tiny, tiny bomb with a not-so-tiny explosion."
Gwen looked at her oddly for a moment, then turned her attention to Jack. She certainly hadn't heard that detail from Jack's recent adventure helping to save reality. He'd pretty much glossed over the details, going for the big, broad ideas instead. While her boss had gotten better about letting them in on bits of his life, he still had a tendency to under-share.
anto also glanced at Buffy, then at Jack. He'd put on that implaccable expression he wore as a mask, by then. Jack would know what it meant. He didn't want Hart to see him glare icy daggers at their leader as, again, he'd told Buffy everything and them nothing.
Jack's gaze lingered on Ianto for just a moment before it flicked around to each of the other occupants of the room. "That's correct," he said. "We need to recover the Warp Star without the 'customer' realizing what he has and without setting it off."
"Quicker would be better," Hart added. "Set off in the wrong place..." he let his voice trail off ominously and made an 'explosion' motion with his hands.
Ianto rolled his eyes and looked at Jack, rather than Hart. "And where, exactly, was it sold?"
"London," Hart answered quickly. "Roadtrip!" He looked at Jack with a lascivious grin. "Do I get to pick my own roommate?" he asked innocently, pointedly sliding his eyes down Jack's body.
Ianto contemplated shooting Hart under the table as Jack gave the former Time Agent a withering glance. He laughed sharply. "You're not coming," he told Hart, as though he didn't understand why that hadn't been obvious to the other man. "But don't worry," he added in a mock-sympathetic tone. "I have a nice roommate for you. Six feet tall? Growls a lot? She'll keep you company while you pace around in your room downstairs."
"You're not locking me in the cells!" Hart exclaimed. "You don't even know how long you'll be gone."
"Better ration your food, then," Ianto advised sagely. Hart glared at him.
Buffy smirked and advised the protesting man, "I think this is the perfect opportunity for, oh, what was it my Watcher called it... Oh yeah, 'self-reflection'. Maybe reevaluate your current direction in life. Plan to scope out a career fair."
Gwen was too far gone by the end of Buffy's speech to keep in her laughter. It was a precious thing to see someone who didn't let Hart get to them.
Jack turned to Ianto. "Will you make the arrangements, please? I want to be in London by supper time." He looked at Gwen. "Take him with you and find out everything you can about the buyer," he told her, inclining his head towards Hart. He looked at Buffy. "You go with them and watch him."
When Jack finished talking, everyone got up from the table and headed back upstairs.
Ten minutes into the question-and-answer session, Buffy was ready to shoot Captain John Hart right in the head. She didn't think Gwen would protest. The other woman looked to be on the verge of pulling out her own hair to strangle him with. They'd been going round in circles, Hart avoiding giving much more than tiny bits of information in between his infuriating routine, and it was getting on Buffy's last nerve.
"A few more details about the buyer's security system would be helpful," Gwen growled out, very close to losing it completely. Buffy just watched, hoping the show started soon.
Ianto was tired of listening to Hart's voice and absolutely sick of looking at Hart's stupid face. He didn't linger at his work station. He grabbed a few things and headed down to his desk in the archives to carry out Jack's instructions.
Jack hung around, watching Gwen and Buffy trying to look up information in the system based on the intentionally sparse information Hart was grudgingly giving them before he got restless and headed down to the archive himself. If Hart didn't cooperate by the time they were ready to leave, Jack would ask for the information and Hart wasn't going to like it.
Jack strolled through the cool, still archives until he reached Ianto's desk. Ianto didn't turn or look up from whatever he was doing on the computer. Jack perched on his desk next to his elbow.
"How's it going?" he asked casually.
"We can leave in about two hours," he said. "We should be in London around six pm."
Jack nodded. He noticed how Ianto's tone was strictly clinical and his posture was tense. "Are you alright?" he asked.
"I don't like him here," Ianto said tersely. "He's dangerous."
"I know," Jack conceded. "But a Warp Star is more dangerous. Especially in London. The sheer number of people that would be killed if it went off..."
"Ah. Right. And why does Buffy even know what a Warp Star is?" he asked.
Jack sighed and slid off the desk so he was standing beside Ianto's chair. "I explained this already..."
"You chatted," Ianto said flatly. "I know." He finally looked up at Jack. "The Warp Star thing is relevant to our work, Jack. Why would you tell a stranger what happened on the Crucible, but you won't tell us?"
"What, Buffy's a stranger now?"
"She was when you told her," Ianto argued.
Jack took a deep breath and ran a hand absently along the back of Ianto's collar. "Look, that place... I don't know what it did to us. Things were different there. I'm sorry."
It was when Gwen started turning a shade of reddish-purple that Buffy pushed her toward the lift and told her to go get some air up top. Despite the fact that she didn't want to be left all alone with the Spike-wannabe, her teammate's sanity ranked a little higher than her own mental health needs.
Narrowing her eyes in Hart's direction, Buffy angled her chair so she'd be able to see him out of the corner of her eye while she continued searching the computer systems for information. "Try anything and I start breaking ribs," she informed him. "A person can lead a very active lifestyle with broken ribs... Just a little more pain and wheezing." She should known, she'd had more than enough nights of being a little worse for wear after long hours of slayage.
Jack emerged from the archive and walked over to where Buffy was working at Gwen's computer. Hart sat nearby. Gwen was nowhere to be seen.
Jack frowned. "Where's Gwen?" he asked.
"Upstairs," Buffy answered distractedly. "Pretending she doesn't want to kill him." A few more keystrokes and the blonde woman was making an enraged growling-yell at the computer before shoving herself away from it.
"I bet he did this on purpose!" she exclaimed at Jack, pointing at the completely not innocent-looking man in question. "I can't find anything!" It didn't help that computers were still the bane of her existence.
"Go upstairs and help Gwen, or downstairs and help Ianto," Jack told her without even looking at her. His eyes were on Hart. He pulled up a chair and sat directly opposite the other man, but didn't speak. He wasn't going to until Buffy had done as he'd asked and left the room. Hart, on the other hand, was beginning to look uneasy. He looked at Buffy.
Well, that didn't look good. For Hart, anyway. And well, they did kinda need him alive and coherent for at least a little while longer. Not that she was concerned for him, she just didn't want London to be completely destroyed.
"You sure?" she questioned hesitantly, standing and leaning against her desk. "If we're pulling out the big guns, I could-"
The world tilted and Buffy fell forward as she completely lost her balance, her vision going white as images forced themselves into her mind. A small, shining gemstone rolling across pavement, a red double-decker bus in the background. It was like she was crouching down to pick it up, she could see her own hand reaching for it, when an elegant gloved one beat her to it. She looked up as the figure stood, a displeased look on her face. The Queen. Why was the Queen in the middle of a busy London street. Isn't it pretty, Slayer? So very pretty... were the words that flittered through her mind, moments before the world in the vision exploded, the sound resonating in her mind.
She gasped and blinked at the concrete floor of the hub, like she expected it to fall away at any moment.
Jack and Hart both stood up as Buffy fell, but Jack shoved Hart roughly back into his chair. Considering the look Jack had just been giving him, Hart wisely decided not to get up again. He'd seen that look before and it wasn't one he'd ever wanted to be on the receiving end of. He hadn't, in fact, thought Jack ever would look at him like that because he didn't think Jack had it in him to do the things that it implied.
Jack crouched and gently put a hand on Buffy's arm. "Buffy?" he asked, concern lacing his voice. "Buffy?"
She took a second to catch her breath, waiting to make sure the ground really wouldn't collapse from under her if she moved, then looked up at Jack. "I'm good," she told him, reaching up to set her hand over his. "No dying here, promise."
He gave her a stern look. "What happened?" he asked. He wasn't going to have her shrugging it off. She'd just passed out in the middle of the Hub. What if she passed out in the middle of a fight?
Now that she knew for certain what was going on, Buffy wasn't about to try hiding it from Jack. Especially not after what she'd just seen.
"Remember how I mentioned that Slayers have those visiony dream things sometimes?" she questioned, knowing he'd remember it with perfect clarity. "Kinda just had one. And uh, wasn't pretty."
Jack pulled her to her feet, glancing darkly at Hart. He released her in the direction of the stairs to the archives with a gentle shove. "Go see Ianto," he told her in a tone that broached no argument, already turning back towards Hart.
Hart tried to look like he wasn't trying not to squirm in his seat. He would have outright asked Buffy not to leave him alone with Jack, if he thought speaking was a good idea just then. It would probably only provoke his former partner. The irony of the fact that being alone with Jack was usually his goal wasn't entirely lost on him.
Buffy looked back only once before carefully making her way downstairs to the archives, Ianto's favorite hiding place. She caught a reflection of herself in a glass door as she passed, and nearly cringed at how pale she had become. It reminded her of what they'd heard had happened to Cordelia over time, as the PTB's visions got more and more powerful over time. What if...
She didn't linger on those thoughts, instead pushing herself forward until she reached the room that was basically her teammate's personal domain.
Ianto looked up when he heard footsteps that definitely didn't belong to Jack coming towards his desk. Buffy was approaching, looking pale and a little shaken.
"What's going on?" he asked mildly. "Are you alright? Jack's cut the security feeds from the main Hub."
"He's having a little 'chat' with our 'guest'," she told Ianto in a much more subdued voice than normal as she walked over to his desk and unceremoniously plopped onto the floor beside it. Was kinda nice to just sit and not feel like the ground was moving. "He actually looked a little scared -- you'd have liked seeing it," she said, managing a tiny smirk.
Truthfully, Ianto appeared a little alarmed at the implication, rather than pleased. He looked down at where she sat on the floor.
"There's another chair just there," he said with a nod towards the other side of his desk. She still looked poorly and her voice was uncharacteristically low, but he'd already asked once if she was alright and she hadn't answered. He didn't push it, but he was keeping an eye on her.
As soon as he'd finished speaking, he could hear Buffy's phone starting to buzz and did a bad job of suppressing an amused smile. "What's that?" he asked. "It's a bit late for lunch."
She looked up at him with an equally uncharacteristic mild glare and pulled the buzzing object from her pocket, the alarm symbol hopping around on the screen, mocking her. She pressed the usual button to end the buzzing, but... it had no effect. She tried again. Again, nothing happened. She tried accessing the menu, remembering there was something in there that controlled alarms...
The more times she tried and failed, the more frantic her expression became, her frayed nerves finally sending her over the edge. The phone flew from her hand and out into the hall, where it hit the wall and fell to the concrete with a clatter of many pieces.
There were very few times when Buffy completely lost it in front of people, and this time it had happened in front of someone who wasn't Jack. This wasn't good.
Ianto could see she was becoming frustrated with it, the mirth very quickly leaving the situation. He had started to reach for it, to offer his help, when she suddenly whipped it at the wall. The archives had concrete walls and floors and the Slayer had super strength. The phone literally shattered.
He flinched slightly at the sound of it exploding into fragments, turning to look at the electronic carnage before returning his gaze to Buffy. "Feel better?" he asked dryly.
"Sorry," she mumbled, leaning forward to wrap her arms around her legs so she could hide her face in them. "I'll pay for it." She knew it was mostly the principle of the thing, that it was her responsibility to take care of her equipment, but... A frustrated, frazzled Slayer didn't really think first before destroying things. Wasn't exactly in the new handbook. (The fact that she'd helped write that handbook meant absolutely nothing.)
That wasn't what he'd asked.
"That won't be necessary," he told her. "I didn't really think you were joking about your track record. I've budgeted for you." He glanced over his shoulder at the scattered bits of metal and plastic that had formerly been a perfectly serviceable mobile phone. "But I'm not cleaning that up," he added with a mock-sterness he hoped she would understand was a joke.
"Okay," Buffy murmured from her hiding place, not even remotely registering what he'd said as being a joke. Taking a deep breath, she leaned back to rest against the leg of his desk again. He seemed so much taller from this angle.
"Big red buses," she said suddenly, not looking at Ianto. "Lots of people. Queen of England. Where does that sound like? London?"
Ianto frowned. "That would be London," he confirmed. "We're leaving for there in a little over an hour and a half. Why?"
She sighed heavily, rubbing a hand across her forehead. "Guess he wasn't lying about that then," she mumbled, the finally tilted her head to look up at him.
"Slayers have these... vision-type dreams, very prophetic, very cryptic," she explained tiredly. "Always very impending doomy. I... kinda had one upstairs. While I was awake."
Ianto expression again assumed a small degree of alarm. He checked the CCTV, but there was still no signal from the main Hub.
"Does Jack know?" he asked. This time it wasn't about who had told what to whom (or who hadn't), but if there was impending doom, Jack had to be told.
She nodded, looking up at the ceiling. "He was there when it happened," she elaborated. "Sent me down here."
"I think his sending you down here had less to do with your vision and more to do with... whatever he's doing up there with Captain Hart." He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and turned his attention to his computer screen. He'd rather not think about what was going on upstairs.
"Probably," she acknowledged, thinking to herself that he could have sent her to Gwen, though, but had instead steered her straight to Ianto. That had to mean a little something.
She was silent for a long moment, then finally whispered, "I could see the fire on my skin. From the explosion. Just for a second, burning, and then..." Then it was like everything had ceased to exist.
Ianto's expression softened to concern as he looked back down at her, still sitting on the floor. "That must be... disconcerting," he commented. He didn't know what else to say. She'd suggested this was normal for her, so 'I'm sorry' didn't seem appropriate. "I assume you were seeing what will happen if we don't find the Warp Star," he said. "I can't say it sounds particularly pleasant. I'd suggest we make sure we find it, then."
He picked up a folder containing several sheets of paper and handed it to Buffy. "Here's a list of black market alien artifact dealers in London. I took it from what we were able to salvage of the Canary Wharf databases. If anyone happened upon the Warp Star without knowing what it was, they might take it to one of these people to be appraised. The trade in specialty items requires knowing some pretty specific people. I expect Captain Hart is familiar to some of them by now."
Buffy flipped through the pages in the folder, skimming over the information, digesting it and filing away the gist of what would be important to the mission. She was nearly to the end when one name caught her eye. "This one," she said, handing the page to Ianto. "We should start there. That dealer has a history with jewelry, and this thing... it's gorgeous. It'd be worth a lot as a regular gem, but add in that it's alien... If the buyer knows of them, they'll go there first."
Ianto took the page from her. "If the buyer has a habit of buying alien artifacts, then the buyer will know him." He glanced at his monitor. Still nothing from upstairs. He took the rest of the folder back and put the page with the dealer Buffy had pointed out on top. They needed a way to track the Warp Star down if Hart couldn't provide them with any useful information.
"How do you know so much about that dealer?" he asked. It was weird the kinds of things Buffy knew and didn't know. Blackmarket jewelry dealers in London (a city he wasn't sure she'd even been to, judging by her need to confirm whether her vision had, in fact, been London)? Check. How to turn off your mobile phone's alarm settings without smashing it into a billion little pieces? Not so much.
Buffy reached up to pull her hair out of its ponytail, running her fingers through the golden strands until it lay freely across her shoulders. "We've got a branch of the New Council in London," she explained. "Pretty big set-up, actually, with about a hundred active-duty girls operating at any time, plus our Watchers, witches, and support teams. We keep tabs on anything demon or magic-related, and our guy," she gestured at the folder, "has just as much of a yen for mystical jewelry as he does for alien."
"Ah," Ianto said simply, with a nod of comprehension.
He looked through some other documents he had on his desk and glanced at his watch. He looked at the screen. Still nothing from upstairs. He considered going up, but Jack had sent Buffy down, which meant he didn't want them there for this. Still smarting slightly from the earlier perceived snub of Jack telling Buffy things he never told them, he was half tempted to go up there for just that reason, but, frankly, his loyalty to Jack outweighed the transgression and he couldn't fool himself otherwise.
"I hope he winds things up soon," he commented outloud. "If he wants to get things underway on time, I need to get some things together upstairs."
"I don't think he'll take any longer than he absolutely has to," Buffy told him in a reassuring tone, at too awkward of an angle to reach up and touch his shoulder like she might usually have done. "He honestly doesn't seem to have been enjoying any of this. I think you're more than safe on that front."
Ianto looked at her sharply, taken aback by the bluntness of her observation. "What do you mean?" he asked, feeling a slight embarrassed flush starting just under his collar.
Buffy looked away to give him back just a tiny bit of that feeling of power that she seemed to have stripped from him with her observation. Yeah, she had a tendency to do that. "The majorly gorgeous ex shows up, all strut and ego, like he owns the place? It's enough to make anyone a little uneasy." She winced a little before adding, "Course, I was usually in Jack's position, but still. Fact still stands that he's not gonna pick this guy over you."
Ianto just stared at her for a moment. Of course, he was looking at the side of her head, because she'd looked away from him.
"Um..." he started uncomfortably, but didn't know how to continue the thought and shuffled some papers on his desk instead. Of course she'd been in Jack's position in this scenario. That just stood to reason, didn't it? And majorly gorgeous? He certainly wouldn't go that far, but he didn't voice that opinion, because he remembered that Hart allegedly looked just like Buffy's boyfriend. And even if he shared that opinion? He'd never admit to it.
"I'm not..." His voice trailed off again and he gave up on trying to answer her. It wasn't bad enough that he looked like an idiot. He didn't need to sound like one too.
Buffy let the silence stretch between them for a few moments before looking up at him again. "Wise move," she said sagely. "Too much talking when uncomfortably flustered generally leads to digging yourself into a hole." She stood quickly, brushing off her pants before shooting him a grin. "I've been there too."
She stretched her arms over her head, arching her back like a cat after a nap, then dropped her arms to her sides again. "C'mon," she said with a nod of her head to the door. "Let's go make a lot of noise on the stairs." Yes, it was a very high school thing to do, but some habits never die.
"No," Ianto said quickly, going so far as to get up and grab her arm to pull her back. "Jack will let us know when we can come up." He realized he was holding on to her arm and let go.
"I don't know how much Jack's told you about his past," he said. Probably more than he'd told Ianto, but Ianto didn't say that part. "He doesn't talk about it much or in any detail. From what he has told me, he's done a lot of things he isn't proud of. You said Captain Hart looked scared? Maybe he has reason to be. He knew Jack back then." Ianto stepped backwards to perch on the edge of the desk, where Jack had been sitting earlier. "He doesn't... he doesn't like to be associated with who he was then. He doesn't want us to know about it." He gave Buffy a stern look. "We go up when he says," he told her firmly.
Well, Ianto definitely passed that test.
Buffy just smiled and nodded easily. It had taken a while to get used to this whole not being in charge thing, but a month into the game, she liked to think she'd mostly gotten the hang of it. "Okay, chill, Ianto. We'll wait."
Hooking her thumbs through the belt loops of her jeans, she tilted her head at the younger man and slowly smiled. In a soft voice, she said, "You really do care about him, don't you?" It had been rare to see this side of Ianto during the month they'd worked together, but she was thankful for the experience. "I'm glad. He deserves to have someone like you in his life."
He blinked, looking away self-consciously for a moment, before sliding off the edge of the desk to sit back down in his chair again. "Thanks," he mumbled, reorganizing some already well-organized files.
It wasn't that he was ashamed or thought he had anything to hide, it was just that, unless they were making wisecracks about it (which he didn't have to dignify with a response most of the time), nobody had ever talked about it so nonchalantly at work. They just didn't. Buffy, for her part, clearly didn't have a problem with it, but they couldn't say that every potential future Torchwood employee would be okay with the fact that one of their coworkers was dating the boss, regardless of the fact that Ianto still did all of the organization's dirty work.
He was relieved when Jack's voice came over the comms and the CCTV feed from the main Hub flickered back to life on his monitor. Hart was still sitting in the same chair, looking a little perturbed... but unharmed.
"Ianto, would you and Buffy come up here, please?"
Glancing at the Welshman, Buffy gave him another grin before hurrying from the room, eager to finally be getting down to the apocalypse-diverting. Waiting just wasn't her style, especially when it involved sitting around. Getting to see that particular brand of surprise on Ianto's face had pretty much made it worth it, though.
The cog door was just rolling aside for Gwen to step into the lobby when Buffy got there herself, and she saw the dark-haired woman adjusting something on her earpiece. That explained the sudden appearance, then.
She had to admit she was a little disappointed that Hart didn't appear to have a scratch on him. She really needed to talk to Jack about his interrogation methods regarding annoying house guests. They could do with some fine-tuning.
Jack looked at Ianto. "I've sent the information to your PDA," he told him. Ianto went to his desk to pick up the aforementioned device. He looked at Jack and nodded, indicating that he'd received it. He skimmed through it. First and last name (the real one, presumably, and not the one Hart had given Gwen and Buffy that didn't show up in any database), home address, workplace... it was all there.
Jack looked at Gwen. "Come with me, we need to get the SUV ready."
Ianto looked up. "I can do that when I'm done here," he pointed out. It was usually his job.
Jack shook his head. "No. I want all the information organized so anything we need to know is at our fingertips the moment we need it. That's what I want you doing."
Ianto nodded and logged into his computer terminal. He had it linked to his computer in the archives, so he could work at either one. He pulled up the files he'd been working on downstairs, including the list of buyers, and began loading them into the PDA.
Jack looked at Buffy next. "Keep an eye on him," he said, pointing at Hart, before turning to leave with Gwen.
Somehow, it seemed to Buffy that ever since Giles had waltzed into her living all those years ago with a group of Potentials in tow, she'd been stuck with a glorified babysitting job. Who was she to think that might change when she joined Torchwood? Now she just got to babysit things that weren't hormonal, super-strength teenage girls. Though, at that very moment, she was having trouble deciding which job she'd rather have.
"Hey, buddy," she said with dripping sarcastic hostility, glancing across the room to make sure Hart's tray of weapons was still safely not within his reach. So far so good. Now if she could just make it to naptime...
Hart glanced at her disinterestedly, then gazed around the Hub in silence for a bit, letting his eyes find Ianto, working quietly at his computer, slowly. Still silent, he watched the administrator work for a little while, pointedly ignoring Buffy's presence.
Ianto could see Hart's reflection in his monitor and could feel the older man's eyes on him, but intentionally refrained from reacting. Hart wanted to make him uncomfortable.
Hart must have gotten bored after a bit, because he didn't maintain his silence much longer.
"You know, Eye Candy, I can tell you what your first mistake was," he said casually. Ianto ignored him, so he kept talking. "See, I know what you're thinking, but you're wrong, and your first mistake was thinking that you have something with him that actually means anything. You don't want to know how many of you I've seen come and go," he elaborated. "And that was back when he was mortal." Ianto continued to pointedly ignore Hart, but his posture had become more tense. "Now that he has all the time in the universe, how long do you think he's going to stay here with you? Not that he has to leave. He has options aplenty right here," he added, now taking the time to look Buffy over wolfishly. "You're young and pretty," he continued, turning his gaze back to Ianto's back, "but either way, he'll get tired of you and what can only be your relatively limited experience in satisfying a man... probably sooner rather than later," he finished mildly, as though he'd been talking about the weather or a football match.
Ianto turned around slowly and looked at the former Time Agent. He wanted to challenge him, but he didn't know what to say to all that. He knew Hart was winding him up, but, all the same, Hart had touched on things Ianto had genuine concerns about, not that he'd admit it to anyone else.
Hart smiled indulgently. "Don't worry, Eye Candy. If nothing else, he's highly skilled. Just relax and try to enjoy the ride while it lasts. Anyway, I'm sure when he's done with you, he'll keep you around to fetch him his coffee and take out his trash."
Buffy had had more than enough of this crap. She'd been wanting to get her hands on the arrogant bastard in a very violent way, and now he'd just presented her with the perfect opportunity. An opportunity she wouldn't pass up for a lifetime of expensive shoes, not after what he'd just put Ianto through.
Hopping off the desk she'd been sitting on, Buffy was beside Hart in seconds, leaning down so her lips very nearly brushed his ear as she whispered, "Actually, I think I'm the one who's going to be taking out the trash." Pulling back, she grabbed a handful of the man's shirt to haul him to his feet. "Let's start with you, 'kay?"
The punch to his jaw wasn't nearly as powerful as she would have liked, but he did need to be able to talk, sadly, just in case they needed answers from him later. Though that theory was always up for negotiation in her book.
Ianto flinched when Buffy attacked Hart, more from being shaken out of Hart's little spell than the actual violence of it.
Hart fell onto the floor, flat on his back, and didn't make any move to get up. He laughed and looked up at Buffy. "So quick to jump to the defense of your dear Captain's honour. Are you sure he deserves it? You don't know him like I do." He looked over at Ianto. "Has he actually promised you anything?"
"None of your business," he retorted quietly, but without hesitation.
"He hasn't, has he?" Hart shot back, and it was a statement, not a question. There was just the smallest amount of triumph on his face when he looked at Buffy again, like saying 'I told you so'.
Buffy walked toward him, stepping over him so one foot was on either side of his waist as she glared down at him. The angle would make her seem taller, not that she really needed help with intimidation once she really got going. She and Jack had that in common.
"You really think you know Jack?" she questioned him quietly, her tone harsh. If he wanted to play dirty, they'd play dirty. "Seriously? Seems to me that if you two had such a deep, heart-wrenching soulmate thing going on, he might not be so quick to kick your ass out every time you darken his doorstep. And if he wants his distractions to be young and pretty, I guess there's a reason you don't make the cut."
Hart's expression became darker as he looked up at her. "Maybe not," he spat, "but you would." He made show of looking her over from his particular vantage point. "You're just his type, as well." He looked past her to where Ianto still stood. Ianto hadn't moved since he'd turned around. "It's so like him to line up your replacement before he's even told you that you're being replaced! Not that I blame him. You're easy on the eyes, but she's got fire."
"Fire?" Buffy repeated incredulously, almost amused at the situation. "What are you, a bad TV movie? No, you're not even that high in the ranks. You're right there with the soap operas middle-aged housewives watch in between laundry and making dinner."
She shifted her weight so she could set her right foot on his chest, giving her just enough leverage to be able to lean forward, hands folded on her knee. "And, y'know, if I was at all interested, I might be offended. Little, tiny bit. But... nope. Not. Even after spending two weeks with him in a luxurious hotel. So you're gonna have to work a little harder to push my buttons."
Hart smirked. "I'm not interested in your buttons," he said. He glanced down her body slightly and his smirk widened. "Well, maybe a little." He glanced past her at Ianto again and was about to say something when Jack rejoined them.
"What in the hell is going on?" he asked the room in general. He looked at Ianto, who was still standing a short distance from Buffy and Hart. "Are you done there?" he asked, nodding towards the computer.
Ianto shook himself out of his thoughts on Hart's words and his observation of Buffy's altercation with him and turned quickly back towards the computer. "Almost," he mumbled.
Jack raised a suspcious eyebrow at that, because slacking off wasn't part of Ianto's character and the younger man was well aware that they had a ticking clock hanging over them.
He turned his attention to Buffy, standing on Hart. "What'd he do now?"
Buffy sent one last glare down to Hart before moving away from him. She hadn't gotten in nearly enough violence as she would have liked, but she was thoroughly satisfied to see a slightly dusty bootprint right on the front of his pretty coat. She hoped Ianto got to see it, might cheer him up a little.
"Oh, nothing big," she told Jack with a closed off grin as she turned away from the latest pain in her rear end. "We were just having a nice little chat."
Hart scoffed. "I don't know what kind of operation you're running these days," he said, "but she assaulted me for absolutely no reason."
Jack folded his arms with a 'this ought to be good' expression on his face.
"I was sitting in my chair making idle conversation with Eye Candy over there," he said, nodding towards Ianto. Jack raised an unimpressed eyebrow at the use of that particular nickname, but Hart ignored it.
"She wasn't even involved in the conversation and she attacked me." He glanced over at Buffy before leaning in towards Jack conspiratorially. "Are you sure she's entirely stable?"
Jack didn't dignify that with a response. He looked at Buffy. "Take him down to the cells. We're leaving soon." He didn't wait for them to go before turning his back on the little scene and going over to stand next to Ianto, glancing at his computer screen before looking at him instead. "Do you want to drive there and I'll drive back?" he asked in a much gentler, warmer tone than he'd used since he came back from helping Gwen load up the SUV.
Since Hart had yet to get up, Buffy allowed herself the pleasure of once again hauling him to his feet, the movement quick and fluid so he barely had time to catch his balance before she was forcibly shoving him toward the stairs to the cells. Her Slayer hearing picked up Jack's words from across the room as they were descending, and she smiled inwardly.
Yeah, they'd make it.
Hart regained some of his smugness and swagger as they walked down the stairs. "You know, it's easy for you to say you're not interested in front of Eye Candy back there, and it's nice of you to spare his feelings and all, but, really?" he said halting their little stroll for a moment and turning to look at her. "Everyone falls for him eventually." He raised an eyebrow at her. "Can you honestly stand there and, regardless of whatever else you're involved with, say that you don't find him attractive at all?"
Buffy wondered how much trouble she'd be in if she just shoved the ass down some stairs, let gravity take its course and all. She was pretty certain Gwen and Ianto would cheer, probably throw confetti, and then buy a round of drinks at the bar down the street.
"Contrary to what I assume is your popular belief," she told him with disdain, "finding someone attractive doesn't require a burning desire to jump his bones." Giving her head a little shake so her hair wasn't falling in her face, she continued, "You look like a carbon copy of my boyfriend, and all I wanna do is shove you down some stairs."
Well, it wouldn't hurt for him to know it.
A very amused smile settled on Hart's face. "I wouldn't be surprised if that was your usual foreplay," he said slyly. He looked her over again. "I'm pretty sure it'd get me off. Imagine how it would go over with Immortal Boy? He can't even get hurt. I should know, too, I pushed him off of a skyscraper once. It didn't take an hour for him to come 'round and tell me off."
He turned and started strolling leisurely down the stairs again, thinking it might be better to get to the bottom on his own power, regardless of what he was saying to wind up Jack's new guard dog.
"Then again, maybe it's Eye Candy you fancy. You were quick to jump to his defense." He looked back at Buffy and smirked as he got to the bottom. "He's a bit of alright. Kind of dull, but I wouldn't kick him out of bed."
Buffy smirked when he resumed heading down the stairs, glad to see her words had at least struck a tiny thread of a cord. Probably that self-preservation instinct he apparently had in spades.
"Me either," she admitted easily, still wanting to smack him upside the head. "But, considering I've got a vampire boyfriend with an ego the size of Jack's and very specific drapery needs, I've kinda got my hands full."
She pushed open the squeaky metal door to the row of cells and gave Hart a good shove inside for the fun of it. "And, yeah, I like my foreplay a little rough," she continued just as easily, without an ounce of shame or hesitation. "Not that you'll ever find out."
It had been a long time since that infamous year when everything had fallen apart. She was a different woman now, unafraid of being honest about her life, her wants and needs and her 'true nature', as Spike had phrased it back then. There were parts of Buffy that were innately dark and violent, thanks to the actions of the Shadow Men so many thousands of years ago, but that didn't make her a monster.
He chuckled when she shoved him. "Maybe not," he admitted. Suddenly, he turned and shoved her hard into the door of the cells, running past her and up the stairs without looking back. If Jack wasn't going to bring him to London, he was out of there. No way he was sitting in the cells for a few days while they were all gone.
Buffy was dazed for all of .2 seconds before dashing after him. She caught up to him halfway up the stairs, tackling him so they both hit the ground hard, even sliding down a few steps. "Where do you think you're going?" she questioned, a rush of energy coursing through her as the Slayer inside readied for a fight. This was hands down the best part of her job -- she hadn't gotten nearly enough time in the field at the NC the past few years. It was just what a girl needed in her retirement.
"Get off of me!" he shouted, trying to push her away from him so he could get up again. Apparently, though, she was immovable as a wall when she was ready for it. He cursed and tried to wriggle out of her grasp. "I'm not sitting in the some dank cell for a week while you lot mess around in London!" he declared through clenched teeth, trying to pull himself up using the railing.
"Like we're really gonna let you go cause more trouble while we clean up your mess," she said with sarcasm as she adjusted her grip and started righting herself with a downward pull so she could drag him back down the stairs. His hold on the railing was a bit of a problem though, and she gave him an extra hard tug to separate him from it... but didn't count on the inertia sending them both tumbling down the stairs instead.
He landed hard on the concrete floor, stars dancing briefly in front of his vision. He realized, as it cleared, that her face was just inches from his, as she'd landed on top of him.
Paralyzing lip gloss, he thought. Don't leave home without it.
He grabbed her collar and pulled her lips to his, giving her as lingering a kiss as he could. He wanted to make sure the toxin kicked in as quickly as possible.
Oh, Buffy knew all about Captain John Hart and his past escapades with Torchwood. Which meant she knew about his little trick that he'd pulled on Gwen -- she'd just been waiting for him to try it on her, too. And it was funny: the lips were the same, but his kiss... Completely different from Spike's.
She pulled back out of his grip and couldn't resist giving him another good punch, this one landing on his cheek bone. Again, it wasn't hard enough to break bones, but he'd certainly remember her for a few days.
Leaning in when his head was turned from the punch, she murmured into his ear, "Paralyzing lip gloss, right? Neat trick." She could actually feel the toxin working its way through her system, making her movements just a tiny bit sluggish, but still leaving her above 'normal human' status. She had him on his feet moments later, shoving him back against one of the empty cell doors before pressing her body against his and smashing their lips together again. Just enough distraction, hopefully, to let her get the door open.
The cell door swung open before Buffy could even get to the button.
Jack leaned against the wall at the bottom of the stairs, his arms crossed, looking generally unimpressed. Ianto stood beside him holding a gun, but it was pointed at the floor.
Hart looked over at them as soon as Buffy's lips left his. "She's a maniac," he protested, but Jack didn't move from where he was standing and his expression didn't change. Hart slid out from between Buffy and the wall and walked grudgingly into the cell.
As soon as the door was securely closed, Buffy turned to her 'rescuers' snapped her fingers in that disappointed manner and said, "Damn, I wanted to see the look on his face when I shoved him in. You guys couldn't have waited five more seconds?"
Glancing back at Hart, she reached out to tap her nails on the transparent partition now separating them and told him with a smirk, "By the way, your technique needs work."
Hart just looked at them ruefully and didn't answer her this time.
Ianto had already turned to go upstairs, tucking his gun into his jacket as he walked. Jack touched his back briefly as he passed in an almost unconscious gesture of intimacy.
"We have to go," Jack told Buffy simply, and stood aside to let her go ahead of him. He shot Hart one more dark look before following them up.
Buffy grumbled as she headed up the stairs, "Please tell me I get to really kick his ass when we get back? He's not even a good kisser and now his lip trick's making me feel all funky..." She was clearly not a happy camper. Only a good dose of violence and caffeine could fix her mood now.
Jack pinched the bridge of his nose and called up the stairs, "Ianto, will you get her a dose of the antitoxin, please?"
Ianto looked back and nodded, heading into the medical bay.
"Sit down," Jack told Buffy. The instruction wasn't particularly sharp, but it wasn't particularly warm either. "Between the vision earlier and the poison now, we don't need you falling over and cracking your head."
Myffanwy squawked and swooped across the ceiling as if she were agreeing with him and he almost cracked a smile. He nodded towards the flying reptile. "See? You don't have to take my word for it," he joked wearily.
Buffy smirked slightly as she dropped into a chair, putting a hand to her head. It felt like she'd had too much to drink -- she couldn't even begin to imagine what a Slayer-sized dose would feel like. Poor Gwen, for having actually experienced it. No wonder the other woman seemed to have a special look of disgust reserved just for their guest.
"Yeah, right," she said in an equally weary, yet playful tone. "I saw you slip her dark chocolate earlier, don't even try it."
Gwen came back into the room, in the midst of checking her pockets to make sure she had everything she needed, and asked distractedly, "Why did I just see Ianto heading to the-" One look at Buffy made her stop and frown. "What'd he do now?" she asked, her voice dark and clearly unamused.
"Just your favourite trick," Jack told her distastefully.
Ianto returned with the antitoxin and injected it carefully into Buffy's arm. It would still take a few minutes for it to course through her system and bring her back to normal. Well, her body could process the antitoxin in the back seat of the car. He helped her up from her chair, holding on to her arm to steady her as Ianto grabbed a couple of things from his desk and they all headed out to the SUV.
Buffy didn't bother to mention that her body would have been able to get rid of the drug on its own because, well, yeah, it could have, but it would have taken a while and she really didn't feel like having the hangover from hell for the next few hours, especially when there was work to do.
She slumped onto the back seat of the SUV and waved away Gwen's look of concern as the woman climbed in on the other side. "I'll be fine," she informed her. "Doesn't pack too much of a punch on me, but wait 'til you see the bruises on him when we get back." She couldn't help but smirk lazily before turning to lean into the door. "Wake me when we get there," she mumbled as her eyes closed.
Gwen just shook her head in amazement.
Title: So Buffy Met Jack...
Authors: Amy tainted_crimson & Sarah magicom
Crossover: Buffy the Vampire Slayer / Torchwood
Spoilers: Through Buffy / Angel series finales and Torchwood Series 2 / Doctor Who Series 4. (Some elements borrowed from Season 8 comics)
Rating: FR-15
Disclaimer: Everything is owned by Joss/Fox and Russell/BBC!
Summary: After spending a few weeks trapped in an extratemporal holding cell together, Captain Jack Harkness offered Buffy Summers a job at Torchwood. And how could she ever turn down an offer like that?
Chapters: 01, 02, 03, 04, 05, 06, 07, 08, 09, 10, 11
JUST A FRIENDLY LITTLE CHAT
Jack came out of his office after about forty minutes with Hart right in front of him. Right where Jack could see him, because Jack wouldn't have him anywhere else.
"Conference Room!" he called out as he walked through the Hub, directing Hart there ahead of him.
Ianto had thoroughly cleaned the coffee machine and had moved on to tidying his very tidy workspace when Jack and Hart emerged. He spared a glare at them as they passed, unsure of whether he was glaring at Hart or the situation in general. Clearly, Jack thought whatever Hart had come here to say had some merit, because they were having a meeting about it instead of, say, having Buffy toss Hart out of the Tourist Office in an unceremonious heap. He put down the file he was sorting out and followed the group down to the sublevels.
Buffy jerked up at the sound of Jack's voice, the little cup of pens and pencils falling into her lap, a few of them rolling to the floor. She'd resorted to her old balancing act during the long stretch of boredom -- it had been something to do while imagining the many ways to make this impostor not look like her scrumptious boyfriend. Of course, she'd contemplated going back down to her shiny new training room and practicing those ideas, but she'd wanted to be right there when Jack came out again, so...
She tossed the heap of writing utensils onto her desk, a few more rolling back to clatter to the floor as she hurried after the others.
Ianto glanced back at her suspiciously as she hurried up behind him. "What was that clattering noise?" he asked, his eyes narrowed. Really, he just wanted to avoid thinking about Hart. And Hart and Jack. Mostly Hart and Jack.
"Uhm...," Buffy stuttered, suddenly feeling like she was back in high school, with Giles asking her one of those Slayer questions she was supposed to know the answer to, but definitely hadn't. "Nothing!" Another few steps and she just couldn't avoid his pointed gaze anymore. "I'll clean it up," she half-grumbled, half-pouted.
He was about to point out that that wasn't what he'd asked her, but they'd reached the conference room. Jack was standing at the far end and Hart was slouched lazily in the chair to one side of him with one foot on the table. Ianto took the chair on Jack's other side, opposite Hart, giving him a glare for good measure as he sat down.
Buffy took the chair beside Hart, leaving the one next to Ianto for Gwen, which was just fine with the Welsh woman. After the poisonous kiss incident, she hadn't been particularly fond of the man. The incident with Gray hadn't helped her opinion of him any.
Buffy, for her part, wanted to be within smacking range. Just in case.
Hart gave Buffy an appreciative leer. "Well, hello Blondie," he said cheerfully. "Did you drop by to return my belongings?"
"Enough," Jack told him, a warning note in his voice.
Hart was undeterred. He spared Jack a glance, then turned his gaze back to Buffy. "He's the jealous type, you know. Gets all grumpy when I look at other people," he said, looking Buffy over more than looking at her.
She raised an eyebrow, but didn't move to stop his looking. He'd only be encouraged by that. Well, she was pretty sure he'd be encouraged by anything she did, at this point. "Really?" she questioned sarcastically. "I thought he got grumpy when we had unwanted visitors. My mistake."
Gwen smirked. She'd certainly come to appreciate Buffy's unique way of doing things over the month they'd worked together.
"I wouldn't know," Hart replied smoothly. "I've never had to see him deal with one."
Jack, standing at the head of the table with his arms crossed, cleared his throat loudly.
Hart turned his head towards Jack lazily and raised an eyebrow at him.
"I thought you called this an 'emergency'," Jack said, unconvinced.
Hart shrugged. "If you call the potential deaths of millions an emergency..."
Jack turned his gaze to everyone else at the table and spoke over any further comment Hart might have.
"It would seem our 'guest' has been selling alien artifacts," he announced.
"You can't get far on the Earth without local currency!" Hart protested.
"So get off of it," Ianto suggested dryly.
Gwen chimed in with a, "I second that idea," in a very perturbed tone.
"I third it," Buffy agreed, adding, "as long as I get to kick his ass before he goes." She wouldn't dare pass up the opportunity if it was presented.
Jack, for his part, ignored the interruption and carried on as Hart gave his team the evil eye.
"He, apparently, accidentally sold Warp Star that was inside another, much more harmless artifact..." Here he gave Hart another deeply unconvinced look.
"Hey," Hart argued, "why would I sell a Warp Star to a human on purpose?"
"Because the only consolation is money?" Ianto suggested coldly, repeating Hart's words to him at the British Gas building. He turned to Jack. "What's a Warp Star?" His tone was all business. He was unimpressed with Hart, the fact that he kept showing up to cause them all trouble and the fact that Jack still hadn't neutralized the threat he posed properly, like he would have done if the man was an alien. The very least they could have done was wipe his memory and dump him somewhere. Jack hadn't, and Ianto was convinced the reasons were all sentimental ones. He certainly didn't like the idea that Jack had any remaining 'sentiments' for Hart.
"Wait, I know this!" Buffy exclaimed, her eyes a little wider than usual. "One of the people on that ship thing had one of those, right?" she questioned Jack. In usual Buffy fashion, exact names and descriptive features didn't really make it into her vocabulary. "It's like... a tiny, tiny bomb with a not-so-tiny explosion."
Gwen looked at her oddly for a moment, then turned her attention to Jack. She certainly hadn't heard that detail from Jack's recent adventure helping to save reality. He'd pretty much glossed over the details, going for the big, broad ideas instead. While her boss had gotten better about letting them in on bits of his life, he still had a tendency to under-share.
anto also glanced at Buffy, then at Jack. He'd put on that implaccable expression he wore as a mask, by then. Jack would know what it meant. He didn't want Hart to see him glare icy daggers at their leader as, again, he'd told Buffy everything and them nothing.
Jack's gaze lingered on Ianto for just a moment before it flicked around to each of the other occupants of the room. "That's correct," he said. "We need to recover the Warp Star without the 'customer' realizing what he has and without setting it off."
"Quicker would be better," Hart added. "Set off in the wrong place..." he let his voice trail off ominously and made an 'explosion' motion with his hands.
Ianto rolled his eyes and looked at Jack, rather than Hart. "And where, exactly, was it sold?"
"London," Hart answered quickly. "Roadtrip!" He looked at Jack with a lascivious grin. "Do I get to pick my own roommate?" he asked innocently, pointedly sliding his eyes down Jack's body.
Ianto contemplated shooting Hart under the table as Jack gave the former Time Agent a withering glance. He laughed sharply. "You're not coming," he told Hart, as though he didn't understand why that hadn't been obvious to the other man. "But don't worry," he added in a mock-sympathetic tone. "I have a nice roommate for you. Six feet tall? Growls a lot? She'll keep you company while you pace around in your room downstairs."
"You're not locking me in the cells!" Hart exclaimed. "You don't even know how long you'll be gone."
"Better ration your food, then," Ianto advised sagely. Hart glared at him.
Buffy smirked and advised the protesting man, "I think this is the perfect opportunity for, oh, what was it my Watcher called it... Oh yeah, 'self-reflection'. Maybe reevaluate your current direction in life. Plan to scope out a career fair."
Gwen was too far gone by the end of Buffy's speech to keep in her laughter. It was a precious thing to see someone who didn't let Hart get to them.
Jack turned to Ianto. "Will you make the arrangements, please? I want to be in London by supper time." He looked at Gwen. "Take him with you and find out everything you can about the buyer," he told her, inclining his head towards Hart. He looked at Buffy. "You go with them and watch him."
When Jack finished talking, everyone got up from the table and headed back upstairs.
Ten minutes into the question-and-answer session, Buffy was ready to shoot Captain John Hart right in the head. She didn't think Gwen would protest. The other woman looked to be on the verge of pulling out her own hair to strangle him with. They'd been going round in circles, Hart avoiding giving much more than tiny bits of information in between his infuriating routine, and it was getting on Buffy's last nerve.
"A few more details about the buyer's security system would be helpful," Gwen growled out, very close to losing it completely. Buffy just watched, hoping the show started soon.
Ianto was tired of listening to Hart's voice and absolutely sick of looking at Hart's stupid face. He didn't linger at his work station. He grabbed a few things and headed down to his desk in the archives to carry out Jack's instructions.
Jack hung around, watching Gwen and Buffy trying to look up information in the system based on the intentionally sparse information Hart was grudgingly giving them before he got restless and headed down to the archive himself. If Hart didn't cooperate by the time they were ready to leave, Jack would ask for the information and Hart wasn't going to like it.
Jack strolled through the cool, still archives until he reached Ianto's desk. Ianto didn't turn or look up from whatever he was doing on the computer. Jack perched on his desk next to his elbow.
"How's it going?" he asked casually.
"We can leave in about two hours," he said. "We should be in London around six pm."
Jack nodded. He noticed how Ianto's tone was strictly clinical and his posture was tense. "Are you alright?" he asked.
"I don't like him here," Ianto said tersely. "He's dangerous."
"I know," Jack conceded. "But a Warp Star is more dangerous. Especially in London. The sheer number of people that would be killed if it went off..."
"Ah. Right. And why does Buffy even know what a Warp Star is?" he asked.
Jack sighed and slid off the desk so he was standing beside Ianto's chair. "I explained this already..."
"You chatted," Ianto said flatly. "I know." He finally looked up at Jack. "The Warp Star thing is relevant to our work, Jack. Why would you tell a stranger what happened on the Crucible, but you won't tell us?"
"What, Buffy's a stranger now?"
"She was when you told her," Ianto argued.
Jack took a deep breath and ran a hand absently along the back of Ianto's collar. "Look, that place... I don't know what it did to us. Things were different there. I'm sorry."
It was when Gwen started turning a shade of reddish-purple that Buffy pushed her toward the lift and told her to go get some air up top. Despite the fact that she didn't want to be left all alone with the Spike-wannabe, her teammate's sanity ranked a little higher than her own mental health needs.
Narrowing her eyes in Hart's direction, Buffy angled her chair so she'd be able to see him out of the corner of her eye while she continued searching the computer systems for information. "Try anything and I start breaking ribs," she informed him. "A person can lead a very active lifestyle with broken ribs... Just a little more pain and wheezing." She should known, she'd had more than enough nights of being a little worse for wear after long hours of slayage.
Jack emerged from the archive and walked over to where Buffy was working at Gwen's computer. Hart sat nearby. Gwen was nowhere to be seen.
Jack frowned. "Where's Gwen?" he asked.
"Upstairs," Buffy answered distractedly. "Pretending she doesn't want to kill him." A few more keystrokes and the blonde woman was making an enraged growling-yell at the computer before shoving herself away from it.
"I bet he did this on purpose!" she exclaimed at Jack, pointing at the completely not innocent-looking man in question. "I can't find anything!" It didn't help that computers were still the bane of her existence.
"Go upstairs and help Gwen, or downstairs and help Ianto," Jack told her without even looking at her. His eyes were on Hart. He pulled up a chair and sat directly opposite the other man, but didn't speak. He wasn't going to until Buffy had done as he'd asked and left the room. Hart, on the other hand, was beginning to look uneasy. He looked at Buffy.
Well, that didn't look good. For Hart, anyway. And well, they did kinda need him alive and coherent for at least a little while longer. Not that she was concerned for him, she just didn't want London to be completely destroyed.
"You sure?" she questioned hesitantly, standing and leaning against her desk. "If we're pulling out the big guns, I could-"
The world tilted and Buffy fell forward as she completely lost her balance, her vision going white as images forced themselves into her mind. A small, shining gemstone rolling across pavement, a red double-decker bus in the background. It was like she was crouching down to pick it up, she could see her own hand reaching for it, when an elegant gloved one beat her to it. She looked up as the figure stood, a displeased look on her face. The Queen. Why was the Queen in the middle of a busy London street. Isn't it pretty, Slayer? So very pretty... were the words that flittered through her mind, moments before the world in the vision exploded, the sound resonating in her mind.
She gasped and blinked at the concrete floor of the hub, like she expected it to fall away at any moment.
Jack and Hart both stood up as Buffy fell, but Jack shoved Hart roughly back into his chair. Considering the look Jack had just been giving him, Hart wisely decided not to get up again. He'd seen that look before and it wasn't one he'd ever wanted to be on the receiving end of. He hadn't, in fact, thought Jack ever would look at him like that because he didn't think Jack had it in him to do the things that it implied.
Jack crouched and gently put a hand on Buffy's arm. "Buffy?" he asked, concern lacing his voice. "Buffy?"
She took a second to catch her breath, waiting to make sure the ground really wouldn't collapse from under her if she moved, then looked up at Jack. "I'm good," she told him, reaching up to set her hand over his. "No dying here, promise."
He gave her a stern look. "What happened?" he asked. He wasn't going to have her shrugging it off. She'd just passed out in the middle of the Hub. What if she passed out in the middle of a fight?
Now that she knew for certain what was going on, Buffy wasn't about to try hiding it from Jack. Especially not after what she'd just seen.
"Remember how I mentioned that Slayers have those visiony dream things sometimes?" she questioned, knowing he'd remember it with perfect clarity. "Kinda just had one. And uh, wasn't pretty."
Jack pulled her to her feet, glancing darkly at Hart. He released her in the direction of the stairs to the archives with a gentle shove. "Go see Ianto," he told her in a tone that broached no argument, already turning back towards Hart.
Hart tried to look like he wasn't trying not to squirm in his seat. He would have outright asked Buffy not to leave him alone with Jack, if he thought speaking was a good idea just then. It would probably only provoke his former partner. The irony of the fact that being alone with Jack was usually his goal wasn't entirely lost on him.
Buffy looked back only once before carefully making her way downstairs to the archives, Ianto's favorite hiding place. She caught a reflection of herself in a glass door as she passed, and nearly cringed at how pale she had become. It reminded her of what they'd heard had happened to Cordelia over time, as the PTB's visions got more and more powerful over time. What if...
She didn't linger on those thoughts, instead pushing herself forward until she reached the room that was basically her teammate's personal domain.
Ianto looked up when he heard footsteps that definitely didn't belong to Jack coming towards his desk. Buffy was approaching, looking pale and a little shaken.
"What's going on?" he asked mildly. "Are you alright? Jack's cut the security feeds from the main Hub."
"He's having a little 'chat' with our 'guest'," she told Ianto in a much more subdued voice than normal as she walked over to his desk and unceremoniously plopped onto the floor beside it. Was kinda nice to just sit and not feel like the ground was moving. "He actually looked a little scared -- you'd have liked seeing it," she said, managing a tiny smirk.
Truthfully, Ianto appeared a little alarmed at the implication, rather than pleased. He looked down at where she sat on the floor.
"There's another chair just there," he said with a nod towards the other side of his desk. She still looked poorly and her voice was uncharacteristically low, but he'd already asked once if she was alright and she hadn't answered. He didn't push it, but he was keeping an eye on her.
As soon as he'd finished speaking, he could hear Buffy's phone starting to buzz and did a bad job of suppressing an amused smile. "What's that?" he asked. "It's a bit late for lunch."
She looked up at him with an equally uncharacteristic mild glare and pulled the buzzing object from her pocket, the alarm symbol hopping around on the screen, mocking her. She pressed the usual button to end the buzzing, but... it had no effect. She tried again. Again, nothing happened. She tried accessing the menu, remembering there was something in there that controlled alarms...
The more times she tried and failed, the more frantic her expression became, her frayed nerves finally sending her over the edge. The phone flew from her hand and out into the hall, where it hit the wall and fell to the concrete with a clatter of many pieces.
There were very few times when Buffy completely lost it in front of people, and this time it had happened in front of someone who wasn't Jack. This wasn't good.
Ianto could see she was becoming frustrated with it, the mirth very quickly leaving the situation. He had started to reach for it, to offer his help, when she suddenly whipped it at the wall. The archives had concrete walls and floors and the Slayer had super strength. The phone literally shattered.
He flinched slightly at the sound of it exploding into fragments, turning to look at the electronic carnage before returning his gaze to Buffy. "Feel better?" he asked dryly.
"Sorry," she mumbled, leaning forward to wrap her arms around her legs so she could hide her face in them. "I'll pay for it." She knew it was mostly the principle of the thing, that it was her responsibility to take care of her equipment, but... A frustrated, frazzled Slayer didn't really think first before destroying things. Wasn't exactly in the new handbook. (The fact that she'd helped write that handbook meant absolutely nothing.)
That wasn't what he'd asked.
"That won't be necessary," he told her. "I didn't really think you were joking about your track record. I've budgeted for you." He glanced over his shoulder at the scattered bits of metal and plastic that had formerly been a perfectly serviceable mobile phone. "But I'm not cleaning that up," he added with a mock-sterness he hoped she would understand was a joke.
"Okay," Buffy murmured from her hiding place, not even remotely registering what he'd said as being a joke. Taking a deep breath, she leaned back to rest against the leg of his desk again. He seemed so much taller from this angle.
"Big red buses," she said suddenly, not looking at Ianto. "Lots of people. Queen of England. Where does that sound like? London?"
Ianto frowned. "That would be London," he confirmed. "We're leaving for there in a little over an hour and a half. Why?"
She sighed heavily, rubbing a hand across her forehead. "Guess he wasn't lying about that then," she mumbled, the finally tilted her head to look up at him.
"Slayers have these... vision-type dreams, very prophetic, very cryptic," she explained tiredly. "Always very impending doomy. I... kinda had one upstairs. While I was awake."
Ianto expression again assumed a small degree of alarm. He checked the CCTV, but there was still no signal from the main Hub.
"Does Jack know?" he asked. This time it wasn't about who had told what to whom (or who hadn't), but if there was impending doom, Jack had to be told.
She nodded, looking up at the ceiling. "He was there when it happened," she elaborated. "Sent me down here."
"I think his sending you down here had less to do with your vision and more to do with... whatever he's doing up there with Captain Hart." He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and turned his attention to his computer screen. He'd rather not think about what was going on upstairs.
"Probably," she acknowledged, thinking to herself that he could have sent her to Gwen, though, but had instead steered her straight to Ianto. That had to mean a little something.
She was silent for a long moment, then finally whispered, "I could see the fire on my skin. From the explosion. Just for a second, burning, and then..." Then it was like everything had ceased to exist.
Ianto's expression softened to concern as he looked back down at her, still sitting on the floor. "That must be... disconcerting," he commented. He didn't know what else to say. She'd suggested this was normal for her, so 'I'm sorry' didn't seem appropriate. "I assume you were seeing what will happen if we don't find the Warp Star," he said. "I can't say it sounds particularly pleasant. I'd suggest we make sure we find it, then."
He picked up a folder containing several sheets of paper and handed it to Buffy. "Here's a list of black market alien artifact dealers in London. I took it from what we were able to salvage of the Canary Wharf databases. If anyone happened upon the Warp Star without knowing what it was, they might take it to one of these people to be appraised. The trade in specialty items requires knowing some pretty specific people. I expect Captain Hart is familiar to some of them by now."
Buffy flipped through the pages in the folder, skimming over the information, digesting it and filing away the gist of what would be important to the mission. She was nearly to the end when one name caught her eye. "This one," she said, handing the page to Ianto. "We should start there. That dealer has a history with jewelry, and this thing... it's gorgeous. It'd be worth a lot as a regular gem, but add in that it's alien... If the buyer knows of them, they'll go there first."
Ianto took the page from her. "If the buyer has a habit of buying alien artifacts, then the buyer will know him." He glanced at his monitor. Still nothing from upstairs. He took the rest of the folder back and put the page with the dealer Buffy had pointed out on top. They needed a way to track the Warp Star down if Hart couldn't provide them with any useful information.
"How do you know so much about that dealer?" he asked. It was weird the kinds of things Buffy knew and didn't know. Blackmarket jewelry dealers in London (a city he wasn't sure she'd even been to, judging by her need to confirm whether her vision had, in fact, been London)? Check. How to turn off your mobile phone's alarm settings without smashing it into a billion little pieces? Not so much.
Buffy reached up to pull her hair out of its ponytail, running her fingers through the golden strands until it lay freely across her shoulders. "We've got a branch of the New Council in London," she explained. "Pretty big set-up, actually, with about a hundred active-duty girls operating at any time, plus our Watchers, witches, and support teams. We keep tabs on anything demon or magic-related, and our guy," she gestured at the folder, "has just as much of a yen for mystical jewelry as he does for alien."
"Ah," Ianto said simply, with a nod of comprehension.
He looked through some other documents he had on his desk and glanced at his watch. He looked at the screen. Still nothing from upstairs. He considered going up, but Jack had sent Buffy down, which meant he didn't want them there for this. Still smarting slightly from the earlier perceived snub of Jack telling Buffy things he never told them, he was half tempted to go up there for just that reason, but, frankly, his loyalty to Jack outweighed the transgression and he couldn't fool himself otherwise.
"I hope he winds things up soon," he commented outloud. "If he wants to get things underway on time, I need to get some things together upstairs."
"I don't think he'll take any longer than he absolutely has to," Buffy told him in a reassuring tone, at too awkward of an angle to reach up and touch his shoulder like she might usually have done. "He honestly doesn't seem to have been enjoying any of this. I think you're more than safe on that front."
Ianto looked at her sharply, taken aback by the bluntness of her observation. "What do you mean?" he asked, feeling a slight embarrassed flush starting just under his collar.
Buffy looked away to give him back just a tiny bit of that feeling of power that she seemed to have stripped from him with her observation. Yeah, she had a tendency to do that. "The majorly gorgeous ex shows up, all strut and ego, like he owns the place? It's enough to make anyone a little uneasy." She winced a little before adding, "Course, I was usually in Jack's position, but still. Fact still stands that he's not gonna pick this guy over you."
Ianto just stared at her for a moment. Of course, he was looking at the side of her head, because she'd looked away from him.
"Um..." he started uncomfortably, but didn't know how to continue the thought and shuffled some papers on his desk instead. Of course she'd been in Jack's position in this scenario. That just stood to reason, didn't it? And majorly gorgeous? He certainly wouldn't go that far, but he didn't voice that opinion, because he remembered that Hart allegedly looked just like Buffy's boyfriend. And even if he shared that opinion? He'd never admit to it.
"I'm not..." His voice trailed off again and he gave up on trying to answer her. It wasn't bad enough that he looked like an idiot. He didn't need to sound like one too.
Buffy let the silence stretch between them for a few moments before looking up at him again. "Wise move," she said sagely. "Too much talking when uncomfortably flustered generally leads to digging yourself into a hole." She stood quickly, brushing off her pants before shooting him a grin. "I've been there too."
She stretched her arms over her head, arching her back like a cat after a nap, then dropped her arms to her sides again. "C'mon," she said with a nod of her head to the door. "Let's go make a lot of noise on the stairs." Yes, it was a very high school thing to do, but some habits never die.
"No," Ianto said quickly, going so far as to get up and grab her arm to pull her back. "Jack will let us know when we can come up." He realized he was holding on to her arm and let go.
"I don't know how much Jack's told you about his past," he said. Probably more than he'd told Ianto, but Ianto didn't say that part. "He doesn't talk about it much or in any detail. From what he has told me, he's done a lot of things he isn't proud of. You said Captain Hart looked scared? Maybe he has reason to be. He knew Jack back then." Ianto stepped backwards to perch on the edge of the desk, where Jack had been sitting earlier. "He doesn't... he doesn't like to be associated with who he was then. He doesn't want us to know about it." He gave Buffy a stern look. "We go up when he says," he told her firmly.
Well, Ianto definitely passed that test.
Buffy just smiled and nodded easily. It had taken a while to get used to this whole not being in charge thing, but a month into the game, she liked to think she'd mostly gotten the hang of it. "Okay, chill, Ianto. We'll wait."
Hooking her thumbs through the belt loops of her jeans, she tilted her head at the younger man and slowly smiled. In a soft voice, she said, "You really do care about him, don't you?" It had been rare to see this side of Ianto during the month they'd worked together, but she was thankful for the experience. "I'm glad. He deserves to have someone like you in his life."
He blinked, looking away self-consciously for a moment, before sliding off the edge of the desk to sit back down in his chair again. "Thanks," he mumbled, reorganizing some already well-organized files.
It wasn't that he was ashamed or thought he had anything to hide, it was just that, unless they were making wisecracks about it (which he didn't have to dignify with a response most of the time), nobody had ever talked about it so nonchalantly at work. They just didn't. Buffy, for her part, clearly didn't have a problem with it, but they couldn't say that every potential future Torchwood employee would be okay with the fact that one of their coworkers was dating the boss, regardless of the fact that Ianto still did all of the organization's dirty work.
He was relieved when Jack's voice came over the comms and the CCTV feed from the main Hub flickered back to life on his monitor. Hart was still sitting in the same chair, looking a little perturbed... but unharmed.
"Ianto, would you and Buffy come up here, please?"
Glancing at the Welshman, Buffy gave him another grin before hurrying from the room, eager to finally be getting down to the apocalypse-diverting. Waiting just wasn't her style, especially when it involved sitting around. Getting to see that particular brand of surprise on Ianto's face had pretty much made it worth it, though.
The cog door was just rolling aside for Gwen to step into the lobby when Buffy got there herself, and she saw the dark-haired woman adjusting something on her earpiece. That explained the sudden appearance, then.
She had to admit she was a little disappointed that Hart didn't appear to have a scratch on him. She really needed to talk to Jack about his interrogation methods regarding annoying house guests. They could do with some fine-tuning.
Jack looked at Ianto. "I've sent the information to your PDA," he told him. Ianto went to his desk to pick up the aforementioned device. He looked at Jack and nodded, indicating that he'd received it. He skimmed through it. First and last name (the real one, presumably, and not the one Hart had given Gwen and Buffy that didn't show up in any database), home address, workplace... it was all there.
Jack looked at Gwen. "Come with me, we need to get the SUV ready."
Ianto looked up. "I can do that when I'm done here," he pointed out. It was usually his job.
Jack shook his head. "No. I want all the information organized so anything we need to know is at our fingertips the moment we need it. That's what I want you doing."
Ianto nodded and logged into his computer terminal. He had it linked to his computer in the archives, so he could work at either one. He pulled up the files he'd been working on downstairs, including the list of buyers, and began loading them into the PDA.
Jack looked at Buffy next. "Keep an eye on him," he said, pointing at Hart, before turning to leave with Gwen.
Somehow, it seemed to Buffy that ever since Giles had waltzed into her living all those years ago with a group of Potentials in tow, she'd been stuck with a glorified babysitting job. Who was she to think that might change when she joined Torchwood? Now she just got to babysit things that weren't hormonal, super-strength teenage girls. Though, at that very moment, she was having trouble deciding which job she'd rather have.
"Hey, buddy," she said with dripping sarcastic hostility, glancing across the room to make sure Hart's tray of weapons was still safely not within his reach. So far so good. Now if she could just make it to naptime...
Hart glanced at her disinterestedly, then gazed around the Hub in silence for a bit, letting his eyes find Ianto, working quietly at his computer, slowly. Still silent, he watched the administrator work for a little while, pointedly ignoring Buffy's presence.
Ianto could see Hart's reflection in his monitor and could feel the older man's eyes on him, but intentionally refrained from reacting. Hart wanted to make him uncomfortable.
Hart must have gotten bored after a bit, because he didn't maintain his silence much longer.
"You know, Eye Candy, I can tell you what your first mistake was," he said casually. Ianto ignored him, so he kept talking. "See, I know what you're thinking, but you're wrong, and your first mistake was thinking that you have something with him that actually means anything. You don't want to know how many of you I've seen come and go," he elaborated. "And that was back when he was mortal." Ianto continued to pointedly ignore Hart, but his posture had become more tense. "Now that he has all the time in the universe, how long do you think he's going to stay here with you? Not that he has to leave. He has options aplenty right here," he added, now taking the time to look Buffy over wolfishly. "You're young and pretty," he continued, turning his gaze back to Ianto's back, "but either way, he'll get tired of you and what can only be your relatively limited experience in satisfying a man... probably sooner rather than later," he finished mildly, as though he'd been talking about the weather or a football match.
Ianto turned around slowly and looked at the former Time Agent. He wanted to challenge him, but he didn't know what to say to all that. He knew Hart was winding him up, but, all the same, Hart had touched on things Ianto had genuine concerns about, not that he'd admit it to anyone else.
Hart smiled indulgently. "Don't worry, Eye Candy. If nothing else, he's highly skilled. Just relax and try to enjoy the ride while it lasts. Anyway, I'm sure when he's done with you, he'll keep you around to fetch him his coffee and take out his trash."
Buffy had had more than enough of this crap. She'd been wanting to get her hands on the arrogant bastard in a very violent way, and now he'd just presented her with the perfect opportunity. An opportunity she wouldn't pass up for a lifetime of expensive shoes, not after what he'd just put Ianto through.
Hopping off the desk she'd been sitting on, Buffy was beside Hart in seconds, leaning down so her lips very nearly brushed his ear as she whispered, "Actually, I think I'm the one who's going to be taking out the trash." Pulling back, she grabbed a handful of the man's shirt to haul him to his feet. "Let's start with you, 'kay?"
The punch to his jaw wasn't nearly as powerful as she would have liked, but he did need to be able to talk, sadly, just in case they needed answers from him later. Though that theory was always up for negotiation in her book.
Ianto flinched when Buffy attacked Hart, more from being shaken out of Hart's little spell than the actual violence of it.
Hart fell onto the floor, flat on his back, and didn't make any move to get up. He laughed and looked up at Buffy. "So quick to jump to the defense of your dear Captain's honour. Are you sure he deserves it? You don't know him like I do." He looked over at Ianto. "Has he actually promised you anything?"
"None of your business," he retorted quietly, but without hesitation.
"He hasn't, has he?" Hart shot back, and it was a statement, not a question. There was just the smallest amount of triumph on his face when he looked at Buffy again, like saying 'I told you so'.
Buffy walked toward him, stepping over him so one foot was on either side of his waist as she glared down at him. The angle would make her seem taller, not that she really needed help with intimidation once she really got going. She and Jack had that in common.
"You really think you know Jack?" she questioned him quietly, her tone harsh. If he wanted to play dirty, they'd play dirty. "Seriously? Seems to me that if you two had such a deep, heart-wrenching soulmate thing going on, he might not be so quick to kick your ass out every time you darken his doorstep. And if he wants his distractions to be young and pretty, I guess there's a reason you don't make the cut."
Hart's expression became darker as he looked up at her. "Maybe not," he spat, "but you would." He made show of looking her over from his particular vantage point. "You're just his type, as well." He looked past her to where Ianto still stood. Ianto hadn't moved since he'd turned around. "It's so like him to line up your replacement before he's even told you that you're being replaced! Not that I blame him. You're easy on the eyes, but she's got fire."
"Fire?" Buffy repeated incredulously, almost amused at the situation. "What are you, a bad TV movie? No, you're not even that high in the ranks. You're right there with the soap operas middle-aged housewives watch in between laundry and making dinner."
She shifted her weight so she could set her right foot on his chest, giving her just enough leverage to be able to lean forward, hands folded on her knee. "And, y'know, if I was at all interested, I might be offended. Little, tiny bit. But... nope. Not. Even after spending two weeks with him in a luxurious hotel. So you're gonna have to work a little harder to push my buttons."
Hart smirked. "I'm not interested in your buttons," he said. He glanced down her body slightly and his smirk widened. "Well, maybe a little." He glanced past her at Ianto again and was about to say something when Jack rejoined them.
"What in the hell is going on?" he asked the room in general. He looked at Ianto, who was still standing a short distance from Buffy and Hart. "Are you done there?" he asked, nodding towards the computer.
Ianto shook himself out of his thoughts on Hart's words and his observation of Buffy's altercation with him and turned quickly back towards the computer. "Almost," he mumbled.
Jack raised a suspcious eyebrow at that, because slacking off wasn't part of Ianto's character and the younger man was well aware that they had a ticking clock hanging over them.
He turned his attention to Buffy, standing on Hart. "What'd he do now?"
Buffy sent one last glare down to Hart before moving away from him. She hadn't gotten in nearly enough violence as she would have liked, but she was thoroughly satisfied to see a slightly dusty bootprint right on the front of his pretty coat. She hoped Ianto got to see it, might cheer him up a little.
"Oh, nothing big," she told Jack with a closed off grin as she turned away from the latest pain in her rear end. "We were just having a nice little chat."
Hart scoffed. "I don't know what kind of operation you're running these days," he said, "but she assaulted me for absolutely no reason."
Jack folded his arms with a 'this ought to be good' expression on his face.
"I was sitting in my chair making idle conversation with Eye Candy over there," he said, nodding towards Ianto. Jack raised an unimpressed eyebrow at the use of that particular nickname, but Hart ignored it.
"She wasn't even involved in the conversation and she attacked me." He glanced over at Buffy before leaning in towards Jack conspiratorially. "Are you sure she's entirely stable?"
Jack didn't dignify that with a response. He looked at Buffy. "Take him down to the cells. We're leaving soon." He didn't wait for them to go before turning his back on the little scene and going over to stand next to Ianto, glancing at his computer screen before looking at him instead. "Do you want to drive there and I'll drive back?" he asked in a much gentler, warmer tone than he'd used since he came back from helping Gwen load up the SUV.
Since Hart had yet to get up, Buffy allowed herself the pleasure of once again hauling him to his feet, the movement quick and fluid so he barely had time to catch his balance before she was forcibly shoving him toward the stairs to the cells. Her Slayer hearing picked up Jack's words from across the room as they were descending, and she smiled inwardly.
Yeah, they'd make it.
Hart regained some of his smugness and swagger as they walked down the stairs. "You know, it's easy for you to say you're not interested in front of Eye Candy back there, and it's nice of you to spare his feelings and all, but, really?" he said halting their little stroll for a moment and turning to look at her. "Everyone falls for him eventually." He raised an eyebrow at her. "Can you honestly stand there and, regardless of whatever else you're involved with, say that you don't find him attractive at all?"
Buffy wondered how much trouble she'd be in if she just shoved the ass down some stairs, let gravity take its course and all. She was pretty certain Gwen and Ianto would cheer, probably throw confetti, and then buy a round of drinks at the bar down the street.
"Contrary to what I assume is your popular belief," she told him with disdain, "finding someone attractive doesn't require a burning desire to jump his bones." Giving her head a little shake so her hair wasn't falling in her face, she continued, "You look like a carbon copy of my boyfriend, and all I wanna do is shove you down some stairs."
Well, it wouldn't hurt for him to know it.
A very amused smile settled on Hart's face. "I wouldn't be surprised if that was your usual foreplay," he said slyly. He looked her over again. "I'm pretty sure it'd get me off. Imagine how it would go over with Immortal Boy? He can't even get hurt. I should know, too, I pushed him off of a skyscraper once. It didn't take an hour for him to come 'round and tell me off."
He turned and started strolling leisurely down the stairs again, thinking it might be better to get to the bottom on his own power, regardless of what he was saying to wind up Jack's new guard dog.
"Then again, maybe it's Eye Candy you fancy. You were quick to jump to his defense." He looked back at Buffy and smirked as he got to the bottom. "He's a bit of alright. Kind of dull, but I wouldn't kick him out of bed."
Buffy smirked when he resumed heading down the stairs, glad to see her words had at least struck a tiny thread of a cord. Probably that self-preservation instinct he apparently had in spades.
"Me either," she admitted easily, still wanting to smack him upside the head. "But, considering I've got a vampire boyfriend with an ego the size of Jack's and very specific drapery needs, I've kinda got my hands full."
She pushed open the squeaky metal door to the row of cells and gave Hart a good shove inside for the fun of it. "And, yeah, I like my foreplay a little rough," she continued just as easily, without an ounce of shame or hesitation. "Not that you'll ever find out."
It had been a long time since that infamous year when everything had fallen apart. She was a different woman now, unafraid of being honest about her life, her wants and needs and her 'true nature', as Spike had phrased it back then. There were parts of Buffy that were innately dark and violent, thanks to the actions of the Shadow Men so many thousands of years ago, but that didn't make her a monster.
He chuckled when she shoved him. "Maybe not," he admitted. Suddenly, he turned and shoved her hard into the door of the cells, running past her and up the stairs without looking back. If Jack wasn't going to bring him to London, he was out of there. No way he was sitting in the cells for a few days while they were all gone.
Buffy was dazed for all of .2 seconds before dashing after him. She caught up to him halfway up the stairs, tackling him so they both hit the ground hard, even sliding down a few steps. "Where do you think you're going?" she questioned, a rush of energy coursing through her as the Slayer inside readied for a fight. This was hands down the best part of her job -- she hadn't gotten nearly enough time in the field at the NC the past few years. It was just what a girl needed in her retirement.
"Get off of me!" he shouted, trying to push her away from him so he could get up again. Apparently, though, she was immovable as a wall when she was ready for it. He cursed and tried to wriggle out of her grasp. "I'm not sitting in the some dank cell for a week while you lot mess around in London!" he declared through clenched teeth, trying to pull himself up using the railing.
"Like we're really gonna let you go cause more trouble while we clean up your mess," she said with sarcasm as she adjusted her grip and started righting herself with a downward pull so she could drag him back down the stairs. His hold on the railing was a bit of a problem though, and she gave him an extra hard tug to separate him from it... but didn't count on the inertia sending them both tumbling down the stairs instead.
He landed hard on the concrete floor, stars dancing briefly in front of his vision. He realized, as it cleared, that her face was just inches from his, as she'd landed on top of him.
Paralyzing lip gloss, he thought. Don't leave home without it.
He grabbed her collar and pulled her lips to his, giving her as lingering a kiss as he could. He wanted to make sure the toxin kicked in as quickly as possible.
Oh, Buffy knew all about Captain John Hart and his past escapades with Torchwood. Which meant she knew about his little trick that he'd pulled on Gwen -- she'd just been waiting for him to try it on her, too. And it was funny: the lips were the same, but his kiss... Completely different from Spike's.
She pulled back out of his grip and couldn't resist giving him another good punch, this one landing on his cheek bone. Again, it wasn't hard enough to break bones, but he'd certainly remember her for a few days.
Leaning in when his head was turned from the punch, she murmured into his ear, "Paralyzing lip gloss, right? Neat trick." She could actually feel the toxin working its way through her system, making her movements just a tiny bit sluggish, but still leaving her above 'normal human' status. She had him on his feet moments later, shoving him back against one of the empty cell doors before pressing her body against his and smashing their lips together again. Just enough distraction, hopefully, to let her get the door open.
The cell door swung open before Buffy could even get to the button.
Jack leaned against the wall at the bottom of the stairs, his arms crossed, looking generally unimpressed. Ianto stood beside him holding a gun, but it was pointed at the floor.
Hart looked over at them as soon as Buffy's lips left his. "She's a maniac," he protested, but Jack didn't move from where he was standing and his expression didn't change. Hart slid out from between Buffy and the wall and walked grudgingly into the cell.
As soon as the door was securely closed, Buffy turned to her 'rescuers' snapped her fingers in that disappointed manner and said, "Damn, I wanted to see the look on his face when I shoved him in. You guys couldn't have waited five more seconds?"
Glancing back at Hart, she reached out to tap her nails on the transparent partition now separating them and told him with a smirk, "By the way, your technique needs work."
Hart just looked at them ruefully and didn't answer her this time.
Ianto had already turned to go upstairs, tucking his gun into his jacket as he walked. Jack touched his back briefly as he passed in an almost unconscious gesture of intimacy.
"We have to go," Jack told Buffy simply, and stood aside to let her go ahead of him. He shot Hart one more dark look before following them up.
Buffy grumbled as she headed up the stairs, "Please tell me I get to really kick his ass when we get back? He's not even a good kisser and now his lip trick's making me feel all funky..." She was clearly not a happy camper. Only a good dose of violence and caffeine could fix her mood now.
Jack pinched the bridge of his nose and called up the stairs, "Ianto, will you get her a dose of the antitoxin, please?"
Ianto looked back and nodded, heading into the medical bay.
"Sit down," Jack told Buffy. The instruction wasn't particularly sharp, but it wasn't particularly warm either. "Between the vision earlier and the poison now, we don't need you falling over and cracking your head."
Myffanwy squawked and swooped across the ceiling as if she were agreeing with him and he almost cracked a smile. He nodded towards the flying reptile. "See? You don't have to take my word for it," he joked wearily.
Buffy smirked slightly as she dropped into a chair, putting a hand to her head. It felt like she'd had too much to drink -- she couldn't even begin to imagine what a Slayer-sized dose would feel like. Poor Gwen, for having actually experienced it. No wonder the other woman seemed to have a special look of disgust reserved just for their guest.
"Yeah, right," she said in an equally weary, yet playful tone. "I saw you slip her dark chocolate earlier, don't even try it."
Gwen came back into the room, in the midst of checking her pockets to make sure she had everything she needed, and asked distractedly, "Why did I just see Ianto heading to the-" One look at Buffy made her stop and frown. "What'd he do now?" she asked, her voice dark and clearly unamused.
"Just your favourite trick," Jack told her distastefully.
Ianto returned with the antitoxin and injected it carefully into Buffy's arm. It would still take a few minutes for it to course through her system and bring her back to normal. Well, her body could process the antitoxin in the back seat of the car. He helped her up from her chair, holding on to her arm to steady her as Ianto grabbed a couple of things from his desk and they all headed out to the SUV.
Buffy didn't bother to mention that her body would have been able to get rid of the drug on its own because, well, yeah, it could have, but it would have taken a while and she really didn't feel like having the hangover from hell for the next few hours, especially when there was work to do.
She slumped onto the back seat of the SUV and waved away Gwen's look of concern as the woman climbed in on the other side. "I'll be fine," she informed her. "Doesn't pack too much of a punch on me, but wait 'til you see the bruises on him when we get back." She couldn't help but smirk lazily before turning to lean into the door. "Wake me when we get there," she mumbled as her eyes closed.
Gwen just shook her head in amazement.